by Gina Wilkins
He wasn’t sure how much longer he could go on this way.
More than once during that week he let his thoughts drift back to those easier times a year earlier. And he wondered if he had failed to properly appreciate those carefree, footloose days.
He didn’t know what he would have done without his study group to support him. They, more than anyone in the world, could understand some of what he was going through, because they were faced with similar difficulties in their own lives. Trying to balance the stress of school with the demands of family and other personal responsibilities.
It wasn’t an easy task, which was why medical students were regularly treated to speeches and workshops about dealing with stress and depression without turning to drugs or alcohol or thoughts of quitting or even suicide. Only that week, they’d been informed that a recent study had suggested that as many as eleven percent of all medical students contemplated that ultimate escape during the first two years of training.
While Connor thought he was dealing with the pressure better than that, he certainly understood how despair and panic could set in, especially for students who were struggling and who hadn’t found the emotional support he’d lucked into with his increasingly close-knit study group. And, he admitted, with Mia. Despite his complicated and frustrating feelings for her, he couldn’t have gotten by during the past months without her to take care of Alexis. And him, for that matter. She quietly cooked and cleaned and did laundry and dealt with the day-today issues that had freed him to concentrate on his studies…and he had given her damned little in return.
Guilt swamped him, adding to the weight on his shoulders. After this test, he vowed, he was going to somehow find a way to do more of his share around the house.
On Thursday night he sat at the kitchen table, having decided to study at home that evening because of the thunderstorm raging outside. Lightning flashed outside and booms of thunder rattled the windows, interfering with his concentration, but he forced himself to keep his eyes on the material.
February had certainly been a turbulent month, weather-wise, he thought with a deep sigh. Not to mention his personal life.
Mia was keeping Alexis entertained and diverted from the storm. They were playing games back in Alexis’s room. Connor could hear their voices drifting toward him between claps of thunder. Maybe because of the storm, Alexis seemed to be uncharacteristically wound up. She was talking more loudly, laughing more shrilly than usual. Twice she dashed through the living room and into the kitchen for drinks of water, followed by Mia, who looked apologetically at Connor and admonished Alexis to settle down a little.
A hard gust of wind made the house creak around him. He hoped the storm didn’t cause any damage to the house or the roof. Lightning flashed through the windows, followed by a clap of thunder so loud that Connor could almost hear his ears ring. Alexis squealed in the back, followed by soothing words from Mia. He couldn’t hear what she said, but her tone was obviously intended to reassure the child.
He could feel the tension knotting the muscles in his neck and shoulders. Between the storm and his housemates, he was finding it harder and harder to concentrate. Maybe he should have studied in the library that evening, but then he’d have felt guilty leaving Mia to deal with the storm and any potential damage on her own.
Fortunately, the storm had abated somewhat by Alexis’s bedtime. Rain still pounded the roof, but the lightning had moved farther away, leaving only a low rumble of thunder in its wake.
“I’m going to bed now, Daddy.” Alexis darted into the kitchen with her Valentine bear—now named Bob, for some reason—clutched in one arm and Pete dangling over her other arm. “Good night. Oof—”
She’d been running toward him, and her feet had slipped on the glossy wooden floor. She made hard contact with the table where he sat, knocking his laptop computer off the edge, scattering books and papers all around them.
“Darn it, Alexis!” Connor made a frantic grab for his computer, catching it just before it crashed to the floor.
That could have been a disaster, he thought with a gulp. He didn’t even want to think about losing all his files, trying to replace his computer and reload everything less than a week before his final exam. “Now I’ve got to try to get all this stuff back in order. How many times has Mia told you not to run in the house?”
Setting the computer carefully back on the table, he frowned at Alexis, then swallowed a groan.
Her big navy eyes had filled with tears that were already leaking down her cheeks. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “It was an accident.”
He drew a deep breath, struggling for patience.
“I know it was an accident,” he said, trying to use a more gentle tone. “But you still have to be more careful. You could have broken something. Or even worse, you could have been hurt yourself. There’s a reason Mia tells you not to run inside.”
“Okay.” Subdued, she hung her head. “Good night.”
“Good night, princess. Sleep well, okay?” He gave her an awkward hug that she didn’t return, then watched as she shuffled away.
Mia stood in the doorway, her expression solemn. She placed a hand on Alexis’s shoulder and turned to walk her toward the bedrooms, leaving Connor cursing beneath his breath.
Great, he thought savagely. He’d yelled at his kid and made her cry. They probably both hated him now.
He really should have studied at the library.
Mia stood quietly in the doorway to the kitchen a little while later, watching Connor as he shuffled and stacked papers and arranged open textbooks. He didn’t know she was there, so she had a moment to study him. His jaw was set, his shoulders tensed. He looked tired and frustrated and dejected.
As if he’d suddenly sensed her standing there, he looked around, meeting her eyes with a stormy expression in his own. “She’s not still crying, is she?”
“No. She’s already sound asleep. I assured her you weren’t really angry with her, and then I stayed with her until she fell asleep, which didn’t take long. She was tired. And she knows, by the way, that she shouldn’t have been running in the house. She promised she wouldn’t do so again—although I expect she’ll forget again, eventually.”
