by Hannah Gray
I’m almost to the top when I lose my footing. I try to catch myself, but it’s no use. One thing that’s been affected during the pregnancy is my balance.
I can’t stop myself, and I fall down almost the entire flight of stairs.
I try to sit up, but my back hurts. Stabbing, excruciating pain goes through my body. Suddenly, I worry.
Did I hurt my baby because I was too stubborn to take two trips to the car for groceries?
With no one to call and unsure of what could go wrong with such a big fall, I pull my phone out and dial 911. After what seems like forever on the phone, answering questions, I set the phone next to me and rub my belly.
“Please be okay, little girl. Please be okay. Mommy is so sorry.”
Before long, the paramedics arrive and take me by ambulance. I feel nauseous the entire trip, and my back pain is showing no signs of slowing down.
Mason
This game is fucking brutal. With twenty-nine seconds left on the clock, we are down by a touchdown, and the Patriots have the ball.
The ball gets launched to Trent. He steps back, and he’s just about to throw it when one of our defensemen comes out of nowhere, like a bull, and takes him out. It’s a hard hit, and the entire stadium quiets down, as he doesn’t move.
I run over to him. Ripping my helmet off and crouching down next to him. Yes, he plays for the opposite team, but he’s like a fucking brother to me. I find him unconscious, making my entire body turn cold and my stomach feel like I could puke. The medics rush over to assess the situation, urging me out of the way.
“Come on, man. Get up. You’ve taken worse hits. I know you. Get the fuck up, man,” I whisper under my breath. My heart begins to thud erratically in my chest.
I look around to see all of the players taking a knee. No matter how much each team wants to beat the other, we respect the hell out of one another. None of us likes to see anyone hurt.
They bring a stretcher out and load him onto it. With eighteen seconds left on the clock, I know we’re most likely done. Trent would want me to finish the game out though. No matter how fucking hard it is.
Just as my gut had told me, we were done. I knew we couldn’t come up with a power play to tie us up. Not after everyone was so shaken up, especially myself. But we played a great game. We just couldn’t pull through with the win, and that’s okay. At least we went down to a great team.
I push through the doors of the hospital, glancing down at my hand as Stassi slips hers into it and gives mine a comforting squeeze. I offer her a weak smile. This is why she’s too good for me. She’s here during the worst times. What’s wrong with me that I can’t give her a fair shot?
“You okay?” she whispers as we make our way into the ER.
I nod, pulling my ball cap down lower on my head. If I get spotted here, it’s going to be a fucking shitshow. Luckily, I’ve learned how to dress to blend in. “He’s all right. It was just scary as fuck.”
And it was. Until about three minutes prior, I had no idea what condition he was in. But his dad texted me and said he was all right, that he had a nasty concussion but would be fine. I rushed over here as soon as I changed my clothes. Skipping interviews and all.
We make it to the desk, where a receptionist with a very sour look on her face continues to stare at her computer screen.
“Can I help you?” her grouchy voice asks.
“Yes, I’m here to see Trent Kade,” I mumble his name low enough that bystanders won’t hear me.
She glances up at me. “Are you family?”
“No, his best friend. His dad knows I’m on my way,” I answer honestly.
“I’ll need to clear that with him. Please take a seat, and I’ll be with you shortly.” She shoos me away from her desk.
Stassi leans in, smelling of sweet strawberries, as usual. “Well, she was sure pleasant.”
I laugh weakly. “She sure was. As sweet as candy.”
“Did you see her name tag? It was Karen. Damn you, Karen, and your rules.”
I’m about to answer when a flash of red catches my eye. A tussled mess of dark red hair goes by on the stretcher. And before I know it, my feet are pushing me toward her.
“Mason? We have to wait till she clears us,” Stassi says as she follows me. “I know you’re worried, but we don’t want to get thrown out.”
