‘Huh.’ She says, glancing down and thinking it over. ‘I never really looked at it that way before. And I wouldn’t have put it quite so bluntly, but I suppose you’re right. He must have been very important to you. My grandmother died when I was ten. If I’m honest, I hardly knew her.’ Then looking up at me questioningly: ‘Wasn’t your Shadow a super soldier?’
‘Yes, he was.’
‘I heard he so was extensively modified that he’d lost almost all his human qualities.’ ‘That’s not true. He was a loyal companion, as well as my bodyguard.’
‘Dogs are loyal Inigo. But I won’t argue; you’re an important person and so that made Hero important. I get it. Kind of sweet really.’
‘Yes, sweet.’ I reply, but she doesn’t seem to pick up on the sarcasm.
‘Are you sure you won’t change your mind?’
‘I can’t be what you want me to be right now Heather. I have to work this out on my own and somehow find peace.’
‘Peace?’ She says, one eyebrow curving.
‘Yes. Inner peace. I have to forgive the man who took Hero from me then get over my fear of LOSERs.’
‘I see. I really can’t help you then.’
‘Sadly, no. But if anything changes, I’ll call you.’ I say, in a tone that’s hardly reassuring. But it’s only proper and polite to leave her with a glimmer of hope.
‘Okay.’ She says, at last resigned to the outcome. ‘Take as long as you need.’ Then glancing at bottles of cider: ‘They’re for you.’
‘Thank you.’ I whisper.
‘Can I use your bathroom before I leave?’
‘Of course. I’ll show you....’
‘No, there's no need. You’re busy. I’ll find it.’ She hesitates, then hastily brushes her lips against my right cheek. ‘Goodbye Inigo.’
Chapter 6
I hear voices as I reach the door to the bunker. Hero’s rumbling undertones followed by a faint but discernible female voice. Starla? He’s brought her here? I stride fervidly into the room anticipating a joyous reunion with the third member of our team, only to be presented with my mother sitting on the bed beside Hero, dressed in a tracksuit and trainers and clutching a familiar white bear.
‘Inigo.’ She says looking up, teary eyed.
A sudden flashback of sitting in Sam Steele's flat muddles the scene. The memory, more vivid than any of the recent past so far, locks my thoughts. I squint hard at the bear which is intact, as it was given to us. It appears to be moving; its chest rising in time to my own breathing and its beaded eyes blinking at me from my mother's lap. I can’t tear my eyes away. But before I’ve truly convinced myself that I’m imagining it, I’m hit with a realisation; Sam Steele is dead because of us. If I hadn’t bought the bear from him, he’d still be alive. The transaction was traced after we were captured. That’s how the connection was made. That’s why he’s my attacker in false memories. It’s my fault. He’s dead because of me…
My mother breaks the spell by putting the bear to one side and slowly standing. She steps forward then quite unexpectedly, flings her arms around me.
‘I’m so sorry.’ She says breathlessly and gripping me tight as if we've been parted for years. ‘I’m so sorry for what they did to you.’
‘You told her?’ I say, addressing Hero over her right shoulder as she sobs into my chest.
‘She needed to know.’ he replies, staring down at the floor.
‘Did she?’ I prise her arms from around my neck. Reluctantly she returns to the bed and picks up the Choose Life bear before sitting again. I push the thought of Sam Steele’s murder out of my head. It’s too much to deal with all at once. I watch as she then tucks the cuddly toy under her chin and cradles it as if compensating for the fact that I cut short our embrace. She knew nothing about the investigation - and for good reason. Anger surges up through my body and I explode at Hero:
‘How could you tell her without discussing it with me first?’
‘There wasn’t time to talk it through Jo.’ He replies in his usual sedate manner.
‘You couldn’t have waited a little longer until I got down here?’
‘No.’ he simply answers.
‘How much does she know?’
‘Everything.’
‘Everything?’
