Beautifully Broken (The Beautiful series Book 1)

by Tara Lee

  He breaks away, staring down at me.

  “Fuck, Luna.”

  His voice vibrates through me, his eyes never leave mine, not until a car pulls up and he takes off running leaving me to stand there flustered and smiling.

  I touch my lips. I can still feel him there. His lips on mine were like a dream I had been having over and over every night. Maybe now things would be different.

  My fingers go to my lips as if I am reliving that kiss all over again. After that, we kept stealing kisses in between dinner and bedtime. Often, Ethan snuck into my room once Mom and Daddy had gone to bed. He kissed me until it became unbearable and he had to leave so he could relieve himself.

  I decide it’s time to go out and stop reliving memories from my past, because even though Ethan was here and he was my past, it doesn't mean he would become my future.

  I stand outside this fine establishment that caters to sleazeballs. I know because I'm one of those sleazeballs, because I went in there, too. Fuck, the sight of Luna topless had my dick straining against my pants. I had to adjust myself when I walked out.

  I’m waiting for Luna to get off work. If I had a say, she would have quit right then and there, but of course, she’s stubborn and she wouldn't listen to me not even if she was on fire, I doubt. I know she’ll avoid me like the plague, but I’m not going anywhere. I don't care if it takes all day, we are having that talk.

  Finally, a little after three a.m., the doors open and all the girls start to come out, Bishop left hours ago, so I knew I didn’t have to worry about his ass. Luna was the last to come through the doors and I know she’s done that on purpose. She doesn’t want to talk to me, but heck, if I had to try everything I can, I would even use my power of prediction. Well, in this case, just a tub of Ben and Jerry’s I picked up from the corner store ten minutes ago.

  I hold it up in surrender. I know Luna all too well. I know she loves the color purple, that she’s five foot nothing. When I kissed that little spot behind her ear, it drove her wild, and that her love of Ben and Jerry’s and pizza were no secret.

  “So you just going to bust it straight out, huh, not even try to pre-sway me into a talk first? She slowly walks up to me with a sly smile on her face.

  I shrug. I know I’m playing dirty but if I don’t Luna will have made up some excuse to get away and we’d never have that talk.

  “Yeah, I'm bringing out the big guns. Besides, it’s my way of saying sorry.”

  She takes the container of ice cream from me with a smile, “Wow, you even got my favorite flavor. You are evil.” She smiles wider.

  “Not evil, baby, just being smart.” I smirk.

  “You know me too well.” She lifts the ice cream up.

  “Yeah, I guess I do.”

  We start to walk, because Luna only lives two blocks from her work, and I can’t really talk while she’s behind me on my bike.

  “Do you walk home every night?” I ask her, curious because it’s not safe.

  She shrugs. “I know what you're going to say. It’s not safe, Luna, you could be kidnapped, or worse, raped. I know all things, because I’m Ethan Knight.” She tries to impersonate me.

  I chuckle at her attempt. Yeah, I guess I used to say I knew it all, but I was a fuck-up I didn't know shit. Except how much I loved her—love her.

  “So how have you been?” I ask, because I so badly want to reach out and hold her hand but I know if I do, she’ll shut down on me and she’ll run from my life again.

  “Okay, I guess it’s been tough not having Mom to call but Daddy does okay. It’s hard to talk to him sometimes since he’s so closed off.”

  “Yeah, I remember,” I tell her.

  She can’t help but smile.

  “What about you?”

  I know she’s trying to sense if I'm still using or not; that’s where all our fights in the past began.

  “Good. Like I said, I’ve been clean for four months now.”

  “Has it been hard?” she asks, almost so softly I barely hear her.

  “I won’t lie to you, Luna, every day is a struggle. Most days I think fuck it, but on the good days, the days when all I do is think about you and the reasons why I got clean, it makes me realize how much of my life—fuck our lives— I wasted.”

  She keeps walking, so I keep talking, praying to God she doesn’t shut me out again.

  “It’s been a long four months, heck a long lifetime. But like I said, it’s hard some days, but then I think of why I did it, and that usually sets me straight again.”

