by Chloe Walsh
"You want to paint me in a dark light?" she said, tone soft and sweet. "Fine, but don’t pretend that you're squeaky clean in all of this, Nate."
"What's she talking about?" I whispered, gaping. "Nate?"
Nathan looked at me with worried eyes. "Andi, I wanted to tell you…Fuck!" Running a hand through his hair, he hissed a growl and turned back to Dallas. "Damn, Dallas, can't you just leave it alone?" I could hear the desperation in his tone and it stunned me. "Please. I am fucking begging you not to do this. Not here. Let me tell her myself."
"Tell me what?" Tightening my hold on the blanket I had covering my body, I repeated, "Tell me what, Nathan?" I could feel myself shaking. I was trembling all over. This was so bad. It had to be. Why else would Nathan beg Dallas for anything? What the heck did she have on him?
Turning to me, Dallas cocked a perfectly plucked eyebrow and smiled. "What Nathan forgot to tell you, was that while I was screwing your Daddy, he was busy giving it to your momma."
"Liar," I hissed, feeling a massive weight off my shoulders. "There's no way in hell Nathan would ever do that. Right, Nate?"
I turned to look at Nathan and my heart sank in my chest.
He was looking at me with the guiltiest expression I'd ever seen.
"Andi…"
"Right, Nate?" I repeated, feeling tears pool in my eyes. "You wouldn’t do that to Jackson or… me?"
"Andi," Nate whispered, eyes locked on my face. "I am so fucking sorry."
"Get out," I whispered. "Get the hell away from me."
Five words was all it took.
Five simple words, that when formed together and coming from Nathan's mouth, caused my world to fall out from beneath my feet.
To be continued…
Andi, Nate, Jackson and Ivy's story continues
in the Faking It series.
Coming Soon.
Bonus Material
Nate
"Hey, Nate, you leaving already, man?" Jackson asked as I stood in the foyer of their mansion, fully clothed and with the keys of my truck in my hand.
I nodded, not trusting myself to speak.
My night was ruined.
Dallas was out back and would be pissed that I'd bailed but I'd stopped worrying about her feelings a long time ago – right around the time I caught her choking on a mouthful of his dick…
The image impaled my mind and I balked.
Fuck, I would never be able to rid my mind of that god awful visual. Bitch had power over me – power over the people I cared most about. For their sakes, I held my tongue. I kept my mouth shut, but I wouldn’t forget.
I couldn't enjoy myself, not now, and it was all his sister's fucking fault.
I needed to get out of this place and fast.
Jesus Christ, what diabetic person forgot something so damn crucial to their wellbeing as insulin?
Who did that?
Adriana, apparently, and I was burning mad at her for it.
She didn't get it.
She didn't fucking understand how crushed her brother would be if anything happened to her.
How crushed I would be.
The girl was so damn selfish.
"Alright, I'll see you tomorrow," Jackson called out before disappearing down the corridor with an almost naked Janine at his side.
I was this close to losing it and I needed an out.
My truck provided me with that.
As soon as I turned the key in the ignition and the old Chevy engine roared to life, I felt some of my sanity return.
Slinging my truck into reverse, I looked out the back window.
My gaze landed on her bedroom and I found myself wondering if I should leave.
Was she okay?
Should I stay?
We weren't kids anymore and touching her body like that, seeing her exposed…it wasn't good for me.
I couldn't handle being that close to her; I wasn't strong enough and I couldn't fuck up my friendship with Jackson. Not more than I already had…not that Jackson knew.
Messing this up again was not an option.
Hell, maybe I should stay and make out with Dallas?
I could work out this pent up frustration with her…
"Fuck!" Slamming my hand on the wheel, I cursed loudly and shifted into first gear before pulling off.
She wasn't my problem.
I needed to remember that.
My heart was still thudding hard with regret and unease when I pulled up outside our trailer.
The light was still on which meant my mother was still up and drinking herself into a stupor.
Killing the engine, I sat silently with my thoughts for a long time.
The image of Adriana's small, heart shaped face looking up at me with those big blue eyes full of sadness and that blonde pillow of snow white hair that fell to her waistline…
"You're always mad at me."
Her words had cut me deep.
Goddammit, from the very first moment I saw her, I knew, I just knew that she was going to take me down. I'd been struck fucking dumb by that girl when I was six years old and overtime, my feelings for her had only grown and deepened into this…obsession.
This pathetic fucking infatuation with my best friend's sister.
It hadn't seemed to matter when we were kids.
Back then, I didn't understand breeding, or my place in the world.
At eight, I didn't have the comprehension to understand why the bastard son of a drunk wouldn't be good enough for the only daughter of a high profile lawyer and his thoroughbred wife.
Back then, I loved Adriana like I loved Jackson.
As a friend.
Someone to take care of, to look out for.
She always made me smile with her sweet, fragile disposition.
She was kind and good and smelled like freshly cut grass.