The pain behind my eyes returns as I try to make sense of this betrayal. Is it a betrayal? Yes, it definitely is. We’re partners; we don’t go ahead and do things without discussing and agreeing on them first. My face is hot. I’m overheating, despite how cold it is down here. I’m about to continue with my protest when he says:
'Pretty soon Jo, we're going to disappear and we might never be able to return to England. Zara needed to know that she might never see you again, and you were in no condition to explain. You're still not.’
‘I’m not an idiot Hero; I just can’t remember it all yet! But I can read!’
‘What happened when you walked in just now?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘You zoned out for about thirty seconds.’
Thirty seconds? Was it really that long? ‘Nothing happened.’ I lie. ‘I was just surprised to see her here, that’s all.’
I know he doesn’t believe me. My mother looks up, still forlorn. ‘Inigo, I know you’re angry but please try to understand....’
I cross my arms, asserting my position on the matter before allowing her to speak again.
‘I can’t imagine how difficult this must be for you. The night before last at dinner when you were talking...well of course, it all makes sense now.’ She pauses to take a much needed breath after all the crying. ‘Your father is still in Cambridge. Hero left the bear on my bed. He saw the opportunity. There was a letter tucked under the t-shirt; it was the only way that he could let me know he was still alive without scaring me half to death. But I was scared Inigo. And confused. I had to know if he really was down here. I was afraid that P400 would see me so I waited until seven, when it’s scheduled to start cleaning the windows. I knew it would be busy for the next couple hours so I made my way down. Hero and I have been talking for the past hour and I still can’t get my head around it. What they did to you….and to Starla. And Jessica...poor Jess.’ She starts to cry again. The tears follow the tracks already laid on her cheeks then fall and land on the bear’s tatty, worn fur. ‘All those people at Health Farms right now, or in their own homes, lying in their beds just waiting to die. Baggage Bugs knocking people to their deaths as they go about their daily lives.’ She continues, her voice elevated and more erratic now. ‘That ghastly flu virus; the thousands murdered already! Poison in medicines, given free to the elderly or bought in good faith and goodness knows what other frightful means they’ve come up with! Such cruelty! How could this happen? What could possibly have turned young Myers into such a monster?’
‘Zara, remember what we talked about.’ says Hero in a soothing voice. ‘I know it’s a shock but hold it together. We need you to be strong.’
‘I know, I know.’ She says quietly, nodding and gulping back more tears. Then her pride apparently kicking in: ‘I’m just so...angry.’
I look her over carefully, paying particular attention to her body language. Is she really angry, or is it all an act? I know my mother; there are no tears when she’s enraged, sparks fly. That's why the people who work for her do exactly what she tells them to do. She doesn't cry when she’s cross and she doesn’t hug stuffed bears for comfort which begs the question, is it all a big performance? I could stick with my original verdict; that the change in her personality is perfectly justified by the string of tragedies. It would be strange if she hadn’t been affected by her son’s trauma. And the array of conflicting emotions now that she knows the truth must be truly overwhelming. Relief that Hero is alive, contempt for the government for Jess’s murder and for what they put us all through, pity and sadness for those who unwittingly await death. She’s understandably distressed. Yes, that works. Of course, I could be wrong. My judgement could be sk
ewed owing to CIA and the effects of its reversal. Maybe I’ve been taken in by an act she's been perfecting ever since the supposed attack. What if she was instructed to behave this way, in the event that Hero returned and I learned the truth? What if we’ve fallen into a trap? Agents could be on their way here right now. She wouldn’t see it as betraying me; she’d view it as loyalty to the state.
I squat down before her. ‘Mother.’ I say, finding her eyes. Her lashes are clumped with the wet of her tears.
‘Yes.’ She softly replies.
‘Get a grip.’
She looks taken aback at first, but then appears to pulls herself together. ‘You’re absolutely right.’ She says sniffing, then putting the bear aside. ‘This is not useful at all. I have to get ready for work so I’ll go and leave you two to talk.’