As the nurses wait for the elevator to open to wheel the red-haired girl into it, I know I must look crazy. There’s no way it’s her. Why would she even be in the city to begin with? But when one of the nurses moves, finally giving me a view of her face, I almost lose my balance and fall on my ass. It’s her. It’s fucking her.
She doesn’t see me yet. Her face is streaked with mascara. No doubt from crying. My eyes look at her body to see if she appears hurt, stopping on her stomach. On her very round, very large, very pregnant … stomach.
“Anna? Are you—are you all right?” I push the words out, though I feel like I could pass the fuck out at any time.
Fuck, is the room spinning?
Her eyes flick up to me, and her face turns even paler. Any ounce of color she had in it is gone after seeing me.
“Why are you—who told you to come here?” her voice shouts viciously. Her beautiful green eyes filling with rage.
“No one told me. I’m here because Trent got hurt.”
Her eyes widen slightly. “Is he okay?”
I nod. “Yeah, he’s fine. Are you?”
Ignoring my question, she turns her head away from me. “All right then. Get the fuck away from me. Now.” As the last word leaves her mouth, the elevator opens.
“Anna! Anna, wait, please!”
But the doors shut before I can say anything else.
I can’t stop the stream of questions running through my brain. Why is she here? Is she okay? And who the fuck is she having a baby with, and is she still with him now? It hurts, seeing her pregnant, because that means one thing: she’s been with someone else.
As Stassi steps beside me, placing a hand on my arm, I remember I can’t be jealous. I’ve been seeing Stassi for months now.
Running my hand through my hair, I turn toward her. Suddenly feeling claustrophobic just from her presence. “Let’s just go sit in the waiting room until they clear me to see Trent. Okay?”
Her head bobs up and down slightly, but she never looks up at me. She follows me to the waiting room.
We’re quiet for a few minutes when she clears her throat. “So, Anna?” she says softly.
I continue to stare at the tiled floor. “Yeah. I knew her back at NEU.”
“I think maybe … there’s more to the story, Mase.”
“Why does it matter to you if there is?” I snap back, harsher than I probably should.
She gently puts her hand on my forearm. Just enough to show me there’s no reason to act defensive. “Well, you talk about someone named Anna. In your sleep … a lot.”
I turn toward her. “I do?”
She smiles sadly, nodding. “Yep. You have since we met. Is she the reason why you can’t give yourself to anyone? Why you have this thing about not getting too serious?”
I shrug weakly. Not wanting to admit out loud that she’s right. “Maybe. Look, I don’t really know. We didn’t have a long, intense love or anything like that. We were good friends and hung out a lot my senior year at NEU. Then, things got kind of weird.”
“Have you ever … you know?”
“Had sex? Why does it matter?”
Her face turns red. Whatever she wants to say isn’t coming out easily for her. “I just wonder … when’s the last time you hooked up?”
“Wha—” I begin to answer, assuming she’s being jealous but realizing it’s something else.
She’s wondering if I’m the one who got Anna pregnant. I do the math in my head. If it were mine, she’d be about seven months pregnant. Well, fuck me sideways. It’s definitely possible. It seems like so long ago that I held her that weekend. For some stupid reason, when
I saw her pregnant stomach, it didn’t cross my mind. Not until now anyway.
Understanding washes over her face, and she slowly rubs my back with her hand. “It seems to me like you have some stuff to figure out.”
Looking away from her and back at the floor, I focus on a tiny little scruff mark, and I nod. “I’d say I do.”
Eventually, she gets up, pulling her jacket back on. Her long brown hair flowing over her shoulders, she leans down and presses a kiss to my cheek. “Good luck, Mason. You are a good guy. A really good guy. I mean it.”
I give her a weak smile and stand to hug her good-bye. She might think I’m a good guy. But right now, I don’t feel like one.
thirty-four
Anna
I cannot shake the feeling that I’m going to throw up. I need to know my baby girl is okay. I need to hear it from the doctor, and I need to hear it now.
