by Joan Jonker
There was an awkward silence until Vera walked towards the bed. She struggled to find the right words, but someone had to mention the baby no matter how painful. They couldn’t carry on as though nothing had happened. ‘I’m so sorry, Eileen.’
Those few words were all that were needed to start the four women crying. Maggie went to Eileen and held her close, rocking her like a baby. ‘There, there, lass, you cry as much as you want.’
‘Why me, Mam? What did I do wrong?’
‘You did nothing wrong, lass.’ Maggie’s tears ran unchecked on to Eileen’s head. ‘These things happen and nobody knows why.’
Mary and Vera were crying unashamedly. Both would have given anything to be able to help Eileen, the one person they had both turned to when they were in need of a friend. But there was nothing they could do to take the hurt away, only grieve with her.
‘It was a little girl, Mam.’
Carol’s lips started to tremble. She didn’t understand why everyone was upset, except that it had something to do with Auntie Eileen and a little girl. She squeezed between Eileen and Maggie. ‘I’m your little girl, Auntie Eileen.’
Through her tears, Eileen saw Carol’s face pushed under her mother’s arm and her sobbing eased. She ran a hand across her nose, then sniffing loudly she reached out to stroke the fair hair. ‘Of course yer my little girl, sweetheart. An’ the best little girl in the whole world.’
Using the corner of her pinny to wipe her face, Maggie stepped back to let Carol near the bed. They say these children bring their own love, she thought, well Carol certainly did. She was a Godsend right now.
When Carol sat on the bed and tried to cuddle Eileen, the big woman quickly put her arms out to protect her breasts. ‘Not too close, sunshine. Auntie Eileen’s got a pain.’
Eileen pulled a face at Vera. ‘Me breasts are full of milk an’ they’re awful sore.’ She turned to Maggie. ‘We’ll ’ave to find an old sheet to tear into strips, an’ yer can bind them up for us.’
‘I’ve got an old sheet,’ Mary said. ‘And I’ll do it for you.’
‘Thanks, kid, but we’ve got plenty of old sheets, ’aven’t we, Mam? In fact they’re all flippin’ old.’ Eileen tried to stifle a yawn, but it wasn’t lost on Maggie.
‘I think it’s time for you to have a rest.’ Maggie reached across and took one of the pillows from Bill’s side of the bed. ‘Lift your head and I’ll make you comfortable.’
‘Come on, Vera, we’ll go and let Eileen have a bit of peace and quiet, she looks all in.’
It took some persuading to get Carol off the bed. Only a promise that she could come again tomorrow did the trick.
Mary looked back from the doorway. ‘Can Harry come and see you tonight, or would you rather he left it a few days?’
‘Now, kid, ’ave yer ever known me refuse to ’ave a man in me bedroom? Tell ’im I’m lookin’ forward to seein’ ’im.’
Bill gazed around the table as the children ate the hot-pot Maggie had made for their dinner. Usually meal times were noisy affairs, with jokes, laughter and arguments. But tonight, after seeing their mother looking so pale and tired, they were quiet.
‘How long will me mam be in bed, Dad?’ Billy asked, putting down his knife and fork. ‘She doesn’t look very well, does she?’
‘No, son, she doesn’t.’ Bill pushed a potato around his plate. His normal hearty appetite had deserted him and if it wasn’t for upsetting Maggie, the whole lot would have gone in the bin. ‘You know how much she was looking forward to having this baby, all the plans she’d made. I know we were all looking forward to it, and we all feel sad, but it’s much, much worse for your mam.’
There was a lump in Billy’s throat which wouldn’t go no matter how hard he tried to swallow. Embarrassed, he picked up his plate and made for the privacy of the kitchen. ‘I can’t eat any more, Nan, I’m sorry.’
‘That’s all right, son,’ Maggie called after him. ‘None of us are very hungry tonight.’
Edna pushed her plate away and dropped her head on the table, her thin shoulders shaking with sobs. ‘Me mam said I would ’ave had a little baby sister.’
Bill ran a hand over her head, his voice soft. ‘I know, love, but your crying isn’t going to help your mam. We’ve all got to pull together now to help her get better.’ He turned to Joan, whose hands were lying in her lap, her eyes fixed on her plate. ‘D’you hear me, Joan?’
Joan nodded, not trusting herself to speak. She hadn’t wanted a baby in the house, but she would rather have had a hundred babies than see her mam looking so unhappy.
