by Shey Stahl
A splash of water in our direction caught my attention. You were swimming back, looking at me with a strange smile.
Adjusting my towel, I looked away from you and into Ivey’s eyes, which were looking at me. She had a few freckles across her nose and a scar on the bridge of her nose. The two of you looked a lot alike.
Aside from the last name and a couple facial features, the similarities were few between us Kaden sisters. I wondered if that was the same in your family. I wondered what Bryan looked like and figured the younger boy following you around when you got out of the water was Brady.
If you were to look at Stephanie and me, she was a ray of fucking sunshine, and I was the storm cloud. Always had been that way.
I’d gone the opposite direction in everything I’d ever done. Always had. When I was a baby, I refused anything my sisters had. Never wanted to be like anyone else.
And then you got to our appearances. While we may have resembled each other with the shape of our faces and structure, I was completely different from them. They all had wavy, dark hair, aside from Sadie who kept bleaching hers with peroxide, and brown eyes. Then there was me with my lighter skin, lighter hair—golden at first sight, but richer with some red mixed in—and gray-blue eyes. Everyone really did think I was adopted.
Most of the afternoon was spent on that dock. The day I met you seemed to just flow. You and your family, especially Ivey, easily accepted me, and it seemed the summer was off to a good start.
The following day Ivey and I spent mostly in the same spot, sunbathing on the dock. Occasionally we got in and floated around on rafts, but for the most part, we were just hanging out. I told her all the gossip at school and all the shit my sisters got away with. She told me about you and how much of a troublemaker you were and how you’d been that way since you were little. Bryan was apparently much like Shanna—the good child. Ivey was a tomboy, naturally. She appeased your mom in most ways, but didn’t understand the fuss. So while she had the dyed hair and fancy swimsuit, it was met with a pair of worn and holey Converse missing shoestrings.
And despite the obvious dissimilarities, Ivey and I seemed to be good friends right from the start.
As the week continued, we had a routine. I woke up and walked over your house, and Ivey and I would head to that dock to lie in the sun or play on the water, all the while watching you and your friends. Listening to Jay-Z and Dierks Bentley, I also turned her on to OutKast while she made a Mark Wills fan out of me. Fast friends, maybe, but she was the first friend I had who didn’t come from my sisters.
It was nice to not have to try. I didn’t have to worry about trying to be her friend—or yours. It was just happening. For the summer, anyhow.
July 2003
Just as the sun was swallowed by the lake, Ivey and I chased the boys around the swimming cover and made fun of the girls, like my sisters, who tried to impress them, but I watched you the most.
Since meeting you, I had only actually spoken to you a few times, but you smiled a lot and sometimes said hello. Just when I wasn’t sure you would actually talk to me again, you did, that night by the swimming cove. Sitting on the dock with my feet dangling, I was leaning back on my hands and had to adjust the towel because of the heat.
That was when you swam up to me.
With the way my head was positioned on the dock, it was easy for you to simply lift yourself from the water and whisper in my ear.
“How old are you, Sophie?” Your voice was close to my ear, your breath tickling my neck.
I had a grape Jolly Rancher in my mouth, and I was caught off guard by the question. I thought for sure Ivey would have told you, but then again, that probably wasn’t something you would discuss with her. Why would you?
Dipping back down in the water, you hung onto the edge of the dock with your hands. Covered up to your chest in the water, you smiled at me. Your eyes, piercing me, were set on my mouth, watching me chew. “You gonna tell me or what?” you asked, your chin dipped below the surface of the water, taunting.
Then Ivey, coming to stand next to me, panting and holding her side, said, “She’s the same age as me, dummy.” And you looked at her instead of me. It wasn’t until then that I felt the loss, the missing heat from your stare.
I was still sucking and chewing on my candy, doing what I could to ignore you. I had no experience around boys, and you made me feel funny.