She stands ready to leave. The recovery was a little too quick for my liking and so I’m compelled to ask: ‘Now that you know, how do we know we can trust you?’
‘What?’ she answers, seemingly puzzled by the remark.
Hero’s brow crinkles crossly. ‘Jo; I’ve been with her for the last hour...’
‘Yes but I need to be sure Hero.’ Then to my mother: ‘Convince me that this isn’t all a show - that you weren’t in on it the whole time.’
‘Inigo!’
‘Jo, she’s not in on it.’
‘It’s a fair question!’ I insist. ‘You party with MP’s and corporate executives...’
'Oh hardly!’
'...The government commissions your firm to design its housing and leisure facilities. You know the Prime family. How are you not part of it? How are you not one of them? How do I know that agents aren’t about to come bursting through that door any second?’
‘Alright, alright!’ she says, now flustered. ‘I can see why you might doubt me!’
I stand to allow her space to explain herself, but find it impossible to stand still so start pacing the width of the small room.
‘I’ve always been a loyal supporter of the Myers dynasty.’ She begins. ‘But isn’t everyone? Of course I’ve taken government contracts! My firm, which was your grandfathers, has a long history of state commissions because it’s the best. But I didn’t know that our biggest client was killing people! I’m an architect, not a politician. I’ve never been involved in converting any building into a Health Farm and the Institute, which I now suspect is where these poisonous drugs and viruses are being developed, was completed whilst I was still at University. You know I have acquaintances in government but that’s all they are. I consider them necessary associates - not friends. I’m not a part of this secret organisation or alliance, or whatever it is, ordering the extermination of thousands of innocent people. What on earth do you take me for?’ She protests, now furious and not crying at all. ‘You have to believe me Inigo; I knew nothing of Agents or academies, or murderous Bugs until Hero told me about them. I swear it on my life. It’s abhorrent. I'm disgusted by the actions of our government.’
‘Is it really abhorrent?’ I say, stopping before her. ‘In a society where weakness is not tolerated, isn't culling the obvious next stage?’
‘You should know me well enough by now…’
‘Just answer the question!’
Hero stands suddenly, coming to her defence. ‘That’s enough Jo. You're being unreasonable.’
‘I beg to differ, when it’s a matter of life and death!’
‘Fine.’ She states indignantly. ‘You’re right; this is a matter of life and death so I’ll outline my position shall I?’ She stands to face me, her eyes now glistening with passion and rage. ‘It’s one thing to allow people to suffer for their mistakes, but quite another to ensure that they fail. What Myer’s is doing is deplorable and for the first time in my life, I feel completely powerless. Can you understand that Inigo? This isn’t something I can change or influence. I can’t even throw money at it. The problem is rooted in a perverted ideology that I disagree with, with every ounce of my being.’
‘But if you were part of it you’d be bound to secrecy, right?’
‘In which case, questioning her is pointless.’ Says Hero, clearly tiring of my style of questioning.
‘So what about father?’ I ask, starting to believe that she’s telling the truth.
‘I don’t know.’ She says, more quietly. You’re father and I... Well, you know how it is with us. Our weekly dinner dates with you are the most we see of one another these days. The rest of the time we’re like ships in the night, and I’m afraid we’ve drifted even further apart. I can’t tell you that he’s not involved. But I do know that he loves you and that he would never do anything to...’
‘What about his finances.’ I say, cutting her off. 'Shares, investments, sponsorships…’
‘How would I know?’ She cries.
I raise an eyebrow in doubt.
‘Your father has invested in Future party medical research for years, as have I. It’s a safe investment. But I don’t know the exact details; everything is in the hands of our financial advisors. We’re LIFE patrons, you know that. But I never attend the meetings because frankly, I find all that medical talk very dull. I was just happy to know that I was buying into revolutionary new medicines.’
‘Has his involvement with the LIFE institute increased?’ I ask.
