by Tara Lee
“Y-yes.” Goddamn it, my voice betrays me.
“How old are you?”
My eyes nearly bug out of my head, but I keep calm long enough to tell him quickly. “Twenty One.”
He gives me a nod as if to say ‘yeah right’ but he won’t call me on my shit.
“I don't see it?” He looks me over again.
My face falls, and I’m gutted. Geez, if I can’t get a job at a place like this, I have no hope anywhere.
“Please, I’m a hard worker, and I promise I’ll turn up to every shift.” I plead with my hands.
He sighs.
“You just about ran out of here in fear of me staring at your tits while covered. How will you be when they are bare and open for every man in here to apprentice?”
He has a point, but still, I was willing to try. I hate being the sick girl, I hated being the girl who’s Mom died, I hated being the girl whose boyfriend was a junkie. I just wanted to do something for me to prove I’m strong, with or without the small amount of courage I currently possess.
“Look, miss, this job requires you to be topless, walk around for hours on end with your tits out, flirting with customers so you get big tips, and you seem like the nervous, shy type. I don’t see you getting the courage to do it.”
My shoulders slump, and I drop my head forward slowly, taking a step back. Yeah the man is right, I’m not the type that usually does something like this, but maybe it’s time to be a little tougher. I survived dying, how hard could this be?
My eyes sting, not being able to help it. Is that how he sees me? Is that how everyone sees me, the shy, quiet type who wouldn't dare do something out of her norm because I'm too conventional? No, it’s time for a change. I need to prove not only to this man, but to myself I can do this.
I stand tall and make sure I look this man straight in his eyes. I won't have anyone tell me what I can and can’t do. Illness be damned, I’m in it to win this thing. I need this job. I can do it. I mean, it's not like I'll be sleeping with any of the men that come in? Right?
“I can do this, please, just give me a chance?” I tell him again.
He sighs and shakes his head while looking behind me. I think he’s ready to escort me out, but he yells out.
“Jasmine.” His voice is gruff.
A girl comes smiling up to us, booty shorts and all.
“Please show Miss...?” He holds his hand out towards me.
It's then I realize we never exchanged names. God, I can’t adult right now. I mentally roll my eyes at myself.
“Luna,” I tell them both, smiling at the girl.
She gives me one of those sweet smiles, like she doesn’t know how I will take it since her tits are in my face. I’ll give it to her, though they’re great tits.
“Please escort Luna out back and prepare her for her first shift”
My eyes nearly bug out of my head.
“Wait, what” I say.
“You want me to start now?” Breathe, just breathe, you got this Luna.
“No time like the present, sweetheart, and you better show me you want this job, because if you don’t, your ass as fine as it is will be gone.” He winks and then goes back into his office.
“Jerk.” I mutter.
Jasmine giggles.
“You’ll get used to Harris, he’s a little unorthodox and a little arrogant, but he grows on you.”
She starts to walk to a hallway, and I make sure I follow her.
“So this is where we all get ready.”
We walk into a room full of mirrors and chairs, and there is even a small room off to the side.
“The showers and bathroom are back there, and feel free to use my makeup— this is mine.” She pats a mirror in front of me.
I nod, giving her as much of my smile as I can without actually bringing up vomit. She waves me off like she can’t see the fear on my face.
“Most of the girls are as sweet as pie, and don’t worry, you're going to be nervous as hell the first few times. That's just normal, but after a while you just kinda forget where you are and what you're doing. It’s a job, and we make pretty good money here. You have to remember to smile and flirt, because if you do, the men throw out some amazing tips.”
“Okay, thanks. I’ve just never done anything like this?” I swallow hard. Is it hot in here?
Jasmine laughs. “None of us have before; it’s just something we’re all doing to make some extra cash.”
