by Tara Lee
She tries to sit up, but I stop her with my hand on her shoulder.
“Baby, you need rest. The doctors ran a test to see what it could be. They think it might be low sugars or something.”
She leans back but keeps my hand with a tight grip in hers. I smile back at her, and we get lost in each other until the door opens.
“How are you feeling, Mrs Knight?” The doctor asks, as he enters with a folder to his chest.
She swallows, and this time I help her as she sits up. My heart races, and I'm waiting for the worst news possible right now. Call it a feeling or whatever, but my gut is twisting, and I can’t slow my racing heart.
“Honestly, I’ve been feeling off for a little while now,” she says as casually as ever.
I frown at her.
“Baby bird, why didn’t you tell me?” I argue with her but keep calm, because us getting into it is the last thing she needs right now.
Calm, Ethan, just breathe, she’s okay.
“I have the answer to that.” The doctor taps the folder he has in his hands.
Luna smiles a soft smile, and even with her hair piled on top of her head, a hospital gown on, and looking a little exhausted, she still is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on.
“I’m so sorry, Mrs. Knight.” He looks crestfallen.
Luna sinks back, and I look back at the doctor as I wait for the rest of what he has to say.
Tell me, fucker!
Luna has tears filling her eyes, so I know she already knows the answer. Fuck, it can’t be, no.
“I'm sorry, the cancer is back.” He waits for us to process this.
Everything stops.
My chest feels tight, my hands feel clammy, and I’m pretty sure I just stopped breathing. I stand and curse.
“Fucking hell.” I shove over the small table next to the bed. Trays and equipment go flying across the room. I roar, throwing my head back as I let my emotions take over. Tears fill my eyes. No , no fucking way. She can’t fucking die, she can’t fucking leave me.
I pace back and forth. Tears fall down my cheeks, and my breathing becomes difficult. I choke on my own saliva as I try to calm myself down.
“Ethan.” Luna’s voice is like a beautiful song calling to me.
I wipe my face, even though it’s no use; the tears continue to fall.
“I’m sorry, baby bird,” I apologize as I move towards her bed.
“Never apologize, baby.” she tells me and opens her arms out for me.
I hold her close to me, squeezing her tightly, as if this is the end. This is it.
I pull back and grab Luna’s hand in mine and squeeze tightly. Her big eyes stare back at me, as tears fall down her cheeks. I sit up and place myself next to her. I pull her on to me as much as I can, and she cries into my chest. I cry with her, and the doctor leaves us alone to sort this shit out.
It’s been a week of doctor visits and checkups. Luna has cancer.
That one word tests you. As her husband, I want to be there for her and to take care of her, but Luna, being stubborn, hates being babied like that. She doesn’t understand she needs to rest and let me do my job as her husband.
She’s asleep on the sofa. I had to sneak in some sleeping pills in her juice because she was not sleeping, not one bit. She can lie to me and tell me she’s okay, but I know my baby bird, she’s not okay. Far from it. I know she’s already won this battle once, but I know she has enough fight to do it again.
“Are you being a creeper.” Her voice is sleepy. She wipes her eyes with her hand and sits up.
I reach for her, and she comes willingly. She straddles me, and I caress her face, trail my hand down her throat, and I grab the back of her neck and gently pull her to me. Our foreheads rest against each other, and I hear her sigh a few times before she pulls back.
“Talk to me baby,” I ask.
She shrugs and gives me the smallest of smiles.
I brush my thumb over her cheek and pull the hair that’s fallen from her bun behind her ear.
“This works only if you are honest with me, baby bird. We need to talk. I don’t want you to hold anything in. Not with me.” I say.
A tear slips past her cheek and lands between us. She tries her best to wipe, but more fall down.
“Hey.” I cup her face in my hands as I hold her close.
Her eyes are full of tears. I hate seeing her cry, so I pull her into my chest and hold her tight while she lets it all out.
“Let me fix it, baby bird, tell me what to do.” I plead. My arms bound around her, and I sink my face into her neck.
“I’m scared,” She admits.
Fuck me, too baby.
I pull back, and again I stare into her eyes as I hold her face between my hands.
“We’ve got this. You’ve got this Luna.” I grunt out.
“We’re broken.” She says.
“Never broken, baby.” I tell her as I wink to cheer her up.
She lets out a soft giggle.
“There she is, there’s my girl.” I wipe her cheeks with my thumbs.
“What if...” She hiccups.
“Don’t think like that, baby bird, that’s not going to happen. You and me, baby, we’re forever.” I hiss.
“Forever,” She says.
We kiss until she’s too sleepy to stay awake.
