“Thank you.” In over twenty years she has never been nice to me. Any compliments were backhanded, and came with caveats. Once another friend of mine said that her compliments were like cupcakes with shards of broken glass inside them. They’re not completely complimentary. Right now, compared to the way things normally are between us, we’re practically best friends.
“You don’t belong here anymore. I mean, nothing changes here. You’re jet-setting around the world, while half the people in this sleepy little ghost town don’t know how to use Facebook. Don’t waste your time dredging up the past. It won’t get you anywhere.”
“You’re right about that,” I admit, strange as it sounds coming out of my mouth. I don’t belong here. I should leave and have an agent take care of the house for me, right down to the packing. Hell, I actually don’t want anything from this house anyway. I don’t want anything to do with it, or this town, or Cole, ever again. It was all a mistake, a waste of time. Who would have guessed Victoria of all people would steer me straight?
“Cole won’t be coming back,” she says, standing and going to the door. “I’ll take care of that. You take care of the rest of your life and leave the rest of us to our lives. Okay?”
“Yeah. Sure.”
“Because if you don’t, I’ll make sure the entire world knows you’ve been screwing the father of my child.”
Ah, there’s the girl I know. She couldn’t let it go at that. She had to twist the knife in my chest. I don’t even look at her. I can’t. I’m staring at the floor, and that’s as far up as my eyes will go. If I look at her, I’ll have to claw her eyes out.
“I get it. Just go.” I want to see her to the door. I would still love to kick her ass, pregnant or not, but I can’t move. I’m like a block of ice. The sound of the door closing is more like the sound of my dreams ending.
I fooled myself again.
Taylor
Minutes later I’m in the back seat of the rented car with the driver taking me back to the hotel. I waited all of thirty seconds after Victoria left before calling him to get me. I grabbed my bag and ran out the second the car arrived.
How could I have been so stupid?
I close my eyes to avoid looking at anything, any part of the town, or any of the people in it. It’s all in the distant past. None of it matters anymore, if it ever did in the first place. I’m a bigger, better person now. I should’ve known better than to let myself get sucked back in the way I did. What a mistake. What a terrible, awful, stupid mistake.
And him! He’s the greatest disappointment of my life.
No, I can’t think about him right now. I need to get through the car ride. Then I need to get through the hotel. I’ll be there only as long as it’ll take to schedule a flight out of town. Because I need to get out of here. I need to get back home. Once I’m home, I’ll let go. I’ll cry my heart out then.
This isn’t home. This is hell.
I rest my head against the seat and cover my face with my hands. How? How did I leave myself open to getting hurt like this? I’m supposed to be a smart person. For God’s sake, I was just thinking earlier about how I’d promised myself that I wouldn’t let a man dictate my life or make decisions for me. There I was, before Victoria showed up with her news, telling myself it would be okay to let Cole back into my life. To think I was so happy this morning when he told me he wasn’t going to leave for good. He wanted us to be together. What a sucker I am.
I fight back the bile that rises in my throat. It’s a good thing I never ate, or else I would lose it right now, all over the back seat of the car. Oh, it hurts. It hurts so much. My whole body is wracked with pain, actual pain, something physical that feels like it’s tearing me apart.
I can’t stop thinking about him, even though I’ve told myself not to. I keep seeing his eyes. His smile. I hear his voice and feel the pressure of his fingers on my cheek when he asks if I don’t know him well enough by now to know he wouldn’t sneak out on me. Damn me for believing him. Either he’s the world’s greatest actor, or I’m the most naïve fool on earth. He was believable, right down to the way his voice trembled a little when he said he didn’t want us ever to be apart again. The only explanation I can come up with is he believed himself. Just like he ran out on me, he must have planned to run out on her.
A tear slides down my cheek, and I brush it away distractedly. I don’t deserve the relief of tears. How stupid do you have to be to fall for the same shit all over again? Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.
“You’re such an idiot,” I whisper, turning my head to look out the window and gauge how far we are from the hotel. Only a couple of minutes more. We’re already just around our exit. I’m so glad I decided to take a room so far outside of town. I don’t have to run the risk of bumping into him before I go.
“Here we are.” The driver pulls up out front of the ivy covered entrance. I shove what’s fallen out of my half-open bag back inside before getting out. I look down at my clothes and smooth them down. There will be people at the hotel. It’s bad enough I look like I just rolled out of bed since I couldn’t waste a minute and take the chance of running into him. I still have to consider my image. Actually, it is all I have left.
I hurry through the lobby and fish through my bag for the key to my room. Thank God I took it with me and didn’t leave it with reception. The last thing I want is to talk to anyone.
I nod at the receptionist, who looks at me with bright eyes, and quickly walk up the carpeted stairs. I open the door and lean against it. The suite looks strange, yet familiar. I should’ve stayed here. No, even better. I should’ve left after the funeral. I should’ve gone straight back. Why on earth did I stay? Why? Why? Why did I allow him back into my heart?
I could so easily have avoided all this.
I dial up my assistant. “Yeah, it’s me.” I drop my carry-on and go to the closet where the rest of my clothes are stored. I pull out my suitcase and get to work throwing everything inside. “I need you to book me the first flight out of here. I don’t care when it is. Just get me a flight.”