I smile at her. She smiles back and leaves the room, closing the door behind her. Okay, so jump right in. I guess my heart is beating so damn fast I'm sure I'm about to have a cardiac arrest, but I take some deep breaths and remember it’s just a job and the money would go a long way. I don’t want to fail. I don’t want to have to go home and tell Daddy I couldn't do it, I couldn't make it on my own.
I look up and murmur,
“I’m sorry Mom, I know you wanted more for my life, but right now I need to do this.”
I shoot a quick text to Callie, letting her know I’ll be late home since I have no idea what time I’ll finish, and I promise to explain everything as soon as I see her. I don’t have time to see if she replies. I sit down in front of Jasmine’s things and have a play around with makeup. I've always loved it, so putting my face on isn't something new to me, but I do it slowly so I have time to try to calm my nerves.
Once I'm done, I take some deep breaths.
“Okay, Luna time to put on your big girl pants and do this.” I tell myself, walking out ready to start my new job as a topless waitress. I mean, nothing bad could happen right? It's just serving drinks.
“You up for a beer tonight?” Bishop says.
It’s been two days since I last spoke to Luna. I'm giving her space, just like she asked, but I don't know how much longer I can go without speaking to her again. Having her so close yet so far away is bloody killing me I’ve wasted enough time; I need to get her back. Before it’s too late.
“Um, yeah, sure, man where are we going?”
“How about that new topless bar not far from here”
I stare at him, slightly confused.
“Le Chat Noir,” He says, as if I should know what place he’s talking about.
I stare at him blankly, and he rolls his eyes at me.
“It's the new upscale classy topless bar where women who are topless serve you drinks.” He emphasizes the topless part as if it should spike my interest.
I'll be honest, it does to a point, but nothing beats Luna’s tits and never will.
“Okay, fine, if you insist.” I tell him, just to keep him happy. If I’ve learned anything since working here, it’s that Bishop is a ladies’ man. I mean, they flock to him. I'm not sure if it’s his charm or the tattoos, or shit, I’ll give it to him, he is one handsome son of bitch.
He whoops and punches me on my arm. “Fuck, man you’re in for a good night. They got a new girl a couple nights ago. Fucking hell, man, the innocence that pours of her fuck, what I'd like to do to that one.”
He grabs his cock, and I can’t help but pretend I'm puking.
“Fuck you, man chicks dig my main man, and I've never had any complaints.”
“None to your face.” I smirk at him.
He flips me the middle finger, and I start to pack up my area ready for a couple stress-free drinks and a chance to think about my next approach with Luna.
We head inside, and music is pumping, girls are everywhere, and this place is fucking packed. I see some men in suits so I assume it’s the normal crowd for this place, coming here after a stressful day at work to let off some steam.
“The girls don’t sleep with the men, right?” I ask Bishop next to me.
He chuckles. “Hey, man if you want to try, go for it. Some chicks will, but expect to pay a little extra, if you know what I mean.” He says rubbing his fingers together.
I hold up my hands. “Just curious, man, I don’t want to sleep with anyone.”
He nods to a table that’s just
become free. We make our way to it, and while I'm looking down at the menu, I feel something that I can't explain.
“What can I get you boys tonight?”
My head snaps up, and my eyes lock with Luna’s. No. Fucking. Way!
“What the fuck.” I shout out before I can stop myself.
Luna’s eyes snap open wide. She uses her notepad to try to cover herself, but I think its a bit fucking late for that, all these fuckers have seen her tits now.
“You work here?” I whisper-yell my blood boiling to the point that I think it’s about to burst from my ears. Anger pours from me. How the Hell does she work in a place like this?
“Stop, Ethan.” Her eyes plead with mine.
I can see the panic in them.
“What the hell are you doing here, Luna?” I scream, raising my voice. I see people looking, but I don’t give two fucking shits, let the assholes stare.
She looks around with panic on her face. Who the Hell is she looking for?
“Yes, if you must know, I do work here, Ethan.” Her voice is stern and annoyed.
Why the fuck is she annoyed with me? She’s the one prancing around fucking topless for every sleazeball to see.