A muscle rippled in his jaw as he swallowed. “I shouldn’t have yelled at her.”
She gave a little shrug and moved toward him. “It probably won’t be the last time. My dad chewed me out a few times when I misbehaved, and I turned out well enough.”
“Yeah, but your circumstances were different. You weren’t still just getting to know him at Alexis’s age.”
He really was beating himself up about this. Stopping beside his chair, she rested a hand on his taut shoulder. “It’s okay, Connor. I promise you, Alexis has not been permanently traumatized. Is your computer okay?”
“Yeah. I caught it before it hit the floor.”
“Is there anything I can do to help you put your things back in order? Or maybe to help you study? I’d be happy to quiz you for a while if it would help.”
She was relieved to see his expression lighten a little now that she’d given him some reassurance. Had he really expected her to be angry with him for snapping at Alexis? That was the impression she’d gotten when he’d first spotted her standing there.
She had to admit that she hadn’t liked seeing the child’s tears and had inwardly cringed during the brief incident, and maybe she thought he could have handled it a little better, but she figured he was angry enough with himself. There was no need for her to ladle on the guilt. Alexis really shouldn’t have been running through the house. As Connor had pointed out, and Mia had reiterated afterward, rules were made for a reason. They had to enforce them now or risk having Alexis turn into an out-of-control adolescent later.
“I think I’m going to take a break for a few minutes before getting back to it,” Connor said, pushing himself out of his chair. “I need to stretch.”
Dropping her hand to her side, she moved a step back. “Do y
ou want something to eat? A cup of tea, maybe?”
“No, I’m okay for now. I just—”
He stumbled when his foot slid on a pencil that had fallen unnoticed to the floor. Steadying himself quickly, he shook his head and bent to pick it up at the same time Mia reached down for it. They bumped heads, laughed, reached again for the pencil in unison, then bumped into each other again.
“I’ll get it,” Connor said, catching her shoulders to keep her from losing her balance with the second collision. “Before we end up—”
His teasing words faded into silence.
They knelt very close together, their knees touching, his hands on her forearms. Distant lightning strobed against the kitchen window and a low rumble of thunder echoed the sudden pounding of Mia’s heart.
“Damn it,” Connor muttered, his fingers tightening on her arms.
Hardly romantic words, but his tormented tone made her throat tighten. Without giving herself a moment to think, she leaned toward him, wrapped her arms around his knotted shoulders and pressed her mouth to his.
Chapter Eleven
Connor closed his bedroom door very quietly and pressed the lock. They hadn’t turned on a light, but there was just enough illumination in the shadowy room for her to see the tumultuous play of emotions across his face. “Mia—”
“Shh.” She pressed her fingertips against his lips and moved closer.
He was so tense. The tendons in his arms and thighs were as rigid as granite. His desire for her was obvious when she fitted herself fluidly against him. Her pulse raced with an answering hunger she could no longer deny.
He held himself back for a moment, his muscles quivering with the effort. She suspected that he was struggling to think, trying to stay in control, but she smothered his mouth beneath hers before he could voice his reservations. She didn’t want to think. Didn’t want to worry or dread or anticipate. For this one night, she wanted only to feel. To offer what he needed and take what she wanted. To finally give in to what had been building between them for longer than either had been willing to admit.
She felt the moment Connor stopped trying to resist. A hard breath jolted through him and he dragged her closer, his mouth closing over hers with an almost desperate intensity. His tongue plunged between her lips and she welcomed him eagerly, savoring the spicy taste of him. He lifted her onto her tiptoes and she wrapped her arms around his neck, trying to get closer to him even though they were already plastered together.
Mindful of the need for quiet, they fell onto the bed, their gasps and moans hushed but still heartfelt. Clothes fell heedlessly aside. Connor groped in the nightstand drawer with one hand while ridding himself of his jeans with the other. He didn’t even bother to close the drawer when he rushed back to her, rolling with her on the tumbled bedclothes.
They moved together as if they’d been lovers forever. And yet it was still so much different than Mia had ever imagined. So much more than she had even hoped.
She had never felt like this before. Shuddering in his arms, she heard the cliché echo through her head, and she would have winced at her own triteness had she had the strength to do anything but lie there and gasp for air. But it was true, nonetheless. Nothing had ever felt this good. This…right.
His skin hot and damp, his breathing labored, Connor lay beside her, holding her tightly against his side. She heard him swallow, heard him start to say something, but then he fell silent again, as if he weren’t yet up to the effort of speech.
Feeling much the same way, she nestled her cheek into his shoulder, her hand resting on his flat stomach. Doubts and uncertainties were beginning to whisper at the back of her mind, but she pushed them away. She would deal with them later, she promised herself. She’d have no other choice, eventually. But she could allow herself to appreciate this intimate warmth for a few more lovely moments.
Connor’s lips moved against her forehead. “I should get back to studying,” he murmured, his voice low, still a little rough-edged.
“You need some rest.”
