So I explained to him that my father had sent me away, to an institution that was hell bent on curing the gay from me. He caught on quickly but didn’t press. He apologized profusely for what happened to me and for all the times we’d fucked around and it got me in trouble.
When I asked him about his wife, he said that she didn’t know and that it really isn’t a part of who is he. I wanted to think that he was lying, but there was some strange truth in his tone. He chalked it up to experimental teenage years and he moved on from it. Eric joined us after a bit, lighting up a smoke and I ended up having one too. Billy didn’t say much else, other than to tell me that he was glad I’d found someone.
Who Eric and I were, celebrity wise, went unnoticed all day Sunday and then Monday too. Eric had called Addison to let her know that the regional paper would be running an obituary that would have my name, with Eric’s in parenthesis next to it. She’d assured both of us not to worry. She’d put a lid on anything if it popped up Monday, which as far as I knew, it never did.
At four o’clock Monday, Eric and I walked back into the funeral home, this time with Mary-Beth. She really is a sweet lady and I made a vow to stay in touch with her.
She’d told me yesterday that some years ago, my father, unable to handle it himself, leased out the land surrounding the farmhouse but that according to my father’s will, the house and land were now mine. I told her no. It was hers and I would be signing it over to her when I got the deed from the attorney’s office. The same went with the money he’d left me. I don’t know how much it was, but I didn’t care. Mary-Beth broke down over that one pretty hard. She honestly had no idea what she was going to do now that my father was gone. I hope I brought her some peace in the chaos of the last few days.
Eric joined me casket side, and this time I was able to say good-bye to my father with a little less anger and a few more tears. After spending the time I had with Mary-Beth, I honestly believed she was trying to change the mind of my father and maybe he’d finally realized his mistakes. Though I am a very long way away from forgiving him, knowing that gave the clearance I needed in order to grieve his passing.
The true moment of collapse came a few minutes before five. Eric and I had snuck out of the room to let Mary-Beth be with her family. While we were standing in front of the funeral home smoking, something caught my attention. A lot of somethings actually. With the setting sun behind them, like a slow-motion action movie, my entire world came walking across the parking lot.
I lost it in Eric’s arms as Talon, Kyle, Dex, Raine, Addison, Casey, Mills, Beck, Tori and Rusty approached us.
“We’re family,” Talon said as he stood next to us. “And family sticks together.”
“Always,” Dex agreed.
I was then swooped up in hugs, condolences and the most overwhelming love I could have ever imagined feeling.
The sound of them caused a commotion inside and Mary-Beth came out. “Calvin, who are all these people?” she asked me in a curious tone.
“Mary-Beth, I’d like you to meet my family, my friends, and my band.”
“Your band?” Her tone was even more curious now.
“Yes ma’am. We’re 69 Bottles.”
“Oh sweetheart, if it ain’t something I can square dance too, I ain’t got a clue what you’re talking about.”
We all laughed. “Well, then let me introduce you.”
I introduced Mary-Beth to everyone, explaining who they were and what they did and she accepted them all with open arms.
They all filed in and overtook the funeral home to pay their respects to my father. I noticed then that the casket spray was from Cami, Tristan and the Bold family and I nearly lost it again.
When the visitation was over, the twelve of us overtook Sammie’s and he had no problem kicking out the regular crowd for us. We ate, we talked, we were the family that we’ve all grown to be. It was the most amazing night. I couldn’t have asked for a better group of people to be surrounded by, but best of all, I had Eric by my side. He is my absolute everything. I cannot imagine my life continuing without him by my side.
The next day, while standing graveside, saying one final goodbye to my father, Addison graced the audience with a very heartfelt version of ‘Amazing Grace’ and it was exactly what I needed to hear.
Everyone, along with Eric, stuck around until I was ready to walk away, long after everyone else had gone on to the farm house for conversations that I didn’t want to have. I was ready to leave this Podunk town once and for all.
Though I told Mary-Beth that I would be in touch and that she was more than welcome to use my phone number any time she wanted, she was satisfied with that and I told her that I would be taking off from the cemetery. I think she was a little sad to me see me go, but we said our goodbyes and off she went.
Standing in a big ol’ circle, surrounded by my friends, my family and the love of my life, I realized that this all started five months ago
With a rock band.
A tour bus.
Four amazing friends who would find their soulmates along the way.
It’s been one hell of a wild ride and I couldn’t ask for a greater group of people to have taken that journey with.
Eric is my rock, my salvation, my hero, my talisman and the love of my life.
“Are you sure you’re ready to do this?” Eric asks me.
"I’m pretty sure I’ve put it off long enough and I know that if I don’t do it now, I might never do it. Not to mention the fact that I’m tired of it haunting me,” I tell him as I place the thick yellow envelope on the table. Mary-Beth had given it to me when my father passed away.
“But tonight?”
I smile at him. “Tonight.”
He gives me a sad, concerned smile. Tomorrow is a big day for both of us and I can understand his concern, but right now, I need to do this.
I unclasp the metal prongs on the back of it and everything seems to slip into slow motion as I peer inside.
I can’t see much, except several pages folded up, sort of sitting on top of everything else. I pull it out, then look inside. I can’t quite make it out, but they look like newspaper clippings.
I open up the letter and I hand it to Eric.
He hesitantly takes it from me, and slowly flattens it out as he clears his throat.
“Dearest Calvin,” Eric starts and I sit down. “I know this must come as a surprise to you, but if you’re reading this, Mary-Beth has done as I asked. Not only did she type this up for you, but she made sure you received it somehow after I’ve passed away.”
