by Alyne Robers
"Baby, I will take anything you will give me."
I tell Kane about growing up with my sister and Miles. I leave out the stories of my father and focus on the good. I realize the bond my sister and I share can't be broken. There is nothing that will come between us, and I start to relax in his arms. Kane is quiet and lets me talk until my eyelids get heavy.
"Let me drive you home," Kane finally says. "I'll bring you for your car tomorrow."
"Thank you," I say as he helps me up. "Not just for the ride, but for listening when I had no one else to turn to."
"Anytime, London." He leans down and takes my cold lips in a kiss that quickly warms me up.
My hands thread in his hair and our bodies press together like magnets. My heart pounds and comes alive. His tongue touches mine and I'm no longer tired. I forget the cold and the late hour until Kane pulls away.
"Don't start that now. I'm trying to be a gentleman tonight."
I pout, but he nips my lip and pulls me down the catwalk. My hand feels like it belongs in his. Miles may love Brooklyn more than me, but I'm okay with that. I don't need his love or protection. I found it for myself. With the light of Kane's phone, we find our way out of the marina.
TWENTY-FOUR
Brooklyn
Her screams pierce through the night. My eyes fly open automatically, and I'm on my feet without thought. London is sitting up in her bed, panting and trembling.
"It's okay," I whisper as I crawl in the bed next to her.
My arm wraps around her shaking shoulders and I pull her close, hating how scared she is from something I can't stop.
"The same nightmare?" I ask.
"Yep. Same thing."
Silence fills the air as she tries to calm down.
"You gonna tell me about them? Maybe that will help."
I'm not surprised when she shakes her head. She never tells me no matter how many times they haunt her. She might think she is protecting me from her ghosts, but she has no idea how badly it hurts to see her fight alone. If I could step inside her mind for one night and put an end to this, I would in a heartbeat. Only she won't let me in.
"It's fine. Just the stress."
I roll my eyes at the excuse. The nightmares started when we moved here. She would say it was the stress of moving, or starting up her photography, or paying the bills. I didn't buy them then and I really don't now.
"When did we start lying to each other?" I ask.
I feel London stiffen. She knows I'm not talking about the dreams anymore. She sighs and leans against the headboard. I follow, letting the silence fill up the empty space between us. This would be the moment to tell her about Miles, but I keep my mouth shut. The secrets in the corner grow.
"Did he ruin us?"
"Probably."
I wondered that myself many times in my life. Maybe we stayed to long, letting him suck out all of our happiness before leaving us dry. Maybe we ran too late, unable to be anyone other than the spawn of a hateful drunk. Maybe the need to survive made London a better person and me a selfish bitch.
My sister's warm hand touches mine. I lift my hand and press my palm to hers. Our fingers line up perfectly. I sigh at the connection.
It's our way of holding hands. We've done for all of our lives, I suppose. It was a way to say we were together and inseparable. Nights huddled in the closet together, vicious storms, or hiding in the tree house were better because we weren't alone. Never alone.
"I'll tell you. When I'm ready to talk about it," she whispers.
I don't know if she is talking about the dreams or everything else she's hiding. It hurts she won't let me in but, I hold back. If London is going to take care of herself for once, I won't stop her.
"I've got your back either way," I tell her, pressing my palm to hers forcefully. "Forever."
"I know." London reaches over and pulls me into a tight hug. My heart aches for some reason when she pulls away.
Neither one us is able to go to sleep after, so we get up and ready for the day. The sun is peeking over the hazy skyline. I take the chance to run the empty streets alone. With the air still cool and the city still asleep, I run faster than ever. Every pound on the pavement feels like a punch to the world that's been unfair to us. I attack the ground with my feet for as long as I can.
When I come home, London is already gone. Her camera equipment is gone too, so she must be working. Exhausted, I shower and massage my sore legs. I don't bother getting dressed as the day is finally hot and humid. Naked, I flop in my bed and let the exhaustion take me under.
I wake to up to arguing. It's a change to London's screaming, but it's not welcome. I hear the rumble of Miles's deep voice. I haven't seen him since the other night when he slept over. I debate just staying in bed and ignoring whatever is going out there. When another deep voice joins, my eyes shoot open.
"Shit," I hiss while I get up to throw on a hoodie and sweatpants.
I press my ear to the door and listen before heading out to the battlefield.
"I told you to leave them alone," I hear Miles say.
"Who the fuck are you to tell me what to do?" Kane throws back. "Where is she?"
"Leave. Now."
I swing open the bedroom door and find the two men in the doorway, fists clenched and shoulders tense.
"What the hell is going on out here?" I ask.
"Kane was just leaving," Miles says through clenched teeth.
"I'm not going anywhere."
The men stare each other down. This could get out of hand very quickly. I quickly cross the room and grab Miles by the arm, pulling him away from Kane.
"It's okay," I tell him. I turn to Kane. "I don't really want to see you though, so you can go."
He laughs and it grates my nerves. It's sarcastic and harsh, not a laugh of amusement.
"I'm not here for you. I'm here for London."