She and I are forever. We’ve got this, and nothing can tear us down. Not even that terrible fucking C word.
Epilogue
One Year Later
“Quit with the nerves, baby, we got this.” Ethan’s voice breaks through the haze I’ve let myself go under.
Today is the day we pick up our son. I’m so nervous that the birth parents will change their minds, that instead of us taking him home and calling him ours, they will see him and we’ll never get to know him.
We’re in the waiting room while Bree, the young mother, gives birth to our baby. When I told Ethan I couldn’t carry a baby because the cancer had taken that away from me. I expected him to be hurt, maybe even angry. What I didn’t expect was for him to hold me and cry with me at our loss, the one thing I’m supposed to be able to do, and I couldn’t give him that.
Here we are two years later about to become parents.
I may only be young, but I know I’m ready for this. I'm just nervous as hell. My leg continues to bounce as Ethan rests his hand there. He doesn’t say anything else, just lets me be the nervous wreck that I am.
The doors swing open, and the doctor steps out. He makes a beeline for us, and Ethan tugs me up with him as he stands.
My breath aches; I wait on bated breath. What’s the verdict? Did she decide to keep him? Are we losing him before we’ve even gotten to know him?
“He’s healthy, a solid nine pounds six ounces, twenty inches long.” He tells us.
I clasps Ethan’s hands in mine.
“C-can we see him? See our son?” Ethan stares down at me and gives me that smirk, the one he knows makes me melt all over.
“Of course. They are cleaning him up now. The mother didn’t want to hold him, so he will need skin-to-skin as soon as possible.” He looks at me as he says this.
Wow, I'm about to hold my son for the first time.
He leads us to a room and tells me to put on the gown on the bed. I change so fast I’m back out and on the bed before they even wheel him in.
Ethan places a kiss on the side of my head.
“You doing okay there, momma?”
I smile, and it’s the most genuine smile all day because I know this is real, he’s really here. He’s ours.
Before I can say anything, the doors swing open, and a nurse wheels in a bassinet with a little bundle wrapped in a blue blanket. My breath catches in my throat as she lifts him and starts to undress him. He lets out the loudest cry and balls his fists up. She smiles and coo’s him, carrying him toward me. She helps me place him on my chest, and as soon as she does, he lifts his little head and stares up at me.
“H
i there, little guy, I’m your momma.” I run my finger gently down his cheek. My tears start to fall ,and I swallow as my throat catches.
“Wow.” Ethan gaps beside me.
I let out a soft giggle and looked over at him. Tears cascade down his cheeks , too. He takes in the little baby cuddled on my chest.
He lifts his arm and gently strokes down his cheek. He leans forward and places a kiss on his head. I do the same. We both stay like that for what seems like ages.
“He’s really ours.” Ethan says besides me.
I nod and kiss his little head one more time, I take in that newborn smell. Our son smells incredible.
Ethan kisses the side of my head and then sits down beside me on the bed. He wraps us in his arms, and we don’t move, not even when the doctor comes in to ask for a name.
We stare up at each other and both smile, there is only one name we both agreed on, and it seems quite fitting for our little guy.
“Madden Spencer.” I say as I smile down at my son.
“Okay then.” The doctor leaves us.
I hand Madden over to Ethan to hold, even though I don’t want to share. The entire time he has him, my hand doesn’t leave his body. Ethan is so gentle with him and looks so big compared to Madden, but I know he’s going to be the best father ever.
“Let’s do this as many times as possible.” Ethan kisses me.
I smile against his lips and nod in agreement.
“I love you, baby bird.” Ethan tells me as he places another soft kiss on my lips.
I cup his cheek and kiss him back, then bend down and kiss my son on his head.
“I love you both so much,” I tell him.
Our journey to get here may have been a little broken, but maybe our story is only really just beginning.
Who knows what the future holds for us. But I do know, with this man by my side, we can achieve anything.
We may be slightly broken, we always will be, but together, we will always be beautifully broken.
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The end
Acknowledgments
Firstly, I want to thank you the reader for taking the time and chance on Ethan and Luna.
I poured my heart and soul into these two for so long they became a part of me.
I really hope you loved them as much as I loved writing them. It’s because of people like you that I get to do this awesome gig. Truly thank you.
To my review team you guys keep supporting me no matter what, I truly can’t thank you enough for the consent support and love. You guys rock!
To my betas Tiffany, Alannah, Rhiannon, Megan, Philomena, Julie and Lorranie. You girls are truly amazing, I couldn’t do this without all the support, love and beautiful words you give me. You guys fight alongside me. You are my crew, my girls, my babes. I love you 3000.