You waited for my answer after you kind of mumbled a little something to Ivey; she rolled her eyes and crossed her arms with a heavy sigh. Water beaded from her, falling in drops onto the steaming wood at her feet. She became bored with my slow response and walked away toward Grayden near the cooler.
When I finished my candy, I was sad it was gone because I had nothing to distract myself from the fact that you were still there, watching, and talking to me.
“Are you really thirteen?” you asked, so softly your lips hardly moved. There was just something different about you that I didn’t see with boys my own age. An easy smile and a relaxed walk, you were confident enough to not question yourself and no one ever did. And the fact that you were curious about me was new. Most guys didn’t give me the time of day once they saw my sisters.
Your eyes were ahead, watching Ivey and Grayden push each other off the rope swing, each one landing in the shallow water with a slap. You seemed annoyed with Grayden shoving Ivey, but you didn’t say anything.
“Yes,” I whispered.
After getting out of the water, you looked right at me, and I had a feeling you were going to say something about my eyes again, so I made a face.
“You don’t look thirteen.” You laughed, glancing over at me as you began to walk toward Grayden and Ivey.
“What do you mean?”
Your eyes returned to me when you said, “I have no fucking idea. You don’t look thirteen, though.” You chuckled like you knew exactly why, only you didn’t want to tell me.
I probably looked like a fish out of water because you cussed and just because you’re talking to me in general. You seemed so much cooler than me, much like Ivey. You were so sure of yourself with the way your eyebrows scrunched together as the words left your lips.
You smiled slightly before adjusting your hat, licking your bottom lip. “See ya around, Sophie.”
“Bensen Cole,” I said to myself when you walked away, biting the inside of my cheek to keep my foolish smile hidden. Even your name sounded appealing. You were brave like I wanted to be. Said and did what you wanted to do and … well … you were cool, and you cussed.
I never cussed back then. Mostly because my dad would have knocked my teeth out had I said what you did, but I also respected them. It didn’t seem right to use such foul language around them. Naturally, as I got older, that went out the window.
When Ivey returned I asked her what you might’ve meant, and she told me it was because you was staring at my boobs. Ivey didn’t have boobs yet, so she thought that was why.
“He’s fifteen. He only cares about boobs,” Ivey explained, rolling her eyes and shrugging.
Just as I was about to ask Ivey if she wanted to get some sandwiches that Aunt Megs had made, you came back over to where we were sitting. “You guys wanna go for a ride?” With a nod toward your uncle’s boat, our eyes followed. He was there, floating in the water at the end of the dock, waiting, the sounds of Brooks and Dunn bouncing over the water. “Come on, it’ll be fun.”
Grayden barreled past us and jumped in the water, followed by Brady and Austin. I was hesitant. My dad would have killed me for getting on Jesser’s boat without asking. But he was in Atlanta today so I knew I had free range until later tonight.
You nudged me with your shoulder when Ivey got in. “What’s it gonna be, Sophie?” You tucked me into your side when I nodded my answer, leading me to the lake. “My uncle is crazy. Stay close and don’t let go of my hand.”
Like I would’ve even thought about it. For the first time ever, a boy was holding my hand. You were. It was soft,
but more callous than Ivey’s hand, which held mine a lot.
I couldn’t really tell you much of what happened in that boat ride, just that I was holding your hand, and I never let go.
July 2003
“Do you think you could stay at our house?” Ivey asked, taking a bite of her hot dog covered in mustard.
I shrugged, biting into my own hotdog covered in ketchup and relish, as Ivey handed me another Pepsi. “Maybe. I have to ask my mom and dad.”
You walked by with Grayden, baseball bats and gloves in hand, and a white bucket in another, heading for the driveway. When you got to the table on the deck, your arm reached over my shoulder, stealing my Pepsi I just opened. You kept on walking, never looking back.
Ivey handed me another one with a roll of her eyes. “I told you it’s because you have boobs.” She looked down at her own chest, flat, cupping them with both hands. “Someday, babies. Someday.”
“Where are they going?” I asked, laughing at her.
