by Gareth Jones
“We work for no one.” Captain Clockheart drew his cutlass.
Le Bone shrugged. “You would rather be destroyed? Very well. Zat can be arranged, too.”
“A kind offer to be sure, but my officers and I will have to decline,” said Captain Clockheart. The hand on his clock whizzed around.
“It’s not an offer,” said Le Bone. “It’s a fact.”
“Then let me tell you a fact,” said Captain Clockheart. “In a moment you and your soldiers are going to step aside and watch helplessly as we walk out of this cave then make our getaway.”
Le Bone and Count Defoe laughed.
“And why exactly would we do zat?” asked Defoe.
“Because too much coal might make me go a little crazy, but it’s nothing compared to what happens when my first mate gets wound up.”
Captain Clockheart handed his sword to First Mate Mainspring then grabbed the key on his back and twisted it round and round until it would turn no further.
“What are you waiting for, men? Permission from your mothers?” yelled Count Defoe. “Attack zem!”
The soldiers raised their swords and pistols, but Mainspring’s arms were whizzing around like a pair of deadly windmills. Defoe’s men backed off, clearly scared of being caught by the rotating blades.
“Clickerty-tickerty-click, that’s it. Clickerty-tickerty-tick, step back. Clickerty-tickerty-tock, I’ll mow you down.” First Mate Mainspring spoke quickly as he cleared a path through the wall of soldiers.
“I will not be ’appy if you let zem escape!” cried Le Bone.
“Looks like you have to live with not being a pea then,” said Captain Clockheart.
He and Lexi walked behind First Mate Mainspring until they reached the doorway, where they broke into a run.
“After zem!” yelled Le Bone. “All of you, after les pirates de Steampunk.”
As soon as Inkybeard saw all those strong men chained up and enslaved, he came up with a plan.
“If we’re going to take one of them big ships, Nancy, we’ll need a crew of about twenty men,” he muttered, as he made his way back along the tunnel.
“Hey you. Who are you talking to?” A large soldier standing in front of him pointed a fat finger in Inkybeard’s face.
“I’m talking to Nancy.” Inkybeard took a step back.
“Who’s Nancy?”
“This is Nancy.” He lifted his hat to reveal the squid on his head.
The soldier gasped then received a face full of black ink. Inkybeard whacked him on the head and quickly stole his uniform. Once he was dressed in blue, Inkybeard continued along the tunnel until he came across another soldier leading a bunch of chained prisoners.
“Hey zere,” Inkybeard said in a French accent. “I’m supposed to take over from you. You can ’ave a break.”
“Fantastique,” said the soldier. “I am starving. You’ll need zese.” He handed Inkybeard a key for the chain and a whip.
“Thanking you most kindly,” said Inkybeard, with a bow.
He waited until the soldier had gone, then threw the keys to the prisoner at the front of the line. “Here, get out of those chains,” he said. “You’ll all be needing your hands soon enough.”
“Wait a minute,” said the prisoner. “You’re not French. Who are you?”
“My name is the Dread Captain Inkybeard. Me and Nancy are here to rescue you.”
“You hear that, lads?” said the prisoner. “We’re free! Three cheers for the Dread Captain Inkybeard. Hip hip…”
“Hooray!” cheered the other prisoners.
Inkybeard silenced them with a crack of the whip. “You want to give us all away? Stay quiet until we get out of this stinking cave. Now come on, follow me.”
The men were a rough selection of thugs but Inkybeard wasn’t worried. It was very rare that a crew betrayed him before he betrayed them. As he continued along the tunnel, he suddenly heard the sound of something clattering towards them.
“Quick, into this alcove. Someone’s coming,” Inkybeard said.
“We’re not scared,” said a prisoner with a crooked nose.
“Yeah, we’d welcome a good fight now we’re out of those chains,” said another with a face full of scars.
“There’ll be plenty of time for fighting once we have a ship,” said Inkybeard. “Now do as I say.”
The men followed him into the dark corner. They had just managed to squeeze in when the three Steampunk Pirates charged past, closely pursued by so many soldiers that it took several minutes for them all to pass.
