by Carina Adams
“Sit tight, Litt’l One. I’ll be there before you know it.”
After I hung up, I stared at the phone, half surprised I’d made the call and half worried that it was the wrong choice. Sliding my gaze around the room, I remembered again how much I loved this house and the life Grady and I had.
Everything paled in comparison to how much I loved my son though. These were just things. We could start over in a place where no one would find us. I’d been prepared to do it before.
But then, everything had changed. Dustin died, Dec went to prison, and Mark had disappeared. I’d been so sure that Grady and I were free. That we didn’t have to face my mistakes. I’d been wrong.
Chapter Sixteen
Declan
I hadn’t been to my mother’s new house, but Fi had given me the address right after I was released, hoping that I’d go make amends. I hadn’t needed her to give me the information though. Niall hadn’t just watched Gabby for me—he’d kept an eye on my entire family. I hadn’t worried about Moira—God knew she had enough protection of her own, not to mention that she was more than capable of taking care of herself—but it was nice to have some assurances in place.
After what had happened with Gabby and Dustin, I needed to know the people I loved were safe when I couldn’t be there.
Her new place wasn’t as large or as flashy as the home I’d grown up in. There wasn’t a gate at the end of the drive or a metal fence surrounding the property. The one-story wood-sided ranch, with attached garage, was abnormally low-key for Moira Callaghan’s tastes.
I couldn’t see a single light on, and as I got out of my truck and walked to the door, I found myself hoping she wasn’t home. I rang the bell, telling myself I’d give it thirty seconds before I turned around and booked it back to Gabby’s. Unfortunately, I didn’t even get ten.
The man who opened the door wasn’t overly large—he couldn’t rival me in size—yet he was serious. “Can I help you?” His baritone voice barked the question in a way that told he wanted me to say no and walk away.
I leaned backward slightly, taking him all in. His lower arms were coated with tattoos, some of which reminded me of mine. He’d obviously done time too. I could have laughed as his eyes scanned down my body and back up to my face. He scowled the entire time, challenging me.
It was a challenge I had to accept. “I’m here to see Moira.”
His eyes narrowed, but before he could turn me away, my mother appeared next to him. “Declan?”
The disbelief in her voice should have made me feel guilty for refusing to see her, or return her calls, before now. And if that didn’t, seeing how much she’d aged should have.
Neither did. That was what a piece-of-shit son I was.
“Moira.” I nodded, entering the small foyer when her bodyguard moved out of my way.
I could tell from the way she shifted that she wanted to hug me, but I didn’t move toward her. She was still the woman who manipulated everyone around her to get her own way. She was the woman who had loved one son so much that she’d overlooked everything he did. She was the woman I’d never been good enough for. And she was the woman who had almost cost me the love of my life. I stood where I was, watching her closely.
Her gaze moved slowly over me, from head to toe and back to my face. Her forehead wrinkled. “You look tired. Are you taking care of yourself?”
I almost snorted at the absurdity of that question. Glancing out of the corner of my eye at the bodyguard, I wondered if she was putting on the concerned mother act for him. Moira didn’t have a maternal gene in her body, and she’d never been one to coddle.
“You look old. You taking care of yourself?”
To my surprise, instead of being insulted, the corners of her mouth turned up and the old bat chuckled. Cackled really, but it was a laugh just the same. My eyebrows shot up before I could stop them, and I had all I could do not to gape. Who was this woman, and what in the hell had she done with my mother?
When her shoulders stopped shaking, she pointed toward the man behind me. “Tank, this is my son Declan.”
Tank? I shifted my attention back to him, realizing then that something was very wrong. My mother was always guarded, yes, but those men usually wore suits and had names like Kristof. Men like that were easy to control. Wildcards like this asshole? Not so much.
This guy was more thug than bodyguard, dressed in worn, faded jeans, a black T-shirt, and black work boots. A chain curved down one thigh and rings covered his fingers. There was no denying this guy had seen the inside of a cell, and probably not too long ago.
