An hour passes before my stomach starts to growl. Reaching below the counter, I pull out a “Be back in five” sign, set it on the counter in front of the register, and grab my wallet out of my purse. I walk to the food court to order a grilled chicken salad with vinaigrette dressing and then walk back to the store. I put down the salad in what seems like only a few minutes. In my stomach’s defense, it’s the first time I’ve eaten all day. I was too wrapped up in Niko and Grams to even think about food.
Much to my surprise, Max was right. We are dead. Not even one customer has entered the store. It’s ridiculous. Pulling my phone out of my pocket, I check it only to see that I have no new messages. I wonder if everything is okay at the estate. I’m sure the nurse or specialist would call me if anything were going on and I know Ruth said that Jarod was in a meeting. Maybe she meant Niko and Jarod, I don’t know. I shake it off.
Curiosity gets the best of me when I think about what they could be up to. It’s too late to be scheduling business meetings. At least, I think. He does run a million dollar company, but it’s nearing eight o’clock. I highly doubt that they’re still hard at work from the day or in their meeting still. I send him a short message, just to say hi, and then pull up my search engine.
Typing Kincaid Enterprises into the white box, a giant list of links appears. Yes, I’ve had questions before, but I never sought out the Internet to get answers. I chalk my curiosity up to boredom as I scan through the links. They articles are all full of business jargon that I don’t understand. Exiting, I type in Niko Kincaid instead. I won’t lie and say that I’ve never been curious about him and his past. Link after link appears on the screen in front me. It’s never ending, like he’s a celebrity. Much to my surprise, a picture pops up. It’s of him before the accident. I can tell because his cheek is smooth, devoid of the scar that I saw briefly earlier. He is absolutely handsome. In a cocky way, he grins, seeing into my soul from the screen. I feel guilty for even looking him up. Not that he knows, but with his image staring at me, it feels like he does.
My index finger slides over the screen on my phone as I prepare to exit it completely. A link titled Kincaid Cold Case catches my attention. With a shaky hand, I click it. My eyes scan the article. Basically, it says that Wade Kincaid, Niko’s father, was murdered. Yet, no one was ever prosecuted for it. Surely there had to have been something that would have led police to the killer, and for the same type of thing to happen to his son later is oddly suspicious as well. I’m no detective, but it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to put those two together.
“Excuse me ma’am,” someone says. It startles me to the point where my phone tumbles out of my hand.
“Yes. What?” I spout off like a complete idiot.
“I’m sorry. Umm…never mind.”
I look up to see a woman grab her child’s hand and rush out of the store. Damnit. Pushing the stool away from me, I pick up my phone and shove it into my back pocket. His past isn’t my business and what I need to focus on is working, and not scaring customers away because my mind is elsewhere.
As I sit back down, the sound of my phone buzzing catches me off guard. I feel guilty as I slide the unlock button and read the screen.
I can’t wait to slide into you tonight. -N
IT’S BEEN A FEW WEEKS since the morning that Cambree and I spent holding one another, silently marking us both as taken. Words didn’t need to be spoken about what had happened, it just did. With no more sightings of Anton around, Jarod and I have conducted business as usual. Things have become routine.
Cambree’s been preoccupied with her grandmother. Spending her days with her and her nights in my arms, and it’s been, dare I say, normal? I can’t help but think about how it feels to hold Cambree all throughout the night, with her not leaving until the sound of birds chirping in the window wakes me.
Taking a leap of faith, or more so a leap of lust, was the best thing that I could have done. I’ve felt alive, and even delighted, since our first intimate morning together. Every time since then has been pure bliss.
In the rare times that I longed to be with someone, to give myself to them entirely, I never in a million years thought that my dream would become a reality. My heart was hard. Cambree has brightness seeping from her. It draped around me, pulled so tight, warming my heart until it softened. She was slowly saving me from the darkness that had threatened to swallow me whole.
