Father by Choice

by Amanda Berry

  “Why wouldn’t he want her?” Penny squeezed Maggie’s hand.

  Maggie took a deep breath in. “If he’s a self-involved nut job.”

  Penny smiled. “Then we wouldn’t want him around our girl, anyway. Now about this nightgown...”

  “No way. Grab my sweats.”

  “You afraid you’ll be tempted to show him your pretty nightgown?” Penny laughed, but Maggie had no idea what to expect when she saw Brady. Would she feel anything? Would her old crush rear its head? Or would she resent him for not being there?

  “There won’t be anything to worry about. I’ll be in a hotel. By myself.” Maggie stood and took charge of the packing. “I should call first, though.”

  “What could you possibly say on the phone?” Penny tried to mimic Maggie’s voice. “I’m planning on being in New York this weekend and ran into Sam. Even though you apparently haven’t spoken to him in years, he told me your phone and address so that we could hook up. You don’t have time because you are a busy man? That’s fine. I’ll tell you some other time that you have a daughter.”

  “I get it.” Maggie held up her hands in defeat. She hadn’t been able to figure out a better plan for the past few days. “I guess this is the way it will have to be.”

  Penny grinned and held up a different lacy nightie.

  “I’m not going for me. I’m going for Amber.” Maggie pointed to the drawer until Penny returned the nightie to its proper place.

  “Yes, ma’am.” Penny saluted with two fingers. “I guess I don’t need to run to the drugstore and get some condoms?”

  “No!” Maggie blushed as a little remembered heat flushed her body. “I don’t need a man. I’ve done fine on my own for years now.”

  Penny muttered, “It isn’t about need.”

  * * *

  “Where are you going, Mommy?” Amber hugged her brown bear close to her small body. Her hair spread on the pillow, making her look like a dark-haired angel.

  Maggie drew the covers to Amber’s chin. “I’m going to New York for a few days. Penny is staying with you.”

  “I like Penny. She orders pizza for dinner.” Amber smiled. Her front tooth had come out a few days ago, prompting a visit from the tooth fairy. Another thing Brady had missed out on. If he even wanted to be part of their lives. She tried not to dwell on it, but she had to be prepared for him to reject her like she thought he’d already done. What would he want with a small-town family when he had New York?

  “Are you going to see the Statue of Liberty?” Amber asked with awe in her voice.

  Maggie smiled. “Maybe.”

  “Will you bring me something?”

  “Definitely.” She tickled Amber until she laughed. Maggie had her own ideas of what she wanted to bring home for her, but she wouldn’t dare to get Amber’s hopes up. It was bad enough that Maggie was thinking hopefully. She’d been kicked enough to only have doubt left, but apparently, a little spark of hope had survived.

  “Go to sleep. Penny promised she’d get doughnuts.” Maggie dropped a kiss on her daughter’s cheek.

  Amber linked her small arms around Maggie’s neck and pulled her down to the bed. “I’ll miss you.”

  “I’ll miss you more, baby.” Maggie hugged her as best she could with all the bedding and stuffed animals in the way. She stood and walked over to the light switch. “Good night.”

  “Night.” Amber squeezed her eyes shut like she always did at bedtime with her hands clasped together. What she prayed for, she never said aloud. Maybe Maggie, maybe her father.

  Amber knew her daddy lived far away. But Maggie couldn’t bear to break Amber’s heart by telling her that her father didn’t want to be part of their family. Now she was glad she hadn’t.

  A whole week hadn’t been long enough to figure out what to do or say. She’d never imagined Brady didn’t know. Over the years, she’d come to terms with the fact that he didn’t want her or Amber. Okay, maybe she was upset with him not wanting to be a father, but Maggie didn’t need him to want her.

  That knot twisted a little tighter in her stomach.

  How was she going to tell Brady about their child?

  Chapter Three

  “This is stupid,” Maggie muttered as she stood in front of Brady’s apartment building. She should have called. Sam had said she could catch Brady in the morning when he left for work.

