by Mia Ford
I shook my head and turned around, stepping forward and freezing as Ava came bursting through my office door. Lily, my secretary was hurrying after her, a shocked and frightened look on her face. Ava stopped in the middle of the floor and crossed her arms, tears flowing down her cheeks. I couldn’t turn her away, not when she was so passionate about talking to me.
“It’s okay, Lily,” I said putting up my hand. “Give us a few minutes.”
“Yes, sir,” she said giving Ava a sharp glance and then walking back out of the office, closing the door behind her.
I crossed my arms and stared over at Ava who had relaxed a bit after I sent Lily away. She wiped the tears from her cheeks and took in a deep breath. I could tell she was running her next moves over in her head, knowing I didn’t have patience to sit and listen to her yell at me. I cared about her, but I was hurt and from that, my demeanor had become cold and stiff.
“What is it, Ava?”
She sighed and shuffled her feet in front of me, obviously not wanting to tell me. She was nervous, an emotion that I hadn’t seen on her before, and something that was raw in a way I couldn’t ignore. Still, I wasn’t in the mood for her games, nor was I wanting to stand here all day just to have me repeat what I had been doing over and over again.
“I want to say how sorry I am,” she said quietly.
“That’s a bit late,” I said turning to my desk.
“I didn’t mean that I didn’t want to see you again,” she said pleading.
“But you told him you weren’t seeing me anymore,” I replied.
“I know,” she sighed. “I panicked, I guess.”
“Ava, you have the perfect opportunity to stand up for us,” I said angrily. “You had the perfect opportunity to let him know that you cared about him, but that you cared about us, too. How many times do we have to go around and around with this. I know that I screwed up in this, too, but I never made you feel unimportant. I never pushed you so that you were hurt. You knew I could hear you in that room, but you said what you said anyway. And instead of coming in and trying to explain, you got clothes out of the laundry room. It wasn’t because you were trying to protect me. It was because you knew what you did was wrong and hurtful, and you were too much of a coward to face me.”
I slammed my pen down on the desk and looked down, not wanting to make eye contact with her. I could tell she was more than shocked at my outburst, and I had to admit, so was I. I hadn’t had any intention of letting her have it, of showing my weakness, but when I heard her apology, it was just too much for me to take. My mouth opened and everything spewed out, and there was no stopping it. I thought that if I let that happen, I would feel terrible about it, but I didn’t. I knew that people didn’t talk to Ava like that. They never let her know when she had done something wrong. Ava’s frail sensibility was always coddled by everyone in her life, but she needed to know she hurt me. She needed to understand that she couldn’t just say whatever she wanted and explain it away the next day, no matter how much I loved her.
And there it was, the reason I had been obsessing over it all. It was the reason I felt sick to my stomach at the thought of not having Ava close to me. It was the reason that no matter how much I didn’t regret telling her how it was, I still felt bad for saying anything that would hurt her. I loved the girl, whether I wanted to at that moment or not. I sighed, still looking down, not wanting to look up and lose my control over the situation. I could hear her sniffle.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I will be back tomorrow to retrieve my things and bring back any files I had at home to work on.”
She turned and walked out of the office, and I didn’t say a single word. I knew I should stop her, grab her, tell her how much I loved her, but my brain wouldn’t let me. I was so hurt by it all and felt like I deserved to tell her how I felt. I didn’t want her to quit, to leave, but at that moment, I couldn’t look away from my hand grasping the pen in front of me as hard as I could. I stood up and walked over to the office door, slamming it so hard the pictures on the shelves rattled. I was so hurt that I had nowhere to direct it, and I knew that it was only a matter of time until that pain couldn’t be held in any longer.
Chapter 26
Ava
I knew why he was so upset, and I didn’t blame him at all, but I also realized that I might have just screwed up the first real relationship in my life, and just as I’d started to fall hard. I jogged across the hall, trying to hide my tears and grabbed my purse, walking out of the office and down the hall. As I made it past the conference room, I jumped at the sound of Tanner slamming his office door so hard that everyone looked up in fear. He was so angry and so hurt, and I was the reason for it. I broke his heart, a heart that I thought would never beat for me, not even for two seconds. I think I was just as shocked by that revelation as he was. I shook my head and continued to the elevator, letting the doors close before I let the tears continue falling down my cheeks. I leaned against the wall and closed my eyes, taking in a deep breath.
I had not only lost the man I loved, but I also just quit the job that I wanted since I was in my undergraduate program. I had somehow completely destroyed everything in my life, except for my relationship with my father. Don’t get me wrong, that was extremely important to me, but so was the rest of my life. I sighed as the elevator opened up, and I walked out, making my way to the curb and grabbing a cab. I needed to see Brianna, so that was where I headed.
When I got there, she was surprised to see me, but she was even more surprised at the fact that my face was puffy, and my eyes were red. She moved to the side and let me in, looking confused when I shuffled by. She closed the door and walked over to me, sitting down beside me and taking my hands. I shook my head and laughed through a sob, realizing how crazy I was sounding.