“What was that?” asked another of the prisoners.
“That is what Nancy and I call a welcome distraction,” said Inkybeard. “This day just keeps getting better. It’s time to steal a ship.”
The Steampunk Pirates charged down the tunnel with the French soldiers hot on their heels. Clockheart and Mainspring were having no problem running fast, but Lexi was huffing and puffing and falling behind.
“I was not designed to move this fast,” he grumbled, as his word-wheel spun. “I’m unsuited, unqualified … ill-fitted.”
“Unfit is what you are,” replied Captain Clockheart. “Here, take a bite of this.” He tossed a piece of coal over his head.
Lexi caught it and took a bite. As the fuel landed in his combustion engine, he felt a fresh burst of energy and caught up with Mainspring.
“Clickerty-click, this is all your fault, Clockheart. Clickerty-tick, if you hadn’t given us away. Clickerty-tock, we wouldn’t have half the French army after us.”
“Now where would the fun be in that?” chuckled Captain Clockheart. They reached the tunnel’s end and came out on the wooden walkway by the Leaky Battery.
“Yo ho, down below,” yelled Blower with a shrill whistle. “The captain’s returning.”
“And he’s got company,” squawked Twitter.
“Mr Gadge, it’s time for that quick getaway,” shouted Captain Clockheart, as he hurried along the walkway.
“You heard the captain,” cried Gadge. “Loose-screw and Rust Knuckles, untie the ship. Washer Williams and Blind Bob Bolt, to the cannons. The rest of you, get the oars – let’s get this ship moving … QUICKLY!”
“Don’t let zem escape!” Count Defoe shouted, as he and his soldiers emerged from the tunnel. “Anyone with sailing experience, man ze ships.”
Captain Clockheart, Mainspring and Lexi leaped off the jetty and grabbed on to the ropes dangling over the side of the Leaky Battery. All three were hauled up on to the deck and the ship began to move.
In all the excitement, none of the French soldiers noticed a black-bearded pirate and twenty unchained prisoners sneak out behind them and board one of the other ships.
“Inkybeard!” squawked Twitter. “Old squid-head’s back!”
“Aye, and it looks like he’s got the crew and ship he was after,” said Pendle.
“Not for long,” Captain Clockheart said. “Gadge, prepare the cannons. We’ll make this the shortest journey of his life.”
“Much as I’d love to blast that squid-loving loon out of the water, we have more pressing problems,” responded Gadge. “We need to get out of this cave.”
“We’re all going to die!” squawked Twitter. “We’re all going to die!”
“Ahoy there, Steampunk Pirates!” yelled Inkybeard from the bridge of his newly stolen ship. “Are you ready for lesson one? Always have a getaway plan.”
“We have a plan,” said Captain Clockheart. “We’ll ram these doors open and be away.”
“The impact would smash your boat to pieces,” shouted Inkybeard.
“He’s right,” said Gadge. “She simply couldn’t take it, Captain.”
“Don’t worry. Leave this to old Inkybeard. Mr Goldman, the doors please.”
“My pleasure, Dread Captain,” replied the American. He was still covered in gold paint, but no longer tied to the front of the Leaky Battery. Instead he was standing at the end of the walkway. The guard who had let them in was nowhere
to be seen. Goldman turned the wheel and opened the huge doors.
Three of Inkybeard’s strongest men threw a rope around Goldman and dragged him up on to their deck. With everyone on board and the doors open, both ships rowed out of the cave.
“This is all very well,” said Lexi, “but what about Defoe’s ships?”
Behind them Defoe’s men were climbing on to the remaining ships, releasing them and preparing to fire the cannons.
“Blast all of zese pirates to pieces,” Defoe yelled.
“We’ll never survive such a—” Lexi was cut off suddenly when Captain Clockheart knocked him on the back of his head and shut him down.
“That’s quite enough of that,” he said. “Gadge, have you got anything that will cut through the rope that opens and closes the doors?”