"London?" Miles and I say at the same time. Every muscle in Miles's body gets rigid when her name falls from Kane's lips.
"Why?" Miles asks.
Kane looks between me and Miles. His eyes fall on the way I'm holding his hand and I see the flash of understanding.
"Why do you care?" Kane asks. "Seem like you should have your hands full with this one."
I tug Miles back when I feel him ready to take a swing.
"Kane, cut the shit," I say. "What do you want with my sister?"
He glares at me but answers anyway.
"I told her I would take her to her car. We left it somewhere last night and I drove her home."
"Why were you with London?" Miles asks the question on my mind.
The silence speaks louder than words. I know what he's not saying. I can tell from the gleam in his eye and the smirk he is trying to hide.
It all starts to connect in my mind and make sense. The change in her, the men's jacket and the strange silence between us. Of course he was at the wedding. I finally see what she's been hiding from me.
I'm momentarily shocked, and I miss Miles's arm pulling away from me. His fists connects with Kane's jaw. I jump back as Kane swings back and pushes Miles to the wall, pinning him there with an arm across the neck.
"Stop!" my voice pushes through the heavy haze of anger and the men pause.
"I just came for London," Kane says. "I don't want trouble."
Kane pushes off Miles and they glare at each other. I stand between them to keep them from going at it again.
"You and London?" I ask Kane. I can't hide the hurt in my voice. It's not just because he was with her after me, or maybe even at the same time. It's because I didn't know. There are so many questions running through my mind.
In all my life, I didn't think there was anything I didn't know about London. I knew there were secrets between us lately, but I had hoped I was wrong. I was starting to think they were only my secrets and I was overreacting. I didn't want to see the devastating crack in our bond.
"Don't look at me like we betrayed you. What about you and Miles?"
/>
"What about us?" I ask, knowing what he means but needing to ask anyway.
"Brooklyn, don't play dumb when we all know you aren't." Kane's words are harsh but true.
"I told you to stay away from London," Miles hisses.
"Why? So you can have her to yourself?"
Those words send a spear of pain through my heart.
"No, asshole. You will only hurt her," Miles argues, looking ready to throw another punch.
"I wasn't the one who hurt her. I think you two did that on your own."
"You don't know shit," Miles growls.
"I found her drinking by herself yesterday after she learned about you two."
"What?" I look to Miles who tries to avoid my stare.
"She saw me coming from your room," he admits. "She didn't seem upset though."
My skin crawls with a sickening feeling. Something isn't right. I can feel it in the air. I feel it in my DNA that's linked with hers. I felt the same when Dad would come home late some nights looking for someone to take out his anger and hate on. Miles looks at me and I know that I'm cracking.
"She lied to me. I lied to her," I whisper, backing away from the two men that are crashing through our world.
"Brooklyn," Miles starts toward me.
"Don't you see? This will ruin us. We are all each other has and we can't make it together with this between us."
The lies and secrets are finally in the shape of a wall. I can't get around it or through it. It's made of stolen moments with Kane and Miles. But it means so much more than that. It means we are drifting apart. Our bond that kept us glued together is breaking. The fear of being alone or without London is my biggest fear.
"Brooklyn. Please."
"I need you both to leave."
My words cut like a sword in the air. My voice cold and low. Two pair stare at me with concern.
"No," Miles says, coming for me.
"Go," I growl.
"No. Brooklyn, don't you dare fucking shut me out."
Miles clears the distance and grips my face between his warm hands. I'm forced to look into his familiar green eyes that I could get lost in.
"Don't push me out. Don't you dare."
I try to shake my head but I can't with Miles's hold. Tears start to well and I blink, letting one tear fall. I see the pain in his eyes to see me cry.
"She is my other half. We never lied to each other before you two."
"Brooklyn, stay with me," Miles begs. "Don't shut me out."
My heart cracks at his desperation.
"I love you," he says, full of conviction and passion. He looks at me the way I always wanted a man to. With unconditional and unwavering love. Adoration. Loyalty.
"I love you. Always. From the moment I saw you, I knew I would be with you forever. We belong together," he says, voice cracking with emotion.
It's everything I've ever needed or wanted but it came with a price. The unbreakable bond that has withstood a quarter of a century has cracked. It was weakened by the two men standing in this apartment.
"I need you two to leave, please." Another tear falls down my cheek.
Kane slowly backs out of the apartment. Miles drops his hands from my face. I see the hurt and defeat take over his whole body. My heart breaks that I am the one to do this to him. But the fear of losing the only person I ever loved completely has me shutting down. I do the thing I am best at.
I run.
And I hate myself for it.
TWENTY-FIVE
London
"This isn't the safest place to leave your car, miss" the cab driver offers as we pull up next to my Jeep.
The marina is deserted, as it should be. I pay the man and thank him before getting out. The driver waits until I'm in the car and start it up before he finally pulls away. I smile at the stranger's concern over me.
I feel a pang of homesickness. Back home, everyone knew us. Everyone knew our names and our business. Most of the time it was annoying. Like the time that Brooklyn got her first hickey, or when I crashed my bike down by the river. People talked.