‘So we’ve all got to get stuck in and give Nan a hand with the housework for the next few weeks. This house is far too big for her to keep clean, as well as see to your mam and do the washing and cooking.’
‘I can stay off school an’ help me nan,’ Edna said. ‘If yer give me a note for the teacher, I won’t get shouted at.’
Bill thought about it, then said, ‘I don’t like you staying off school, but I don’t think it would do any harm just this once. You could help in the house and be company for your mam. That’s what she needs, someone to take her mind off things.’
‘Can I go up an’ tell her?’ Edna was off her chair and out of the room before Bill had time to stop her. They could hear her taking the stairs two at a time and Maggie shook her head. ‘She’s a live wire, that one. Just like her mother was.’
‘I’m glad they’ve all gone.’ Eileen lay back on the pillows, her face showing her tiredness. ‘I knew Mary an’ Harry were comin’, but I didn’t expect our Rene an’ Alan. How did they know I was ’ome?’
‘Rene’s been ringing Mary every day,’ Bill said, sitting down on the side of the bed. He took Eileen’s hand in his and rubbed his thumb gently over the skin. ‘It’s good to have you home, chick. I haven’t half missed you.’
Eileen’s eyes were fastened on the wall behind the door. ‘Where’s the cot?’
‘Gone. Everything’s gone, love.’ Since he’d got in from work Bill had been dreading this moment. But what had been done was for the best. ‘I asked your Rene to come down and clear everything out.’ He saw the pain on Eileen’s face and said quickly, ‘It had to be done, chick! It would have broken your heart if you’d had to do it.’
‘Where’ve they gone?’ Eileen could see in her mind all the small matinee coats, the nightdresses and tiny pillowcases Maggie had embroidered, and the cot and pram sets. She remembered how she’d folded them all neatly away, ready for when the baby came. Tears smarted her eyes. ‘Who did they go to?’
‘A young couple in Walton. They’d only just got a house and were struggling to save the money to furnish it when the girl found out she was in the family way. Just the sort of couple you would have given them to yourself.’
‘Yer’ve never said anythin’, Bill.’ Eileen’s voice was low. ‘But were yer very disappointed?’
‘More than disappointed, love, I was heartbroken. But Dr Greenfield had a good talk to me after the baby was born, and although I didn’t appreciate what he said then, I’ve had time to think it over and he was right.’
‘What did he say to yer?’
‘Not tonight, Eileen, I’ll tell you some other time. You’ve had enough for one day.’
Eileen struggled to a sitting position. ‘Tell me now.’
Bill sighed and ran his fingers through his mop of white hair. ‘I know you’ll be upset, but he said we were lucky.’ When the bed creaked with Eileen’s movement, Bill lifted his hand. ‘You wanted to know, so hear me out. There’s lots of children dying every day, and as the doctor said, it would have been much worse if we had known the baby and grown to love her.’ With a catch in his voice, Bill went on, ‘We’re luckier than some ’cos we’ve got three children, and we’ve got each other.’
Eileen was silent as she watched Bill’s face working to keep the tears at bay. And without warning her mind went back in time to when Bill was taken prisoner in the war and she didn’t know whether he was a
live or dead.
Eileen held out her open arms. ‘Hold me, Bill.’
After a week of only being allowed to walk round the bedroom or go to the toilet, the nurse pronounced Eileen well enough to go downstairs on the understanding she didn’t overdo things. But there was no need for the nurse’s warning because Mary and Vera were there every day to give Maggie a hand, and they wouldn’t even let Eileen wash a cup. ‘This is the life.’ Eileen was sitting on the couch munching a Fry’s Chocolate Cream bar, watching Mary doing some ironing. ‘Nice work, if yer can get it, eh, kid?’
Mary spat on her finger and tested the iron. ‘Ow, that’s hot!’ She smiled at Eileen. ‘Serve me right if I burnt meself. Harry’s always telling me off about it.’
‘You and Vera ’ave been smashin’. An’ our Rene, of course. I don’t know ’ow me mam would ’ave managed without yez.’ Eileen licked some melted chocolate off her fingers. ‘But another week should see me back on me feet.’
‘You’ll do as you’re told and take it easy for at least a month.’ Mary folded the sheet she’d finished ironing. ‘Me and Vera don’t mind, we enjoy having a natter.’ She didn’t say that there was an understanding between her and Vera, and Rene, that Eileen shouldn’t be left on her own too much. She never talked about the baby, but the pain and heartbreak could be seen on her face when she thought no one was looking.
