‘What’s PC got to do with it?’ Bev frowned. ‘What does it mean? Postcard? Police constable?’
‘Don’t bother,’ Dexter advised. ‘She’s from a different era, and so is he by the look of it. Jesus, Frankie, what are we going to do?’
‘Are they all dead?’ Lilly looked worriedly at Frankie. ‘Really, truly dead?’
‘Afraid so. But they seem friendly enough.’
‘And I’m really, truly talking to dead people?’
‘Yes, unfortunately you are.’
‘Wow – cool.’
Frankie managed a wan smile. ‘I’m glad you can see a good side to all this. And – are you drunk?’
‘Only a little bit.’ Lilly giggled. ‘I was a bit scared … OK, a lot scared – it was much, much worse than Paranormal Experience – but I opened that bottle of champagne in the fridge and had a good few glugs.’ She smiled lopsidedly. ‘Nothing like a bit of fizz to put the sparkle back.’
‘My Krug?’ Frankie frowned. ‘Dexter’s Krug? You’ve drunk the Krug? I was saving that for a special occasion. Dear Lord, Lilly.’
‘I didn’t drink all of it, well not quite, and this is pretty special in my book, and anyway, you never said there’d be ghosts.’
‘There weren’t supposed to be.’ Frankie sighed. ‘I don’t believe in ghosts.’
‘That’s not really true,’ Ernie said miserably, ‘now is it?’
‘OK, I believe in Ernie,’ Frankie corrected. ‘And I’m so sorry that this has gone so wrong.’
‘Me too, duck.’ Ernie looked sadly across the shop. ‘You know, once they’d all appeared, I really, really hoped my Achsah might be among ’em, and that we’d be together again, even if we were sort of earthbound, but no. She ain’t there. It was like losing her all over again.’
‘Oh, Ernie.’ Frankie shook her head. ‘I’m so sorry. Oh, I could kill Maisie!’
‘And that wouldn’t help much, would it?’ Dexter smiled gently at her. ‘We’ve got enough dead people already. We need Maisie alive and kicking and sorting this bloody mess out.’
‘Exactly.’ Frankie glared at Maisie who now had her rather damp head in her hands. ‘After all, we only wanted her to return Ernie to his rightful, um, place in the life after death, er, structure, and –’
Maisie looked up. ‘You knew you had a ghost, sweetheart? You knew the shop was haunted by someone? A particular person? You never told me that, now did you? Things might have been very different if you’d told me what I was supposed to be doing. Why didn’t you tell me?’
‘Because,’ Frankie hissed, ‘you said you knew what you were doing. You said you could sort out any haunting problem. There was no way I was going to give you a clue that it was Ernie who was hanging around the shop. I wanted to believe in you. I wanted you to prove that I was wrong, and you could manage to lay my ghost. But I was right, wasn’t I? You’re totally useless.’
‘Harsh, duck, but true.’ Ernie nodded. ‘And I’m thinking she still can’t see me, can you, Maisie?’
‘Anyway,’ Maisie carried on, ‘you’ll just have to give me a little bit more time to gather my powers and I’ll try to get rid of all these ladies.’
‘And me?’ Ernie asked plaintively. ‘Don’t forget me.’
‘I’m disappointed in you, Frankie, sweetheart, really I am.’ Maisie swept her hand dramatically through her bedraggled perm. ‘Now, just leave me alone. I need to concentrate.’
Dexter sighed heavily. ‘She can’t see or hear Ernie at all, can she? Only the ghosts she’s conjured up. What a bloody waste of time.’
‘And what about me?’ Jared stopped admiring himself in the cheval mirror. ‘She only said she’d get rid of the women, didn’t she? What about me?’
‘She probably thinks you’re a girl as well,’ Lilly said kindly. ‘You look lovely in that colour. It really suits you.’
Jared simpered and pranced round the shop, holding out the hem of his purple skirt.
‘Why are you all women?’ Dexter dragged his eyes from the now pirouetting Jared, and looked at Bev. ‘How come Maisie managed to raise a whole crowd of women ghosts, oh, and Jared?’
‘Search me. Luck of the draw? Tuning into the right auras at the right moment? Or the wrong one in my case? I’ve really no idea.’ Bev again looked bored by the question. ‘We certainly weren’t all together “up there”, if you like. We don’t know each other. And I can’t speak for the rest of them, but I died in nineteen forty-three and I’ve never materialised before, never felt compelled by anyone calling me from “down here” before.’ She gave Maisie a withering look. ‘Whatever powers she has, they’re sadly misrouted if you ask me. One minute I was just, well, enjoying the afterlife, the next, I was being rushed away, against my will, down some dark tunnel all sprinkled with stars, and ended up here.’
‘Wow.’ Lilly was open-mouthed. ‘That is sooo spooky. I can’t wait to tell—’
‘You must never breathe a word of this,’ Frankie interrupted fiercely. ‘Promise me, Lilly. This stays between us here tonight. If any of this got out – well, one we’d be a laughing stock, and, two, I’d definitely go bankrupt and three, we’d probably all be sectioned. So, promise me – you’ll never, ever tell anyone about this.’
‘Bummer.’ Lilly frowned. ‘Oh, OK. Whatever. Yeah, I promise.’
