by J. C. Cliff
I plop my body down on the sofa, pick up a book, and I let out a sigh. I’ve tried to read this book all morning long, but it seems like all I’m doing is reading the same paragraph ten times over, and I still can’t comprehend a damn word. Funny how I could focus on the romance novel just fine. I shake my head at the thought; I’m not going to be opening another can of worms by getting my body all hot and bothered even more than it already is.
Glancing at the clock on the wall in the kitchen, I check the time, and it’s reading almost noon. Shit. I wonder if I have enough time to clamber into a hot, steamy tub in another attempt to perspire the Blyss out of my pores, averting my mind with pain by making the water scorching hot. I’ve never been into self-harm, but I can almost understand why people do it. Even though it’s short-lived, it deters any mental turmoil for the moment by forcing your mind to think of something else. Blyss is no joke; I’m fighting it at every turn, and since they’ve doubled my dose, it’s becoming too much for my mind to handle.
I get up from the sofa with the intention of drawing the hot bath, only to see Travis walking through the door at the same time. Double shit. I go weak at the knees at the sight of him. He looks serious right now; gone is his playfulness from earlier. His eyes are fixed on me, and I swallow hard; his mood is replaced by something more…carnal. Damn, he’s hot. Pure dominance exudes from his every pore, making my heart speed up. He says nothing as he steps into the room, slowly sauntering toward me, stalking his prey. My brain tells my feet to run the other way, but my legs refuse to move. He stops only a few feet from me, and God help me, I want him. I want him to slam me down on the sofa, kiss me, and make me his.
We stand-off against each other in silence. It’s just me against his stony expression, and suddenly, I feel uncomfortable and take a step backwards. I startle when his strong voice breaks the silence in the room.
“I’ve seen your naked body before, but I can’t wait to see it fully unveiled for me. Strip for me now,” he says with a certain commanding tone that sends anxiety and fear coursing through my veins. I don’t reply to him. I give him an almost imperceptible shake of my head, too numb to move or speak.
“I’m about to make you feel things you never knew existed, and I can’t wait to see you writhing under my touch as I give you pleasure,” he arches his brow knowingly, “and with the Blyss running through your system, it will be an indulgence, none like you’ve ever known before.”
He takes a predatory step toward me, and my heart beats faster. I’m very clear in shaking my head no this time, and instinctively, I take another small step back.
“I’m sure in your current state of mind, you’ve thought about the implements behind the curtains, yeah? Would you like to pick something out?”
No, I’d actually like to run and hide behind them. I close my eyes tightly and steal an intake of breath. Well, shit, here we go again with another cat and mouse game. What happened to my warm, sweet, and consoling Travis?
My body is fighting wanting to respond to this type of domination, but my brain is struggling to break through the haze of lust. I feel a small prickle beginning to burn behind my eyes. I don’t want to cry; I’m so sick of crying. He’s beginning to scare me. I chastise myself, He should scare you, Jules! He’s a sex criminal! How did I let myself become this dense?
I don’t know what he has planned, but I’ve never had sex before. With that thought, my breathing picks up, and I’m not sure I can handle this. I find myself in a full-on retreat, but as I look around the room, where can I run? I was talking a good fight only minutes before, but getting down to the nitty-gritty, the reality of this situation is like a splash of ice-cold water in my face, rendering me almost sober from the effects of the drugs.
With nowhere to go, I steel myself against his presence and look him in the eye. “I’m scared, Travis. I’ve never done this before,” I admit as my gaze shifts to the tiled floor. I notice my hands are slightly trembling and I clasp them together, wringing them until my knuckles turn white.
He stops in his tracks and asks warily, “What do you mean you’ve never done this before?”
I can feel the heat seeping up my ears in mortification, not only for admitting my virginity, but also being placed in this simulation of false consent. The drug is making me crave sex, when in actuality, it’s rape. Rape is rape, no matter how you slice it. The Blyss may be making my body yearn for what Travis is going to give, but I don’t want it, not this way. I study the brown marble pattern on the floor mindlessly; this is not how I envisioned my first time. The following words stutter from my mouth, “Don’t you know? I’m…a virgin.” I glance up to gauge his reaction, and every muscle in Travis’ body goes stock-still. I think I’ve shocked him. His lips are pressed in a hard line, his nostrils flare, and he shakes his head. He doesn’t look happy about this; in fact, he looks downright pissed.