Eileen wiped her sticky fingers on the silver paper before throwing it in the fire. ‘I’ll make it up to yez, kid. When I’m feelin’ better I’ll mug yez to a meal in Sampson and Barlows.’ She gazed at Mary’s bent head for a while, then asked. ‘What’s wrong with Arthur Kennedy these days? Nobody ’as mentioned ’im, an’ he ’asn’t been to see me. That’s not like Arthur.’
Mary put the iron down while she turned a pillowslip. ‘Oh, he hasn’t forgotten you, he asks about you all the time. But with you being so low, healthwise, Bill thought it better if he didn’t come.’
‘That’s daft, that is, an’ mean,’ Eileen said. ‘Anybody would think Arthur ’ad the plague.’
‘Bill was only being careful, and we all agreed with him, even Arthur.’ Mary folded the pillowslip and placed it on top of the pile on the sideboard. ‘In your condition it was better to be safe than sorry.’
‘How did ’im an’ the kids get on when they went for a test?’
‘Fine. They got the all clear.’ Mary could see the line Eileen’s thoughts were taking and said, ‘That had nothing to do with Bill asking him not to come. It’s just Arthur going to the hospital to see Sylvia, Bill was frightened he might have picked up a germ on his clothes.’
‘Load of rubbish,’ Eileen said. But she wasn’t displeased. How could she be, when Bill only had her interests at heart? ‘How is Sylvia?’
‘Arthur doesn’t go in every night now. He said it was a waste of time because Sylvia wouldn’t talk to him. He can sit by the bed for an hour and she won’t open her mouth. Arthur said it’s as though she’s blaming him for everything.’
‘Does he still take the boys to Vera’s?’
Mary’s eyes went to the door of the kitchen where Maggie and Vera were preparing the dinner. Her voice low, Mary said, ‘I think so, but Vera doesn’t say much.’
‘I’ll ’ave to get meself better soon, won’t I, kid? Get up-to-date with all the news.’ Eileen was looking more like her old self. She was eating everything put before her and was feeling stronger every day. But inside, the pain and heartache were as strong as ever. She managed to hide it during the day, and only Bill knew how she was suffering. Because it was in his arms she cried herself to sleep every night.
Mary noticed Eileen shiver, and quickly put the iron down. ‘Are you cold, Eileen? Shall I put some more coal on?’
‘No, I’m all right, kid. Just someone walkin’ over me grave.’ It was still an effort to smile, but when Eileen saw the concern on her friend’s face she managed to raise one. ‘I was just thinkin’, yer not very good at repeatin’ gossip, are yer, kid? I bet yer don’t know ’ow many blankets next door ’ave got on their bed, or who the milkman’s ’aving it off with.’
‘Oh, go way with you,’ Mary laughed. ‘You should have Elsie Smith for a neighbour. You’d be in your element then.’ Mary cocked an ear. ‘There’s a knock on the door. I’ll go.’
Eileen could hear raised voices but couldn’t make out what they were saying. She was watching the door when Mary came back with her arm around Edna’s shoulders. Eileen cried out when she saw the bandage wrapped around her daughter’s head. ‘Oh, my God, what’s happened?’
Edna ran to sit next to her mother on the couch while Mary explained. ‘One of the teachers brought her home. Apparently she fell in the playground and cut her head open.’
‘Is it bad?’ Eileen held Edna away from her to look closely at the bandaged head. ‘Have yer ’ad it seen to?’
Maggie and Vera came hurrying from the kitchen. ‘Oh, lord, what is it now?’
Maggie’s hand went to her mouth. ‘If it’s not one thing, it’s another.’
‘All right, Mam, don’t be gettin’ yer knickers in a twist.’ Eileen put her fingers under Edna’s chin and raised her face. ‘Tell us what happened, sunshine.’
Edna, her face ashen, said, ‘We were playin’ football in the playground an’ me an’ Marie Ashton ran to kick the ball and we banged into each other. I went flyin’ and landed on me head.’ Edna was reduced to tears and Eileen couldn’t get another coherent word out of her.
‘Whoever brought her home said she’s been to the hospital and has had four stitches in the wound,’ Mary said. ‘I think it must have been one of the teachers.’