“You need to go put something on,” I tell her as I try to shield her from Bishop's greedy eyes.
“I will do no such thing. This is my job, and you can’t tell me what to do, Ethan.” She slaps me away, as if I’ll ever move from protecting her.
“Like hell I can't, Luna if you needed fucking money, you should have come to me,” I almost growl. The caveman in me forces his way out. All I need is a club to beat the ever-loving shit out of everyone in here, including Bishop— the fucker can’t stop looking at her. I’m not stupid, Luna is a damn goddess, of course he’d look.
“I don’t need your money.” She yells at me.
It's then that I see two men approach, and I have a feeling I'm about to be kicked out.
“Is this gentleman bothering you, Luna?” The blonde guy says.
“No, it’s fine, he’s just an ex . He was just leaving.”
Fuck those word cut me deep.
I feel Bishop's stare as the dipshit has just put two and two together. He's realizing the Luna standing in front of us topless is my Luna, the one I've been telling him about for the last month.
“Well, damn.” he says.
Keep it up, dipshit.
“Luna, please.” I grab her arm.
She rips it away and shoves me backwards. Of course, I don’t move, because Luna is tiny, barely making it five foot. I tower over at six five, and no matter how hard she tries, she’d never be able to shove me, not with a push like that anyway.
“Ethan, please leave,” She asks me, her eyes blaze with fury with all the words I know she wants to throw at me.
“Hell fucking no, not without you, and what hell, do you really think I'm going to walk out that fucking door and leave you in here for these dirty bastards to eye-fuck you?” I stared down at her. I know my temper is rising and I should keep calm. This never worked in the past. Luna and I never worked mainly because of my addiction, but this never helped. We fought and we fought good, but we fucked even harder. Boy did we fuck hard.
“Please just leave, Ethan.” She tries again.
“You're making a scene, and I'd rather not be fired from this job, too, okay.”
Her eyes hold a sadness that I can’t place, but I think this time it’s not directed towards me.
What does she mean by ‘too’? was she fired recently? is that why she had to get a job at this fucking shithole?
“Luna, please, I can’t walk out knowing you’re still here, you know I can’t.” My eyes tell her so much more than she lets me.
“Look, son if you don't stop yelling at one of my girls, Trent here will escort you out, and trust me, he doesn't play nice.”
I stare down at the man who dared interrupt me.
“Fuck you. How the fuck can you let women degrade themselves like this, and you, you fucker, are going to damn prison, you know why?”
“Ethan, please?” Luna’s voice breaks through in a panic.
It's then I realize this fucker has no idea she’s underage. Luna isn't twenty-one yet; he could go down for this. How the fuck did he not check her ID? It would say her birthdate; surely he just doesn’t hire women who come prancing in here saying they need a job without checking first, right? What kind of seedy place is this guy running?
“I will be outside when you get off. Don't try to sneak away. We’re having that talk, Luna, and by damn if you try to avoid me, I will throw you over my shoulder and carry you all the way.” I growl.
She nods slowly, because Luna knows how territorial I am. My caveman ways got us into a few mishaps in the past. I tendered to let my love for her go a little wild. She’s lucky all these fuckers still have their eyes.
I storm out and look back and mouth to Luna, “Later, I mean it.”
She nods and gives me a little smile.
I'd say that's a win.
I can’t believe Ethan was here. Had he tracked me down? I’m embarrassed that he made a scene like that. I'd probably be fired now.
I brush the last of my tears away, eager to show him that he hasn’t affected me. It was a bunch of lies, of course he did, he’s always affected me, Ethan knew that all too well. I had a terrible poker face, and he’d see right through me if I told him I don't love him anymore, because I do with all my heart. I can never stop loving Ethan. But the person he’s become, I couldn’t be with that person. I was stupid to promise him. I'll talk, I know this time I wasn't getting out of it. He’ll wait for me to finish, and I know we’ll be having that talk as soon as I walked out those doors tonight.