My body is sore. My back is in excruciating pain. And I’m almost positive I broke my ankle. I can see bruises physically forming on my arms. If it hurt me, how could it have not hurt her?
My gut launches into my throat from the nerves. I’ll never forgive myself if she isn’t okay. I’m supposed to protect her. I’m her mother.
A man who looks to be in his later thirties lightly knocks on the door before stepping inside. He rolls a large machine behind him.
Sitting down on the edge of the bed, he gives me a warm smile. “Hi, Anna. I’m Dr. Ryan. I see you’ve taken quite a fall and certainly have some injuries that need to be tended to. But first things first. The nurses and paramedics passed along the message that your biggest concern was the little miss in there.” He motions to my stomach before continuing, “So, let’s see how she’s doing, and then we’ll go from there. All right?”
Nodding, I fight back the lump forming in my throat. I know if I speak, I’ll only break down again. I’m scared. I’m alone. And I can’t even process my emotions right now.
He instructs me to roll my pants down and tuck the towel in. I do so, and he slathers on the protective ultrasound jelly.
I watch the screen without blinking. I see he’s found her, and to me, she looks like she did at the last ultrasound—healthy. But I don’t know anything about ultrasounds, so I wait for him to tell me what’s going on.
He takes more pictures and measurements, looking at her head and heart and all of her limbs. He does this for a good fifteen minutes before turning to me and smiling. “Well, Mama, rest assured, she looks absolutely perfect.”
I begin to sob, and I don’t even care how ridiculous I look. “Really? Are you sure? I didn’t hurt her, trying to carry all of my groceries in one trip?” My voice is squeaky and obnoxious.
He shakes his head. “You didn’t hurt her a bit. She’s very protected inside of you. You’ve created a safe haven for her.”
I smile. “She is my safe haven too.”
As he finishes up his exam, I take a minute to actually look at him. He’s extremely good-looking. That just shows how much of a lunatic I was before I knew my daughter was all right. I didn’t even really look at him until he told me the words that she was safe.
After he leaves, I pat my stomach and smile. Thank goodness you’re okay. It’s just you and me, baby girl. You and me.
After another hour, I find out that my ankle is just sprained badly. My back has some nasty bruises and scrapes, as do my arms. Add those to the already achiness of a pregnant body, and I have myself a shitty situation.
I can’t believe my baby girl’s father was in this building. In this hospital. Only a few hours ago.
What are the chances? I mean, what are the goddamn, motherclucking stupid chances that he’d be here the same time I was?
I feel like I’m in a sick dream or something. There are a lot of people in New York City—millions and millions, I’m sure. So, what are the chances that he’d be here when I was? I’d do the math problem on the calculator on my phone, but my head hurts too bad.
If I had told Cameran that I was coming here, I’d have blamed her for telling him. But I haven’t called her yet. I wanted to find out what the doctor said first. And now, I honestly want to wait a bit longer. Because I’m quite sure Mason mentioned he was here because Trent was. Cameran is doing really good; she’s not ready to see him, not yet anyway.
A nurse comes in. She looks about my age and sort of reminds me of Cameran. Her hair is long and blonde and in a messy braid. And she’s built just like her. For some reason, this girl gives me great comfort.
She comes to the computer and types a few things before looking at me. “So, they want to keep you here tonight, just to be on the safe side. We’ll keep you hooked to the non-stress test machine. This just lets us know without a shadow of a doubt that your baby girl is all right.”
I nod, but my eyes must give away that I’m panicking again.
She looks at me more seriously. “Hey, I swear, that baby looks absolutely perfect. But one thing about Dr. Ryan? He is very, very proactive. He always wants to be one hundred percent sure before sending someone home. Especially a pregnant lady like yourself.”
I relax a little. “All right.”
Her expression changes to something more awkward. She clears her throat. “So … I’ve been told there’s a guy in the lobby. He says he’s your friend. He’s been asking to come in. We wanted to check with you.”
