“That must have been weird,” he walked out of the booth.
“It was. But it was great,” I said quietly.
Please let her watch it.
19
Olivia
One month. I’d made it a month.
It had been the longest month of my life. It was like the sun went away.
Two months later
Momma slammed my office door open.
“Well, hello,” I looked up from my desk. “What can I do for you? Other than calling the handyman to repair the wall?” I raised my eyebrows at her.
“You need to come with me, right now,” she said.
“I have work,” I spread my hands out, indicating the mass of papers on my desk.
“That can wait. Let’s go.” She didn’t wait for an answer and walked out the door.
“Momma!” I got up, grabbing my purse and following her.
She was marching out the door to our office before I caught up with her.
“What is going on with you?” I asked.
“We’re going out for a while.”
“Where?”
“Get in the car.” She yanked the door to her car open and got in without saying another word to me.
I thought she was pissed. Every word, every action, screamed that. But she wasn’t talking, and normally, Momma yelled at me. She didn’t keep her anger in. That wasn’t even close to her style.
She didn’t speak but drove angry until we got to my hairdresser. “Get out, and go get your hair done,” she said.
“Why?”
“Stop arguing, and do as you’re told, for one damn time in your life,” Momma snapped.
If I didn’t know better, I’d say Momma had been drinking from the decanter she kept for some of our clients.
“All right,” I said. She kind of scared me at the moment.
“I’ll be back in a bit.”
“Okay,” I shut the door, and she peeled away from me.
“What in the world?” I asked out loud. There was no answer.
Watching her car recede into the distance, I walked into the salon, where Anna, my stylist, greeted me with open arms.
But when I questioned Anna, she had no idea why Momma had made the appointment. So we chatted about nothing in particular. She asked me if I was dating, and I could tell that she’d seen the pictures of Xavier and me on our last night together.
I’d done a lot of deflection about that in the three months since Xavier had left my kitchen and my life. Laughed off all the questions, changed the subject, and made light of it.
My heart didn’t crack open anymore.
Not much, anyway.
Anna was polite and kind, and when I said I wasn’t dating anyone, she let it go.
Momma marched back in as Anna was drying my hair. She had a garment bag in her hand.
“When you’re done, Olivia Anne, you go and get changed.”
Momma put the bag down on a chair behind us and marched out again.
“What is going on with Miz Marguerite?” Anna asked.
“You know as much as I do,” I said. “She’s been in this mood all afternoon.”
Anna finished and whipped the cape off me. “Go change before your momma explodes,” she whispered. “I’ve never seen her like that.”
I took the bag to the bathroom and pulled out the clothes.
It was a dress the same color as the dress Xavier called my mermaid dress. No sleeves and a silver circlet at the top held it up. There were jewelry and shoes in the bottom of the bag in a shopping bag.
What the hell?
I knew, however, that I wouldn’t get anything out of Momma, so I got changed, and touched up my makeup. Wherever I was headed, if this dress was any indication, I needed to look good.
Anna exclaimed as I came out, “Olivia, you look delicious!”
I smiled. “Momma has good taste.”
“She always does. Look, girl, you’re all set. She took care of it. No, don’t,” she waved her hand as I reached into my bag to get her a tip. “Once this is all over, you will come back and tell me all about it. I’m dying over here!”
I laughed. It was the first time I’d laughed freely in…I couldn’t remember how long. “That makes two of us. Thanks for getting me all spiffed up!”
She squeezed my hands, and I went out to face Momma.
Momma looked me over and made a noise that gave me no indication whether she was pleased or not, or anything at all.
“Let’s go.”
She turned her back on me again.
“You’re going to have to talk to me at some point, Momma.”
She didn’t answer, just got in the car.
I got in with her. When I’d buckled my seat belt, Momma held out her phone out to me.
“What?”
“Watch this.” She shook the phone a little.
I took it and saw that there was a video ready to—oh, God. I handed it back, feeling the pain in my heart.
“No, Momma.”
“Don’t you no me, young lady! I’ve left you be because you’re supposed to be a grown woman, but this has gone on long enough. Now you act like a grown-up, and you face it. Hit play, Olivia.” She gave the phone back.
My heart raced. I could feel it throbbing in my neck. My hands were sweaty all of a sudden. Why was she making me do this?
I hit Play.
Xavier was there, in a studio, looking right at the camera. He looked sad, and tired.
Had I put that there? The crack in my heart widened.
He started to speak.
“Hey, XTC coming at ya. I haven’t done this for a long time, but I want to get this out—I need to—and I thought I’d share it with all of you. I’ve been working on some new stuff for the tour that’s coming up. This is a song that came to me recently. It’s a little different, and I want to see what you guys think. I know you’ll tell me if it’s shit,” he grinned at the camera.