“As it happens, I do.” Gadge switched his arm attachment to a crossbow, pulled it back and fired. The arrow flew through the air and sliced the rope cleanly. With the mechanism broken, the huge doors crashed shut, sealing off the cave and preventing Defoe’s ships from following them.
There was a moment of calm as both ships floated next to each other in the open sea, then Inkybeard broke the silence. “Now we’ve got rid of that lot, it’s time for your final lesson – the meaning of defeat.”
Nancy clung on tightly to Inkybeard’s head as the two ships fired their cannons. They drew alongside each other and swung into battle.
“Right, you liberated looters,” yelled Inkybeard. “You recently rescued ruffians. Now it’s time for you to repay your debt and send these tiresome tin cans to the bottom of the deep blue sea.”
Inkybeard’s crew cheered and leaped on to the Steampunk Pirates’ ship.
“For the Leaky Battery,” yelled Captain Clockheart, who was defending himself against a thuggish pirate. The captain ducked, then lunged with his cutlass, sending his attacker staggering back.
First Mate Mainspring jumped on to the neighbouring ship and brought down his blade on Inkybeard, who blocked the attack. The pair stood face to face. Cutlass to cutlass. Machine to man.
“You know you’ll never be captain with Clockheart in your way,” whispered Inkybeard. “Join us and we’ll show you the true meaning of piracy.”
“Click, never.”
Mainspring’s cutlass missed Inkybeard, but he caught him off guard with a kick to the chest. Inkybeard staggered back and Nancy slid down over his face, covering his eyes. He adjusted the squid then looked at Mainspring with newfound anger in his eyes.
“Now look what you’ve done. You’ve upset Nancy. You’ll pay for that!” Inkybeard charged at Mainspring, who dodged out of the way. Inkybeard spun round and rammed his sword into Mainspring’s back, preventing his key from turning.
“Cuh-cuh-cuh—”
The key rattled hopelessly against the sword and First Mate Mainspring ground to a halt.
“That’s hardly fair now, laddie.” Gadge landed on the deck in front of Inkybeard, aimed his gun barrel and fired.
Inkybeard dived out of the way, dropping his sword and releasing the key so that First Mate Mainspring came back to life.
“Cuh-click… Thanks.”
All around, pirates were fighting. A large man with a hairy chest and ears like cauliflowers had Pendle up against the ship’s engine. He knocked the dagger from her hand and approached menacingly. His blade glistened in the sunlight. Pendle was unarmed and there was no one to save her.
She closed her eyes and waited.
Nothing happened. She opened her eyes and saw the man looking up, his eyes wide with fear.
“W-w-what is that?” he stammered.
A dark shadow had fallen over them.
Pendle turned round. A huge mechanical contraption loomed over both ships. It looked like an enormous metal spider with legs that disappeared into the water. There were two eye-like windows in the spider’s body. One by one, every battling buccaneer stopped to stare at the incredible sight. Clouds of steam gushed out of a chimney on top and a pair of sharp pincers fired out hooks and wrapped ropes around each of the ships’ main masts.
“Weigh the anchor,” yelled Captain Clockheart, “or it’ll snap off the mast.”
“He’s right,” yelled Inkybeard. “Drop the anchor, lads.”
Cannons dropped down from inside the spider’s head and swivelled around, targeting the pirates. One of the spider’s eyes opened and Commander Didier Le Bone stuck his head out of the window.
“Hah! You pirates are ’elpless against my Sea Spider. As you can see, unlike ze other ships it can travel underwater. Its legs are so long zey walk on ze bottom of ze ocean, and it has ze firepower of five warships.”
None of the pirates had ever seen anything like the terrifying war machine that stood before them. The Sea Spider had enough firepower to sink them in an instant. With its body raised high above the water’s surface, it towered over their wooden ships. How could they sink something that was already standing on the ocean’s bed?
The Sea Spider bent its knees and brought Commander Le Bone level with the ships. He looked at the two captains with great interest.
“Ah, Inkybeard and ze famed Steampunk Pirates,” said Commander Le Bone. “You will make ideal target practice for zis war weapon of the future.”
