by Gina Wilkins
Connor had snagged one of the cakes, along with a cup of coffee, to munch while he studied. Mia hadn’t been able to resist smiling when he’d studied the assortment of cakes with their thickly applied frosting, mounds of sprinkles and crookedly stuck-on candy hearts. He’d carefully selected one that Alexis had decorated, though he assured her friends that theirs were just as appealing.
“Your dad’s pretty cool,” McKenzie told Alexis around a mouthful of cake. “He’s good at video games, isn’t he?”
Alexis nodded. “He knows everything about it.”
“My daddy’s awful at video games,” Kayla grumbled with a roll of her eyes. “My big brother Patrick says our daddy is technally challenged.”
Technally? Mia had to think about that for just a moment before translating it to technologically challenged.
“I’m technally challenged, myself,” she said with a slight laugh. “Alexis and her dad beat me every time I play with them.”
“Daddy always wins,” Alexis said, preening a little for her friends. “He’s probably the best video game player ever.”
“Patrick could beat him,” Kayla mused. “My mom says Patrick’s obsessed with video games. She always says she’s going to throw the games in the street, but she never does.”
Stifling a smile, Mia took a sip of her tea.
“My daddy could beat him, I bet,” Alexis argued. “He’s going to be a doctor.”
Mia quickly changed the subject before it turned into a who’s-better debate, but she was a little surprised by Alexis’s behavior that evening. She was acting…well, like a six-year-old. Fussing with her friends and bragging about her father; typical behavior for other children, but rather new coming from Alexis.
Although she made a mental note not to let her push the boundaries too much, Mia was just a tiny bit relieved to see Alexis acting more like a regular child than someone who’d experienced far too much in her few, short years.
She was also pleased that Alexis spoke so proudly of Connor to her friends. Mia would have to tell him later that his daughter considered him one of the all-time great video gamers. He’d probably get a kick out of that.
Remembering the way he’d looked in the living room, laughing and surrounded by admiring little girls, she resisted a sudden, exasperating urge to fan her overly warm cheeks.
An ice storm during the first Sunday of February brought life to a full stop in the Little Rock area. The roads were slick and hazardous and local police begged motorists to stay off the streets.
Having stocked up on groceries because of the weather forecasts, Mia made a big pot of vegetable soup and some healthy oatmeal-raisin cookies. Connor was glad he had a gas stove. If the power went out, as he worried it might, they wouldn’t go hungry and they could heat water, if necessary.
Housebound because of the road conditions and because he didn’t want to risk leaving Mia and Alexis alone in case of problems, he spread his papers on the kitchen table and bent over them for the afternoon. At least he could catch up on lecture notes during this unexpected day at home. Mia set Alexis down with colored paper, crayons, scissors, glue and stickers, spreading an old sheet so the child could make as big a mess as she liked with her crafting. And then Mia sat on the couch with a book she’d been wanting to read.
It was a quiet afternoon, broken only by the sound of ice hitting the windows, the occasional crack of a breaking tree branch outside, Alexis humming to herself as she played. Connor’s phone rang a few times as Anne and then Ron called in with study questions, but he handled those calls quickly and went back to work.
Realizing he hadn’t heard sounds from Alexis in a while, he looked up later that afternoon to see that she’d fallen asleep curled on the rug in front of the fire. Her crafts and toys were spread around her, and Mia had covered her with a brightly striped throw.
“She’s out, huh?” he asked quietly, stretching kinks out of his muscles.
Her voice as soft as his, Mia replied, “She nodded off about twenty minutes ago. You were so wrapped up in your notes I figured you didn’t notice.”
“I didn’t,” he admitted. “Is there any more coffee?”
She set her book aside and stood. “No, but I’ll make some.”
He was already on his feet. “You don’t have to get up. I can make it.”
“I need to move around a little, anyway. I’m not used to sitting in one place that long.”
He opened a cabinet to take out the coffee while Mia rinsed the pot. “How’s your book?”
“It’s good. Very suspenseful.”
“Glad you’re enjoying it.”
“Yes. I don’t find enough time to read just for pleasure.”
They had started the coffeemaker when the lights flickered.
Mia glanced around nervously. “I hope the power doesn’t go out.”
“We’ve got supplies if it does. Hope it waits until this coffee is brewed, though,” he added with a wry smile. He warmed the insulated carafe with hot water so it would hold the heat of the coffee better when he filled it. If the power went out, he’d at least have a carafe of coffee that would stay warm for a few hours.
The lights flickered again and they both held their breath for a moment. When nothing more happened, they exchanged smiles of relief. Connor plucked a banana from a bunch hanging from a stainless steel holder on the counter and began to peel it.
“At least the temperature is supposed to rise above freezing tomorrow afternoon,” he commented. “The ice shouldn’t last long. Doubt that schools will be open tomorrow, though, because the morning commute’s going to be bad.”
“As long as the power stays on…”
“Maybe it will.” Finishing the banana in three big bites, he tossed the peel into the garbage. “Want some coffee?”
“Yes, thank you.”
