by Chloe Walsh
"Your diabetes isn't a game, you know," he added as he lifted me into his arms before carrying me upstairs to my room.
Nathan slung me down on my bed, and I watched through hooded eyes as he rummaged around in my top dresser drawer for a brief moment before pulling out my insulin pen.
"When did you last eat?" It wasn't a question, it was an accusation, one I chose not to respond to. "Do you want to go back to the pump?" His voice was hard but his hands were gentle when he pushed me onto my back. "Because that's what will happen if you don't keep yourself regulated."
Nathan didn't need to lecture me on the dangers of diabetes. I had been living with type one since I was a child. It sucked, I hated it, and of course I didn't want to go back on the pump.
"I screwed up," I whispered, feeling drunk and woozy. "Stop being mad at me."
Slipping his hand under my nightgown, Nathan tugged it upwards, exposing my panties, and if I wasn't already dizzy, the thought of Nathan touching me in areas no other boy had touched would have certainly done the job.
"Stay still," he warned.
I felt his hand gently touch my stomach and then a sharp pinch as he injected me with my pen.
"And I'm not mad at you." His left hand was clamped on my bare hip, as he trailed his fingers over my stomach. "I'm worried," he added after a long pause.
"You're always mad at me," I told him when the room stopped spinning.
Feeling a little better, I sheepishly pulled myself into a sitting position before readjusting my nightgown.
"Maybe I am always mad at you," he replied in a thoughtful tone, eyes cast downwards towards the floor, shoulders stiffened. "But only because you deserve it."
"Why do I deserve it?" I croaked out.
Sighing heavily, Nathan jerked to his feet and stalked over to my dresser. "Because of nights like tonight," he accused, dropping my insulin pen into the drawer. "You're reckless and careless and goddamn selfish."
Nathan removed my emergency carton of juice from my nightstand. Stabbing the straw through the intended hole of the juice carton, he handed it to me. "I'm not your keeper, Andi. I won't always be around to take care of you."
"You say that like you're always taking care of me," I countered childishly. Nathan cocked a brow as if he dared me to tell him otherwise.
Unfortunately, I couldn't.
Somehow, whenever I was in trouble, he was always the one to come to my rescue. Nathan had unintentionally taken on the role of co-parenting me with Jackson when our parents checked out on us.
"Are you going somewhere?" I asked then, feeling a trickle of unease run down my spine.
He's so beautiful…
I knew that was a word usually reserved to describe a woman, but every time I looked at Nathan Cole, the word beautiful always sprang to mind.
"I've got one more year in this shithole," he shot back, jaw clenched. "You can be dammed sure the minute I'm handed that high school diploma, I'll be on the first bus out of here."
"Oh." Pain speared me. The thought of Nathan not being around hurt me more than I wanted to think about. "I didn’t realize you were leaving Springhill."
"What did you think I would do, Andi?" he sneered. "Stay here and work in a dead end job for the rest of my life?" He shook his head. "No, girl. I'm getting the hell out of this town before it takes me down like my – while I still can."
Like his momma. That's what he was going to say.
Nathan's mother had a real bad problem with alcohol. For as far back as I could remember, Becky Cole had been a hot mess. As kids, Becky would forget to pick Nate up from school. She never paid the bus fee for him and nine times out of ten, she sent Nate to school without money for a hot lunch.
Nate's older sister Kim had picked up a lot of the slack back then and had taken good care of him, but their momma kicked her out of their trailer when she got pregnant at sixteen. She moved across town with the father of her baby, Trey, and they were still together to this day and the proud parents of nine-year-old Callie. Nate had been nine at the time, and after Kim left he'd been pretty much left to his own devices. It made me sad because when Becky was sober she was a real nice person. Problem was, she couldn’t stay sober – and hadn't been for a very long time now.
"I don’t know," I admitted honestly, drawing myself back to the present. "I just never thought you'd leave."
"Don’t look so sad about it," Nate shot back, confusion evident in his brown eyes. "I'm sure you'll be thrilled when me and Jackson are out of your hair."
"Jackson?" I balked. "He's going too?"