“I couldn’t sleep now, anyway. I guess you could say I’ve been reinvigorated. Thanks.”
She smiled and lifted her head to look at him. “Glad I could help.”
Laughing softly, he snagged the back of her head and pulled her down for another kiss, this one more gentle and lingering than the ones they had exchanged in the heat of passion.
His smile was gone by the time the kiss ended. “We’ll have to talk about this, you know.”
She swallowed, feeling euphoria slip away despite her best efforts to hold on to it. “I know. But maybe now isn’t the best time.”
“No. But soon.”
“Yes.”
Sighing, he rolled away from her, reaching for his clothes. “My robe is on the end of the bed—er, no, I guess it’s on the floor now. You can wear it to go back to your room.”
Nodding, she fumbled for the soft terry robe, then wrapped it around herself. She studied Connor through her lashes as she gathered her own tangled garments. Although she couldn’t completely interpret his expression, he definitely looked more relaxed. Completely alert. She suspected that he would be able to concentrate fully on his studying now.
She supposed she should be pleased about that. After all, she’d wanted to help him relax, right?
He tugged his shirt over his head. “You can go on to bed, if you’re tired. I’ll put out the lights and check the locks when I’m ready to turn in.”
She could take a hint. Even though it was a full hour earlier than she usually went to bed, she nodded. “I am a little tired. You’re sure there’s nothing I can do to help you study tonight? Because I’d be happy to—”
He interrupted by dropping a light kiss on her forehead. “Thanks, but I’ll do better tackling it on my own tonight.”
“Okay, then. Good night, Connor.”
He was already moving toward the door. In a hurry to get back to his studying…or running away from the emotions that had sprung up between them? Maybe a combination of both, she decided, following more slowly.
He turned to her in the doorway, after glancing down the hall to make sure all was still quiet from his daughter’s room.
“Mia,” he said, his voice very low. “I’m sure you already know this, but I—”
She held her breath when he hesitated, her heart beating rapidly in her throat.
“I’d be completely lost without you,” he finished after a moment. “I just want you to know how much I appreciate you.”
She forced a smile. “Go study, Connor. And then try to get some sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Yeah, okay. Good night.”
“Good night,” she whispered, then headed wearily toward her room as he moved off in the other direction.
Connor overslept Friday morning. No big surprise because he hadn’t gone to bed until almost 3 a.m.
Surprisingly enough, he thought as he showered quickly and threw on his clothes, he’d actually been able to study during those quiet nighttime hours. He would have expected to be distracted by thoughts of Mia, by second thoughts and misgivings, or at the very least by leisurely mental replays. Instead, his mind had been clear and focused, his mood almost light as he’d gone over material that seemed oddly uncomplicated in those hours.
He was such a guy, he thought with a wry shake of his head. He’d been revitalized by the oldest method on record. Amazing what a round of hot, great sex could do for a man after a long, dry spell of going without.
But it was more than that, he told himself as he threw his things into his car and started the engine. He hadn’t wanted to be with just any woman. He’d wanted Mia. Wanted her so badly he hadn’t been able to concentrate fully on anything else for days. Weeks.
He didn’t know what the future held for him and he didn’t have time to dwell on it at the moment, but as he drove toward the campus, he felt more optimistic than he had in some time. Once he got past this final, he promised himself, he and Mia would have a l
ong-overdue talk.
He was working with his study group in James’s apartment when his cell phone rang later that afternoon. Seeing Mia’s number on the screen, he moved across the room to take the call. “Mia? Is everything okay?”
“Yes, it’s fine. I hope I’m not interrupting anything…”
“I can take a minute. What’s up?”
“If it’s okay with you, I’d like to take Alexis to my family’s house on Lake Catherine this weekend. They’re all gathering there for my dad’s birthday, which is Sunday. I’d planned to take her for a few hours Sunday, but I think she’d enjoy staying the weekend to play with Nicklaus and Caroline.”
He frowned in response to what sounded like an odd tone in her voice. Was she a little self-conscious about what had happened between them last night? Understandable, of course, but for some reason, he thought there was more to it. “Sure. Of course. When are you leaving?”
“In about an hour, I guess. As soon as I can get our things together. We’ll be home Sunday afternoon.”
“Oh. I see.”
“It’s probably best for you, anyway. After all, you have that big test Monday and it will be easier for you to study without us there to bother you.”
“You know I like having you both there.”
“I know. But there will still be fewer interruptions without us. I’ll have my cell with me, of course, if you need anything.”
“I’ll be fine.” She hadn’t even mentioned this weekend trip before, he thought with a frown. Had it been something she’d considered earlier—or was she jumping on the excuse to run because of last night? “Have a good time.”
“We will. Thanks. And good luck with your studies.”
Slipping the phone back into its holder on his belt, he turned somberly back to the group gathered around James’s table. His good mood of earlier had just taken a sharp turn back into doubt and insecurity.
Was Mia having regrets today? She’d certainly been fully involved last night, but maybe she was having second thoughts now that she’d had time to think about their actions. Maybe she was afraid that too much had changed between them now, and not necessarily for the better.