“What’s the matter?” Her voice sounds anxious. I guess I’d be anxious, too, if my normally level-headed boss lost her mind all of a sudden.
“Nothing. Nothing major, anyway. I just need to get out of here. I’ve stayed too long. It wasn’t a good idea.”
“Oh, I’m sorry.” I hear tapping in the background and assume it means she’s on her laptop. I check the time. It’s barely nine in the morning, which means it’s even earlier for her. I know lots of people in my position who don’t give a damn either way. They’ll wake up their team at any time, day or night, for the slightest things. On a whim, sometimes. And they never apologize. They don’t even think about giving a bonus, or something for the extra work. Me, on the other hand? I’m already planning a way to say thank you that is worth more than words.
“Okay,” she says. “I can get you out on United in two hours. Is that enough time?”
“More than enough,” I say, zipping up my suitcase. “Thank you for going out of your way this morning, Rachael. I really appreciate it.”
“Don’t sweat it. What about security?”
“I won’t need it. I’m travelling incognito. No one will recognize me.”
“Are you sure?”
“It’s a small airport and I’ll be fine,” I reassure.
“Do you want me to meet you at the airport over at this end?”
“No, I don’t think so. I’ll just go straight home. I could use the rest of the day to myself, but come by tomorrow.”
“Will do. The confirmation email and ticket should come through in a minute or two. Have a good flight.”
Taylor
I hang up. My hands are shaking. I’ll be home soon. Everything will make sense there. Maybe I’ll spend the rest of the day in bed, under the covers. Maybe I’ll watch a movie and zone out. No, that will just remind me of last night. I hate myself now for making it so easy for him,
for throwing myself at him the way I did.
I collapse onto the bed, still shaking, only now I’m shaking from head to toe, almost violently. I made it so easy. I threw myself at him. I trusted him, stupid as it was. I thought I could give him my heart and trust him with it.
Tears start to flow, and I let them for a few minutes. I know I need to get to the airport. Usually Rachael will call ahead and warn the airport authorities that I’m flying and I don’t exactly have to follow the rules when it comes to waiting in line for security checks. One of the perks of being a star.
Instead of getting out of bed and going back down to the lobby, I take a pillow and hold it to myself. Pretty soon I’m sobbing. Great, huge, breathless sobs that seem to come up from my toes and travel all through my body. I’m not just crying for what happened today. I’m crying for that day at the audition, the way he betrayed me. I’m crying for all the times since then that he still lived in my heart. I’m crying because I wanted so, so, so much to believe that he loved me.
He’s so cruel. Showing me what it might feel like to be loved, then taking it all away like that. Making me remember what it felt like to perform and be happy about it. Telling me that I don’t have to be unhappy. Even giving me advice. The sadistic bastard.
I punch the pillow with one fist even as I hold it tight with my other arm. Pretty soon I’m on my knees with the pillow on the bed and I’m pounding it with both fists, raising my arms straight up and slamming them down. Grunting and screaming each time I land a blow.
Oh, God. I’m losing it. I’m losing my mind. I collapse, exhausted, soaked with tears. I feel empty inside, totally hollowed out.
I need to get out of here as soon as possible. I don’t ever want to lay eyes on him again. I know one thing for sure: I’ll never let Cole betray me again. It was natural, wanting to give him another chance after he left me hanging at the audition. I gave him a second chance, but I don’t believe in third chances.
I better get ready for the airport, which means I need to look semi-presentable so I don’t call attention to myself. I slide from the bed and stumble to the bathroom. My legs feel like rubber. I splash cold water on my face, water so cold it stings like needles, but it helps. I wet a washcloth and hold it over my eyes for a minute in the hopes of calming down some of the swelling.
When I lower the washcloth and look at myself, the difference from earlier this morning is staggering. God, that wasn’t even an hour ago. I was so happy. Oh, I was so perfectly happy. So happy, I sang for no reason other than pure joy. I had hope. I had trust in a man I loved, who I thought loved me back. I thought I had a future with him.
Look at me now. Hollow-eyed, haunted. I drag a brush through my hair and braid it over one shoulder, change out the sweats for a loose, cotton, dress before wrapping myself in an oversized cardigan that reaches halfway down my thighs. With boots and sunglasses, I don’t look like Taylor Rose, the star anymore. Unless someone looks really close I’ll be able to fly unrecognized. Nobody will be expecting me to travel on my own.
“We’re going to the airport,” I announce after calling the driver. “Immediately. I’m on my way down now.”
“United,” I tell him as he takes my bag and loads it into the trunk. I thought no one would notice me, but there are more than a few interested faces peering at me as I walk around to the open door and slide into the car. I think I hear the sound of a few phone cameras going off, too. I turn my head away and thank God for big sunglasses.
It reminds me of Victoria’s glasses. She left them on the coffee table. It’s almost enough to make me want to go back, just to crush them under my heel before flying home.
One hot, salty tear rolls down my cheek and I wipe it away. That’s the last tear I’ll shed for Cole or myself. It’s time to harden my heart, because I can’t get hurt like this again.
