by Violet Paige
“I’m not going to work for a bunch of thugs.” The suggestion was insane. “I won’t help them.”
“Ok. Ok. I trust you.”
The amount of sadness that hit me was almost too much to bear. Too much to breathe through. “Would you have said that six months ago?” I asked.
“Come on, let’s not go backward. Our near-death confessions are out. You know exactly how I feel. How I’ve felt.”
“Then, there’s nothing else to hide,” I admitted. “Before you started following me. At the beginning of all this. Would you have trusted me, AJ?”
“It’s not like I didn’t want to trust you.” I saw anguish in his eyes. “I haven’t been the same agent since us. So much has happened in five years. So much I want to tell you. Things I want you to know about me. Things that happened.”
“That’s the promise.”
“Huh?”
“We walk off this plane together and we end the secrets. We tell each other the truth. All of it.”
“I don’t want to hurt you.” His voice was deep and pained.
“Then don’t.”
“I don’t know if it will ever stop.” He crushed me with a punishing kiss. I pushed against his body for air. We had to come up to think. To plan. To find a way to the surface. As I squirmed against him, I stopped fighting and started listening to his body. To the fire in his lips. To the realization, that there was no way out for us together. This kiss might be the last breath we shared.
Chapter Twenty-Five
I didn’t expect to see Travis when I walked through the door. He was sitting on the couch with the remote in his hand. It seemed like it was a lifetime ago when Becca and I talked about TV night in my cube.
“Hey.”
“Umm, hi.” I kicked off my heels and hung up my scarf and coat. There was still a chill in the air even though it was the beginning of spring.
“I told Becca we were going to order pizza and watch The Americans. She told me where you keep the spare. She said I could use it.”
“Oh, yeah. Sure.” I pushed my bangs to the side. I organized the mail on the counter, separating AJ’s bills from mine. “I guess she’s ok with that?” I asked. “She didn’t want to come over too?”
“She has a headache.”
“Oh. She didn’t say anything when she left work.” I trailed into the living room. Travis acted like what I thought a brother would act like. He made himself comfortable without asking. His feet were on the coffee table. He had taken up half the sofa.
“What time is AJ going to be home?” he asked.
I shrugged. “I don’t know.” It had been hours since his last text. That was normal. If he was in the field, he couldn’t text or call. It took a while when we started dating, but I was used to it. It was part of the territory that came with dating an FBI agent.
“Are we doing this or what?” Travis aimed the remote at the TV.
“Let me get changed first. I’ll be right back.” I jogged up the stairs and to our master bedroom. I locked the door behind me and pulled off my work cloths.
I had a daily ritual. I jumped into yoga pants as soon as I could. AJ said he liked how cute my ass looked in them. I just liked how comfortable they were. I threaded my arms through a long sleeve T-shirt and shook out my hair. I picked up my phone to text AJ before heading downstairs again.
Travis is here. We’re ordering pizza. Do you want in?
I waited, pressing my lips together, hoping he’d text back that he was almost home. My screen was blank.
I didn’t like what I had discovered. I liked myself even less for having pried into his schedule. Some questions were answered, but I knew I had opened Pandora’s box. What did it say about me that I used a backdoor program to track my boyfriend last week? What did it say about him that he lied and said he was at practice instead of working? What was happening to us?
I gave up on his text, turned off the light, and walked into the hallway to join Travis in the living room. I didn’t want to spend the next couple hours watching TV with Travis, but the truth was if he hadn’t been here I would have stewed in my misery. I would have beaten myself up over what I had just done. At least he offered a temporary distraction.
I turned on the front porch light as I rounded the corner. Travis looked up.
I didn’t think it had happened before, at least I couldn’t remember a time, but as soon as I walked in the room there was something in his eye. A kind of glimmer. A once-over that made me feel strange. I ignored it. It was gone as quickly as it appeared. There was a chance I imagined it, or maybe the guy just had dust in his eye. I dropped into the chaise lounge and wrapped a cashmere blanket to my neck.
“Ok. Ready. I don’t know when AJ will be here so don’t count on him for pizza.”
“Got it. Just one large. You still like pepperoni?” I nodded. He pushed play. “The preview for this episode is sick.”
I could barely keep my eyes open. The next thing I remembered was two deep muffled voices. The room was dark, but I saw AJ and Travis in the kitchen. They were drinking a beer. I curled on to my side.
I had no idea what time it was, but the TV had been turned off. I stretched my legs out and pushed off the chair. I didn’t think I had made it through half of one episode.
“Hi.” I padded into the kitchen. “What time is it?” I lifted my arms into the air and yawned.
“Midnight,” AJ answered.
“You just got home?”
Travis slapped him on the back. “Man, I’m going next door. Try to stay awake next time.” He looked at me.
“Sorry.” I winced. “Not the best TV night I guess.”
“It’s all right. I’ll catch you later.” He ducked through the back door and exited toward the side gate where our yards connected.
AJ tossed the empty beer bottles in the recycling bin. They clanged when they landed at the bottom.
“What happened?” I asked. “Why are you home so late?”
“It’s a case. I couldn’t leave.”