  The cold day seeped through her jeans and she hugged her blue sweater closer. Her ponytail whipped around into her face again. Just a few more moments then she’d go in and ask for him. Just a few...

  Brady lived in a luxury apartment building off Central Park. Housing wasn’t cheap in New York, but his building seemed to be the cream of the crop. On the taxi ride over, Central Park had emerged among the buildings. The trees gave an illusion of open spaces, but the massive buildings dwarfed the park, holding it captive. Metal-and-glass structures on concrete. She’d never felt more lost or frightened.

  Too many people shoved into one space. Even now, people walked or jogged past her. There didn’t seem to be a spare area anywhere in the city to step aside and take a deep breath. Her heart raced and she could barely breathe with the hustle and bustle.

  She didn’t understand how Brady could live here when he’d grown up with the open spaces in Tawnee Valley. Where you didn’t have to clutch your purse to your side and fear the stranger walking toward you.

  She moved closer to the door. Maybe she should return to the hotel and call him. A jogger in hot-pink short shorts weaving between the business people in their gray-and-black suits caught her attention. She followed the woman with her gaze, wondering if she could ever feel that comfortable here, surrounded by strangers.

  “Maggie?” Brady’s baritone voice rushed over her like a warm waterfall.

  Her breath caught in her throat as she turned to find Brady staring at her from a few feet away by the apartment building door. The sun chose that moment to come out from under the clouds, lighting his handsome face as he came toward her. His dark hair was cut more conservatively now, and crinkles formed in the corners of his blue eyes. He was even more handsome than she remembered.

  Maggie returned his smile but couldn’t form any words. Up close, she could see the similarities between him and Amber. And those eyes, they caused her heart to stutter as he focused solely on her.

  Brady had a huge grin on his face. “Maggie Brown! What are you doing here?”

  “I came to see you,” she pushed out through her numb lips. “I mean, I’m visiting New York and...”

  What else could she say? And how was she supposed to think when he looked at her like that? As if he knew her inside and out. It had been a long time since she’d been in his arms, but her body tingled with memories. Should she hug him?

  “God, it’s good to see you.” His genuine smile didn’t change, but his voice sounded different from high school, more sophisticated, colder. “Are you living nearby?”

  “No, I’m still in Tawnee Valley.” She didn’t want to blurt it out, but how was she supposed to ease him into knowing he had a seven-year-old daughter? Even though she’d known Brady since they were kids, they hadn’t been close friends, and right now he felt like a stranger. “I need to talk to you about something.”

  Brady’s eyebrows drew together in concern, and he reached out his hand to grip her elbow. “Is everything all right? Is Sam...?”

  Shocked at the intense surge of giddiness flowing through her at his touch, Maggie shook her head. No stranger had ever made her feel like that. “Everything’s fine.”

  She wanted to drop her eyes, but his eyes held her entranced. It was on the tip of her tongue to tell him about Amber, but she couldn’t make her mouth form the right words.

  With his pressed suit, he could have stepped off the cover of GQ. The Brady she knew had been headed for big things, but she didn’t know this man in front of her. To be honest, she hadn’t known Brady even back then. Not truly, just the facade he put on for the town. A facade he let
drop during their night together.

  “I wish I had more time right now, but I have to get to work. There’s an early morning meeting.” He pulled out his BlackBerry and checked the screen for a moment.

  The cold wind swept through her when he backed away slightly. A reminder that they had shared only one night together. It had been a great night, but it wasn’t as if they’d had a meaningful relationship.

  Now wasn’t the time to tell him about Amber. A little of the weight lifted off her stomach. She couldn’t tell him when there were people surging down the sidewalk like salmon around them. When he glanced at her, she shivered and nodded. “Maybe later?”

  “How long are you in town?” He gave her the same expression Amber got when she wanted to reassure Maggie. It was unnerving. How could Amber have his expressions when she’d never met him? “I’m not trying to brush you off. Honestly.”

  He tapped on his phone again.