“So if you’re not in the mood for sappy and emotional, stop the video right now. I don’t want to hear the bitching later that you expected something different. This is…well, here it is.”
He dropped his head, and the music started. Then he looked at the camera again and began to sing.
“I sit where you sit,
a couple of seats
Don’t know if I wanna
Wanna meet n greet
Or run fast on fuckin nervous feet
I don’t know jus don’t know
X, X, X—Xs, and Os.”
“X, X, X—Xs, and Os.
Where does it go?
Neither one knows
When we age when we grow
No one no one wants to show
But I do
With you
X, X, X—Xs, and Os.”
The tears rolled down my face and splashed onto my lovely dress as I looked up at Momma. “When did he do this?” I whispered.
“About two months ago,” she said, thawing for the first time since slamming the door into my office. “I’m not sure I can condone his poor language choices, but the sentiment is one that I approve of.”
I looked back down, listening. He was singing to—he was singing to me. I could see it, tell in the way he looked at the camera as he sang the words that were about us.
“X, X, X—Xs, and Os
Where does it go?
Neither one knows
When we age when we grow
No one no one wants to show
But I do
With you
X, X, X—Xs and Os”
He sang the chorus for the last time and gave the camera a look that made me melt right into the seat.
This was for us. He’d done this for me, two months ago, and I’d never seen it.
I scrolled down, looking at the comments.
Other than a couple that called him out for being whipped by some chick, they were overwhelmingly positive. People loved it. They loved the way he sang, the real feeling in his wo
rds, his eyes. He got a few marriage proposals. A few proposals that were less than honorable—and instead of making me see red, I laughed.
Of course, he got less than honorable proposals. He’d put his heart out there, and I’d never seen him more appealing, or sexy. And I’d seen the guy in his full-on naked beauty.
“When did you see this?” I asked her.
“Last night. I Googled him because I wanted to see how he was doing. He’s not doing anything, other than touring. But that video popped up, and I watched it four times in a row, and when Lloyd came in, I was crying. Honey, that man loves you. At least, he did when he made that video. He hasn’t taken it down, or said anything to indicate that his feelings have changed.” Momma held up a hand, stopping me from speaking.
“I know your objections, and I understand. But honey, you’ve been seeing the doctor, and you’re working through things. I think you need to give him—give yourself—another chance.”
I shook my head, feeling very small. “No, Momma, I broke his heart. That’s what he said.” Even though she was right. I had been seeing a therapist to deal with all the emotions that had gone off the rails for me. It’s why I could laugh when I read the indecent comments on Xavier’s video.
“He also said if you changed your mind, if things changed for you, that he wanted you to get in touch. It’s time to get in touch, honey.”
“Momma, I don’t know if I can.”
She took my hands in hers. “Yes, you can. This is the man for you, Olivia. I had my doubts at first. He really needs to watch his language, but I don’t suppose that any such thing will happen at this late stage of his career. I supposed I could get used to a foul-mouthed Yankee as a son-in-law. Because he loves you. He put himself out there for you, and now it’s time for you to do the same.”
“Where are we going?” I pulled my hands away.
“You are going to the airport. He’s playing in Atlanta tonight, and I called around, called in a few favors, and you have a front row seat to his show.”
“No, Momma,” I said weakly.
“Nonsense. You’re not living, darlin’. You’re doing all the things you’re supposed to, but you’re just existing. I know you’re afraid, but you’re not happy without him. And he’s not happy without you, the last time anyone heard from him.”
“Does he know I’m coming?”
“No. So if he’s moved on, he can pretend not to see you. And you can leave. I’ll pick you up if you end up flying back tonight. I won’t let you go through this alone. But if he’s still there for you, I’ll give you the week off,” she grinned at me, and I saw how young it made her look.
“What does Lloyd think of this?” I asked.
“He helped me plan it,” she said, starting the car and pulling out of the parking lot. “Watch that video again, darlin’. That is a good man, and he loves you. Even if he’s never said it, he loves you.”
“He said it,” I said softly.
“What?” She shrieked at me. “You never told me that!”
“I didn’t want to,” I admitted. “You would have told me I was stupid.”
“You were. Sorry, darlin’, but I don’t lie to you. However, you’ve come through your stupid phase, so it’s all going to be fine.”
I clutched my purse and looked out the window as she sped along to the airport.
Was I really going to do this?
As I watched Momma drive away from the terminal, it looked like I was.
What if I was too late?
20
Xavier
I looked in the mirror. I looked good, well, as good as it was going to get. I knew that something in me had died a little each day I didn’t hear from Livvie. I didn’t know if we counted as friends anymore, but I thought of her as Livvie. I’d woken up reaching for her more than once.
My manager, Troy, came in.
“You ‘bout ready, man?”
I nodded. “Let’s do this.”
“That’s right,” he clapped me on the shoulder, but he didn’t say more.
