by Nelson, Cara
Finally, the interstate! I didn’t hesitate to pick up my phone and call over to Chaz. “Hey, is the set ready for us this afternoon?”
“No,” Chaz said. I could tell he was talking through his speaker phone and his voice sounded like it was coming from a tin can.
“What? No, when will it be ready?”
“AM for sure. So, lucky you, you get another day off. Just behave today, got it? Dara’s going to want to go into hyper drive tomorrow, and you’ve got to be ready.”
“I think it’s you that has to be ready,” I said, laughing.
“Yeah, she’s a ball buster. Where you at?” Chaz asked.
“Heading back from northern Cali, did a little bungee jumping.”
“With who?” he asked.
I didn’t want to tell him so I ignored the question.
“Well, I’m going to get going. I have some serious time to make up,” I said. “Later.” I hung up. I had no deadline whatsoever now, except for my own urgency to get Trinity out of my car.
“Did you hear Chaz?” I asked.
“How could I not? This is a small car,” Trinity said lethargically, yawning afterward.
“Well, I guess it’s a good thing that we have the day off from shooting. I’m not so sure it would go well.”
“Not in the zone?” she asked me.
Should I be honest and blunt, or just keep the conversation duller than an old kitchen knife, which could cut you pretty badly, ironically enough. “No, I’m really not,” I said. “Ready for some down time.”
Trinity snorted at me. I was half tempted to drop her off at a psych hospital because I was certain she was having some sort of emotional collapse. Actually, she was so emotionless that she seemed more like a zombie, or maybe a robot. I must have had my head in the clouds when I’d imagined her always being spirited and passionate; I’d never imagined she could be dull to the point where she was almost like a gray cloud against a gray sky, not distinct in any way, just depressing.
“Do you have a key for Brynn’s apartment?” I asked.
“Yes.” This was great. I couldn’t drop her off fast enough, and get back to the comfortable quiet of my apartment. I pressed the pedal to the ground, and started to push the speed limit as much as I thought I could without getting into trouble.
I quickly found out that when karma wants to kick you in the ass, it goes full out. I passed an undercover cop car, and it didn’t waste a second putting its lights on, and making me veer over to the right lane, and then to the side of the interstate.
“I’ll need to get in my glove box,” I quickly said to Trinity.
She opened it up and I reached over, my arm brushing her leg. I felt something pleasant in me, despite it all, and that was annoying. I grabbed my registration and insurance card and quickly slammed the box shut.
The officer came up and tapped on the passenger side window. I pressed the down button from my side and leaned over to look at him. Wait, it was a her; a big her, but definitely a female.
“Do you know how fast you were going?” she asked, glancing at Trinity briefly, and then at me.
“I know it was too fast, and I’m sorry,” I said.
“What’s the hurry?”
“Just been a long twenty-four hours, wanted to get home,” I said.
The officer glanced at Trinity again, who was staring straight ahead, and then looked back to me. “License, registration and proof of insurance, please.”
I handed them over and she glanced at them, then looked at me. “Not every day that I get to pull over a rock star,” she said with a smile.
“It’s not every day I get pulled over, either,” I said. I was debating the charming approach—the one to get out of the ticket—or just taking the ticket and speeding matters up.
“I’ll be right back.”
The officer went back to her squad car, and Trinity and I sat there, waiting to hear my fate. The only sound in the car was me tapping the center part of my steering wheel, trying to be patient. Five minutes later, the officer came back. “I’ll let you off with a warning since you don’t have any other offenses,” she said.
“Thank you. I appreciate that more than you know.”
“You’re welcome, Hunter. I was wondering, my nephew’s a huge fan. Can I get your autograph for him?”
“Absolutely. I don’t have any paper, though,” I said.
“Use this,” she said. She ripped off a ticket from her pad and turned it around, and handed it to me, along with a pen.
I got some details and wrote the nicest autograph I probably ever had in my life. Then I was gone.
