“I called ye by the familiar name I had for ye, and my brothers told me of yer repute.”
“Is that so?”
The deepening red color of her cheeks was endearing. He’d never pressed her about speaking of anything that made her uncomfortable, but seeing as how this involved him, he wanted to persist.
“Yes.”
She squeaked that last word, which had him grinning. Her eyes narrowed on his cheeks.
“What is it?” he asked. When she didn’t respond, he added, “What has caught yer attention?”
She raised her hand cautiously, and touched the indent in his cheek.
“Ye’ve the most handsome dimples.”
He laughed. “D’ye nay notice before?”
Katie smiled at him. “Ye rarely smile, James. ‘Tis quite comely, yer dimples.”
Katie’s gaze returned to his eyes that continued to be alight with humor. She removed her fingertips and he immediately felt their absence.
Being touched by Katie Ramsay was the most pleasurable of feelings.
“So, respond to my question then,” James continued, not taking his fingers away from her chin. “What is the familiar name ye have for me.”
She groaned and he found it most endearing.
“Sweet James.”
Katie looked quickly up at him to see his reaction. The smile on his face dissolved and his eyes rounded in surprised horror.
“Lass. Ye just said ye were told of my repute.”
“Aye. And they also told me of yer other names. The Manslayer and Blackheart.”
James withdrew his hand and Katie was now the one feeling bereft.
“Does that alarm ye?”
His eyes were troubled as he waited for her answer.
“Nay.”
“Does that make ye frightened of me?”
Her whisper was louder. “Nay.”
He paused for a bit. “D’ye believe me a bad mon?”
Her voice shook with confidence. “Nay.”
“D’ye still believe me to possess those qualities ye mentioned about me earlier?”
Her hand reached out but she let it fall limp to her side.
“Aye.”
James stepped closer to her and she moved closer to him.
“Ye are all of those fine qualities, James Menzies. Aside from my father and brothers, ye’re the best man I’ve ever known.”
He brought his palm to her cheek and rested it there as he looked into her eyes. The moment grew intimate as all noises faded.
The birds ceased chirping.
The rustling leaves quieted.
The silence of the moment grew and enfolded them in its embrace.
“No finer words have ever been said to me, Katherynne Ramsay.”
Katie lifted her palm to his cheek and stepped closer into his warmth.
“That is certainly a shame, James Menzies, for a fine man ye are.”
He watched her carefully as his head descended towards hers. His gaze grew questioning as his lips neared hers, and her nod was nearly imperceptible.
But he saw it.
And his lips touched hers.
Gently.
Timidly.
So as to not frighten the delicate bird before him.
They stared at one another as their lips moved against the other’s. Katie moved closer to him and sunk her hands into the hair at his nape.
James caressed his nose against hers as he moved his lips over hers. He slowly slid one arm around her waist and sunk the palm of the other hand into her glorious hair.
And still their gazes remained fastened to the other’s.
When Katie’s eyes began glowing with light tears, James pulled back only slightly, letting his nose touch hers.
“Tell me those are good tears.”
Her smile was shy.
“Aye.” Her answering whisper was as soft and delicate as her skin. “The happiest of tears.”
James’ dimples reappeared, causing Katie’s smile to deepen.
“Truly, lass? Sweet? Ye couldna have had another less gentle name? I am anything but.”
She laughed. “I disagree.”
He touched his lips to hers again in a tender and quick kiss.
“Was that yer first kiss, lass?”
“Aye, if ye doona count the slobbery wet mess Hamish snuck on me when we were ten and two.”
James laughed and said, “Is this Hamish someone for me to worry about?”
Katie giggled. “Nay.” She looked at him. “Did it please ye?”
His thumb caressed her cheek. “My lips have never touched anything sweeter, mo stòr.”
Her uncertainty vanished and she gifted him with a smile.
“Shall we begin?”
Katie nodded and waited for James.
“The most sensitive place on a man’s body is his…”
James was at a loss. How did he approach this with her? It was an intimate thing to say and she’d been through a harrowing event.
“I understand, James.”
He shook his head. “I’m nay a gentleman, lass. I’m a red and hot-blooded Highlander with a foul mouth.”
“Ye’ve been a gentleman with me. Just say what ye’d call it if I wasna around. I’ll remind ye that I have three older brothers and I’ve heard every possible variation at least once.”
James sighed and rubbed his eyes.
“Bollocks.”
Katie smiled. “That wasna difficult, now was it?”
His grunt made her laugh.
“The first opportunity ye have, ye hit or kick a man there, lass. Hard, without hesitance.”
“Should I demonstrate it now for ye?”
His lips twisted as he looked at her teasing smile.
“Be ever so careful, lass. I would like to have bairns one day.”
The smile that Katie had shared slowly disappeared on her face replaced by an emotion James was unable to discern.
“Katie?”
She looked away as her heart began beating again.