“My father came by yesterday, and Tanner was in the apartment,” I said starting my explanation. “He hid in my room while my father and I talked. When my dad asked if I was seeing Tanner anymore, I panicked and said no. He heard it.”
“Uh oh,” Brianna said.
“Wait, it gets worse,” I said drying my tears. “I went to work to try to talk to him, and he let me have it. He told me how hurtful I was, and then I quit, saying I would be back the next day to get my things.”
“Ava,” Brianna said, rolling her eyes. “Why do you insist on constantly torturing yourself?”
“I don’t know,” I sighed. “I have an internal block on my happy.”
“Well, you need to tell Tanner how you feel,” she said, shaking her head and walking over to her kitchen.
“What?” I didn’t want to admit my feelings. “I don’t feel any way toward him.”
Brianna grabbed two glasses and poured a bit of whiskey in each, walking over and handing me one. I leaned back and took a sip, sighing as the warmth hit my chest. Instantly, I began to calm down a bit, and I knew that Brianna wasn’t buying it at all. Why was it so hard for me to admit my feelings for Tanner? It wasn’t like Brianna gave a shit either way. She just wanted me to be happy.
“You know what I think?”
“What?” Here it comes.
“I think you are full of shit,” she said. “You show up at my door with obvious signs that you have been crying. You quit a job you had been working toward for years, and your story revolved around Tanner and how much you hurt him. I think you love him.”
“That’s ridiculous,” I snapped. “I’ve been seeing him for like two weeks, and he is the biggest playboy ever.”
“Well, from the sound of it, you have gotten to that playboy,” she smiled. “And you got to yourself as well. Ava there is nothing wrong with loving someone, with being happy with more than just work, but what is not okay is lying to yourself about it and ruining everything in your life to keep that lie.”
“It’s good, then, that you’re wrong, and I don’t love him.” I crossed my arms.
“You are absolutely impossible.” She sighed. “Seriously, you are so hell-bent on
proving yourself that you’re hurting yourself. But hey, it’s not my love life, so I’ll leave you alone on it.”
“Thank you,” I said relaxing a bit.
“Come on,” she said, standing up and sticking out her hand. “We are going to get all dolled up and go out to Exclusives, the new club in Manhattan. Me and a guest are on the list.”
I did not feel like going to a club at all, but Brianna was all I had left, and I wasn’t about to fight her on this. I stuck out my hand and let her help me up, following her back to the bedroom. I sat down on the bed as she started pulling clothes from the closet, tossing me a tight, short, red dress. She disappeared into the other room, eyeing the dress. She wanted me to put it on, so I gave her a fake smile and stood up, undressing and sliding the dress over my head. I looked in the mirror and was impressed at how perfectly it hugged my curves. Unfortunately, when my eyes met my face, I cringed. I was puffy and red, something that did not go with the outfit.
“Okay,” she said, coming out in a black version of the dress. “Let’s see you. You look great!”
“Just one problem,” I said.
“What?”
“This face,” I said pointing at it. “I am scary and swollen.”
“Girl, don’t you know me by now? I got this.” She grabbed me by the wrist and pulled me into the bathroom.
By the time she was done curling, scrunching, and teasing my hair, and applying some seriously heavy makeup, I actually looked like a sexy twenty-something once again. I stared at myself in the mirror, shocked at the magic she performed. Now if only I felt as good on the inside as I did on the outside, I would actually feel like I was getting my life back. After that, we slipped on our heels and headed out, reaching the club relatively quickly.
When we walked in, the lights were flashing and the music was bumping and Brianna didn’t waste any time getting us a couple of shots and two strong drinks. I needed something strong that night since I couldn’t seem to get Tanner off my mind, and I was terrified I was going to start crying again. Nobody wanted to be the crying girl at the club, and there was always bound to be one of them. Instead, I started to drink copious amount of alcohol and get wasted. The music was sounding better and better every time I took a shot, and eventually, I found myself on the dance floor dancing by myself under the flashing strobe lights. I let go, allowing the alcohol to take over, forgetting everything shitty in my life and refusing to allow myself to think about Tanner.
Whatever happened between us was obviously over, and I had a huge play in its demise. There was nothing I could do about it, so instead of whining and crying, I was going to enjoy my night. Brianna was chatting up some hot guy in the corner as I danced around the dancefloor, feeling free to do whatever I wanted. I hadn’t been out to the club but a handful of times, but I definitely felt like I could get used to it. I wasn’t interested in the men at that moment, but I recognized that when I was, this was definitely the place to start of a conversation with one. No one that went to clubs were looking for happily ever after, they were looking for a one-night stand. Right now, I was just looking to dance away into oblivion with my Jack Daniels and my six-inch-heels. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back, feeling the room spinning around me.
“Hey, there,” a deep voice said as I opened my eyes.
He was handsome as hell with jet black hair, dimples, and the perfect smile. He had walked up to me on the dancefloor and his eyes roamed my body. While normally I would be interested, his mere presence did nothing but make me think about Tanner, something I did not want to do at all. I took in a deep breath and tried to push past the feeling, smiling back at him.