"Well, yeah…" Nate's brows furrowed. Exhaling a heavy sigh, he sank down on the edge of my bed. "You know there's nothing in this town for us."
I didn’t want to agree with Nathan, but I knew he was right.
Spring Hill had a way of choking the life out of its residents and killing their dreams.
"My father is expecting Jackson to go to college," I whispered, unable to take my eyes off his face. "He won't allow Jackson to take off on a road trip."
Nate laughed humorlessly and there was a bite to his tone when he said, "Your father can't control Jacko like he controls you." Sniffing, Nate twisted his head from side to side. "I'd like to see him try and fucking stop him…"
"I don’t want you to go, Nate," I blurted out then. "Or Jackson either."
"Andi…"
"No, Nate. I mean it, " I interrupted, shuffling onto my knees. "I don’t want you guys to go anywhere next year." I don’t want you to go anywhere… "Can't you guys just…I don’t know, wait around for a year until I graduate and take me with you?" Reaching out my hand, I placed it on his shoulder. "I don’t want to be left behind with them." The thought of being left in Spring Hill with my parents made me feel physically sick to my stomach.
"I can't…" His words broke off and he pinched the bridge of his nose. "It's not up to me, Andi. You know that." Jerking off my bed, Nathan stalked towards my bedroom door. "Look don’t worry about it for now. I'll…ah… I'll see you at school tomorrow." Having said that, he stalked out of my bedroom without a backwards glance, leaving the door wide open behind him.
A few minutes later, the sound of a guitar being strummed outside filled the silence of my bedroom and I flopped back on my pillow and sighed.
That night I dreamt about the old Nathan – the boy who would never leave me here on my own.
****
Chapter Two
"Would it be a horrendous breach of girl code to get with your brother at DJ's pre-homecoming party the Friday after next?" My best friend, Ivy Dupree, asked in a joking tone as we waited for said brother after last period the following afternoon; though I knew she was one hundred percent serious. We had just completed our very first day as juniors and I was finding it hard to get back into the swing of school life.
"It would be a disturbing breach of girl code," I replied in horror, giving my best friend my full attention. "Come on, Ives," I pleaded, slamming my faulty locker door three times before it finally shut. "Jackson's a tool, not to mention a major man-whore. You know this." Of course she knew this. Ivy had known Jackson almost as long as I had. How she could find him even remotely attractive was beyond me. I loved my brother to death, but I wasn’t beyond admitting that when it came to the opposite sex, Jackson had inherited some of our father's traits. Though, unlike our father, Jackson was kind. He was good and gentle and I had a feeling he wandered from girl to girl because he was lonely. He was lacking something deep down inside – something neither of us had been given from our parents.
"It's practically incest," I added, scrunching my nose up, thoroughly disgusted at the thought of my brother and best friend hooking up. "Besides, why would you even want to go to one of JD Kellerman's parties? And a pre-homecoming party?" I shook my head at the idea. We had just returned to school. "Homecoming isn’t for another month." Talk about any excuse to throw a party.
"I'm fully aware that Jackson Davis isn’t boyfriend material." Leaning her head agai
nst the metal frame of the locker next to mine, Ivy turned to face me and grinned. "But he's so damn pretty." Her crystal clear brown skin looked flawless, her brown eyes danced with mischief, and I was immediately green with envy. Ivy was gorgeous – blatant, eye-catching gorgeous – and it was hard to be around her without feeling slightly inferior; or in my case, majorly.
"Whatever," I mumbled in defeat. "Don’t say I didn’t warn you when my brother breaks your heart."
"Deal. And you're one to talk about incest." Ivy grinned, revealing a set of pearly white teeth. "You've been fantasizing about Nathan Cole since we were in the second grade."
That was a very true statement, one I'd long given up denying. Ivy was good like that. She could keep secrets. It was in her I confided my feelings for my brother's best friend. Ivy was the one I had turned to when I first found out about Nathan and Dallas dating. I'd never cried so much as I had that day.
"You should come with me next weekend," Ivy said in a low tone. "Nate will be there, you know."