Within the last few weeks, I’ve learned more about this colorful girl than I thought was humanly possible. I suppose that is normal. If we were in a typical relationship, I would be learning these things about her over a draft at the local bar. Instead, we’ve been huddled together, wrapped in a blanket with the lights off, discussing our lives. If it were up to me, there would be no talking, only roaming one another’s naked bodies with our mouths. As much as I would love nothing more than to devour Cambree, I can sense that she wants to open up to me. Listening to her talk, stroking her hair and petting her head as it rests on my lap, it all feels natural. It feels good.
It wasn’t until Cambree started to probe into my past that I started to shut down. And it happened every time. It was in those moments that my palms began to sweet, my mind got lost in thought, and my mouth went dry. The thought of opening it, spreading the bile thoughts inside of me, choked me up. It wasn’t the idea of talking to someone about my past that made me wish I were mute, it was the idea of telling Cambree about my demons. Ones that I continue to battle daily. Once the cat is out of the bag, it’s out and roaming around freely. Eventually, I know I will have to tell her. That is if my insecurities don’t get in the way and ruin things before they truly even start.
Knowing that I’m hiding so much from her doesn’t help me sleep well either. On most nights, I hold her close while she rests and I think about the darkness that swallowed my life whole. Images of my attack, burying my late father, and the surveillance footage catching Anton in the act, tossing the brick through my living room window, run on a loop. It makes me feel dirty—covering me in unimaginable grief. Because I know, this emotional connection that I feel for her is going to cause me pain in the end. Once she knows what I look like, she’s going to flee. Then I’m going to be left broken beyond repair.
Doubt creeps its way into my mind. It tethers around me and pulls tightly, promising agony for caring about Cambree. Reminding me of all of the things that we cannot do together, experience, things that cannot be overcome, obstacles that are permanent.
My mind is on a constant roll of what-ifs—an internal debate that never finds a resolution. As much as I try to be happy and open up to her, my contentment with our relationship doesn’t outweigh my irrational fear that Cambree is going to one day see me, my mangled face and scars, and go running…straight into Jarod’s arms.
I’ve noticed Jarod, the small movement in his mouth whenever Cambree’s name is mentioned, the way his eyebrow raises just a tad with excitement when I order him to spend time with her or chauffeur her around. I’m man enough to admit that it makes me jealous, that it’s been eating at me, chiseling my heart, and causing paranoia all in one.
Today more so than ever, since Grams’s nurse called Jarod and he barged into my room at the crack of dawn, waking Cambree and me in the process. Joyce’s condition has gotten progressively worse. No amount of money or state of the art equipment is going to fix her problems or heal her. I knew, in the end, what the outcome would be. It was only a matter of time until she perished. The disease would win and Cambree’s heart would shatter. Leaving me to pick up the pieces and help paste them back together.
The only issue is, it won’t be single handedly. I know for a fact Jarod will be there. He’ll be there at the hospital, the viewing, and the funeral. For all of which my presence would be absent. As much as I wish I could be there, I’m dead to the world. Me casually showing up would be bad for everyone.
Picking up my cell phone, I hit a number on speed dial and wait for someone to answer.
“Hello, N
iko?” Cambree’s voice echoes through the receiver. Anguish mixed with the sounds of sorrow rings loudly in my ears.
“It’s me. I’m just calling to see what’s going on. How is she?”
“They took her to run some tests. I guess to determine what to do next. Everything was a little chaotic when we got to the hospital. I don’t know what’s going on. All I know is that it’s ba…bad.” Her voice breaks, and she sighs heavily. “It’s hard with you not here. I know it’s silly of me to wish you could be, but you and her are all I have left. If something happens to her…. Oh, God. I don’t even want to think about it.”
Regret swivels in my chest and stomps on my soul. Knowing how bad Cambree wants me there now, more than ever, is slowing suffocating me. Although my jealousy over Jarod being there is present in my mind, I know what I have to do to protect her.
“Is Jarod near?” I ask wearily as I swallow my pride.
“Yeah. He is. Why?”