  “I didn’t think you were blowing me off.” What if this was her only chance? You have a daughter. I got pregnant. Surprise, you’re a daddy! Maggie swallowed hard.

  “Good.” He barely looked at her. “How about one? For lunch? Unless you have other plans.”

  “Sounds great.” She forced a smile. By the way, you have a daughter.

  His return smile stole her breath and emptied her mind. “Where are you staying? I’ll pick you up.”

  She rattled off the address of the hotel. She should tell him now. Get it over with. That way it wouldn’t sit in the knot that was her stomach until later. But how? His attention was apparently already at his meeting. She tightened her smile as he glanced at his watch. Who had Brady Ward become?

  “I have to run. I’ll see you at one.” He backed away from her. “I’m glad you came.”

  * * *

  By the time they were sitting in the restaurant, Maggie was drawn tighter than a bow. Brady couldn’t imagine what had her uptight. The Maggie he’d known had been spontaneous and friendly.

  Of course, high school had been years before. But he remembered the adoring look in her hazel eyes when she’d been a sophomore and he’d been a senior. He hadn’t taken advantage of her crush then, but two years later at Luke’s graduation party, that night he couldn’t resist. She’d been stunning and forward and one hell of a kisser.

  Eight years hadn’t faded her beauty at all. Her honey-blond hair framed her face in a no-nonsense style. She had developed some curves since high school. Her soft blue sweater didn’t reveal much, but her jeans clung low to her hips and she filled them out nicely. She didn’t try to flaunt her assets the way Jules did. She was just Maggie. She put off a natural vibe that was unlike any woman he knew, and it did something to his senses that he couldn’t begin to describe.

  “What brings you to New York?” Brady set his BlackBerry on the table, trying to ignore the constant barrage of emails. Now that financing had begun, he had to put everything into motion, which was always the hardest phase and required a lot of finesse. It didn’t help that Peterson circled every conversation like a shark waiting for blood.

  Maggie lifted her gaze to his. He lost track of what he’d asked as he sank into her rich hazel eyes. Warmth. That’s what she offered, with no expectation of anything in return. The type of women he usually went for were like Jules. Sophisticated, driven, focused...temporary.

  Her gaze dropped to the tablecloth, then to her hands folded neatly in her lap. “Do you remember Luke’s party?”

  His phone buzzed insistently against the white tablecloth. He smiled apologetically and fought the urge to curse. The number was the contractor for the new facility. Another fire to put out.

  “If you need to...” Maggie said.

  “I’m sorry. I need to take this.” He stood and stepped outside the restaurant to talk to the contractor about the change orders that had been processed that morning. After a hurried five minutes, they’d agreed on the main changes. When Brady hung up, he quickly scrolled through his in-box to try to avoid more interruptions before heading inside.

  She was already picking at her salad when he sat across from her. She looked at him expectantly. He wished for a moment that he could put the rest of the world on hold to catch up with Maggie, but he had obligations. He hoped she’d understand that.

  “It was important. I swear it won’t happen again.” He drew the napkin across his lap. “I’m sorry. What were we talking about?”

  “Luke’s party?” Her cheeks flushed.

  His gut tightened as he recalled that night—her sweet smile and soft kisses. He waited until she looked at him before saying, “I remember.”

  Her lips parted slightly before she shook herself. She inhaled before taking a bite. Whatever she was working herself up to must be major. The Maggie he remembered had been bold that night. Unrelenting, untamed, unashamed.

  “It was the last time I was in Tawnee Valley before I left for London,” he said, trying to ease her into whatever she needed to say.

  She set down her fork. “I don’t know how to even begin to explain—”

  His phone buzzed. Brady didn’t want to answer it. Something had Maggie tied up in knots. He glanced at the screen. An email notification from Peterson, and Jules was calling. “Dammit. I’m truly sorry. I have to get this one.”

  He didn’t know if she looked relieved or upset as he picked up the call and walked outside. When he returned ten minutes later, their lunch was on the table, but the work situation had been resolved...for now.