“I figured it was a case. Did something go wrong? Is everything all right?”
He shook his head. I could see the little creases around his eyes that appeared when he was worried. “You know I can’t really talk about it.”
I sashayed toward him, wrapping my arms around his waist. “I want to help. I won’t say anything.” I pressed my body into his.
He sighed. “I know.” He kissed the top of my head, but broke out of the hold. “I’m going to take a shower. I have a 6am meeting.”
“Oh. Ok.” He left me standing in the kitchen. “I’ll just lock up down here,” I called after him.
But AJ was already climbing the stairs. He didn’t look back. He didn’t stop. He didn’t answer. It was like he was in another place. Still at work. Still zoned in to his case. I didn’t know how to pull him back to me.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Huddled next to AJ in the bottom of the plane to nowhere, I thought about that weird TV night with Travis. I had no idea why it popped in my head. I think it was the night that the beginning of our end started. Was today some sick way of giving us another chance to rewrite the ending? Given the choice, I’d still take this. It was twisted and dark, but saying the things to AJ that had been buried for five years meant everything to me.
I could still remember how it felt that night when he walked up the stairs without me. How by the time I got to our room, he was already out of the shower and in bed.
That was the night I felt for the first time AJ was hiding something from me. Not the usual work stuff, but something big. Something monumental. And underneath it, I knew I had committed an unthinkable crime in his world. I had breached an unforgivable trust, and I had used poor nerdy Billy to do it..
How did we thread it back together? How did we get past all the hurt and the lies? Could we?
“AJ?”
“Hmm?” He leaned his head back, closing his eyes. I knew his head hurt. It had to with that wide of a gash.
>
“What happened with the device?” I asked.
“What?” he groaned.
“The scrambler,” I answered. “Was it a dead end?”
His eyes popped open. “I was interrupted. I checked most of the baggage, but I didn’t make it to the crates or that section of the bay before you ended up down here.”
“Wait. So there’s still a chance we could find it?” I pressed.
“We could except we can’t move. Look at your ankles. You’re bleeding. If you slice an artery it could get bad really fast.”
I shook off his protest. “I don’t care. We need to get up. We’ve got to keep searching.”
I heard him groan when he shifted. “Did they break your ribs?” I asked.
He nodded. “There’s a good chance.”
“Damn it. Why didn’t you say something?”
He grinned. His eyes closed again. “Did you have an X-ray machine down here?” he mocked. “We can’t do shit about it.”
“You rest and I’ll search for the box.” I wasn’t sure how to do it with ankles and wrists pinned together, and knife-like sensations that seared my skin every time I moved, but I wanted him to leave with me. I wanted to rewrite TV night.
“Like hell you’re doing this by yourself.” He groaned until he was upright. I could tell he favored his right side.
“You don’t have to be so stubborn all the time,” I suggested.
“But I do have to keep you safe. I swore I would.” He held my gaze with incredible fire. “And I’m never letting something like this happen to you again. Do you understand?”
“I do,” I whispered.
“Let’s do this.” He growled with pain as he forced himself to stand. He surveyed the remaining bags. “Why don’t you start with the crew’s baggage? It’s marked in black and tagged with the airline logo. I’ll work on the crates.”
I felt ridiculous, trying to stand. I fell a few times, before I was finally on my feet.
“You ok?” AJ checked with me.
“Yes. We have to hurry.” A tear slipped down my cheek when the zip tie sliced into my ankle. I didn’t know if I had much of an ankle left. It felt mangled and raw, as if the tie was against the bone.
I bit my lip, trying to hide the pain from AJ.
I fell into the pile of suitcases. “Fuck,” I muttered.
“Syd, stop. You’re going to do permanent damage to your leg.”
I managed to rise up on my knees, far enough that I could bring my fingers on top of one of the zippers. “I’m fine. Look for the scrambler,” I pleaded.
It was awkward to rifle through the luggage with my hands bound together, but I focused on finding the device instead of the intense agony shooting through my limbs. I could only imagine what AJ was dealing with. Zip ties, a bloody cheek, busted brow, and broken ribs.
I turned as he grunted behind. “What the hell?”
It was a packing crate, but it was empty. “Why is there nothing inside there?” I asked.
He ducked his head inside. “No box in here.”
“But it’s empty. What was in there?”
“Keep looking.” He tore into another crate and I fixated on the crew’s luggage. I had gone through four bags before I finally hit something hard and square.
“AJ!”
He turned and hobbled toward me. He peered at my hands. “That’s it.”
I struggled to hold it toward him. He reached out, flicking a button on the side. He exhaled. “That’s it.” He hopped around in a circle. “The signal should be broadcasting again. God, it better be. My phone is in my back pocket. Pull it out Syd, so we can send comm to the ground unit.”
I was a nervous wreck, fumbling the phone out of his pocket. I handed it to him, aware that I had dripped blood on the screen.
AJ powered it on and started typing just as the door to the cargo hold burst open. My eyes flew upward as I hopped in front of him to shield the phone from their view. We needed more time.
“Time to get you in your crate, kitten.”