  “Why did you?” She stops walking and looks up at me.

  She fits so perfectly with me I struggle to keep my hands to myself.

  I smile, knowing this won't be the answer she is expecting. “You.”

  She sighs, and I do the same standing next to her. I see her face become stony and angry.

  “Ethan, don’t say things like that. We’re done, okay, I told you I—”

  “I’m not saying it’s going to be easy; it’s going to be fucking hard, baby bird. Because of that struggle, that pain still lives deep inside me. I may fall again, fuck, I may fall a hundred more times, but I’m asking—no I’m begging— for you not to give up on me, not to run away when I need you the most.”

  “Ethan, I just don’t—”

  “I promise, no more,” I say, cutting her off.

  She bites her bottom lip, and it takes everything in me not to pull her to me, bite down hard on her swollen lip and kiss her crazy, because I’ve missed her like she was the only source of my air, and my lungs somehow feel fresher being this close to her.

  “I’m clean, Luna, and I know I've said that before, but this time it’s for real. When you walked away at the cemetery, I knew I had to change my life. That if I ever wanted you back, I had to change.”

  She sighs. “I’m glad you finally are clean, Ethan, I truly am. I'm happy for you, but just because you are, doesn't mean we’re ever getting back together.”

  “Luna.”

  She holds up her hand, stopping me.

  “Ethan, I went through so much with you. I want you in my life . I miss you, but we’re better off as friends.”

  Friends? Is she out of her mind?

  Damn, she’s a lot stronger than she used to be. By now, she usually would’ve curled up in my lap, and I would’ve thanked my lucky stars that my girl forgave me. Again. But this time, Luna is standing her ground, and I’m happy she is doing that. I mean, she used to give in to me so easily. I am happy, don’t get me wrong. But I don’t think I can do what she’s asking.

  Friends? Fuck, she’s putting me in the friend zone? Can I be friends with Luna? How will I go about that? We’ve always been so much more.

  I swallow the lump in my throat; it feels like I've swallowed a thousand pills.

  “I’m not perfect, I never claimed to be. Fuck, I know I should have stayed away, but knowing you were here, nothing could keep me away, not intentionally, Luna.” I sigh, about ready to hand over my balls, because I can’t believe I’m agreeing to this shit.

  “Okay, I can be friends.”

  She smirks at me. She’s calling bullshit.

  “ You could never be friends.”

  Oh, it’s on now.

  I’ll be the best friend she ever had.

  “Try me.” I hug her shoulder with mine in a friend kind of way. I mean, fuck, I want to be more than friends, but if all she is willing to give me is friendship for now, I'll take it. Slow and steady wins the race, right.

  You don’t have time to waste, my mind reminds me. Fuck, time isn’t on my side with this. But maybe, just maybe I can speed things up. Luna nuzzles her nose into my shoulder. She was warm and soft. She pulls back just as quick. Guessing I'm not the only one falling back into bad habits. I almost chuckle but think better of it; instead, I say what’s on my mind.

  “I'm willing to do anything to have you in my life, Luna, and if all you are willing to agree to right now is friends, then I’ll agree to it— only for
now. ” I smirk knowingly.

  She starts laughing. Like full-on belly laughs. She even holds her side for effect. She even gives my shoulder a playful slap.

  “Oh, your good, you know that? You think I'm going to succumb to your charms, don't you? That I haven't gotten over you.”

  I shrug but can’t help the wink I throw at her. “I know you haven’t, because if you had, you wouldn't be talking to me right now, Luna. You're as crazy about me as I am with you, but I'm willing, like I said, to start at the very start as friends we can build up to the good stuff later.”

  She laughs again as if she can’t get over the fact she knows I’m full of bullshit, and we walk up the stairs to her apartment building.

  “You need me as much as I need you, Luna. Admit it?” I say.

  She uses her key to unlock the front door.

  As she does, she bites her bottom lip, I so want to reach up and pull it out, but my hands keep still by my sides. She stops all of a sudden, as if she isn’t thinking all too clearly and realizes I’m behind her.