“Baseball practice. Bensen made it on the varsity team his freshman year. Grayden’s trying to make it.” Ivey rolled her eyes. “Anything Bensen does, Grayden thinks he has to.”
I nodded and she sighed.
“Go ask your mom if you can stay over.”
I had never been allowed to stay at a friend’s house before that summer. My parents had these very strict rules, having five teenage girls. Little did they know my sisters were constantly sneaking out and into the beds of who the hell knew; I didn’t even think they knew sometimes. But then there was me. Sophie. The shy baby girl who no one took seriously. I was just little Sophie. Underestimated and rarely recognized. Sometimes I wondered if they forgot they had me. Was I the accident?
“Ivey wants me to stay at her house tonight, can I?” I asked, approaching my parents on the dock just before the sun went down. Dad had just gotten home from work, and I knew he was looking for some peace and quiet. It was a horrible time to ask, but I had to.
He didn’t look up from the can of beer he was holding, but my mom was waiting for him to say something. She had the same look on her face that she did when I asked to stay the night at Ashley’s house last year. She wanted to say no.
My heart was beating fast, rigid and quick. I chewed on my bottom lip and pulled at the strings on my bathing suit under my shorts while waiting for their answer.
“Isn’t there a boy in that family?” Dad asked, finally looking at me, squinting at the last remaining sun peeking from the trees.
“A boy? Oh, well there’s Brady. He’s nine.” I stopped, pulling at my hair in an attempt to appear truthful. Sadie lied. I never did. So now that I was, I tried to think of what she might’ve done in this scenario. I could almost picture her pouty brown eyes.
Mom laughed; she knew what I was doing. It was how she worked him, too, to go shopping last week with Aunt Megs.
“And what about the older one?” Dad put his beer down and looked up at me, his hard brown eyes narrowing. “The one I saw holding your hand as he helped you out of the boat I said I didn’t want you on.”
I knew it was too good to be true. I never got away with anything.
“Oh, uh, well that’s Bensen. Ivey’s older brother.” There was no sense in lying now. It would have only made him mad. “He’s fifteen.”
“I’m not comfortable with you hanging out in their house with him. He’s trouble.”
“I’m not hanging out with him!” I defended myself in a sputter of words that fell to the ground. He wasn’t listening to me anymore. Once Kevin Kaden made up his mind, there was no changing it. Unless of course it was my mom. He always listened to her.
“They’re nice kids, Kevin,” Mom said, not completely confident in her own words. It’s not that she wanted to either, but she knew my dad’s grip on us was too tight. It was exactly why Sara ran away so much and why Sadie called him an asshole last week. To his face.
I waited for their decision as they stared at one another.
“Please,” I said steadily, keeping my tone soft, unlike Shanna when she wanted something. Now if I was more like Stephanie, I’d resort to screaming and crying—never failed. I thought they gave in to her just to get her to shut up. I did.
“I want to meet their parents,” Dad said uncertainly. He was only doing this to appease me for the moment. When he met them, he would find something he didn’t like and tell me I couldn’t stay.
But for now, it was a starting point. I hugged my dad and didn’t pay attention while he grumbled something about you being bad news. I couldn’t disagree with him even back then. I knew from our earliest interactions that you were bad news.
I took off down the dock and into the house with a new bounce to my step. I finally found a friend who wanted me to hang out with her.
An hour later, I was heading over to your house for my first sleepover. It might have seemed strange that there I was, thirteen years old and had never stayed over at someone’s house, but you had to remember, I was the baby of the family.
Dad made an excuse as to why he couldn’t come over, leaving the approval of the Cole family up to my mom. That was good for me because she was way easier on people.
“They have a nice house,” Mom said, mostly to herself, looking over the white home. It looked like most of the homes on the lake, but just bigger.
Mom was right. It was nice. Outside, Ivey was sitting on the porch reading a book, and you and Brady were tossing strawberries at her, trying to distract her. Brady seemed to understand Ivey was about to get up and nail you guys, but he looked up to you, his actions fueled by you. You smiled; it was a strange smile. Then you nodded to Brady, and you guys walked up the driveway and into the trees. For what, I had no idea, but I assumed boy stuff.