How foolish she was. She’d forgotten, or rather, she’d ignored, the fact that a man like James would want a future with a wife and bairns.
And she didn’t think she’d ever be able to provide that for a man. Yes, she’d become accustomed to his light touches. They’d even kissed now.
But she wasn’t so delusional as to expect that she could be intimate with a man. If she couldn’t be so, then there would be no man that would want her.
Including the handsome, wonderful man before her.
What a fantasy she’d been living in.
His comment placed her feet firmly on the ground because they’d been slowly rising towards unattainable dreams in the clouds.
“Let us begin then,” she said quite soberly.
James’ eyebrows furled. “Are ye feeling well, lass?”
“Aye. Let us begin, please. I was taken away for the moment by my stray thoughts.”
“As ye wish, Kate.”
Not Katie.
He obviously sensed the different mood in the air between them.
James proceeded with their lesson, and they parted ways once the instruction was complete.
It had left James confused as to what exactly was transpiring in that head of hers.
Chapter Five
“James, Father’s messenger arrived nay long ago.”
James’ steps slowed as he neared Maddie.
“Is there something amiss?”
She shrugged but there was worry in her eyes.
“I’m nay sure. I didn’t open your message but the messenger said that it was most urgent that you read it.”
It always struck him how his sister had an English accent while he had a strong Scottish burr. Very opposite, in that they were, but they both had the Menzies dark hair and golden eyes.
And though he’d only known her for a short while, he loved her as if he’d known her all of his life.
James took the message from her and cracked the
seal. Reading it slowly, he looked up as Connor walked in.
“Father requests my return immediately.”
Katie walked in just as he said those words.
“Then I suppose ye’ll nay be having instruction today with Katie.”
James’ gaze moved from Katie to Connor when he responded.
“Aye, we will. It can wait. Katie and I have an important lesson today.”
Katie hesitated but moved forward anyway.
“Yer father may have an urgent matter, James. Our instruction can wait.”
James shook his head. “Nay, Katie. It canna. Let us go. The sooner we begin, the sooner I may leave to assist Father.”
Maddie stepped forward.
“Has Father taken ill?”
James moved to calm his worried sister. “Nay, lass. He’s well. Clan matters require my presence, ‘tis all.”
Maddie nodded and watched as James motioned for Katie to follow.
A week had passed since the day when Katie’s mood had turned. She was serious now, and at times had a sharp tongue. There were instances when she was difficult and snappy.
He wanted to say that he disliked it, but he didn’t. He had an appreciation for her spirit.
Once they reached their area, James watched her.
“I have to leave, lass. I doona know for how long. Let us make this instruction memorable and fruitful.”
“Doona stay for my part, James. Ye’ve done well in my teachings and I’ve learned much.” Her face softened. “I thank ye for all that ye’ve taught and given to me.”
He shook his head and sighed.
“What is it, Katie? For a week ye’ve been aloof, indifferent even.”
“‘Tis nothing, James. Let us begin the instruction.”
He sighed in frustration. “Verra well. This is our last instruction. Trust.”
She crossed her arms. “It’s all ye’ve been teaching me, James. What else remains?”
“The most important component of all- blind, unencumbered, complete trust.”
Katie threw her hands in the air. “Alright then. Let us get on with it.”
They had not kissed since that day, although the urge had been present in both.
“Kate, I want ye to remain with yer eyes closed. Ye will stand here.”
She looked around wearily but nodded. Straightening and looking forward, she closed her eyes.
He spoke from behind her.
“I want ye to fall backwards.”
Her eyes opened and she turned to where she heard him speaking.
He grinned. “Fall back, lass. I will always be here to catch ye.”
Katie turned back around, her heart beating quickly at his words and the attractive grin on his face.
“When ye’re willing, lass.”
Katie attempted to have faith and fall back, but her body refused to comply.
“I canna. Mayhap another day.”
She turned to him again but could only meet his eyes for a moment.
“Ye’ve nay learned trust then, lass.”
Her gaze quickly returned to his. “I trust ye, James. I do…”
She let her voice trail.
“Then we are finished for now, for if ye doona have faith and trust in me that I will catch ye, ye are nay yet able to master the last skill of our instruction.”
She crossed her arms and rolled her eyes.
“James, let us complete this. We doona know how long ye will be gone. Let us attempt your remaining instruction.”
He shook his head before retrieving his sword where he’d tossed it on the ground so as not to injure her during their lesson. He sheathed the sword and looked up at her.
“Nay.”
“Quit approaching me as if I am a scared deer or broken pot. I am neither, James! I would see this through now and know for certain how I’d fair.”
He clenched his jaw and thought about her words. She wasn’t yet where she needed to be to endure the last of the teachings. It may do her more harm than good.
“Nay. ‘Tis for yer own good.”
“I grow so weary of men telling me what I can and canna do, where I can and canna go. This patriarchal structure does nothing for women other than to serve to keep them from being who they are meant to be.”