I shook my head and bit back a sigh. "You know I'm not allowed to go to parties." Mom and Dad would have a coronary if they even suspected that I wanted to attend. "Besides, if Nate's there, then Dallas will be there too." It was a given.
Wherever Nathan went, Dallas Holloway was close behind. Dallas was a senior like Jackson and Nate. She and Nate had dated all through sophomore and junior year. She was also beautiful. Really beautiful.
"That girl is plain nasty." Ivy scrunched her nose up in disgust. "She needs to get a clue and move on. He ended it three months ago. It's over. Get over it and stop trailing after him."
"Maybe you're right," I muttered. "But it's not like he puts up much of a fight." They still hooked up. It happened all the time and it made me sick.
"She's trash," Ivy hissed, patting my arm in sympathy. "You're a million times better than her. In every way."
"Thanks." I smiled, appreciating her loyalty.
"Does that mean you'll come?"
"You know I can't."
"Please, Andi!"
"If my parents found out…"
"How will they ever find out?" Ivy shot back. "They'd have to be present in your life to do that, and we both know they're not… Ooh, speak of the devil." Grabbing onto my shoulders, Ivy not-so-subtly turned me towards the main wing. "And he shall appear."
With my back pressed to my locker, I watched as Nate sauntered out of the principal's office with Jackson by his side. Everyone in the hall stopped and watched them as they passed. I didn't blame them. I was staring too. The moment Nathan's dark eyes landed on my face, the air expelled from my lungs in a heady gasp.
Remaining perfectly still, I forced myself to breathe, all while my heart thundered in my chest as I watched both boys approach us, looking like night and day.
Jackson; blonde haired and smiling.
Nathan; black haired and brooding.
"So," Ivy muttered as the boys honed in on us. "About that girl code…"
"Don't you dare," I warned her, but it was a halfhearted threat.
The moment the boys were standing beside us Jackson's eyes landed on Ivy. He smiled and her entire face lit up. Tilting his head to one side, he gave her one of those 'come hither' looks and she was a goner – quite literally.
I was abandoned for my older brother.
Wrapping his arm around Ivy's slender shoulders, Jackson tugged her into his embrace, and Ivy – being the turncoat she was – squealed in delight and pressed her lips to Jackson's. The two continued to kiss as they half walked, half stumbled towards the front entrance and the student parking lot.
I turned away before I vomited.
Watching those two groping each other wasn't something I ever wanted to see, but then again, standing around trying to work up the courage to speak to Nathan wasn't exactly appealing either.
Since childhood, I had adored the boy in front of me – my brother's filthy mouthed, risk-taking troublemaker friend from the wrong side of town. Over time those feelings had deepened into something I was afraid to admit, even to myself.
"Nathan," I finally acknowledged in a quiet tone, not knowing what else to say but knowing that I had to say something.
"Adriana," Nate shot back in a low gruff tone, his angry eyes locked on mine, hard and unforgiving.
Not sure what to do, I decided rummaging in my locker was a good place to start, and while I was at it, I decided to pray for the ground to open beneath me.
Hell had to be a better option than being the sole recipient of Nathan Cole's bad mood.
Turning my back to him, I keyed in my code and struggled to open the crappy metal door, all while my cheeks turned crimson red.
I felt Nathan step closer seconds before his tanned, muscular forearm reached around my body and pulled my locker door open easily.
Suppressing the urge to close my eyes and shiver at the feel of the heat emanating from his body, I whispered, "Thanks," before busying myself with looking for a book I knew I had already packed into my bag.
"You almost ready?" he growled, his breath fanning my neck. This time I did shiver. It was an unstoppable reaction. "I'll drive you home."
Shaking my head, I sagged forward slightly, finding my balance against the frame of my locker. "I came with Jackson. He's taking me..."
"Jackson just walked out of school with Ivy Dupree. I can guarantee you he isn’t waiting in the parking lot to give you a ride home," he shot back tauntingly. "Let's go."
"I thought you said I wasn’t supposed to depend on you to take care of me anymore?" I heard myself reply, cheeks flushed as I craned my neck up and forced myself to hold his gaze.