  “I should walk you to your door to make sure you get in safely.” I hold my arms above her, keeping the door from closing on me. The last thing I want is a repeat of the other night. She’s talking, and I don’t want this to end.

  She stares at me for a while, deciding if letting me in is a terrible idea or a good one.

  Its a terrible fucking idea, but she nods for me to follow her anyway. I almost pump the air with my fists in excitement, but than I remember I’m a grown-ass man and I need to calm the fuck down.

  She isn’t letting you in, idiot.

  Once we’re at her door, she turns, holding up the tub of Ben and Jerry’s. “Thanks for this, I'm sure I'll binge-watch something while I devour it.”

  I chuckle and reach for a piece of hair that’s fallen down, covering her face. It’s a little awkward, but she brushes it off like it’s nothing as she moves slightly from my touch. I may have half a brain from all the drugs I’ve done, but my dick is as sober as the Pope and admiring Luna like the goddess she is. Despite my teasing, Luna handled my advances pretty well. Me, on the other hand... my cock had other ideas. He’s up at full attention, begging for the slightest bit of attention from Luna. He wants any scraps she’s willing to give, and as I went in for a quick hug, it presses into her stomach. I still for a second, kinda hoping she didn’t feel it, but since I’m not too shy to say I’m packing in that department, I know she feels every fucking curve. Blood rushes to my swollen cock, clearly away from my brain.

  “Ethan.” It comes out as a whisper as she closes her eyes.

  Fuck me if that sight doesn’t make me want to slam her into the wall and kiss her until I suck the air from her lungs.

  “Yeah, baby bird.” I say as I step a little closer.

  She shudders, and it’s all the sign I need. I lean down, eager for her lips to touch mine. She moves just before our lips connect, a tease of what I’ve been missing. Mine brush her cheek, barely applying any real pressure. I sigh and close my eyes, and the feel of her, again, is like an euphoria.

  “I won’t apologize for wanting you, Luna, my body is hardwired to yours.” And hard he was. Painfully fucking hard.

  “We’re inevitable, baby bird. Nothing and no one will keep us apart,” I say as I stroke a finger down her cheek, cupping it softly.

  Her eyes stay on me, and her lips part. She wants this as much as I do. I can’t help the smug smirk that appears. Her chest rises and falls with each intake of breath, her tits perk up, clearly, she is as rattled as I am. God, what I wouldn’t do to take one of those pebbled nipples in my mouth right now.

  “Soon, baby bird.” I tell her as I kiss her cheek again.

  She softly sighs, and my cock twitches. Not once but twice.

  She closes the door, leaving me standing there with my hands in my pockets. It's then I realize we didn’t have much of a talk, but it’s a good excuse to see her again. I leave, smiling for the first time in months. I'm that much closer to winning Luna back. Nothing is going to stand in my way, nothing and nobody.

  But I already know I’m completely fucked.

  So. Fucking. Fucked.

  He nearly kissed me. God, I’m hopeless, I nearly let him, too. I close my eyes and shake my head at my ridiculous thoughts. I just had a weak moment, that’s all. Ethan walking me home means nothing, well, not to me, but I mean, it means everything to him because he tried to kiss me. I hadn't felt his lips in years. The last time I did, we’d fought straight after, and I had walked out, going to my Daddy and crying while he held me, telling me that Ethan was an idiot and I was too good for him. He told me that every time Ethan and I fought. Which was on a regular basis.

  I sigh, knowing if I don’t jump in the shower and wash tonight off me, I'll just end up falling asleep and regretting not having that shower. I always smell of beer and sweat. I hated that smell.

  “And who was that at the door?”

  I jump at Callie’s voice and grab my chest. “Holy moly, you scared the hell outta me.” I hiss.

  “So, I heard a guy's voice, who was it?” She eyes me with suspicion.

  I already know she isn’t going to like who’s name I say. I sigh and drop my shoulders, ready for the assault of “What the hell are you thinking?”.

  “Ethan.” I say softly.

  “Come again? If I heard you correctly, I thought I heard you say Ethan, as in, Ethan Knight, the guy who broke your heart over and over, that Ethan?”

  I nod.