“And who are ye meant to be, lass?”
“A survivor.” Her voice shook. “A fighter. So that no man will ever do to me again what has already been done.”
He studied her, his jaw working back and forth.
“This could scare ye at best, and make ye feel terror at its worst.”
Taken aback, she was silent for a few moments.
“I’d like to try all the same.”
He nodded. “I want ye to think upon all that ye’ve learned, and employ it all against me without hesitance, Kate. D’ye understand? Without fear of hurting me. Trust that I have the ability to keep myself guarded. Have trust in yerself that ye can protect yerself.”
Eyebrows furled, she nodded. “I understand.”
There was hesitance in his nod. He could see that she was a bit scared. Damn this to hell. He didn’t believe she was equipped for this next trial.
“Fine then. Close yer eyes and stand where ye are.”
Her eyes showed her uncertainty, but she nodded.
“Stand with yer eyes closed. Ye need to employ all that I’ve taught ye. Ye understand, Kate?”
She nodded again, mouth dry. Katie stood waiting. When she was tempted to open her eyes, hard bands of muscle locked themselves around her upper body.
One hand covered her mouth.
Panic seized her. Every thought deserted her as her racing heart caused her head to swim.
“Keep quiet.”
The words whispered to her ear returned her to a time she never wanted to revisit.
Katie’s breath was becoming too fast for her lungs and she couldn’t hold onto a thought. She moaned a scream and struggled to free herself but was unable to. She began flailing with her legs and managed to free her mouth by biting his hand.
“Kate…”
“Let me go!”
Fear seized in his chest as he realized that she was not there with him.
Nay.
She was reliving her ordeal.
The rape.
“Let me go… let me go…”
She kept chanting the phrase with her eyes closed.
“My brothers will kill ye all!”
Ye all?
He knew there had been more than one brother there, but he’d been led to believe that only one had raped her.
Had more than one…
He swallowed, finding his tongue immobile and throat dry.
…violated her?
The possibility threw his mind into a whirl.
“Let me go!”
She was fighting, using some of the methods he’d taught her, but her panic made her movements sloppy and uncoordinated.
He let her go from shock but made certain she landed on her feet.
“Nay. I willna allow ye three to do this to me again!”
She growled those words and they culminated into a yell. She made to move but tripped and fell. She quickly rose to her feet again.
James looked everywhere but at her. His senses were overwhelmed. His head was spinning like a child’s toy.
All three?
Why had Connor nay told him?
Did Connor even know?
Eyes that were widened by horror settled on Katie, who stood there with reddened and wet cheeks.
Her shaking hands covered her mouth as she looked at him with rounded, pained eyes.
“Oh God.”
She couldn’t catch her breath and she fell to her knees. Panic seized her mind.
She’d revealed her secret.
Eyes heavy with fear looked up at James.
“Ye mustna tell Connor. None of them.”
She tried to regain her breath through her panting.
He tried to calm his racing hear
t and catch his pained breath. He, too, panted as if he’d just run a great distance.
It was as if someone had kicked him in his chest and winded him.
“Please, James.”
Her voice was a soft squeak, reflecting the tenuous hold she had over her emotions. Her beautiful voice held none of its melody. It was fearful and halting. She choked on her words as the tears ran down her red cheeks.
“Please, please, James.” Her sobs broke him. “Ye canna tell my family.”
She looked down in defeat. Her whole body shook.
James landed on his knees before her. Her head moved back and her gaze found his.
She looked lost.
“I’ve never said that aloud.”
Her words were a mere whisper.
“Why, lass?”
She closed her eyes and cried a moment before responding.
“My family. They’d suffered enough believing it had only been one. I couldna imagine how they’d be if they knew it had been all three.”
Her voice cracked at the last word. James reached out and brought her into the fold of his arms. He took her hand and placed it over his heart.
“Breathe, lass. There ye are. Feel and listen to my heart.”
Katie clung to him as she cried into his chest.
“Maddie.”
“What about her, lass?”
“I had to consider her. The guilt she felt? I couldna make it thrice as bad.”
He sighed into her hair and inhaled, the delicate scent pleasurably flitting through his nose, providing him with a small measure of calmness.
“And so ye kept this to yerself all this time lass, and bit by bit it has been weighing upon ye?”
He passed his hand gently down her back enjoying the feel of her.
Katie nodded.
“There were three of them. Maddie’s brothers. All three of them… violated me.”
Her breath was uneven.
So was his.
It took every bit of discipline within him to keep from leaving at that moment to seek revenge.
For her.
For Maddie.
But James knew that Katie needed more at that moment. She’d harbored this terrible secret all this time and dealt with the emotional turmoil alone.
“I will protect ye lass. Now and always.”
“Ye canna always be with me, James.”
The hell he couldn’t.
“Which is why I wanted to instruct ye on defense, lass.”
The Highlander Who Loved Me (Heart of a Highlander Collection Book 4) Page 3