“Oh my God,” I whispered. The empty crate was for me. Had they been planning on stuffing me in there from the time we’d left Atlanta?
Both men landed with a thud on the floor. They snarled when they saw the mess we had made with the baggage.
“You two were looking for something?” Hancock was livid.
I swallowed. “I just want the bleeding to stop. I was looking for something I could use as a bandage. Can you blame me? Can you please get me out of these? My wrists are going to be broken. I’ll be useless to anyone who needs me on a computer.”
“I don’t think so. We need to get you prepped. The captain says it’s time to land.” Hancock turned to his accomplice. “You get her feet.”
“No,” AJ barked.
My back stiffened. I didn’t know if he had enough time to send off a message once the signal was live. I didn’t know if they would discover we had a phone.
“You aren’t putting her in there,” AJ growled.
“It’s ok,” I tried to pacify him. I didn’t want them to break another rib, or do something far worse. I knew he had been right. He was the expendable one. But to me he was everything. He had always been my everything. Right now I might be the only one keeping him alive, even though he was willing to die for me.
“Just let me go.” I looked in his eyes. “Let me go.”
He shook his head. His jaw was set.
“You promised me.” I choked back a sob. “I can get in the crate.”
He turned his head to the wall when they picked me up. I cried out from the pain. They twisted me into the fetal position so I would fit. They lowered me and when I was a foot from the floor they dropped me. I screamed at the impact. The thud rattled my teeth.
“You fuckers,” AJ yelled.
I couldn’t see him, but I wanted him to shut up. I wanted him to live. I closed my eyes and tried to breathe as the lid was lowered over my head. I bristled as they nailed the edges into place with spikes. There was no way I could push out of this contraption. I was sealed inside. My stomach did another somersault.
The plane had started to descend.
“AJ,” I whispered into the darkness.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Between the enclosure of the crate and the roar of the engines, I couldn’t hear anything inside my wooden tomb. All I could do was pray. And think. I thought about AJ. About the confessions we had made. About how much I ached to undo everything we had done to each other. I thought about my mother, and what this would do to her if I died. And I thought about my little sister. Kelly had one year to go in college. One year, and my baby sister would be on her own, but how was she going to be able to move forward if her sister was kidnapped and murdered? I let out a wail. No one could hear me in here anyway. I didn’t have to be strong or resilient. I was locked up in a fucking box. Why? Why was I in here?
When Kelly was five she became obsessed with hide-and-go-seek. She liked to hide, but she was terrible at it. She would choose curtains where I could see her feet sticking out on the floor, or she’d roll under her bed in the same exact spot.
I would pretend I couldn’t find her. I would indulge her for hours. At least until I got bored of acting surprised. There was one time. One time when I looked under the bed. And I looked in the coat closet, behind Dad’s trench coat. And I scoured the drapes in the dining room and sitting room. I couldn’t find her. I had a prickle of fear. A tiny residual effect of panic.
I started screaming and calling her name, until finally my dad ran in from the garage. He was cleaning his tools and organizing his workbench while my mom was out for the afternoon.
“Sydney, what’s going on?”
“I can’t find Kelly. We were playing. And she’s hiding.”
He rubbed the back of his head. “Hmm. Did you check under her bed?” He seemed relieved when I explained we were playing a game.
“Yes, Dad. I checked in all the spots she usually hides in. I’ve looked ever
ywhere. I have no idea where she is.”
He took me by the shoulders. “Well, she’s here somewhere. Let’s start looking together. We’ll find her. Maybe she’s finally figured out how to play the game,” he teased. “You’re an excellent teacher.”
We combed the house, each taking a room. Calling her name. Coaxing her to us with candy or another chance to watch Cinderella. I was practically in tears when I heard my dad’s voice.
“Sydney, come here.”
I ran along the hall, scooting into the guestroom. He lifted the lid on the cedar chest at the end of the bed. I looked inside. My sister was curled in a ball, sleeping on a pile of blankets.
“What? She’s never been in here before.”
My dad sighed. If he had been worried, he hadn’t shown it until that moment. “Hold the lid for me, and I’ll lift her out. She can’t sleep in here.”
I propped the top up as he scooped her out of the chest. I had always thought it would have been scary to climb into a wooden box. To purposely pull a lid over your head, even if it was for a silly game of hide-and-go-seek. I didn’t know if Kelly had any idea what she was doing. Or if she was ever scared. Maybe she just gave up and fell asleep. Or maybe she saw the blankets and wanted to curl up like a cat. By the time she woke up, I had already forgotten to ask her what had possessed her to do something so scary and dangerous.
My stomach lurched as the plane descended. We were rapidly approaching the ground and I had no grasp of what to expect. I didn’t know if AJ was alive. I didn’t know if he had enough time to get a message out. I didn’t know if the fake marshals had found his phone. They could have punished him if they found it, or just put him down for interfering in their operation.
I didn’t want to think that there was a world where he didn’t exist. I had pretended for so long he didn’t matter. It was seductive to go to that place now, but with his kiss still burning my lips, I couldn’t pretend I hadn’t opened every wound there was between us. I couldn’t pretend I wasn’t willing to hurt again for another chance at us.