“Must be nice being you. Don’t even get a ticket for driving like a jackass.”
“It’s nicer being me than being you right now,” I said. If that’s how she wanted to play, so be it. I didn’t feel good about what I said, though. I never gave people permission to get under my skin. Trinity had just invaded, and ended up under it. “Sorry,” I mumbled.
“No biggie,” she said.
Three more hours of silence, and I watched Trinity walk away. I felt exhausted from it all, feeling like the past five hours had been twenty-four, minimum. It had been that long of a ride.
I felt like a soldier in a losing battle, only hoping to retreat to safety. It was ridiculous, and I could have kicked myself in the ass for it, if that was possible. I was fed up with replaying the question, “What did I do?” and coming up with no answer. Truthfully, I didn’t feel like I’d done anything at all. And if I did mess up in some way, which certainly wasn’t impossible, why would Trinity not just say it?
With every mile closer to home I got, the better I felt. Just having her out of the car relieved a lot of the inexplicable anxiety I was feeling.
Finally, I was home. I walked into the apartment, took a hot shower, and then kicked back on the couch. My cellphone was ringing, but I didn’t answer it. My home phone rang, too, but I didn’t pick it up. Peace and quiet from all humans, aside from the movie I put in, was what I’d prescribed for myself, and it was working wonders.
After watching Rambo, a classic that I’d loved since the first time I watched it as a kid, I felt better, more at ease. I checked my messages, and it was no surprise that the three messages on my home phone matched the three on my cell phone—Dara, Chaz, and my mom. Why wasn’t one message enough? That was a whole other beef, though. It was disappointing that none of the messages were from Trinity, apologizing for being so odd that morning.
Trinity. What to do about her? My logical side kicked in, and that side was focused on my video being a success. That meant that I would have to do something that I was not fond of doing, which was apologize for no good reason. I just needed to save the video shoot, and I had to make that my goal. It would be better to see the side of Trinity I had before I’d allowed myself to have more serious feelings about her. That revelation was a bit of a surprise. Of course, leave it to me to only realize I wanted to be more serious after she started acting strangely. It was funny how that worked out.
I grabbed my phone and went into my messaging app.
Me: I’m sorry about the day. It wasn’t great, and I feel bad.
Trinity: You don’t have anything to be sorry about. It was just one of those days.
I looked at her response. She was right, of course. I really didn’t, but wasn’t she going to at least apologize? That part was agonizing, and frustrating.
“I guess I should be relieved,” I said out loud. That’s what I tried to convince myself when I went to sleep that night, but I had a hard time really believing that. Thinking about Trinity and her behavior reminded me of how I’d been a time or two with women when I’d found myself getting closer emotionally than my logical mind felt was acceptable, or in my best interests. I’d started acting like a jerk just to distance myself. Wait, did I do that with the girls in the mountains? I hadn’t thought of it as flirting, just bullshitting, but to someone else, maybe it looked different. Possibly, doing things like that
to distance yourself from someone else wasn’t just a guy thing. Maybe everyone did that when they were afraid, or didn’t understand what was happening.
Chapter Eleven:
Seeking Amnesia
I had to get my head back in the game, and was thankful that I’d found the self control to stop whatever was happening with Hunter before it got out of control, and exploded into something much worse—like a serious relationship destined to fail. I didn’t particularly enjoy thinking like a pessimist, but it was medicinal in a way, reminding me that I’d almost entered into dangerous territory. And if there was one thing that I knew from experience, the bitchy side of me was masterful at convincing men to forget about me and keep their distance. It was the toughest armor I had, and gave me my best chances of not exposing any vulnerabilities I may have.
My determination must have shown on my face.
“What is the matter, Trinity? You look like crap.” Brynn said the second she saw me and it irritated me beyond belief.
“Why is everyone concerned about what is the matter with me?” I snapped.
“Because something clearly is. And, by everyone do you mean me and Hunter?” she asked.