“I thought you had a fiancé?” His eyes narrow on mine, his tone somewhat accusatory. I don’t think he’s processing this bit of news very well.
“Yes, well, I was saving myself for that...that special person, that special day,” I say softly.
“Fuck!” he bellows, and I jump back, startled, wide-eyed, and scared out of my wits. I didn’t mean to piss him off, but I needed him to know. When he realizes he’s frightened me, he abruptly drops his bag to the floor with a loud thud. I feel my eyes brimming full of tears as he quickly reaches for me in two long strides. His strong hands cup my cheeks gently, and his thumbs begin tenderly wiping away a few stray tears. His eyes shift over mine with concern as he searches for something within me.
His communication always seems to be in his eyes, because his face always remains impassive. He must have practiced that look for so long it’s permanently etched onto his face. He looks upon me, not with sympathy, but with a look of almost compassion and regret. Is the man bipolar? One minute, he tries to be all commanding and macho, and the next, he’s acting as if my virginity means something special. He’s in the sex trade business, for God’s sake! I feel a tear escape from the corner of my eye.
“Hey, hey…shh…calm down, you’re starting to panic. I didn’t mean to startle you. I’m not going to hurt you; I give you my word.” He mumbles to himself, “I can’t believe Nick didn’t tell me this shit.”
“Seriously?” I respond with slight incredulousness. “He may know a lot about me, but he can’t know everything that goes on behind closed doors.” I swirl my hand in the air, indicating all the cameras. “Not unless he has hidden cameras in every nook and cranny of the world.”
He shakes his head. “I guess he just assumed, like I did.”
“What does this mean now? What are you going to do?” I bite my lower lip and worry it back and forth between my teeth, searching his eyes for an answer. He lets go of me and takes a step back. He closes his eyes and exhales loudly, pinching the bridge of his nose. He’s thinking deeply, and I am at the mercy of all his decisions. I stand before him, waiting with baited breath and fear of the unknown. I should know better. It will happen, and I have a feeling today is the day I will lose my virginity.
I can’t even begin to know how to handle a man like Travis. I don’t know what to expect, and the thought sends a shiver of fear down my spine. While Travis cradles my face, I close my eyes as thoughts begin to race through my head. I’m sure I look every bit the inexperienced teenager to him right now. Travis is one hundred and ten percent all man, and he’s had years of experience with having sex; I’m sure of it. I shake my head at the thought; I wouldn’t even know what to do with him, because he’s definitely too much man for me to handle. I don’t know what to be expecting from him, and the thought sends a shiver of fear down my spine.
I feel as if I’m choking on my own breath, and my legs feel suddenly weak. I feel the back of my eyes sting, as more tears seep out through my closed eyes. Travis lightly shakes my head, pulling me from my internal battles. “Hey, look at me, sweetheart,” his voice full of concern. I open my bleary eyes
and meet his tormented gaze. “It’s going to be all right.”
“What does that mean, exactly? How am I going to be all right?” I croakily ask through my silent tears, my heartbeat thumping hard in my chest. His thumbs swipe along my cheekbones, drying my saturated skin. He looks conflicted, and I know what he’s thinking. He’s going to take my virginity…to get me ready for Nick’s self-proclaimed ‘big dick’. My eyes roll back in my head as I physically shudder and wince at the thought.
“Look at me,” his voice snaps with a strong and commanding tone. “You’re not going to check out on me, you understand?” His eyebrows raise in question.
I manage a hiccuped whisper. “Yes, I understand.” But it’s a lie; I only say it to placate him.
He shakes his head and narrows his eyes. “No, I don’t think you understand. Don’t try and humor me.”
Do I have a sign above my head that has my true thoughts digitally scrolling across for all the world to see? I ask myself.