My PA Tiffany, girl without you coming on board to help me, none of this would get done and I’d be stressing myself out and probably cancel every book. I love you girl, you are one in a million.Thank you for helping me sort out this author life, I can’t thank you enough.
Alannah and Rhiannon. You girls are extra special. You guys listen to my ideas, keep me motivated and support me no matter what. Without you two I feel like the words wouldn’t flow because your words help me to write these amazing stories. I truly love you girls and can’t thank you enough.
To my hubby and two babies. Even though this takes up some of my time you give me a chance to write stories for my readers to enjoy. I love you for letting me take this journey and creating these beautiful characters.
My editor Emmy for doing this for me and taking me on. I hope this is the first of many books we do together.
My formatter Elle thank you for making my books look so pretty. Would be lost without you. You’re the best.
My reader group Tara’s Chancers, you guys keep giving me so much support and I am blessed to have you as readers. You guys rock.
To my many author friends I have found along the way. I truly love each and every one of you. You kickass women give me the courage to conquer this dream and create magical stories. Without your love and support I think I would pack up.
Karen your words of wisdom and support truly mean the world to me. Every time I feel like I'm drowning you pull me back up. I love you woman and I can’t wait to hug you one day soon.
Stefanie you are my bestie from across the ocean, girl our friendship may have been created because you fell in love with Eli. But I promise you are mine and I am yours. I love you girl 3000.
Alley our friendship may have been created through a mutual agreement to just be friends. But hey I love you just the same. You are truly a wonderful friend to have. Thank you for making me be your friend.
Dana girl when we first met through this book world, I knew we would become fast friends. After meeting you at BBTB Queensland I loved that I felt like I had known you forever. Thank you for taking me under your wing and sharing your delicious covers with me. Love you woman.
If this is the first time you have read my words don’t fret I have many more books coming your way. This is my first of many standalones, but you can go back to the start of my journey and start The Pleasant Grove series and meet the gang, book four comes out at the end of the year. My readers have loved the swoon that the men from Pleasant Grove bring.
If you don’t want to miss out on anything new coming your way or when I randomly share a new group of characters that have popped into my head make sure to check out my author page or join my reader group.
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Lots of love Tara
Playlist
Anthony Callea- What’s Wrong with Me
Tones and I- Never Seen The Rain
Lauv- I Like Me Better
Bianca- What If
Skylar Grey- Everything I Need
James Arthur- Falling Like The Stars
Eminem feat Rihanna- Love The Way You Lie
Selena Gomez- Lose You To Love Me
Camila Cabello- Consequences
Lewis Capaldi- Someone You Loved
NF feat Andres Moss- Lost In The Moment
Caleb and Kelsey- Never Enough
Joshua Radin- Winter
Kelly Clarkson- Because Of You
Travis Atreo- Somehow
Hasley- Without Me
Micah Tyler- Different
Daughtry- Life After You
Katy Perry- Never Really Over
Anthem Lights- Stupid Deep
Caleb and Kelsey- Always Remember Us This Way
Kygo- Remind Me To Forget
I AM THEY- Scars
Lewis Capaldi- Hold Me While You Wait
Caleb and Kelsey- Shallow
Colton Dixon- You Are
Avril Lavigne- Head Above Water
SafetySuit- Never Stop
Adam Lambert- Feel Something
Daughtry- I’ll Fight
Rhianna feat Calvin Harris- We Found Love
Micah Tyler- Never Been A Moment
Caleb and Kelsey- The Bones
Gnash feat Olivia O’Brien- I Hate U, I Love U
Demi Lovato- Only Forever
Marshmello feat Kane Brown- One Thing Right
X Ambassadors- Unsteady
Colton Dixon- More Of You
Colton Dixon- Through It All
Colbie Caillat feat Gavin DeGraw- We Both Know
Colton Dixon- Miracles
Colton Dixon- Scars
Katy Perry- Unconditionally
Daughtry- Battleships
Skillet- Save Me
Lewis Capaldi- Bruises
Lewis Capaldi- Before You Go
Brian Nhira- Til Death Do Us Part
Linkin Park- Breaking The Habit
Conrad Sewell- Love Me Anyway
Andy Grammer- Don’t Give Up On Me
Hailee Steinfeld- Wrong Direction
Sidewalk Prophets- This Is Not Goodbye
Skillet- Anchor
NF- Time
Linkin Park- One More L
ight
Caleb and Kelsey- From This Moment/ You’re Still The One
Riley Clemmons- Fighting For Me
Coming from Tara Lee
2020
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When All Hope Is Lost
Crossing Paths
Mistletoe kisses- Christmas Novella
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2021
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Defiance
Lessons In Seduction
Forgive My Sins
About the Author
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