I nodded at him before turning back to her, feeling as though I’d missed something big. Niall had never said anything about my mother having an ex-con as her hired muscle. Fucker. I’d beat him bloody for leaving that out.
My mother, either sensing my confusion or just to fill the silence, pointed at me. “Declan, this is Tank.”
Tank took that moment to clear his throat and make his exit, explaining that he’d be in the garage if Moira needed him.
After he disappeared, I returned my attention to her. “Where are the rest of your goons?”
Moira leveled me with her eyes. “Did you come here to kill me, Declan?”
What the fuck? I stared at her, trying to figure out what in the hell her game was.
She smirked, raising a single brow. “I didn’t think so.” She headed straight for the bar across the room, and I followed. “My men were needed elsewhere. Jonathan didn’t want me alone and insisted on sending someone up from Boston to stay with me.”
Greenwood knew some sleazy people and quite a few truly dangerous ones. If he was calling in favors for my mom, something was wrong. But whatever it was, she didn’t want me to know.
Wasting no time once she reached her liquor cabinet, she flipped a tumbler right side up and poured two fingers then offered it to me before pouring her own. I took mine and wandered around the open-concept space. I stopped to stare at the pictures lining one wall, photographs I hadn’t seen in over a decade.
Everyone was up there, from Dustin, Fiona, and me to Gabby and Grady. Even my aunt and uncle were featured. Yet there wasn’t a single shot of my dad. I shouldn’t be surprised. There hadn’t been any of him in the old house either.
I knew why he was missing—I’d heard him explain it enough as a kid. Family was first. If something happened to him, if a business deal went south or if he never came home, Moira was to take us and disappear. He’d thought that we’d be safe, or that it would be easier for us to start over, if there was no evidence linking him to us.
Yet we had pictures of my uncle who looked almost just like my dad. Wasn’t that enough of a link to him? It didn’t make sense to me.
I’d never understood it as a kid, but my dad was paranoid and had more contingencies in place than the secret service had for the president. For every emergency, he had an out. He had back-up plans for back-up plans. Extraction plans to get mom and us kids out. He claimed it was what you did when you loved your family more than life itself.
I had found my “second” birth certificate when I was six—a forged document that would be used to give me a new identity if my family had to leave. It had been hidden in the back of the safe, with one for Fi, Dusty, and my mom. There wasn’t one for my dad. I’d cried, reading the name I didn’t recognize, seeing parents’ names I didn’t know, and thinking I’d been adopted.
God, life would have been much easier if I had been.
My parents had explained it all to me, of course. I saw the logic in it. The need to be able to leave our life behind and start again. But I didn’t understand why my father had never planned to go with us.
If I was ever blessed with a family, I’d take them and leave. Get the hell out of the business. Go somewhere warm, tropical maybe, and spend my life with them. That was what you did when you loved your family
“Why are you here, Declan?”
I turned toward her, forcing the memories away, and d
owned my Jamison in one gulp. “I don’t know.”
She pursed her lips, staring at the amber liquid in her glass as she swirled it before joining me at the wall of memories.
“You were always my good boy.” Her voice filled with pride as she pointed out a photo of me holding up my Pinewood Derby car. I barely recognized that boy. She moved a painted fingernail and tapped on a photo of my uncle Logan, Dustin, Mark, and me that I hadn’t seen in years. We were sitting at the table in our summer camp, our trout catch on the table behind us. “Sometimes I wonder when I lost you, when that good boy turned into an angry man.”
I chuckled angrily. “Come on, Moira. It can’t be that hard to figure out. I’m sure if you really thought about it, you can pinpoint the exact day.” I glanced at her, feigning surprise. “Oh, that’s right! You wouldn’t be able to do that because you were never around.”
Deep red painted lips, the same shade she’d always worn, twisted in amused annoyance as she raised an eyebrow in challenge. “You’d be surprised.”