“We’ll fight to the bitter end,” said Captain Clockheart.
“Yes, you will,” said Le Bone.
“Don’t shoot,” yelled Chas Goldman, who was standing behind Inkybeard with his arms in the air. “I’m an innocent prisoner. By all means sink both these ships, but I beg you to spare my life.”
“Goldman, you coward,” snarled Inkybeard.
“Why should I spare you?” asked the French commander.
“I could be of use to you. I myself have some experience of steam engineering. I could help you improve these Sea Spiders.”
“Improve? Pah, I do not need any ’elp,” responded Le Bone. “I designed zis Sea Spider myself and it is perfect, as you will learn when we sink the lot of you.”
“Really?” said Goldman, “because it looks to me as though the bolts in the leg joints are a little loose.” He winked at Twitter, who was flying around his head.
“Loose bolts!” squawked the bird.
“Exactly,” said Goldman. “Loose bolts.”
“Nonsense!” replied Le Bone. “My design is flawless. Now we will deal with you pathetic pirates and get back to ze business of taking over ze world!”
Twitter flew over to the Sea Spider and started pecking at its legs.
Captain Clockheart smiled. “There appears to be a little problem with that plan,” he said.
“Click, an incy-wincy problem,” said First Mate Mainspring.
“Aye, just a wee one,” said Gadge.
“What? What? What? You dare to stand zere and make jokes about my size?” cried Le Bone.
“This is no joke.” Captain Clockheart held out his arm and Twitter fluttered down and landed on his wrist. “Is it, Twitter?”
“Loose bolts!” cried the bird, dropping a pile of metal nuts into Clockheart’s hand.
“What?” exclaimed Le Bone.
“How’s the fishing today, Inkybeard?” asked Captain Clockheart. “Any Sea Spiders need throwing back into the sea?”
“Let’s see.” Inkybeard extended his fishing rod and prodded the head of the spider.
All it took was one push. There was a low moaning sound and the enormous spider tipped back. The few remaining bolts flew out and the spider hit the water, creating an enormous
The pirates cut through the ropes holding the masts and the ships drifted apart.
“You’ll regret zis. I am a dangerous man to have as an enemy,” yelled Le Bone. “This is not the last you’ll—”
His words were cut off as the spider sank beneath the water’s surface. Great waves rocked the ships as Le Bone’s war machine vanished, followed by the eight detached legs.
“Well done, Twitter,” said Captain Clockheart, patting the bird.
/> “We’ve got Goldman to thank, too,” said Pendle.
“Och, I don’t think he’s hanging around for us to say thank you,” said Gadge.
“What?” Captain Clockheart turned to see that Inkybeard’s ship was already on the move. His crew had put up their sails and were now travelling away at great speed.
“Click, he means to collect the harbour master’s reward,” said Mainspring.
“Over my dead embers,” yelled Captain Clockheart. “Pendle, fire up the engine. We’ll catch up with that ship easily enough.”
Pendle pulled on the lever to start the engine, but nothing happened. “Something’s wrong,” she said.
The engine made a strange gurgling noise then shot out a jet of black ink at Pendle’s face.
“Squid ink,” she said, wiping her eyes. “We’ve been sabotaged.”
“Then we’ll have to catch them the old-fashioned way,” said Captain Clockheart. “Let’s get some wind in these sails.”
The Leaky Battery chased Inkybeard’s stolen ship all day and all night. It took Pendle a long time to rinse out all of the squid ink from the ship’s engine. Once it was clean, she fired it up, which gave them enough extra speed to catch up. By the time Barbary Bay finally appeared on the horizon, the two ships were side by side. The evening sun was low in the sky and both captains stood at the bows of their ships, glowering at each other.
“That reward is rightfully ours, Inkybeard!” yelled Captain Clockheart over the sound of the chugging engine and the crashing waves.
“The Dread Captain Inkybeard, if you don’t mind!” he responded.
The ships cut through the water with full sails.
“Er, Captain, I fear that we’re going to crash into the pier,” warned Lexi.