When we got closer to the door, your mom stepped out.
She was wearing jean shorts and a red tank top. Her hair was that same rich color as Ivey’s, the color of the canyons with lighter highlights throughout. “You must be Kathy,” the lady said, offering her hand.
“Yes, and your name?” Mom asked kindly.
“I’m Lindy Cole. My husband, Robbie, is out fishing. The boys went to find him.” Linda glowed with every word spoken. She was pretty, like Ivey, and charming.
Ivey rolled her eyes, sticking her finger in her mouth like she was going to throw up. She didn’t like her mom. At least that was what she told me.
Mom looked over Lindy for a few more seconds and complimented your home before her eyes fell and settled on me. “Okay, Sophie, if you need anything, you know where we are.”
“Thank you!” I all but squealed. I was sure you probably heard me from the woods.
“Sophie,” Mom said, as she hugged me. “We’re trusting you.”
Wiggling from her arms, I leaned against the side of the house where Ivey was now standing, nodding my head, trying to appear relaxed, thinking about you and the smile you gave me before you left. “You can trust me,” I said, forgetting about you and thinking about Ivey and how happy I was that I finally had a friend. “I promise.”
“I know we can, Sophie,” Mom replied, kissing my forehead.
“We’ll take good care of her,” Lindy said, brushing her hand along my long golden locks that hung over my shoulders. Her touch was soft, and she smelled clean.
Mom smiled. She knew I would be safe here.
When she was gone, we all took a deep breath. I wondered if you would come back, and then I wondered what Ivey wanted to do tonight—maybe she would want to sneak out and watch the campfires on the lake. I wondered if maybe she would want to spy on my sisters like I did. They always did stupid stuff, and it was funny to watch the way they threw themselves at the boys.
Ivey and I went inside while you mom left to find your dad, or so she said. You were on the couch, sprawled out with your feet up, and Brady was next to you. You must have come in through the back. You looked at me, I looked at you, and then you smiled, sloppy and teasing almost.
“What are you doing here?”
you asked, and it was then I noticed Grayden sitting across from you guys, and Austin, on the floor at your feet—all three of you shirtless.
“Shut up, Bensen. She can spend the night here if she wants to,” Ivey cut in, tossing a magazine from the breakfast bar at his head.
I looked over her shoulder at you. You guys were playing a video game on the large flat-screen TV mounted on the wall. Bags of chips and cans of Pepsi were scattered around, along with a few beer cans. I didn’t know what to make of the beer. I had never even tasted it before, but I didn’t think I would like it. Sara told me it was bitter.
“You’re staying here? Overnight? Why?” you asked, and Grayden snorted. Brady laughed, trying to fit in. It seemed he always did whatever you and Grayden did.
Ivey looked like she was about to smack you when your mom came back inside. She looked over at you, her eyes narrowed. “Bensen, have some fucking manners and be polite.”
Now I understood your language.
You looked embarrassed that your mom scolded you in front of others. Tossing the control at Grayden, you began to clean up.
The game continued, and Grayden lost to Brady at whatever game it was they were playing. Ivey laughed and Grayden pushed her. They started yelling at each other, and you slammed your fist into Grayden’s shoulder. “Don’t touch my sister.”
Grayden didn’t listen and continued to taunt Ivey.
“Hey,” you yelled over your friends, even at Austin who had gotten involved, silencing all of us. “I said knock it off. Don’t touch my sister.”
You didn’t look at me again as you retrieved your controller off the ground to continue your game.
It was clear you controlled most everyone and everything around you.
Your mom kicked us all outside so she could get dinner ready, which left us down by the lake, as were most kids. There had to be at least twenty kids around that swimming hole, Stephanie and Sadie included. Part of me was a little bent they were down there. Didn’t they have better things to do?