  “Perfect timing.” He tried to lighten the mood.

  “You’re a busy man.” Maggie’s statement was soft and nonaccusatory, but it was also a little sad.

  “I’m in the beginning stages of a major project. New office. New position. New phone.” He held up the phone and then dropped it into his suit’s inner pocket. “No more interruptions. How have you been?”

  She froze with a bite halfway to her mouth. A little war raged in her eyes until she sighed and put the fork down. “I’ve been better.”

  “Is every—”

  “Things haven’t been all sunshine and daisies the past eight years, but we’ve gotten through.”

  His mind stuck on the word we. He didn’t even know if Maggie was married. His gut tightened. She wasn’t wearing a ring, but that didn’t mean anything. A memory of Maggie being the kind of girl you married hovered in the back of his mind. Not that it would bother him if she were. He choked a little on the word. “We?”

  With her gaze firmly on his, she said, “After Luke’s graduation, I found out I was pregnant.”

  The blood flowed heavy in Brady’s ears and the air left the room. “Pregnant? But we—”

  “Used protection. Yeah, that was my first thought, too, as I was holding five positive pregnancy tests.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” Brady asked quietly, too numb to be angry. A child? How could he have not known? He’d lost track of a lot of people, but someone could have reached out. It’d been eight years. Why keep the child a secret?

  She bit her lip. “I wrote you a letter. It was childish. I should have called, but I was scared. We weren’t anything more than one night to each other.”

  “I would have wanted to know that you were pregnant. I don’t shirk my responsibilities.” He automatically defended himself, but then her words sunk in. Brady’s fork hit the plate. “I never got the letter.”

  “I know.”

  His brows drew together. “Then why didn’t you try to reach me?”

  Maggie’s cheeks brightened and her eyes flashed. “I didn’t know then. Shortly after I sent the letter, I started receiving money. I figured you wanted nothing more to do with me or Amber.”

  A headache started behind his eyes. “Money? I never sent—”

  “A week ago, Sam stopped by. He’d been the one receiving my letters and sending me the money.”

  “Sam?” Brady felt as if his world was crumbling in on itself. Eight years of lies. He’d been across an ocean, but never out of reach.
Brady had sent Sam money for the farm and always included his address and a way to reach him in an emergency. His older brother had always been controlling but this went beyond that. His thoughts stumbled. “Wait. Amber?”

  “Our daughter.” Maggie pulled a photo out of her purse.

  Brady was afraid to take it, afraid to touch it, afraid of making this real. She set the photo in front of him.

  “Amber is seven. She’s in second grade with Mrs. Mason. She plays softball and takes gymnastics. She’s a good kid.”

  Brady glanced at the photo, meaning to take a peek. But his gaze settled on a face so familiar, it broke his heart.

  “She looks like my mom.” Brady’s hand trembled as he lifted the photo. Tears choked in his throat. It had been ten years since Mom died. When she became sick, it had changed their household. After she died, it had been the three of them. Angry, confused teenagers hell-bent on going their own way. Now his mother had a grandchild she’d never be able to spoil. Finally, a girl.

  Maggie gave him a wary half smile. “She looks like you. Every time I see her, I see a little of you.”

  He had a daughter. His phone clattered in his pocket, insistent for his attention.

  He ignored it, trying to grab on to one of the emotions flying around in his head. Anger at not being told, frustration that he couldn’t ignore work for even an hour to discuss this with Maggie, confusion over the still-vibrant connection he felt for Maggie and uncertainty on how to process all this.

  He had a daughter.

  Maggie sat across from him with her usually emotion-filled face as serene as the pond in the back field of the Ward farm. He had a daughter with this woman that he barely knew. A daughter who didn’t know her father.

  The bubble of a grin threatening to expand on his face burst as his phone once again vibrated violently. Taking it from his pocket, he glanced at the screen.

  “Damn.” Setting down his daughter’s picture, he scrolled through the three new emails. One from Peterson and two from the production leads in response to Peterson’s email. “Give me a minute.”