“Yes,” I said tensely.
“What an ass, worrying if you’re okay, huh?” she said. I looked at Brynn and saw sarcasm written all over her face.
“Stick to journalism,” I said.
“I am. Doing research for my article about the video,” she said to me.
“Don’t you dare.” I frowned at her, and she broke out laughing in that way that only Brynn had the courage to do in front of me. She’d never been scared of me, even at my grumpiest, and it was always met with two emotions from me: I’d start out completely annoyed, and then I’d finally laugh and relax. It felt good to laugh.
“Look, Brynn, things just started to get too complicated with Hunter. The fun and work were not mixing well. I don’t want to blow this opportunity; I need it.”
“Well, good for you, Trinity. I know this could be a big break for you.”
I glanced at Brynn, who’d stuck her nose into a magazine, and knew that she was just agreeing with me, toying with my emotions. She didn’t really believe me, and who could blame her? I was working really hard to sell myself on the notion that me and Hunter were over and done, even though it didn’t feel that way. I just couldn’t get the image of Hunter, talking to those girls, out of my head. And that wasn’t really about keeping business ‘business’ and pleasure ‘pleasure.’ I just couldn’t get over the fact that he’d left me in bed to go flirt with some mountain redneck. Like I was nothing!
But, unlike most people, I was determined, and when that determination kicked in, I was typically successful.
Morning came and Brynn dropped me off at the set, ready to focus on the acting and be casual and friendly to Hunter. I had to admit, it did start with an apology. I did owe him one for my methods of emotional avoidance from the day before, and I saw that.
“Good morning, everyone. I’m excited to get back to work today,” I said to Dara and Chaz, who were standing there. I glanced around for Hunter and didn’t see him. Strange enough, I was nervous to see him and felt nervous about not seeing him. Yeah, I’d lost it. Steve, the one good looking crew guy was giving me a once over from where he stood in the corner. I gave him one right back. He looked good. Time to revert back to my old self.
I walked over to makeup and wardrobe, ready to let them do their magic on me for the day, and felt completely in control. It was fantastic.
The sounds of Hunter arriving on set could be heard before I actually saw him, and for a second, my stomach did a flip. Then I remembered how I could easily pull this off, flip the switch from hot to cold. It was something I’d done time and again. This would be no different.
He walked into the room where I was seated, perfectly still so my makeup would turn out awesome. I wished I could hire a makeup person to do my makeup every day. It was so nice, and I couldn’t master it the way these people did.
“Good morning,” I said to Hunter.
“Morning,” he said and let the conversation drop.
Well, here I go, I thought. “Hey, sorry about being so crazy yesterday. Just a tough day, but that’s no excuse.”
I could hear the relief in his voice. “No problems. Glad you’re doing better.”
He walked over and stood in front of me. I looked up at him, and watched desire spreading across his face. If I kept looking at him, my heart begin racing. “Me too.”
Then he touched my shoulder, lightly rested his hand there. Was he tormenting me on purpose? I had to do something about it.
“New set looks just like the old one, doesn’t it?” I said. I tried to hide my laughter, but couldn’t.
“To state the obvious,” he replied, but he laughed, too.
I was saved by the makeup artist, who finished up with me and told Hunter to sit down. Before he could say anything else, I walked out of that small room.
When I got onto the set, Steve the crew guy, was standing there, taking care of some last minute lighting tweaks.
“Hey,” I said, giving him a million dollar smile.
“You look hot,” he said to me. He said it so effortlessly, no reservations whatsoever. I appreciated his candor, as it couldn’t have come at a better time.
“Thanks, two more days of heating up the stage and then it should be a wrap,” I said.
“What’s next for you?”
“I have a job back in Minneapolis, but it would be great to find some things out here. I love it out here, and you can’t beat the weather.”
“I’d imagine. I grew up in Michigan, so I know just what you mean.”