“Hey,” I said.
“What’s your name?”
“Ava,” I yelled over the music. “You?”
“Elliot,” he said, sipping his drink.
He set the drink down on the tray of a passing server and leaned in close to me. I could smell his cologne, but instead of turning me on, I felt a rock drop in the pit of my stomach. It wasn’t Tanner’s scent. I tried to ignore the feeling in my chest, but as his hand slipped around my waist, I knew I couldn’t do it. I pulled back and shook my head, turning quickly and setting my drink on the table. I walked quickly through the club, feeling like if I didn’t get air, I was going to suffocate to death. I burst through the exit door and took in a deep breath of the cold New York night. I started walking down the sidewalk, stopping half a block down and resting against a building. I ignored the stares as people walked by, knowing I looked like a drunk hooker.
I pulled out my phone and scrolled through the numbers, knowing who I wanted to call but hesitating for a moment. Screw it, I wasn’t going to let it go until I called. I dialed Tanner’s number and listened to it ring and ring, eventually switching to the voicemail. I groaned pulled the phone from my ear, hitting the end button. When the home screen came back, I realized it was late, after midnight, and it was a work night for Tanner. He was probably sound asleep in his bed. Just as I was getting ready to put my phone back in my purse, it rang, Tanner’s face popping up on the screen. I took in a deep breath realizing I had no choice but to answer.
“Hi,” I said quietly. “I’m so sorry that I called you that late. I didn’t realize the time.”
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” I sighed. “Just wanted to hear your voice, I guess.”
“Are you drunk?”
“Yeah,” I said. “Brianna dragged me out to this new club, and I was so upset I just started drinking.”
“You need to be careful out there all alone,” he said sleepily. “Go grab a cab and get home safely, okay?”
“Okay,” I said, bummed that he was trying to get off the phone.
“I’ll talk to you tomorrow,” he said.
“Tanner,” I called out, but he had already hung up.
I sighed and walked forward, hailing a cab. I had screwed up so bad, made him so angry, that he didn’t even want to talk to me for more than a few minutes. Two weeks ago, he would have come and gotten me, taking me back to his place. But now, well now, he was sleeping and treated me like I was some random girl calling him in the middle of the night. I didn’t understand how he could turn his emotions off so quickly, but I wanted to learn his trick. I was already tired of feeling the broken heart inside of my chest.
Chapter 27
Tanner
My office seemed lonely and quiet, and I wasn’t looking forward to Ava coming in and giving her resignation. I didn’t want her to leave, and I couldn’t lie that when she called me the night before, I had been still awake, thinking about her. I wanted so badly to jump in my car and go rescue her, bring her back to the penthouse, and make passionate love to her, but I didn’t think I could handle the aftermath. Our relationship had been up and down, over and over again, and my emotions were pulled to the thinnest they could go without snapping.
She had made her choice to not be with me and to quit, and I had to accept that, move forward, and not jump every time she called. I knew she wasn’t doing it on purpose. I knew she was confused as hell, but I didn’t know how to be there for that and not be aiding her in continuing that behavior. Even if I had rescued her the night before, she would have had to eventually stop going in these destructive circles that she was stuck in. I thought maybe if I removed myself from the equation, it would help break the cycle.
I looked up as Ava knocked on the doorframe, her clothes pressed but her hair pulled back and giant sunglasses covering her eyes. She reached up and pushed her glasses up on her head, revealing her tired and puffy eyes. I could tell that she had one hell of a hangover, and I tried my best to hide the smirk trying to creep over my lips. I sat up in the chair and motioned for her to come in. She pulled herself from the door frame and walked in, closing the door behind her, and wobbling slightly as she walked.
“Wow,” I said with a chuckle. “How was your night last night?”
“Ugh,” she groaned. “Full of liquor and anger. You know, the normal.�
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“Why were you all alone outside when you called me?”
“I was dancing on the dance floor, lost in the music, and this guy hit on me,” she said shaking her head. “So, I left.”
Instantly, without warning jealously blew through me like wind. I gripped down on the chair arms and looked down at my computer screen, trying not to show her how much that bothered me. Why was she telling me this? To make me jealous? I didn’t even know how to respond to it, and I could tell she was not realizing what it sounded like. I took in a deep breath and relaxed my muscles, knowing that I needed to cool down. Even if it did bother me that a guy was hitting on her, obviously, she didn’t go home with him since she called me after leaving the club. Still, just the idea of some other man’s hands on her made me want to break something, or someone. I cleared my throat and glanced up at her, but she was too hungover to even realize that I was struggling with the thought of another man. I was thankful since I was trying to keep my composure. I took in a deep breath to say something, anything to clear the silence, but before I could respond she leaned forward and began to speak.
“I didn’t like it,” she said. “I didn’t like another man anywhere near me. Just his proximity to me made me miss you terribly, even after trying to drink your memory out of my head.”
“Really?” I was taken back by her words, but not because she felt that way, more because she was being honest about it.