As the years passed, I grew more protective, more territorial of her. I began to suffer jealously pangs when she talked to other boys. And then I got into fights with those boys when they talked about her in ways I didn't like.
She grew up and she turned into more than I could handle. She grew into her curves and that hair… Christ, that almost white-blonde hair of hers was something else. I'd never seen a girl like Andi before. Her growing up started a crazy burst of hormones inside of me.
I'd never been so fucking stunned as the day I experienced my first hard on. I was thirteen, and it was the first time I'd seen Andi in a bikini.
With my eyes glued to the small breasts that she seemed to have had sprouted overnight, I remembered feeling a hot, pleasurable feeling course through my groin.
Mortified and confused, I'd slipped out of the Davis's swimming pool and ran the four miles' home to my mother, who, with her latest boyfriend, had laughed and mocked me to tears.
My older sister, Kim, who was still bringing me food at night back then, had stopped by and explained it to me, and I remembered feeling fucking horrified.
That night, after some persuasion, I came hard to the image of Andi.
After that, everything changed.
Her father watched us more carefully.
And then, one Saturday morning, her dick of a father had the talk with me. Letting me know that while he was fond of me, I was now and never would be good enough for his daughter. And if I had any illusions of romance then I needed to think again because it wasn't happening. His daughter wouldn't be caught dead dating a boy from Riverside.
Like he could fucking talk.
After that day, I stayed away from Andi.
I forced myself to ignore her and it all but killed me, but nothing I seemed to do made those feelings go away.
I tried being mean. I tried being cruel. Hell, I point blank ignored her at school, and got myself involved with Dallas fucking Holloway to keep myself in check.
But tonight, seeing Andi vulnerable and needy, fuck it triggered something inside of me.
Something I needed to keep buried.
I couldn't
risk my friendship with Jackson for a girl. A fucking girl. What the hell was wrong with me? I'd know this kid since she was in diapers chasing after us.
I'd picked her up when she fell and stood up for her in the playground when a couple of dicks from the trailer park picked on her.
She was like a sister to me.
I shouldn't be contemplating having a relationship with her.
It would never work.
I had one more year of school and then I'd be gone. Getting the hell out of this place was the only thing that kept me going most nights. As soon as I was done with high school, I was hitting the road.
Andi was a grade below me and would more than likely be heading off to one of those Ivy League colleges her father was always bragging about when she graduated. She'd grow up and become a doctor or a lawyer… something good. Something important.
I wouldn't.
Wherever I ended up, it would be in a trailer somewhere, hoping to god I made enough each week to cover the bills.
Girls like Adriana Davis weren't meant for guys like me.
****
Nate
When Jackson left on a pre-party beer run, I tried one more time to persuade Andi that her going to the party was a terrible fucking idea. Stalking down the hallway, I banged on her bedroom door before letting myself inside.
The sound of running water came from the ensuite bathroom and I cringed. Christ, she was in there, naked and sudsy. Instantly, I was hard as rock. How the hell was I going to cope tonight?
I could hardly deal with the looks she got at school and that was in a controlled environment. Knowing she would be leered on by half our school tonight caused the jealousy inside of me to roar its ugly head. My gaze honed in on the beige colored dress lying on her bed and I balked.
No fucking way was she wearing that...
"Nate?" Andi squealed, suddenly appearing from the bathroom, wrapped in the tiniest goddamn towel I'd ever seen. "What are you doing?" Her gaze flickered from my face to the dress I was holding.
"You're not going out in this," I told her, tightening my hold on the scrap of material in my hand. "Find something else, or better still, don’t come."
Hurt and confusion encompassed her features and I internally cringed. I could never get it right with this girl. "But you asked me… I thought you wanted me to be your fake girlfriend?" she whispered, jutting out her dainty chin.
"Actually, that was Jackson's idea," I countered. "And a horrible one at that." I didn’t want to see this girl come to any harm. Dallas was a viper. If she felt threatened, she would be out for Andi's blood. "Just forget it and stay at home tonight, okay?"
"No." Her blue eyes were crystal clear and locked on my face. Her whitish blonde hair was drenched and sticking to her body like a blanket. She was so damn pretty it caused me physical pain. "I told Jackson I would, and I will. I'm going tonight and you can't stop me."
I could think of a million ways to stop her and every one of those ways ended with me on top of her. Shaking my head to clear my perverted thoughts, I glared. "You know if he finds out, Jackson will get the brunt of it. You don’t belong at those parties, Andi. So just stay away."
Andi flinched like I had struck her, and in a way, I had with my words.
"Why can't you just accept me?" she demanded, blue eyes blazing with emotion. "Why do you always have to push me away, Nathan?" She took a step towards me. "We were friends for so long!" Her voice was trembling, but she continued to walk towards me. "And now you act like you can't stand to be near me. Why, huh? Why don’t you want to be near me?"
Because I'm in love with you, I wanted to scream at her, and I'm not allowed to be!
It was a cruel fucking existence; loving the one girl I couldn’t have.
She was off limits to me.