  “What on earth are you thinking, are you crazy, Luna?” She paces the room, hands on her hips, muttering to herself.

  She's been through everything with me, so I get why she’s like this. I mean, Ethan has broken my heart a number of times, but tonight he felt different. We felt different.

  “It’s not what you think, we’re just friends,” I tell her.

  She laughs. “Just friends, really? You expect me to believe that you and Ethan can be friends?”

  “Yes.” I say swallowing hard. Total lie.

  “I give it a week before he’s screwing your brains out, Luna you just got your life back and now you're letting him waltz back in and stamp all over your heart again, because trust me, that’s what that man is good at, he reels you back in, and wham, before you know it, he’s breaking your heart all over again.” She claps to emphasize.

  “It’s not like that, he’s different, I can tell. He said he’s been clean for four months and that he’s—“

  “Clean, really, Luna you believe that? He says that, but what happens when he’s craving his next fix?”

  I sigh. She’s right. Ethan has said these things many times before, and it’s never changed. Why should now be any different?

  “Look, I know you care about him. Heck I know you love the guy, just be careful, okay.” She brushes my arm with her hand and walks to her room.

  I shake my head at myself for even going there. I need to keep a level head around Ethan because I know he'll be back, and he’ll keep wedging his way back into my life until I am entirely consumed by him. I head to the bathroom to have a shower. Once the shower is at the temp I like, which is quite hot, I dive in under the water and already feel the dirt washing away.

  I wash over my breasts and can’t help but think of Ethan. God, it’s been way too long if one little almost-kiss has me riled up. I dip my fingers down and brush against my very sensitive clit. I tremble slightly, my legs shaking. God, it has been too long. My head drops back against the cold tiles while my fingers start a rhythm. A soft moan slips out. All I can think about is Ethan’s mouth cased around my nipple, sucking and biting down hard like he used to. I whimper as I feel it building. I picture Ethan lifting my leg over his hip, pushing inside me deeper than he’s ever done, and I cry out. He thrusts fast, his balls slapping me, his tongue licking my nipple, eager to make it stand to attention for him. He pumps vigorously, every time he does, he bites down hard. My back arches. I come with so much force I have to hold on t
o the wall of the shower to keep myself upright. My legs shake as the last of my climax leaves my body, and all I can think about is if that’s how amazing it is with Ethan in my imagination, how incredible will it feel having him inside me again?

  I groan when sunlight fights through my curtains. I really hate night shifts. They mess my body clock up. I know it has to be after noon, but I don’t want to move an inch just yet. My bed is warm, and thoughts of Ethan flood my mind, taking me back to last night in the shower. I know Callie is already at work and I won’t see her again until later today.

  A soft knock at my door has me sitting up, confused at who it could be. We don’t get visitors, ever.

  I slip into my rob and don my fluffy slippers. I hope it isn't my landlord. He’s a fucking pig, and if he offers for me to pay our rent any other way then with money, I’m going to kick him fair and square in the balls.

  I take a peek out the door and am surprised to see Ethan on the other side.

  Oh crap.

  God, did my dream conjure him up? Why is he here?

  “Luna, I know you're in there. I can see your shadow, baby bird, come on, I come bearing gifts.”

  I roll my eyes and take a deep breath.

  Come on, Luna get a grip. You’ve known him your whole life, he’s just Ethan. The boy you never stopped loving.

  I open the door, and Ethan passes me before I have a chance to close it. Placing down two coffee cups and a bag, he turns to look at me, and his mouth drops open. I look down. My nipples are very clearly seen through my robe that has come undone.

  God, I want to run and hide in my room and never come out.

  “Damn, baby bird, if that’s the kinda thing I can walk into each morning, sign me up and I'll come fucking running.” He smirks.

  The bastard.

  I roll my eyes at him.

  “Still the charmer, I see.” I walk towards the bag of goodies he’s left on the table, opening the bag to inspect what’s inside. A bag full of treats, everything a girl can dream of in one little bag.

  “Where did you get these?”

  “Carlos bakery?” He simply says as if he didn’t know it was one of my favorite places to visit in New Jersey.