“Hand him the phone.” Holding the phone away from my face, I inhale deeply. My body stiffens, wishing that I wasn’t about to ask my best friend and bodyguard to comfort my woman. Jarod would probably love nothing more than to wrap his arms around her petite body, and hold her like she was his own. I’ll do it because she needs it. For the longest time, I haven’t had to put anyone else’s needs before my own. She needs to feel safe and know that she isn’t going to have to go through this alone.
“Hey, boss. What’s going on?” Jarod casually asks.
“I need you to be there for her…hold her when she cries. Whisper how much her grandmother loves her in her ear, and when she falls to her knees because the pain of losing her only living relative rushes through her, I want you to pick her up, like a porcelain doll. Gently wrap your arms under her legs and rest her head on your shoulder, let her weep in your embrace…and then bring her to me.”
I try to listen in on their conversation, but I’m not able to hear anything other than the sound of my cell phone hitting the small stand as Jarod lays it down. The absence of Niko makes my heart ache. Not only for Grams, but also because I know that he cannot be here to hold me and comfort me. It has to be killing him as much as it is killing me.
For the last few weeks, things have been wonderful. I’ve opened up to him and he…well, he has too, as much as Niko Kincaid is willing to open up to anyone. It wasn’t until this morning that my life came to a sudden halt. It’s as if the fantasy world that I was living in stopped spinning. It came crashing down around me and I haven’t felt the same since.
I vaguely remember Jarod rushing into Niko’s room. He was shouting something about the nurse and the monitors. My head was groggy as I tried to comprehend what he was saying. Things were right in the world–until they weren’t.
As soon as I was coherent enough to understand what was happening, I sprung to my feet and took off down the hallway. There was a handful of EMTs hauling Grams down the steps on a stretcher. Blue, white, and red lights flashed over and over as I ran barefoot down the stairs after them. Fear came barreling toward me as I clutched the sides of my shirt in panic. A hand caught me, grabbed my forearm, and didn’t let go. Hot tears ran wildly down my cheeks, coating and staining them with each sob.
“Please, wait here. I’ll grab you some clothes and we will follow them,” I heard Jarod’s voice, asking, pleading with me.
Falling to my knees, I cried fiercely in the foyer while rocking back and forth. My body trembled as I held my arms around myself. I had lost everyone I’d ever loved. This can’t be happening again, I thought as I prayed, hoping that God was listening. I know I hadn’t been the best Christian in the past, but I’ve done some good in my life and I can only hope that he heard me and decided to overlook the negative.
Within a matter of minutes, Jarod was at my side again. There was bag in one hand and a pair of pants and shoes for me in the other. My attention was elsewhere when Niko stood at the top of the staircase and watched me rush out of the door. That’s what he told me. He was there in the shadows, watching my life become chaos, and I didn’t even know it at the time.
That was almost five hours ago. I’ve been waiting in the room since we arrived. I’ve seen enough traumas on the E.R. television shows to know something awful is happening when no one comes out to give you an update. I wonder what exactly is taking the doctors so long. Closing my eyes tightly, with every ounce of hope left in my soul, I plead silently that nothing life threatening has happened.
Footsteps grow closer and someone bends down beside of me. “Niko asked that I stay with you until we know what is going on. Do you mind?”
It’s sweet that he’s worried about me. “No. I don’t mind. It’s actually nice having someone here with me. Thank you.” I force a smile as I try to act polite and appreciative.
A man wearing a long white lab coat comes through the door, jarring my attention away from Jarod. He looks like a fresh-grad.
“Hi, umm…doctor? How is she? What did you find out? When can I see her?” My heart thumps in my chest as words rush out of my mouth.
“Are you Cambree Evans, ma’am?” the man in white asks, as his eyes stay glued on a clipboard in his hand.
“Yes, I’m Joyce’s granddaughter. Now can you please tell me where she is?” Bile rises in my throat like I just ate something revolting, but the foul taste in my mouth is solely caused by fear.
“Would you and your”—his land on Jarod—”boyfriend like to take a seat?”