He filled cups for both of them, then poured the rest into the carafe. He had just turned to hand Mia her coffee when the lights flickered again, and then the room was pitched into darkness.
It was just after 5 p.m., but between the short winter day and the heavily clouded skies, it might as well have been midnight. Not a glimmer of light came through the curtained windows. A faint glow from the direction of the living room came from the fire, but that light didn’t penetrate into where they stood.
He heard Mia inhale on a hiss. “What’s wrong?”
“I spilled coffee on my hand. Stupid.”
Fumbling to set his own cup on the counter, he reached carefully for hers. “Give me your cup. How bad is the burn?”
“Not too bad. Just stings.”
He was sure it did. The coffee was still very hot.
Together, they managed to set down her cup. Groping in the darkness, Connor turned on the cold water at the sink and instructed Mia to give him her scalded hand. With his arm around her shoulders, he guided her hand into the flow to make sure all the hot coffee was washed off.
“Does that feel better?” he asked, wishing he could see the extent of the damage. He’d set out a couple of electric lanterns in case they needed them, but of course they were out of reach, he thought with an exasperated shake of his head. One sat in the living room, the other on the table near his books.
“I’m fine, Connor,” she assured him. “It was just a few drops. Probably no more than a couple of red dots on my skin. I hardly even feel them now.”
He turned off the water and groped for a paper towel so they could dry off. He dabbed at her hand, himself, his head close to hers in the shadows. “Just stand here while I make my way to the electric lantern,” he instructed. “No need for us both to go stumbling around in the dark.”
She laughed quietly, her breath brushing his cheek. “There’s never a flashlight within reach in these situations, is there?”
“There’s a flashlight in the drawer by the stove. I meant to set it out on the counter, but I forgot. I can probably get to the lantern before I can find the flashlight.”
“Okay. I’ll wait unti
l you get it and then we’ll pull out the flashlight and light some candles and…um.”
Maybe she’d just become aware of how closely they stood. His head bent over hers, his hands still holding hers, their breath intermingling. Without the hum of electrical appliances, it was so quiet in the room that he could almost hear his own heart beating, the rate quickening.
“Connor—”
It was easier than he might have expected to find her mouth in the darkness. His lips closed over hers with accuracy and after a fraction of a second of hesitation, hers parted in welcome. She made a little sound at the back of her throat. Before he could decide if it was protest or pleasure, she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him more deeply into the kiss.
He slid his hands down her slender back, stopping at the curve of her hips to settle her against him. There was no hiding his response to her; he didn’t even try. It seemed the more he tried to fight his reactions to her, the stronger they became.
If she didn’t know by now that his feelings for her had been undergoing a change during the past few months, then she simply hadn’t been paying close enough attention.
He plunged his tongue into her mouth, savoring the taste of her. She murmured again and tightened her fingers around his neck, her fingertips buried in his hair. Unbidden, his mind filled with thoughts of those soft hands on his bare back, gripping his shoulders, sliding down to his hips. The images swirled in his head until he’d lost any semblance of coherency. Lights flashed behind his eyelids, but they weren’t generated by the power company, rather by the heat building between him and Mia.
She drew in a shuddering breath when he released her mouth, his forehead resting against hers. “We weren’t going to do that again.”
His own voice was gravelly. “I didn’t plan on it.”
“I know.” She unlocked her clasp around his neck, but didn’t move away from him. Instead, her hands slid down to grip the front of his shirt as he continued to hold her. “I don’t know how to handle this.”
Her rather plaintive confession made his chest ache. She sounded confused, a little afraid. Even though that was hardly the reaction he wanted from her, he certainly understood, because he felt much the same way himself.
“Maybe we should just keep taking it a day at a time,” he suggested after clearing his throat. “You know, just…see what happens.”
“That sounds a little risky.”
He forced himself to drop his arms, taking a step backward. Making hard contact with the counter behind him, he swallowed a curse.
Steadying himself quickly, he said, “There’s no need to try to analyze or categorize what happened, is there? I mean, it was a kiss. It’s understandable, considering the circumstances.”
“Considering the circumstances?” she repeated, as if she wasn’t sure she’d heard him correctly. Whatever heat had been in her voice before was cooling as rapidly as the room around them.
He was making a real mess of this. Again. “Mia, I—”
Pushing a hand through his hair, he thought about getting the lantern before he continued. But maybe this would be easier in the dark. “I just don’t want you to think I’m trying to push you into anything. We live together and we have a normal, healthy attraction to each other. We can deal with that, right? There’s no need for anything to change significantly, for either of us.”
He was trying to reassure her. Trying to let her know there was no need to be concerned that he wanted to tie her down. In his experience, women didn’t like to feel tied down.
So why was he feeling waves of irritation coming from her direction? He still couldn’t see her expression, but he had the distinct impression that she was scowling.
He really was bad at this sort of thing, he thought in self-disgust. “Mia—”
“Mia? Where are you? Why aren’t the lights on?”
“I’m in here, Alexis,” she called out, her voice steady and reassuring now. “The power’s out. Stay where you are and your dad and I will find some flashlights and candles, okay?”