Knowing damn well she’s talking about Mason, I look her in the eyes. “I have no friends around here. Other than my bosses, and I’m going to have them pick me up tomorrow. Please send him away.”
She nods curtly. “Okay, you got it. Try to get some rest. It’s getting late. If you need anything, hit the button.”
I nod. “I will, thanks.”
If he thinks I’m going to let him come and ask me how this baby is after he has ignored me regarding her all these months, he’s got another thing coming.
Mason
After the nurse came down and told me that Anna didn’t have any friends around and that I must be mistaken, I went back in with Trent to check on him again before heading home to get a little sleep.
Luckily, we had early morning practice. I knew there was a good chance Anna wouldn’t be getting out of the hospital until later today. Or she’d be staying another night. I knew she was likely still there, given the condition she was in for being … pregnant and all. Wow, even thinking about that still fucks with me.
Trent got released this morning but has to take a week off from football. Which I know won’t be easy for him. At all.
I spot a coffee shop across from the hospital. It’ll be perfect to watch who comes and goes. I pull my ball cap down lower and throw my sunglasses on. I hate wearing sunglasses inside. It makes me look like a total tool. But it shields my face from the public, which is extremely important. If someone spots me now, I might as well forget about being able to focus my attention on that hospital entrance.
I’m three hours and two coffees in when I see a wheelchair being pushed out. I instantly spot her red hair and see her ankle is in a cast. I frown. What if someone did this to her? I’ll kill them if I find out that’s what happened.
A shiny, brand-new black Camaro pulls in next to her, and without realizing it, my fists clench, and my jaw tightens.
Maybe she has moved on after all.
I’m relieved when I see a lady with short, dark hair push the driver’s door open and jog over to where Anna and the nurse are.
Not knowing how long I have before they take off, I jump out of my chair and make my way across the road to her. “Anna, are you all right? What happened?”
My voice startles her, and she looks at me. There’s not a trace of makeup on her face, yet she’s still the most beautiful girl I have ever laid eyes on.
Her face contorts to anger, hatred even. “Get away from me, you pathetic asshole. Get the fuck out of here.”
I don’t even know if that baby is mine. But if it is, I’ll bet that she tried to reach out and could never get ahold of me. Be
cause I was a dumbass and blocked her number.
I hold my hands up. “Anna, it’s me. I just want to help. Please.”
Her eyes flash with something I’ve never seen in her before. It’s clear that she really does hate me.
“I don’t need your help, Mason. I have done just fine on my own these past seven months. Go be a deadbeat dad to someone else’s baby.” She looks at her friend, who also looks like she might kill me and then feed me to some stray cats. “Jill, I’d like to go home now. Please.”
Her friend, who is fucking intimidating, nods. “You got it, chick. Let’s get you loaded.”
I try to help again, but she just slaps my hand away and hisses through gritted teeth, “Don’t. Fucking. Touch. Me.”
My heart actually feels like it’s getting pulled from my chest. I never wanted to hurt her. I was trying to protect her. Obviously, that backfired on me. I fucked up. Badly. My gut tells me that baby is most likely mine. At least, it sure has a chance of being mine. Plus, she basically confirmed it with the “deadbeat dad” comment.
She leaves me no choice but to step away and watch as they close their doors and speed off down the street. But I know a lot of fucking people. And I will find her. Sooner rather than later.
I made the mistake of staying away before, Red. I won’t do it again.
Anna
“So …” Jill drawls. I already know what’s going to come out of her mouth next before she even says it. “I take it, that’s the baby’s father?”
Resting my head against the mirror, I force my head to nod. I’m exhausted. It’s been a shitshow for the past twenty-four hours, and I can’t even process how many emotions I’m feeling right now.
Glancing over, she sees my response and clears her throat. “Sorry, chick. I’m sure it wasn’t easy to see him after all this time.”
“Nope. It’s not like he was there for me and the baby. He was there because Trent, his best friend, had a head injury and was brought there by ambulance.”