But there were moments when it felt like someone, other than Miles's mom, actually cared. Mrs. Walker was there whenever we needed a parent figure in our life. She walked us through puberty and our teenage years. I feel guilty when I think about leaving her behind.
I don't know how long I drive around aimlessly but I eventually find myself back at the apartment. I pause with my key in the lock. I don't want to go inside. I'll either be alone or forced to face the awkwardness with Brooklyn. I know I can't tell her one more lie. Next question she asks, I'll crack and spill every truth I haven't told her.
I'll tell her how I slept with Kane even though she liked him enough to push him away. I'll admit that I feel betrayed that she and Miles have a different relationship with each other than I do with him. I would even tell her that, every day, I worry that we will never find ourselves. My fear is that we really are lost if we aren't desperately trying to balance each other out. I will cry when I tell her that I will never be the person I wish to be.
I pull the key away and slip it in my back pocket. I glance down the hall to Kane's door. My feet have me standing in front of it without thought and then I'm knocking. The door swings open and Kane is standing there, shirtless with his jeans hanging low.
"London," he breathes.
"Can I come in?" I ask, trying hard not to stare at his wide chest.
"Of course."
Kane ushers me with a hand on my lower back. I turn around to speak but my words are swallowed up when he takes my mouth in a hard kiss. My hands land on his tight stomach and I spread my fingers over the warm skin.
Kane holds the back of my head as he deepens the kiss. His tongue tastes tentatively, like he doesn't want to miss anything. His lips move against mine gently and I moan softly. He's kissing me like he hasn't seen me in days, or even weeks. He's kissing me like he thought he would never see me again.
This isn't a kiss of lust. There's a hint of something else mixed in but I can't identify it. His phone rings but he ignores it. We finally break apart when I sway on my feet and he needs to steady me.
"I'm glad you came," he says, his words brushing over my lips.
"Me too."
His phone rings again and Kane brushes my hair out of my face, looking down at me.
"You gonna get that?" I ask.
He sighs and gives me another quick kiss on the forehead.
"Wait here. I'll be right back."
Kane grabs his phone and a shirt before slipping out to the hall to take the phone call. I hear his muffled voice outside.
His apartment is scarce like the last time I saw it, but it's missing the coffee table. I cringe when I remember why it's no longer there. I walk over to his desk because it seems to be the only area he uses in the apartment. There are books, papers, and a camera spread out around the computer. A photograph of him with his family sits in a frame in the corner of the mess.
I pick it up and smile remembering his family and the way they loved Amanda like she was one of their own. I put it down, bitter that I may never have that. If I were to get married, would I have someone to give me away? When I put the frame down, my eye is caught by something familiar. Something I have seen so many times in my years growing up that I immediately recognize the piece of paper just from a few letters in the top corner.
I slide the check out from under the pages and read the name and address in the corner over and over again.
Melinda Walker.
Miles's mom wrote us checks over the years. For utilities once they got turned off. School field trips. I would recognize the designs of apple pies and red checkered print anywhere. Without a doubt, I'm holding a check that Mrs. Walker made out to Kane for five hundred dollars.
Was Kane was investigating us this whole time? Why else would he be receiving a check from her? Is that the reason he pursued me? Or Brooklyn first? All those questions he asked made me think he might actually care but
he was digging for info. We were just a job to him.
My fingers let go and the check floats down, landing softly on the desk. A tremble starts in my knees and takes over my whole body. The laptop screen is bright with his messenger up on the screen. I know I shouldn't look. I know that it will wreck me just like seeing the check did, but I lean over and read them anyways.
I haven't found them yet.
It's been weeks. It's important I find them right away.
The number is from a Tennessee area code. If this is Mrs. Walker, why would Kane lie to her?
Maybe your son lied to you and they aren't in Florida at all. Maybe you should be talking to him, not me. I understand if you would like a refund.
My head is spinning and I grip the table to keep my balance.
I'm calling you.
That was only minutes ago. My heart is pounding as I look to the door where Kane is probably out there talking to Miles's mom. She's looking for us and I'm just feet away from the person she in on the phone with.
I knew she was the reason Miles wanted us to go home. He called her often but was vague on where we lived exactly. We didn't want our dad to ever be able to track us down.
I understand now why Brooklyn doesn't let anyone in. This hurts. I rub over my chest where my heart aches. The lies didn't just sit between my sister and me.
I hear muffled voices in the hall as Kane argues. He's no longer on the phone as another deep voice joins his.
"She's not here," Kane says. The lies never stop.
"Find her." Miles.
"You sound like your mother," Kane throws back. "Tell me what the fuck is going on."
My head pounds. I want to run, but Kane and Miles are on the other side of the door. Another wave of dizziness and I hold the edge of the desk. Tears form and I open my eyes.
I wished I hadn't.
I should have run when I had the chance.
Articles and photographs are scattered on the workspace proving Kane did find us after all. He has high school photos, mugshots of my dad, and year book photos.
I pick up a printed news story. I read it. I read it again. And again.
"Why does it seem like she doesn't know?" Kane hisses outside, trying to be quiet but failing.