I can hear the emotion filtering into Eric’s voice and my own jaw ticks with hesitation and nerves for what is going to come next.
Eric continues, “Please know that I’m including the original, handwritten letter so you know she didn’t make any alterations to what I’m about to tell you. I needed you to know that what I am about to say is the truth and it is how I truly feel.
“I’m sorry,” Eric breathes as he continues reading. “I am sorry for all the pain I’ve caused you. Sorry for the fact that I’ve put you through the things that I have in your life.
“I was stupid. I, at the time, couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that you were gay. Gay men just didn’t exist in the world that I grew up in, in the community we lived in, and I felt that I could change you into the man you were meant to be. After about a year, I finally realized that I could no longer do that. That I was never going to change you, but the doctors had told me that they were making such amazing progress. I believed them.
“I was hoodwinked into believing that when your treatment was over, you’d return home the man I thought you should have been. But you never came home. And for that, I do not blame you.
“It took me a long time to admit to myself that you being gay was not a crime, and it was more normal than I could have possibly realized and in all honesty, you can thank Mary-Beth for that. She opened my eyes to a whole new perspective on life and on love. For the
same reasons I couldn’t find, date and marry another woman after your mother died, those are the reasons I sent you away.
“Sending you away was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life, and I cannot ask you to forgive me, but what I can do is tell you that I never stopped loving you. That I wish like hell that we could have this conversation in person, but I understand why you won’t come.
“Ultimately, my wish for you, is complete and total happiness, the greatest love you can find, and a life worth living. But your past doesn’t have to rule your future.
“With all my love, your father, Ray,” Eric finishes as I brush a couple of tears from my cheeks.
“P.S.,” he continues, “Despite what you may believe, I really did care about you and miss you terribly. I truly do hope that maybe, one day, you can forgive me and my decisions.”
I reach for the envelope and turn it upside down, spilling the contents onto our dining room table.
One article in particular catches my eye.
“69 Bottles launches their first U.S. Tour in San Diego.”
My breathing stops as my eyes scan the rest of what came out of the envelope. It’s article after article, some clipped, some printed, some ripped from magazines, all pertaining to 69 Bottles and me.
“Jesus,” Eric and I say together.
I let out a nervous laugh and look at Eric. “Despite it all, he knew where I was, what I was doing, and how I was doing,” I breathe.
A smile spreads across my lips as I realize that I can no longer hate him for his choices. Forgive him? Not yet, but maybe, someday.
“Mary-Beth,” I say as I approach the little, old woman that I met when Calvin’s father passed away. She proved to be a very valuable ally for Calvin in the final years his father had and she’s proven her friendship with Calvin time and time again. “I’m so glad you’re here.”
She smiles wide. “Are you kidding? I wouldn’t miss this for the world.”
I chuckle. “Come on, he’s in here.”
“Have you seen him?” she scolds me.
“Oh sweetheart, we are far from a traditional couple. I’m pretty sure that the two of us, dressed the same, takes tradition away from us.”
She smacks my shoulder. “Doesn’t matter,” she scolds.
I laugh and admit, “No, I haven’t seen him. But you can.” I knock on the door.
“Who is it?”
“It’s me,” I say.
“Eric, get the hell away from here, we agreed.”
“Well, I have a surprise for you. I’m just going to leave it here and walk away, okay?”
“Yeah okay, fine. Go away.”
“Jeez, I’m just getting scolded left and right today.” I get a look from Mary-Beth that tells me to back the hell away. I do and go around the corner, listening for the click of the door.
“Oh my god,” Calvin squeals as he opens the door. My work here is done.
“What on earth are you doing here?” I ask Mary-Beth as she comes into my room.
“Oh, a little birdie told me you were getting married today. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
“I’d hardly call Eric a little birdie.”
She laughs, “You can say that again.”
I hug her again. “It’s so good to see you, I’m so happy you’re here.”
With Sam Smith’s soulful voice filling Cami’s backyard, my parents escort me down the aisle. I’m first, so my view is filled with my family of amazing friends and the best day of my life, the rest of my life laid out before me as I walk toward the minister who’s going to marry Calvin and I.
We reach the alter and my parents take their seats just as John Legend’s voice fills the air around us and Calvin walks down the aisle with Mary-Beth at his side. Tears fill my eyes as John sings about ‘laying by my side’.
Today my life begins.
Today I get everything I’ve ever wanted in my life. The man I love, the family I adore and my best friend by my side until the end of time.
Today everything moves forward. Each day is a giant step away from Calvin’s past and another step toward our future.
A year ago, Calvin and I were still best friends, then we went on tour and our lives changed forever and I truly have Addison to thank for that. She opened up the eyes of so many of us when she fell in love with Talon and Kyle. Seeing their love for each other grow opened the manwhore to the love of his life in Raine. Dex has never been happier and I’m starting to understand why that is. Now, officially out of the closet, I get to spend the rest of my life with my soulmate.
THE END
IT is bittersweet… saying good-bye to a band that I have fallen head over heels in love with from the very first words typed just over a year ago.
I know many of you are anticipating what is coming next and I am eager to share it all with you.
I cannot thank you enough, from the bottom of my heart for all your love, support and more importantly, your obsessive desire for more 69 Bottles!!
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Sending All My Love!!
XX
Zoey
Defining Us: The Calvin & Eric Story (69 Bottles) Page 34