“Let me guess,” I shot back before I could stop myself, “you’re going to say it was linked to Gabby. In your mind, she ruined me.”
Moira frowned slightly. “Gabby was Dustin’s ruin, not yours.”
“Of course she was,” I snapped. “’Cause Dusty couldn’t have possibly destroyed his own life.”
Moira inhaled sharply, forcing her shoulders back. “Your brother had problems long before he started dating Gabriella.” Dark eyes turned on me, invading my soul. “But if you must know, yes. Your change was linked to her.”
I didn’t want to hear a thing she had to say, but I had come here seeking answers. I glared, almost daring her to say something that would piss me off. “Fine, Moira. When did it happen? When did I change so dramatically?”
She didn’t blink at my attitude, didn’t let my agitation phase her. Her face did fall slightly, as though whatever thought crossed her mind was devastating to her, and I knew I wouldn’t like what she said.
“Fiona’s engagement dinner.” Her face scrunched in pain. “That’s when I lost both my boys.”
For once, I didn’t have a comeback. I didn’t have an argument because she was right. That was one of the most defining moments of my life.
As soon as I had walked out of school on the last day of my sophomore year, I made it a point to never be home. Dustin’s bruises may have healed, but his words were fresh wounds for me. Gabby was his girlfriend, and she may never love me, but that didn’t mean I didn’t love her. Whenever I was around him, it was all I could do to keep myself from punching the stupid smug expression off his face.
Uncle Logan had let me crash at his place even though Mark spent most of the summer at his mom’s. It was a sweet setup—Logan and Erin didn’t care what I did as long as I was home before they locked up. They also didn’t care if I was alone once I was tucked safely inside the house.
Bree spent most nights with me, helping me pass the time. My days were filled with whatever I could do to keep busy and keep myself from calling Gabby. That summer was the longest I’d gone without seeing her. It was hell.
I couldn’t avoid her forever though. In early August, my parents threw Fiona and her fiancé an engagement dinner. Ezra’s parents drove up from Philadelphia to meet our family, and my attendance was mandatory.
I stared at the pictures in front of me until they became a blur. Clenching my jaw, I tried to keep myself from remembering that night. Against my wishes, memories darted in.
The house smelled fantastic and looked even better, and I knew my mother had spent hours preparing for this night.
Fi, glowing in a tasteful black cocktail dress, beamed at me as soon as Bree and I walked through the door, then she rushed toward us and yanked me into a bear hug. “You made it!”
Her excited surprise hit me hard. “Of course,” I whispered into her ear. “I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.” I needed to see the family she was marrying into, just to make sure they were everything she deserved.
Pulling back, Fi glanced at my date, doing her best to keep her face neutral. I hadn’t told anyone I was bringing Bree, but I didn’t think they’d care. Ah, who was I kidding? I just didn’t give two fucks if they cared. To make it through the next few hours, I needed Bree as a distraction.
After a quick greeting to the attractive brunette next to me, Fi shooed us into the dining room and introduced us to her soon-to-be in-laws. Before I could mumble a hello, the front door opened and I made the mistake of looking up.
Gabby was suddenly all I could see. It had only been a few weeks since I’d seen her, but it felt like years. Could she have gotten more beautiful in such a short time?
The simple cotton dress she wore was more modest than anything someone our age would normally wear, yet somehow it left very little to the imagination. She was tan, darker than I remembered her skin being, which made the blonde hair she had pinned back appear even lighter. The smile she sent me was enough to stop a man’s heart, even if it didn’t reach her eyes.
By some cruel twist of fate, or Dusty’s warped intentions, Bree and I sat directly across from him and Gabs. I didn’t remember most of dinner or the conversation the two sets of parents had, but I did know I barely pulled my eyes off her.