‘It was our headmistress, Miss Bond,’ Edna sobbed. ‘She took me to the ’ospital in her car. An’ she said I was to stay off school till the stitches are out.’
‘Is it sore, sunshine?’ Eileen put her arm around the thin shoulders and could feel her daughter shaking. ‘I think yer’d better take some aspirin and go to bed for a couple of hours. You go on up an’ I’ll get yer a hot drink an’ two tablets. When yer dad comes in, he’ll know what to do.’
‘You stay where you are, I’ll see to her.’ Vera took Edna’s hand. ‘I’ll settle her down if you’ll make a cup of tea, Mary. Weak with plenty of sugar in.’
Bill took his shoes off and let them fall to the floor. ‘There’s not much I can do, chick. She says it’s sore, but I’m not touching the bandage ’cos I’ll never get it back on properly.’ He stood up and struggled with the stud at the back of his collar. When it slipped from his fingers and fell to the floor, he cursed, ‘The blasted thing’s rolled under the tallboy and I’m not moving that tonight.’
Eileen was leaning back against the headboard, a worried look on her face. ‘Shall I call the doctor out tomorrow?’
‘That won’t be necessary, unless she’s in a lot of pain.’ Bill slipped between the sheets. ‘And you know what a good actress our Edna is, so only believe half of what she says. She’ll do a Bette Davis on you and have everyone running round after her.’ He stretched his arms over his head and yawned. ‘Ask Mary if she’ll be a pal and ring the school tomorrow to find out when the stitches are due to be taken out. I’ll have to take a couple of hours off work to take her to the hospital.’
Eileen watched Bill snuggle down in the bed, the clothes pulled up to his chin. ‘I’ve been lying here thinkin’,’ she said. ‘All the runnin’ round, movin’ to this ’ouse an’ havin’ to decorate an’ buy new furniture, an’ all for nothin’. We could ’ave stayed in our old house.’
Bill pushed himself up and held her close. ‘It wasn’t for nothing, love. We’ve got a nice house here. You haven’t had time to appreciate it, but when you’re feeling better you’ll see the difference. Ma’s got her own room and we’ve got a bathroom and wash-house. We couldn’t ask for anything more.’
Eileen bit on the inside of her lip. ‘Don’t start shoutin’ at me, Bill, but I feel it in me bones that this isn’t goin’ to be a lucky ’ouse for us.’
> ‘Ye gods and little fishes!’ Bill was exasperated. ‘You can’t blame the house for what happened to you, or ’cos our Edna fell and cut her head. That’s just being superstitious. There’s no such thing as an unlucky house and you know it.’
Eileen shrugged off his arm. ‘Okay, Bill Gillmoss, ’ave it your own way. But don’t say I never warned yer.’
Chapter Eleven
‘It was a crackin’ game yesterday, wasn’t it, Dad?’ Billy leaned forward to look past Edna who was sitting next to him at the table. ‘That goal of Bob Paisley’s was brilliant.’
‘Yes, it was a masterpiece,’ Bill answered with a smile. ‘All the lads played well, Liddell, Stubbins, Balmer, every one of them.’
‘Yeah.’ Billy munched happily on a roast potato. At twenty, he was a replica of how his Dad had looked at his age. And like his Dad he was a fanatical supporter of Liverpool Football Club. ‘We play Arsenal away next week, don’t we?’
‘In the name of God, can’t you two talk about anythin’ but football?’ Eileen asked, a smile creasing her face. Sunday was the one day of the week she looked forward to, when the extension leaf on the table was pulled out and the family sat down to eat together. Her eyes were bright as they looked around the table. Next to her sat Joan, eighteen now, then her mother, Maggie. Opposite, sat Bill, Edna and young Billy. ‘I bet if I put a Liverpool shirt down to yez for yer dinner, yer’d eat the blasted thing!’
‘I would if it had salt and pepper on.’ Billy grinned cheekily. ‘And a drop of the old tomato ketchup.’
‘Oh, ha-ha, very funny.’ Eileen saw Joan pick up her plate and scrape her chair back. ‘You’ve been quick. What’s the hurry?’
‘I’m meeting Joyce Harrison, we’re going for a walk.’
Joan had grown into a very attractive girl. Her figure was slim and curved in the right places, her long legs shapely in the high-heeled shoes she wore. Her fine, mousy-coloured hair was long and straight, and today it was combed to fall across one side of her face in the style of Veronica Lake, one of her favourite film stars.