His eyes pierced through me, intense, dominating and incredibly beautiful. "I'm not gone yet," he finally said, jaw clenched, eyes blazing with intensity. "Give me your bag and let's go."
I didn’t argue for two reasons. The first; I knew he was serious. The second; I wanted to go with him. Any opportunity that gave me extra time with Nathan Cole, I grabbed with both hands.
Handing over my bag, I followed after him, all the while forcing myself to breathe slowly and calm the heck down.
"Did you have a good day at school?" What possessed me to ask that question, I would never know, but I was sitting in his truck, he was giving me a ride, and I kind of felt obliged to make some small talk.
"It's over," he shot back, hands clenched around the old, tattered steering wheel. "That's good enough for me."
"Okay." Deciding not to bother saying anything else, I clasped my hands in my lap and peered out the passenger window. The Alabama heat was muggy and stifling and I was regretting the long sleeved shirt I had thrown on this morning. It was too hot for clothes.
Nathan surprised me by making conversation with me. "So, have you got plans for the weekend?"
Startled by his unusual interest in my life, I turned and gazed at the side of his face.
God, he was so handsome. His black hair was all tousled and the scruff of his jaw was so darn appealing. I would have given anything to brush my thumb over his jaw, just so I could feel it for myself...
He looked at me then and I blinked before quickly averting my gaze. "Not this weekend, but Ivy wants me to go with her to DJ's party next weekend," I quickly rolled off the one and only invite I'd had for the weekend.
"Yeah," Nate sniffed, twisting his neck from side to side. "That's not happening."
"Excuse me?"
"Obviously, you're not going," he replied, this time turning to stare at me. "People go to DJ's parties are for two things. To get drunk and hook up." Smirking, he added, "Since you don’t do either, I doubt a place like that would appeal to you."
Defiance roared to life inside of me. "Actually, I am going." Why the heck was I antagonizing him? I wasn’t going. We both knew I wasn’t allowed. "Who knows? It might be fun." Still, I continued to spin my little web of lies. "Maybe I'll meet a nice boy."
"It won't be," Nate growled under his breath. His eyes were blazing with heat. "And
you won't."
"And why not?" I demanded, upset now. "Why is everything good enough for you guys, but not for me?"
"Because you're too good for everything and everyone in this goddamn town," he shot back angrily before pulling into my driveway.
"Nathan." I wasn’t sure what to say. Watching him like a hawk, I whispered, "You really think that about me?"
Jacking the handbrake, Nate slipped the truck into neutral and sat stony-faced, staring at the front of my parent's mansion of a house.
He was silent for so long that I unfastened my seat belt and knelt sideways facing him.
"Nate," I said, daring to reach out and place my hand on his bare arm. "Did you mean what you said just now?"
The moment my fingers curled around his bicep, his muscles bunched and thickened beneath my touch. Exhaling a heavy sigh, Nate threw his head back and closed his eyes. "It's not what I think that matters," he finally said, tone low and gruff, eyes still clenched shut. "Your father would kill you."
It does matter, I wanted to scream. Everything about you matters to me…
Before I had a chance to even form a sentence, Nate was back to being a jerk.
"Look," he said, shaking my hand off. "Just hurry up and get out," he grumbled, scowl resumed. "I'm late for work."
He worked evenings and weekends at Kim's boyfriend Trey's auto body shop in Riverside.
Huffing, I reached for the door handle. "If you're late for work then why offer me a ride home in the first place?"
"I don’t have time for this, Andi," Nate muttered under his breath as he drummed his fingers against the steering wheel, clearly agitated. "Go inside and eat."
Climbing out of his old battered Chevy, I turned at glared at him. "You know; I get that you don’t like me." I held his door of his truck as I spoke, making sure he couldn’t drive off without hearing me out. "And that's fine. I can't change your feelings. But you don’t have to be so mean to me."
"You have no idea what you're talking about," he shot back angrily.
"I'm not stupid, Nathan." He refused to look at me as I spoke, but I knew he was listening so I continued. "And I've done nothing to deserve your tone."