“No, I wouldn’t and he sure as heck wouldn’t either. Listen, I know there is something you need to say so please say it. I need to know how she is doing.”
The doctor nods and then proceeds to say, “Miss Evans, your grandmother has been ill for a very long time. Her body has overcome so much already. The heart transplant, the stroke…but it couldn’t fight off the infection. The pneumonia was worse than we expected. The in-home nurse monitored her very carefully, but at her age…I’m sorry, Miss Evans, but your grandmother didn’t make it.”
I knew that she was deteriorating, but I didn’t realize how rapidly. Silence. Like a strike of lightening, it jolts my body. The absence of sound has never been so alarming. The floor is all I see as my limbs go weak and I fade into a pit of nothing.
In a matter of seconds, I wake up. Except my vision is blurry, and instead of Jarod and the doctor in front of me, all I see is an image of Grams hovering over me, a smile plastered on her face. She looks so beautiful.
“Cambree, my darling girl. Can you hear me?” Grams asks.
Questions linger in my mind as I hoarsely croak out, “Grams….”
“Yes, it’s me. Listen, we don’t have much time now. You’re going to wake up any minute. But I wanted to tell you that I love you dearly.”
“Are you alive?” I whisper, wanting answers.
“No. I’m not. But you are. When you wake up, I want you to live, Cambree. Live for you. Fall in love and stop worrying all the time. I’m gone, but there is still time for you to love life and enjoy it without the pressure of taking care of your sick grandmother. I love you….
“Go live…”
“Wake up!”
“Wake up, Bree. Wake up!” Jarod shouts.
I’m not sure if this is a dream or real life when my eyelids open and I peer around the room. My body aches, and I realize I’m in a hospital bed, propped up on a white pillow. I can smell the freshly bleached linens.
“She’s dead?” I cry, asking anyone who will answer.
Jarod leans forward, and grabs my hand that is resting on the bed. “Yes. She’s gone. I’m so sorry.”
Was I dreaming of Grams? “What happened? I just saw her. She was in here standing by me. She told me to wake up!”
Curiosity paints Jarod’s facial expression. “She wasn’t in here. It was just me, the doc, and some nurses. You fainted when the doctor told you that she passed away. You just dropped like a sack of potatoes. We had to lift you on to this gurney. You were delirious. They gave you some IV saline and Klo
nopin to help calm you down. I’m afraid you may have imagined her here. I’m so sorry.”
“I need to see Niko.” I lean up. My body is weak and I struggle to stay vertical. “Please. I need him.”
Jarod sits down on the bed beside me. “Shh. I’m here.” He grabs me by the shoulders, and I lean into him and my floodgates open. I sob in his arms, wishing that they could be Niko’s, but knowing that it isn’t a possibility. My loss is crippling.
“Just let it out. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll have someone deliver more things for tonight and I’ll stay right here with you,” Jarod whispers into my ear with a grin on his face.
“We need to—” sob “—plan a funeral….” My voice shakes. My nose is stuffy from crying.
“Don’t worry about anything. Niko will handle everything. Let’s just lie back and rest. I’ll make sure that they get you hydrated enough to leave early in the morning.”
Leaning back against the bed, Jarod holds me as my head and body are tucked tightly against his. I think I’m losing my mind. I could have sworn that Grams was here talking to me moments before I woke up. The room is quiet other than the sounds of my heavy breathing and sniffles. Jarod lies behind me, motionless, and allows me to mourn.
“Should we call Niko?” I ask through the tears after several long minutes. “I think he needs to know what happened and that I’ll be staying here overnight, especially if he’s going to be planning the funeral. He needs to know what to dress her in and how she likes her hair styled. And what flowers she wants.”
His tone is chilly. “We will handle all of those arrangements tomorrow. Right now, I just want you to relax and get some sleep. You just took a fall yourself. You need to stay off your feet.”
I can feel my eyes rounding. “You’re right,” I say before they close again and I drift off.
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