He gives me a half-grin. “Yes, you wear your emotions on your sleeve. You can’t get away with much under my keen perception.”
Well, shit. He pulls me in for a brief hug. He’s turned sweet again, and his display of kindness tamps down my growing nerves. The desire to touch this beautiful man before me is overwhelming. I return his embrace and slip my hands around his waist, caressing the strong muscles of his back. My God, he feels amazing, and I could just breathe him in and never exhale.
I like nice Travis. I don’t know if this is really him, or if this is part of his little manipulative game, but I suppose I won’t ever really know. He has his own private game plan I’m not privy to. He’s always so sure of himself and stays five steps ahead of me, so I never know what to expect with him. He’s either sweet and comforting, or rough and commanding, but the most frustrating part about Travis is that he stays so unreadable.
I curse these drugs as I realize I’ve just created a problem for myself. Being in such close proximity to Travis’ body, I feel my own body begin to betray me. I can no longer deny the effect he is having over my body. He pulls back marginally and strokes his finger across my cheekbone. I squeeze my eyes shut.
“Julianna, you’ve nothing to fear. You want this; I know you do. I can tell by the way your body is responding to mine. Look at me.” His eyes search mine as he whispers, “You’ve always been intensely-responsive to me, Julianna; it just comes natural to you.”
My lungs are fighting for air as my heart beats double-time. Shit, I’m sure my panties are already wet from his proclamation. I can’t deny what he just said. I steal myself a breath and whisper back, “Yes, well, that may be true, but it doesn’t mean I want to give myself to a criminal.”
Hurt flashes across his eyes for a fleeting millisecond before his expression goes stonewall again. His nostrils flare as he takes a deep breath through his nose, and then he exhales slowly through his lips. I catch the scent of his leather and soap, and I’m almost done for. I really need to put a lock on my lips and throw away the key. I’m sure my attitude can either have this go roughly or smoothly, and I’d like a smooth Travis.
Instead of getting angry—something I’m sure Nick would do—Travis stays calm and collected. “Your body says otherwise, sweetheart,” he replies as he brushes his lips over mine, and I hold back a whimper. I find myself fisting the back of his t-shirt in my clenched hands. “You can deny it…all day long, but I’ve been doing this a long damn time, Julianna, and I know the telltale signs of a woman’s arousal.”
My pulse rate picks up, and I tremble with a nervousness I’ve never felt before. He doesn’t even give me time to ponder my fears before his lips crash over mine, and an unexplained electricity courses through me. My stomach flips over on itself, and judging by the bulge pressing against it, he can’t deny this, either. His hard body envelops mine, and then he breaks through all of my barriers when he slips his tongue past my lips. I whimper and pull his chest into mine. My body takes over, rubbing against his like a cat in heat. My nipples grow hard as I press them against his chest.
He tries to break the kiss, but I don’t let him; instead, I pull him into my web of frenzied lust. He responds with a groan erupting from deep within his throat. A few more moments of lustful battling ensues before he’s finally able to break away. “Damn, woman,” he breathes heavily, “you’re insatiable.”
He places his forehead against mine, resting it there while he catches his breath. “I’m trying really hard to abstain here, and you’re not making this easy on me.”
Cockily, I ask, “Isn’t that what you guys are planning on doing to me—taking my body without my consent?”
I feel his body stiffen at my words. He leaves his forehead pressed against mine and closes his eyes; I’m sure he’s evading me. “No, you’re not mine to take, Julianna.”
At those words, I pull back. “What...what’s going on here, Travis? You and your men are drugging me to do what…I don’t know…turn me into a nympho hooker? I’m confused.” I hold up my hand, palm out, stopping him from speaking. I’m not done talking, but I can’t seem to formulate the right questions, either. “Trust me, I want nothing more than to save myself for my happily ever after, but these drugs are making that rather difficult, and they’re confusing me at every turn. I know I’m here because of Nick, and all I can figure is since he’s been stalking me for years, he’s obsessed with me. Why? I don’t know. Everything is a big question mark to me, and nobody is giving me any answers.”
“Shh, ssh...” he begins to try and soothe me the way he has before, but I won’t have it.