Dara called for me. I quickly moved past Steve, letting my ample chest brush against his arm.“See ya’ later,” I said and let the innuendo do its work. From there, just a bit of flirting and I’d be on my way to having Hunter’s amazing body erased from my mind, replaced with Steve’s.
“You ready? We need flawless, Trin, can you deliver that?” Dara asked.
“I can,” I said.
“Good.” Dara explained the scene to me, and then Hunter came over. He was standing right behind me, his cologne wafting around me. Damn if it wasn’t an aphrodisiac. Ugh!
Then Dara looked at the two of us and said, “I need hot and cold, in your face lust and loathing. Got it?”
“No problem,” I said. It wouldn’t take acting for that.
“I can manage that,” Hunter agreed and I could have kicked myself for the stab I felt in my chest. Whatever.
We walked over to the set, and our scene was going to be one where I was shaving my legs, using Hunter’s razor. It was a small bathroom, off to the right of the fake restaurant.
I walked over there and put my leg up on the edge of the bathtub, as was scripted to do, and grabbed the razor. My hair was cascading down my right shoulder and the camera would catch the profile of the left side of my face. I stared down at my leg, which was already smooth, and when Dara got to yelling “action” I began to fake shave my leg.
I glided up and down on my shin with the razor until she yelled cut. “You’re supposed to be in happy, reflective thought. Your jaw is tensed. It’s all wrong!”
“Sorry,” I said. Happy, reflective thought. “I’m ready.”
We tried again, and I failed again. I couldn’t pull out any damn memory to make me feel good, and we were all growing frustrated. A scene that should have taken thirty seconds worth of footage to choose from maximum, took us over an hour. The icing on the cake was when I accidentally sliced my leg. Fake shaving scenes still used real razors. I grabbed a wad of toilet paper from the fake bathroom scene and stuck to my leg, trying to stop bleeding, thinking how a band-aid just wasn’t going to work favorably for the scene, when Dara barreled over.
“Don’t you know how to shave your legs?” Dara said, looking at me incredulously.
“I’m sorry. I’m not sure what’s going on,” I said. I couldn’t ju
stify it, and I was trying, I really was, but even I knew that something was missing from my performance.
“How bad is it?” Dara snapped
I lifted up the toilet paper and looked. “Bad enough that it won’t stop bleeding for a bit, and it’ll leave a scab,” I said honestly.
Hunter to the rescue. “I have an idea,” he said.
“Please, enlighten me, I’ll take anything,” Dara said.
“How about keeping that same footage, where she is struggling. Show something is wrong. Then I am watching through a door, and I come over and start shaving for her. Or, I can clean up the trickle of blood,” Hunter said.
“That might just work. Love your thinking, Hunter. At least your head is in the game,” Dara said. She looked at me. “Is it still bleeding? No? Can you cut yourself again?”
“Seriously?”
“Okay, maybe that’s pushing it too far. You might not be able to do that naturally, anyway. Maybe we’ll be able to edit it together,” Dara said. Then she was off and yelling out the same commands for action that she’d done repeatedly the past hour.
I had the razor in my hand and was shaving again, the camera catching my angle, and Hunter walked up to me slowly, wrapping his arm around my waist. The tension I’d been carrying instantly melted at his touch—that pissed me off, too.
The razor dropped out of my hand because I twitched at the naturally seductive touch that Hunter had given me. There was a cut and I shook it off, trying again. This time there was a successful hand-off and my mind went wild with alluring thoughts of what it would be like if this scene were unfolding in real life, not for a video shoot.
He gently took the razor and leaned behind me, slowly traveling up my leg with it. I bet that would feel really sexy if a guy did that in real life, I thought.
“Cut!” Dara screeched. “What’s up with that ridiculous grin, Trinity?”
“What?” I asked.
“You were spaced out and grinning. That’s hardly intimate. Seriously. What the fuck.” She grasped her fists together. “Okay, let’s take ten. I’ve got to pee.” Then she walked away.