‘Possibly. But as one of the country's leading consultants; it goes with the territory. It doesn’t prove anything.’
I pause briefly to denote the gravity of my next question. ‘Mother; do you trust him?’
She looks down at the floor and takes her time answering. In my opinion, it’s not a question that a wife should have to think too hard about. Eventually: ‘‘Honestly Inigo, I don’t know. ’ She says, shaking her head. ‘I’ve always believed him to be a good person. He’s always been an advocate of Health Farms, but I think now perhaps….for all the wrong reasons.’
I look up at Hero. We’re thinking the same thing - we always have when it comes to my father. ‘You can’t tell him.’ I say, turning back to her.
‘No.’ She replies, shaking her head at Hero as if this had already been agreed.
‘Under no circumstances must he find out any of this.’
'It’s like we discussed Zara.’ says Hero. ‘You’re going to have to carry on as if nothing has changed. It’s the only way to help Inigo. To help all of us.’
She nods to confirm that she understands. I can’t imagine how she feels right now. As if the rift between my parents wasn’t wide enough already; suspicion is bound to broaden the gap. When I was young, I thought their relationship was normal. I had nothing to compare it to. When I realised that they weren’t in love (merely well matched) I wondered why they stayed together. It didn’t take me long to gather that their marriage is like a professional partnership. There might once have been more, but fundamentally they’re selfish career people in the business of maintaining their wealth and positions.
She sits back down and leans into Hero. He puts his arm around her and she rests her head against his shoulder. She looks exhausted. But that’s no reason for me to feel sorry for her. I had to put her through her paces, for my peace of mind, and for the safety of all those involved. I haven’t yet forgiven Hero for not consulting me before bringing her in. I feel shut out, left behind. I just need to start remembering so that he trusts me again.
‘So my mother is part of the plan.’ I say, trying now to sound effective. ‘Where does she fit in?’
‘We need access to the yacht.’
‘I have access.’
‘No you don’t.’ She says. ‘Your father took the doctor's advice to limit your movements on account of your vulnerable state. Your chip will deny you access to the Lina Bo, and the plane.’
'And you agreed to this?’
'Based on the results of your assessment after the incident, yes.’
'I have agoraphobia! I've barely left my office, let alone the house, for weeks!’
'You were also suffering from depr
ession; a negative psychological loop created by....’
'I know what depression is!’
'So you understand why we were concerned Inigo. The agoraphobia might have been made up but the depression was real because you believed Hero was dead. We were told that you were emotionally unstable; that we could expect the unexpected in relation to your behaviour. Ironic since you’ve never been predictable at all. But we weren’t prepared to chance it. Do you remember when you were nineteen and you took the Lina Bo out by yourself following a row with your father and I had to send a search party after you? I did what any loving mother would do then and this situation was no different.’
The search party wasn't so much a party as one man; Hero. The only person capable of getting through to me at that time or any other in fact, or bringing me home by force if necessary. I was banned from taking the yacht out for a year following the episode. That was a long time ago. But I have no issue recalling it.
‘You’d better get back Zara.’
She stands again. ‘Yes I must. As far as P400 is concerned, I’ve been in the kitchen for over an hour.’ She replies, referring to the room above our heads. ‘But I’m in trouble if it starts looking for me.’
I watch as my mother wraps her arms around Hero and kisses him on the cheek. I consider that this could be the last time she ever sees him, if things don’t go to plan. Or even if they do, like Hero said, we might never be able to return.
‘Take care of my son.’ She says, stepping back.
He smiles in response. My mother then turns to me and smiles affectionately.
‘I’ll see you upstairs.’ She says. This is not goodbye for us. Not yet.’ She starts in the direction of the door, but then stops and looks thoughtful.
‘What is it?’ I ask.
‘You know for a short time Inigo, I felt we were the closest we’ve ever been.’
‘Well, I did nearly die. Or at least, that’s what we believed.’
2079- Beyond the Blue Page 7