The deep dip that appeared in her collarbone when she moved her arms, the way she kept tucking an invisible strand of hair behind her ear, the way her eyes darted my way when she thought I wasn’t looking—all of it captivated me. Even Dustin’s scowl, or the way he blatantly laid his arm across the back of her chair as if claiming her, or the stink eye he sent me every now and then, wasn’t enough to get me to pull my eyes away.
I’d been suffocating, and Gabby was my air.
Ezra’s parents asked Dusty about college and pulled him into a conversation about what he wanted from his future. While they talked, Gabby stayed silent, her eyes locked with mine. For the first time, I had no idea what she was thinking.
Bree nudged me under the table.
I turned toward her, unsure of what she wanted, and found most of the adults staring at me. I forced a smile. “Sorry, what?”
Fi rolled her eyes before her future father-in-law asked if I’d started thinking about college yet. I answered with humor in my voice, telling him about the schools I had looked at and the major I hoped to pursue. Before I could finish, Ezra’s father braced his forearms on the table and stared at me.
“Those are some huge aspirations, son.” He looked at me as though he doubted I would ever live up to them.
I didn’t blame him for his skepticism. I’d barely said two words all night, staring at the girl across from me as if I was high, and my big brother had just bragged about getting a B-minus in community college level intro to biology.
“Not for him,” Gabby responded before I could, shyly glancing at me before angling her body toward the adult-filled end of the table. “Declan is brilliant. The smartest person I know.”
Dustin tensed, the hand next to his plate balling into a fist. Gabby didn’t stop though. Instead, she spent a few minutes relaying all of my academic achievements.
“There isn’t a single Ivy League school that would deny his application,” she finished, grinning at me.
“We’re very proud of him,” my father interjected.
“We all are. I’m positive there isn’t anything he can’t do,” Gabby added in a rush. “We expect big things from him.”
“That’s a lot of pressure,” Bree spoke up, dragging the attention her way.
“How so?” Gabby demanded.
“There are more important things than what college you go to.” Bree made a disgusted sound, dropping her fork onto her plate and covering my hand with hers. “Declan may find something he loves more than learning.”
Gabby snorted, a loud, obnoxious sound that seemed completely out of place from the image she’d been trying to present. “And what would that be? You?”
“Love,” Bree snapped back.
&nb
sp; Gabby’s eyebrows shot up as she ignored my father clearing his throat. “You’re saying that he could figure out that he loves love more than he loves learning?”
“No.” Bree shook her head. “I’m saying that Declan might not want to go away to school because what he has here is more important.”
“That’s insane!” Gabby argued.
“Is it?” Bree asked. “Or is it just too difficult for someone like you to understand?”
“Oh, just spit it out!” Gabby snapped, slapping her hand on the table. “We all know what you’re implying.”
“I’m not implying anything. I’m stating fact. You’re simply not listening to what I’m saying,” Bree argued.
“Oh, I heard you. I don’t think you realize how delusional you sound. No one would want someone they cared about to give up a future for them.”
“That just it! He wouldn’t be giving anything up. He would be part of a team, working on a new future.”
“Girls,” my mother spoke over them, trying to snag their attention, but neither listened.
“How is that love? Smothering them and forcing them to change their dreams for you isn’t love.” Gabby’s eyes sparked in anger. “And that sure as shit isn’t Dec finding something he loves more than learning. It’s him having a controlling girlfriend. Haven’t you ever heard the saying, ‘If you love someone, set them free’?”
“How cute,” Bree cooed. “Gabby Forte wants to give me dating advice. The girl who can’t even figure out how to keep her own man faithful. You set him free—he didn’t come back.” She laughed humorlessly, and the smile that curved her lips was not kind. “Jealous ‘cause Dustin doesn’t want you anymore, huh? Get over it. Just because you were never more important than his dreams doesn’t mean I’m not.”
My father and mother were talking, and Fi was yelling something over them, but I didn’t hear a word they said.
Bree shoved her chair away from the table. “No one would give up anything for you,” she sneered before stomping away.