Tibby had found him, and interviewed him herself. This was the kind of guy I needed. He was calm, and a problem solver. I knew that Tibby told him about Olivia, and the whole world knew about the video. Everyone assumed I was with the woman who’d inspired the song, and that was why I’d been hiding away—because she and I were living it up together.
I preferred they thought that rather than the truth of the matter.
I steeled myself. If this were like the rest of the shows, the crowd would start chanting ‘X’s and O’s’ pretty early on. For fans that loved all my rap, even my really angry shit, they were all over ‘X’s and O’s’. It was getting easier to sing it—I didn’t see her all the time when I did.
The lights went down, and I ran out. The crowd screamed, and I smiled and waved.
The music of the first song began, and I went right into it, looking into the crowd, scanning the front rows. I liked to look them over since that was mainly who I’d be seeing for most of the show. A mix of men and women, some only boys and girls, trying to be grown. Swaying, singing along with me.
A flash of the sea went through my line of sight so fast I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me. I looked back. Shit. A girl—no, a woman in a mermaid-colored dress.
She’d ruined that color for me. Shit—I stopped, nearly stopping in the middle of the song, but I managed, through habit, to keep singing.
Was that—?
Olivia was in the front row.
In a mermaid colored dress.
I shook my head, forcing myself to continue, but I kept my eyes on her for another moment, to make sure she was real, that I wasn’t seeing the thing I wanted to see.
When she smiled, small and hesitant and nervous, I nearly dropped the mic.
It was her. She was here.
Somehow, I made it through the song. Then I held up my hand.
“Hey, hey, I want to change it up a little. I’m going out of order so I can sing something that has to go on right now.”
The crowd screamed, and I could hear various titles being shouted out, X’s and O’s among them.
“Let’s go into X’s and O’s,” I told Zed, my DJ.
“You sure, man?”
I usually never changed set order. I nodded. “One hundred percent. It’s all good,” I added. I hope, I said to myself.
I walked back out to the front of the stage. “I’m gonna do a little song you might have heard,” I said as the music started.
The crowd, recognizing the opening beats, went into even louder screaming.
I focused on Olivia, standing in front of her, not moving, or bouncing around like I normally did. This was for her. She was here. I needed to show her that not only was the door open, as I’d said, but I wanted her to come in. Forever.
“X, X, X—Xs, and Os
Where does it go?
Neither one knows
When we age when we grow
No one no one wants to show
But I do
With you
X, X, X—Xs, and Os
“Look look looking at you
I can see the future
But do we see the same
Or I am standing here
Just calling your name?
I gotta know…
X, X, X—Xs, and Os
“X, X, X—Xs, and Os
Where does it go?
Neither one knows
When we age when we grow
No one no one wants to show
But I do
With you
X, X, X—Xs, and Os”
Tears ran down her face, and her smile got wider. Watching her as I sang was one of the most intense things I’d ever done.
I’d have to do this more often if she’d let me.
The crowd got quieter. I think the people around her figured out I was singing to Olivia, but at the moment, for the first time in a long time, I didn’t care what my fans thought. All that mattered
was that Olivia heard me. I didn’t know if I’d get another chance, and I didn’t want to waste this one.
“Come with me take my hand
Cross over my line in the sand
Show me show me
You understand
Let me show you
I want to know you
X, X, X—Xs, and Os
“Where we gonna go
Don’t ask cuz I don’t know
But what I tell you’s true
I wanna go wanna go
With you
Me, me, me and you
“X, X, X—Xs, and Os
Take me take you
Take me as I am
I’ll take you like Peter Pan
To Never Never Land
Forever and ever
Hand in hand
X, X, X—Xs, and Os
“X, X, X—Xs, and Os
Where does it go?
Neither one knows
When we age when we grow
No one no one wants to show
But I do
With you
X, X, X—Xs, and Os
X, X, X—Xs, and Os
Where does it go?
Neither one knows
When we age when we grow
No one no one wants to show
But I do
With you
X, X, X—Xs, and Os.”
I walked to the edge of the stage and held out my hand to her. She looked at me for a moment, a moment that seemed to last forever, and then stretched out her hand in front of her as she came to the stage.
One of the security guys leaped forward, but I waved him off. Her hand came to rest on mine.
“Come up here,” I said quietly, keeping the mic away from my face. “Please.”
She opened her mouth, and I spoke again.
“You’ve come this far,” I said. “Come all the way.”
“Yes,” she said.
For a moment, the crowd, the stadium, everything—it just fell away. It was me, and her, and she was holding my hand, and all that I wanted was there, within my reach.
“Hey, give her a boost, would you?” I looked at the security guy hovering. “Can you get one on each side, and lift her up?”
Another guy appeared out of nowhere, and together, they lifted her up to me.
Forgotten Wishes: Djinn Everlasting Book Two Page 23