“You okay, kid?” Harris asks, coming up behind me.
I give him a soft smile. “Yeah. I'm fine, sorry about that,” I say nodding out towards where the argument had been before.
“No problem. So he’s your ex?”
I nod but I can see Harris thinking.
“But you still love him?” He says as if reading my mind.
“Always,” I simply say.
“Look, I'm no expert at love, I mean, heck I don’t have the perfect rap sheet when it comes to women. But what he did, that was his way of trying to protect you I could see that he hated that other men were seeing you right now. I mean, don't get me wrong he went about it the wrong way, but I could see how much you meant to him.”
I nod slowly, because I already knew all this. I just had to accept that Ethan would always be a part of my life. I just wasn't sure if I was ready to let him back in yet.
“Take a few, and I will see you out there soon,” Harris tells me. He stops and turns back to me, goes to say something but stops. He just smiles and walks out, shutting the door behind him.
I place my head in my hands and let out a deep breath. Has Harris figured out I wasn’t really twenty-one yet? Will I be fired now? Whilst sitting here, memories of Ethan flood my head. I remember the day I told him I loved him. God, I was so scared. I was about to turn fifteen, and he’d been out getting high with his friends. It wasn't until I kissed him that he actually realized how serious I was. He held out for as long as he could, well, until I made him cave.
“Baby bird you don't love me, it’s a crush. Besides I'm pretty sure it’s not love, more like you idolize me.” Ethan cracks a smile.
That smile drives me insane every damn time. It's the smile that shows his dimples and the one that makes me melt into a puddle of mush.
“Ethan, why would I lie about this? I love you, okay, why won't you believe me?”
“Yeah, you love me like a brother.”
He winks at me, and I can’t help but get frustrated.
“I’m not a kid anymore,” I practically yell at him. That's all he sees me as. I'm this little girl who hides away in her room because I'm so shy.
“I can see that.” He nods at my breasts.
Yeah, they finally decided to show up a few months
back. I was starting to worry I'd never get them. I remember Mom finding me stuffing my bra last year. She wasn't mad, she just said I had to love the me I was now and the rest would come later, and that I shouldn't be too eager to grow up, because when I was grown, I would wish I was a kid again. But she didn’t know the real reason I was stuffing, or if she had any idea at all, she never gave it away.
“Look at me.” I yell at him.
Ethan snaps his head up. I can see the worry on his face. He's worried for me, why?
“I am looking at you, Luna. Fuck you think I haven't seen you?” He lets out a deep breath. “Seen this?”
He waves his hands in my direction.
“If I touch you, your dad will kill me. I'm already on thin ice with him.”
Of course, he’s talking about the drugs, the ones he can’t seem to stop taking. Daddy’s caught him numerous times over the years, and since Ethan turned eighteen last month, Daddy no longer has a say in his life, well according to Ethan he doesn’t.
“You don’t love me, Luna, no one ever has, so why would you be any different?”
Ethan’s voice breaks, and it’s then I feel my heart rip in two. He's always had this darkness over him, the one he tries so desperately to hide from everyone.
“You think you're unlovable, Ethan but you're not?” I grab his face, making him stare down at me. I have to stand on my tippy toes to get closer. Ethan stands at over six foot.
“Luna, please.” He says, grabs my hands, pulling them from his face. “Just go, because I know you’ll regret this tomorrow and I don't want to be a regret for you.”
He closes his eyes, taking in a deep breath, before I even think, I grab his face again, and my lips crash to his. He stands frozen to start with, unsure if he should kiss me back or push me away. Finally, he breaks, and his lips take mine in return. He moans around me, his hand going to my ass and lifting me slightly. His erection digs into my stomach. He feels so big.
Ethan’s hand covers my face as he deepens the kiss, taking over. I may have started this, but Ethan is finishing it.
I moan around him. I softly bite his bottom lip, and he groans in appreciation.