Nothing I did in this lifetime would amount to enough to be worthy of her.
I knew it…but it didn’t stop me from wanting her.
Bad.
Real fucking bad.
Why the fuck couldn't she realize that?
****
Nate
I wasn't proud of the way I had treated Andi.
I'd fucked my best friend's little sister.
Taken her hard and rough…and ripped her virginity away.
Christ, I knew what I needed to do now.
I needed to stay the hell away from her… but I couldn’t.
Because she was always there.
It was like she wanted to be a part of my personal breakdown. I couldn't stop the attraction. It was fucking heady and I wasn't strong enough to deny her.
Adriana got under my skin. She affected me like no else before her. And I was fairly fucking certain no one ever would again.
I was far from perfect and she knew it. It was in my genes. A genetic dickhead mutation.
I was me and she was perfect…
With my headphones on, volume pumped to the max, I ran. I ran until I felt like puking, and then I ran harder. Hoping I could shed the skin of my past life, praying I could rid myself of the label I had been carrying around since infancy.
But fuck me if I wasn't taking a risk. I was risking it all for a girl I wasn't sure felt for me what I did for her. It was obsession, a desperation to be with her. Nothing less would do.
From as far back as I could remember, I'd been obsessed with her.
She was different and good and nothing like I'd ever known before. She smelled so damn nice and kept herself pristine. I wasn't used to girls like her.
Good girls.
Rich girls.
This wasn't physical for me. When it came to Andi, it was an all or nothing situation. I wasn't sharing. I wasn't giving her up either.
I wanted her to know that this meant more to me than that. That she meant everything to me. The thought of Andi thinking that she was like any other girl to me caused me physical pain.
Most guys from Riverside never got a scent of a girl from Spring Hill, let alone the feel of being inside her.
I had.
I was the unlucky one, though, because now I had to pretend it never happened and force those beautiful fucking memories from the fore point of my mind.
It was cruelty.
It was fucking torture.
I knew I was jeopardizing a lifelong friendship by sneaking around with Jackson's beloved sister, but I couldn't stop myself. Nothing seemed to be bad enough to make me want to – or make me even consider it an option.
I knew I wasn't good enough for her.
I also knew she would lay on her back for me in a heartbeat.
Thing was, I didn’t just want her on her back.
I wanted all of her.
I wanted her so fucking much.
Jesus…
Problem was, if she ever found out the truth… If she ever discovered what I did – what I had to do – she would run a mile…
Acknowledgments
I have a heap of people who, without their support and encouragement, I simply could not do what I do.
Firstly, I want to thank my readers for their endless support and encouragement. This is my fourteenth book and without you guys in my corner, I know there simply wouldn’t be a book. You guys pick me up when I'm down and help me dust myself off when I take a spill in this crazy, beautiful book world. It's been almost three years since I published my first book, and I have made the best of friends in you guys. I love the bones of you all and I appreciate everything you do for me.
My babies: Ava and Darragh. My world. I write these books for you guys. I work all these crazy hours because I want to change the world for you guys. I love you both up to the sky and back again.
I hope Mammy is making you proud.
My husband, John, who has to be the best husband in the world. You're always there for me. Backing me up when I need it, and supporting me when on my low days. You're the love of my life and none of these romances would exist had I not found you. So thank you, Walshy. For loving me. And sticking in there when times get
tough. I guess, just thank you for having the same goals as me.
Mam, Dad, Sinead, Granda Frank, Aunty, John Payne; I love you guys. You all had a hand in raising me and I can only hope that I am doing you guys proud.
Aleesha Davis: my go to girl and the best editor anybody could ask for. We've been working together a while now, girlie, and I can safely say that you were my best decision. You somehow cope with my daft ways and crazy deadlines. You're always there for me and you always make me feel like I'm a priority. I value our business relationship and friendship more than you know. So thank you.
I love each and every one of my nieces and nephews equally, but I would like mention my oldest niece Jennifer.
Jen, I am so proud of you and the wonderful person you are becoming. You're so unbelievably talented and I want you to know that. I can't wait for the day you start illustrating my books for me. I have no doubt that you will. I am so proud of you and honored to call you my niece.
I also want to mention the wonderful authors I have met and befriended on this journey. Nikki Ashton, Nicole Goodin, Danielle Taylor, J.A Collard, Rachael Tonks, Aoife Marie Sheridan, J.L Ostle, Louisa Nixon, Heather Anne, Laura McHale, and Lucia Grace. I love the friendships we have created through our love of the written word. Thank you for being my friend.
Chloe xx
About the author
Chloe Walsh is a twenty-seven-year-old wife and mother of two from County Cork in the south of Ireland. The youngest of five children, reading and writing was her escape as a child.
In January 2014, she started to write about a cocky, self-assured man named Kyle Carter, and five weeks later, on Valentine’s Day 2014, she self-published her debut novel, Break my Fall, for a handful of friends who had called over for tea, read bits and pieces of Kyle, and wanted to read the story on their E-readers rather than printed sheets.