“Okay.”
“Why don’t you get that lantern you were talking about,” Mia suggested to Connor. “I’m getting really tired of stumbling around in the dark.”
Wincing, he wished he spoke female a little more fluently. There was obviously a message conveyed in that sentiment—but damned if he knew what it was.
A few short hours later, Connor stood in the doorway of the living room, having just returned from a flashlight-guided trek to his bedroom to fetch another blanket.
He was struck motionless by the sight that lay in front of him. He’d pulled out an old air mattress he had used as a bed in the apartment he’d lived in briefly after his divorce. He’d inflated it and set it in front of the fireplace for Mia and Alexis to share. He planned to take the couch for the night, at least until the power came back on to heat the rest of the house again.
Mia and Alexis snuggled together on the air mattress, their heads close together on their pillows, blankets pulled to their chins against the chill in the room that the small fire couldn’t entirely dispel. To save the batteries in the electric lanterns, they’d turned them off, leaving the room illuminated by the fire and by a few emergency candles in heavy, safe jars. As the soft light flickered across their faces, Mia and Alexis talked in quiet voices, both laughing at something silly they were saying.
He had the sensation of something sharp stabbing him right through the chest. Directly into the vicinity of his heart.
He loved her, he thought in a daze. He didn’t even bother to clarify which one he meant. He loved them both.
His fingers tightened spasmodically on the blanket as a ripple of fear followed the bolt of realization.
He had never been lucky in love. The women he’d loved in the past had all left him. His mother, through no choice of her own, of course. Brandy and Gretchen, fully of their own volition.
Now there was Mia, who had come to him in generosity and sympathy, putting her own plans on hold, but not forgotten. How long could he really expect her to stay? It wasn’t as if he had much to offer her in return for the foreseeable future.
“Why are you just standing there, Daddy?” Alexis asked, drowsily teasing. “Aren’t you going to sleep on the couch?”
Daddy. It still sounded funny to him when she called him that. She was getting more comfortable with him, though he had no doubt that her heart belonged primarily to Mia. Certainly understandable—but how would she cope when Mia moved on? How would he make up for that loss, when he could hardly bear to think about that time, himself? Why hadn’t he anticipated this complication when he’d blithely accepted Mia’s offer of help?
Pushing the anxiety to the back of his mind, he moved forward, trying to speak normally. “Yeah. I was taking a look around. Checking stuff,” he added vaguely, tossing the blanket on the couch.
“You know, I’m not really sleepy right now,” he said, aiming the flashlight toward the kitchen. “I think I’ll study by lantern light for a little longer, if it won’t bother either of you.”
“You won’t bother us,” Mia assured him, her expression shuttered in the flickering shadows. “Alexis and I are going to tell each other stories until we fall asleep. But we’ll keep it down, so we don’t disturb your studying.”
“No need for that.” He moved carefully across the room toward the kitchen.
“I like hearing you talking in here,” he added with a candidness that rather surprised even him. “It makes me feel less alone.”
Alexis laughed softly. “Are you afraid of the dark, Daddy?”
His mouth twisted. “Yeah, princess. I guess I am.”
“Don’t worry,” she told him, her sweet little smile twisting his heart again. “We’ll be right here.”
He nodded, taking one last look at them there before turning back to his books and papers.
They were all here. For now. But for how much longer?
Normal, healthy attraction.
No
need for anything to change.
Snippets of things Connor had said in the kitchen kept running through Mia’s head as she lay on the air mattress, staring at the fire and wishing she could escape into sleep. Alexis slept soundly beside her, and Mia could still hear Connor moving around in the kitchen, but she had no desire to slip out of the covers to join him.
No need to risk any further humiliation for one evening.
What had she expected? she asked herself, scowling into the flames. That a few kisses would solve all the issues between her and Connor?
He had told her all along that he wasn’t in a position to offer anything more than friendship. It had been difficult enough for him to take Alexis into his life on a permanent basis, even though he’d felt he had no other choice about that. He certainly wasn’t making any more commitments that would interfere with his all-consuming plans.
She reminded herself that she had entered this situation willingly. That the idea had been hers and hers alone. Sure, she’d been naive. Unprepared for the reality of caring for a child. Of loving that child and being loved in return. Of living with the man she had considered her best friend. She’d foolishly believed the attraction she had always felt for him would be something she could keep to herself, a silly little secret that would have no effect on their relationship.
What she hadn’t expected was that she would feel an answering attraction.
Proximity. That was his explanation for the kisses they had shared. A healthy man sharing living quarters with a woman he found attractive—it was only logical, in his infuriatingly male logic, that they would occasionally act on that attraction. And having done so, they should be able to continue as they’d been before, with no important changes to their friendship, as he’d suggested.
Stupid man.
Alexis stirred in her sleep, murmuring something beneath her breath. Mia smoothed the child’s hair, her heart twisting with love and pain. She really hadn’t known what she was getting into when she’d moved in here, she thought again, staring blindly at the leaping flames in front of her. Had she had even a clue of the heartache she would face, would she make that same choice again?