“No. Don’t shush me, Travis. None of this is okay.” I feel my eyes fill with tears again. Dammit!
Travis must’ve thought I was doing far better when he was kissing me, so that’s what he decides to do. He shuts me down by crashing his lips back over mine. I pound my fists against his bulky arms in an attempt to stop him, but it’s no use. He’s too strong, and his kiss is a lethal weapon.
I’m having a hell of a time discerning between reality and my distorted, twisted perceptions. I can’t figure out exactly who my enemy is—the drugs, Travis, or both.
“I don’t understand how you have this effect on me,” I breathe heavily. “I’m not supposed to want this...you. Seems like every time you kiss me, I lose all reason.”
“Yeah? Right back at you, babe. Now shut up and give me what I want.” He dips his tongue back in for another taste, then bites my bottom lip. His strong fingers make their way under the hem of my t-shirt, and he slowly begins to inch it up over my belly. When the shirt passes over my breasts, his breath hitches. “God, you’re exquisite,” he breathes. I shiver at his words; I’m lost to the Blyss, and I’m lost to the drug that is Travis. “I want to see the rest of you,” he murmurs as he lifts my shirt the rest of the way over my head. At the sight of my blue lacy bra, his eyes hone in on my breasts. “Blue,” he shakes his head, “I believe that’s become my new favorite color.”
He pulls me back into his body, and his hands roam up my back in a slow caress, ending at the clasp of my bra. He unhooks it at the speed of light using one hand, and I can’t help but giggle.
He pulls back, looking at me thoughtfully when he asks, “What?”
I shake my head at him, and he moves in to lick my lips as I whisper, “Do men practice that move? They must buy a bra, throw a bromance party, and have a Quick Draw McGraw competition.”
His lips are on mine when he laughs, and I feel the vibration dance over my lips. This sense of familiarity between us suddenly feels so right, like we’re meant to be. “Oh, baby,” he whispers, his sexual prowess picking up speed again as he nips at my lower lip. “What are you doing to me?”
I’m too drunk on desire to ponder what that statement might mean. I return his favor and nip his upper lip, then I run my tongue over it seductively, hearing him groan, “Oh, hell, you’re killin’ me, woman.” I’m proud of myself for having this effect on this strong, sexy man, whose stone wall seem
s to crumble little by little with each day we spend together. I’m not so far gone that I think his motives are one hundred percent altruistic in nature, but I do, however, think he is genuine in his solicitous behavior.
“You’re making me lose all reason, Travis.” I pant into his mouth. “Why is it that I find myself not wanting to be anywhere but here with you? That thought should scare the hell out of me.” He’s a true comfort to me, a warm security blanket, and a great escape from having to deal with the new reality I’m living in.
Travis lets out a long, low groan. My chest suddenly feels heavy, and as my nipples begin to ache, I rub my chest against his. His breathing turns rapid while he gazes into my eyes with heated lust. “You talk too much. Kiss me,” he demands, and I’m so dizzy with sexual desire I don’t even realize he’s backed me up to the edge of the bed. I run my fingers up through his hair, pulling him into a deeper, more frantic kiss. He massages the globes of my ass through my jeans, pulling me flush with his erection. Oh, God, I think I’m going to orgasm right now as my stomach flutters, and my pussy clenches in need.
The kiss never gets broken as I feel the hard lines of his straining shoulders, his muscles flexing as he lifts me up onto the bed. He unabashedly explores my breasts with his hands, squeezing and kneading, then pinching my nipples between his fingers.
Laying me down flat on the bed, he breaks the kiss and hovers over my body. His breathing is labored, and his eyes are riddled with carnal need as he whispers, “I’m going to make you feel so damn good you won’t even remember your name.”
I’m speechless as I allow him to peel my jeans and panties off my body in one fell swoop. Even though I feel incredibly-exposed, all my inhibitions have flown out the window. My heart is beating a million miles a minute as I think to myself, I want this man. Every sexually deviant thought I had yesterday has resurfaced with a vengeance, and I thank my lucky stars it’s Travis who will put out the fire.