Cole
There are a lot of people waiting their turn, and now there is a woman who can’t make up her mind whether she should get a doughnut, or a cupcake. For fuck’s sake. It’s not life and death. Just get both. I look at my watch impatiently.
I want to get back to Taylor.
Would anybody recognize me if they saw me acting like a pathetic love-sick fool? I doubt it. I’m the guy who swore off women a long time ago. Whenever I have an itch I get it scratched by one chick or another, usually from a neighboring town. Then, I move along. It’s worked well enough for me.
Yes, sex with whatever piece of ass I picked up at the bar or the club was fine, but it has nothing on looking into Taylor’s eyes and seeing what she feels while I’m inside her. Being able to let go of myself, all the pretenses and the masks I’ve learned to wear over the years? It’s everything. She’s everything.
“Is this a holiday or something?” someone mutters as he elbows his way to the counter. The bitter chuckling around me says I’m not the only one put-out by the wait.
The girl behind the counter makes eye contact and blushes before she looks away. I want to tell her she’s barking up the wrong tree, but that might be a little harsh. I look out the window at Main Street, instead. I guess every small town has a street like this, full of storefronts. People walk back and forth, smiling at each other and asking about each other’s business, but underneath the sugar coating is a lemon drop.
I’m too big for this place, and so is Taylor. It broke my heart, but I’m glad she left. She would’ve spent the rest of her life playing in places like Artie’s, making next to nothing and feeling resentful. Singing would’ve become her side gig, what she did on the weekends while she worked in some going-nowhere job to make ends meet.
She has the kind of talent that needs an entire world to hold it.
A town like this would’ve squashed it, or put it out like a flickering flame. No matter how disappointed she is with fame, it’s what she wanted. She’s been dreaming of it since she was a little girl and she would have always wondered what would’ve happened if she gave it a try instead of playing small and staying out of the spotlight. Her soul would’ve withered down to nothing. I’m sure of it. No matter how unhappy she thinks she is now, it’s nothing compared to how she’d feel otherwise.
“Number forty-seven!”
“That’s me.” I hold my ticket up and navigate through the crowd. There’s a box of fresh muffins waiting for me on the counter. I know Taylor must be starving, since I’ve been waiting for almost an hour.
“They’d better be great,” I say to the girl behind the counter.
“The best in town. Nice and moist.”
“How many do you want?” The girl working behind the counter at the bakery is doing just about everything but licking her lips at me. I wonder what Taylor would think about that if she saw it. I have to bite the side of my tongue to keep from smiling and probably encouraging the kid.
“Give me four. No, six.” I’ve seen Taylor eat three in a sitting. I wonder how much she must work out to keep her body as tight as it is.
After paying, I pick up the pink, string-tied box and make my way out. It’s good to get a little fresh air once I step outside.
“Cole!” I turn to find a pair of girls walking down the street in my direction. I recognize them. They’re servers at Artie’s. “Is Taylor still in town?”
“Yeah, she’s around.” She would hate it if she knew I was talking about her, but they seem like harmless kids. Just genuine fans who had an exciting night when their favorite singer performed in the bar they worked at. What kind of excitement can they possibly get around here, anyway? I can’t imagine things have picked up much since I was growing up.
“God, it was so much fun when you guys played together. I don’t think we ever had such a good night. Last night was so boring by comparison. Everyone was saying the same thing and talking about you guys. Will you guys come back and play again?”
I laugh. “Yeah, well, I don’t know. It was kind of a one-off.”
“Oh please,” one of them begs.
“Look, I can’t promise anythi
ng. I’ll let Taylor decide.”
Their eyes light up. “You could always come in tonight. Why don’t you come in tonight,” one of them suggests, as if she just thought of it. I stifle a wry smile. The two of them are like clones who take cues from their favorite celebrities. I notice they’re both wearing their hair the same way Taylor did when we visited the bar, pinned back in barrettes at the sides with soft waves framing their faces. Does this sort of thing happen to her all the time? She chooses a hairstyle and impressionable young girls copy her. That kind of hero worship must be heady.
“I don’t know. I can’t make any promises for Taylor.”
One of them looks down at the box. “Ooh, what’s in there? It smells amazing.”
Which is my cue to get moving. I have a hungry woman at home. “Muffins.” I wink conspiratorially. “They’re for Taylor.”
This little bit of information makes them lean against each other and squeal. “That is so sweet!”
Yeah, well, I’m a sweet guy. “See you around.” I get in the car before they can ask any more questions.
Cole
It’s not far back to her house, and thank God for that. I’ve already been away from her for too long. I think of what we should do today. We have to work out some plan of action that suits both of us, but I’m not spoiling today with reality. Real life will have to wait until tomorrow. Tomorrow is when I’ll get it together. In all likelihood I’ll move to LA and start a business there. I’ve been wanting to leave my father’s business for a long time now and Taylor is the perfect excuse.
I’m whistling to myself as I jog up the front steps, then I remember at the last second that I locked the door behind me. I lean on the bell for a second and expect to hear her feet pounding down the stairs, starving for muffins. She’s a fiend when it comes to fried apple muffins.
The Promise Page 10