‘Lilly telling all and sundry is the least of your worries at the moment, I’d say.’ Dexter stared again at the hordes of women, still chattering nosily round the frock rails. ‘Getting rid of this lot is far more important.’
Frankie nodded and looked at Maisie. ‘Come on, you must have some idea what to do. When you, er, materialised them you did it with that pendant thing, so surely you can put it into reverse, can’t you?’
Maisie bit her lip. ‘I don’t think so.’
‘Why on earth not?’
Bev folded her arms and tapped a bare foot. ‘We’re waiting.’
‘Because,’ Maisie said reluctantly, ‘the pendant isn’t special, sweetheart. It’s not an ancient artefact. It’s just for effect. I bought it in Claire’s Accessories.’
‘Jesus Christ!’ Dexter rubbed his eyes.
Jared had found a lilac maxi-dress and had draped it round his shoulders like a stole and was now strutting camply round the floor.
Ernie and Bev watched him in disgust. Lilly hiccupped and clapped her hands.
‘So,’ Frankie said, feeling very close to tears, ‘you honestly don’t know how to undo what you’ve done?’
Maisie looked sulky. ‘As you’ve already guessed, I’ve never managed to get through to anyone before – not like this – let alone try to send them back again, so, no, sweetheart, I don’t. But despite you withholding information from me, I’ll try for you. I’ll try. Can we have the candles lit again and the lights out, please, and I’ll see what I can do.’
‘Stay there!’ Frankie said firmly to Lilly as Dexter quickly relit the candles. ‘Stand there, next to Maisie and don’t move. You’re all giggly and wobbly and I don’t want you setting fire to yourself. And don’t speak, please.’
‘OK.’ Lilly looked excited. ‘This is brilliant, though, isn’t it? Like when we went to see that illusionist in Winterbrook and all the lights went out and someone nicked the takings. Do you remember?’
‘Stop talking,’ Maisie said as Dexter turned out the lights and Francesca’s Fabulous Frocks was once more plunged into darkness. ‘Please, please, stop chattering.’
Some hope, Frankie thought.
Maisie closed her eyes. ‘Ladies … ’
‘And gents,’ added Ernie, ‘although I know you can’t hear me, you silly old so-and-so.’
‘And me!’ Jared piped up from the gloom.
‘All right then, if you have to be picky – spirits all.’ Maisie sounded grumpy. ‘Spirits all, listen to me. Listen.’
The rabble round the rails fell silent.
Ernie moved closer to Frankie. ‘Look, duck, if the daft old bat actually manages to get us all back ov
er to the other side, I just wants to say sorry for causing all this trouble and thank you for your help. You’ve been more than kind.’
‘You’re welcome,’ Frankie whispered back, wiping away a tear. ‘And I hope you and Achsah live, well, no, but you know what I mean, happily ever after.’
‘Ah, me too, duck.’ Ernie nodded his grizzled head. ‘And you and young Dexter, too.’
‘Oh, I don’t think so, but … anyway, good luck. And hopefully, goodbye.’
‘Goodbye, duck. It’s been a pleasure knowing you.’
Frankie swallowed the lump in her throat. It was like waving someone who was emigrating off at the airport, knowing you might never see them again.
Maisie threw her head back and started to mutter some sort of incantation.
The air was exotically filled with the mingled scents of calendula and patchouli and ylang-ylang and the shop suddenly seemed much, much colder.
‘Go back!’ Maisie screamed unexpectedly, making them jump. ‘Go! Go back to your other life!’
The shop was icy now and there was an even deeper darkness. Maisie’s head slumped forwards and she mumbled something else unintelligible. It sounded like a poem.
The cold increased. Lilly snivelled a bit. Dexter moved closer to Frankie and slid his arm round her, pulling her against him.
Maisie stopped mumbling and suddenly shot upright in the chair. ‘We need noise! Noise! Lots of noise! Noise can disperse the spirits from their earthly bonds!’
‘What sort of noise?’ Lilly giggled. ‘Should we all go wooowooo-wooo?’
‘Clap you hands and stamp your feet and shout loudly,’ Maisie said sharply. ‘All of you.’
Feeling totally ridiculous, Frankie, Dexter and Lilly clapped and stamped and shouted.
‘That’s the ticket.’ Maisie nodded. ‘Louder! Keep it up, sweethearts. Now, be gone! Be gone! Spirits, go! Rest in peace! Rest in peace! For ever!’
The shop’s darkness turned to impenetrable blackness. A tearing wind roared round them, making the candle flames dance higher and higher and then extinguishing them, plunging the shop into nothingness.
Then a roll of thunder boomed round them, and someone screamed, and carried on screaming, a thin, blood-curdling scream that spiralled away, upwards, ever upwards.
The wind rushed and danced and seemed to suck the life out of the room. There was no air, no feeling. Just a vacuum.
They all stopped stamping and clapping and shouting.
The screaming intensified.
Frankie, terrified and clutching tightly to Dexter, hoped it wasn’t her.
Maisie, after howling out a further garbled incantation, gave a sob and a sigh, and then collapsed.
Immediately, the wind stopped shrieking, the blackness lightened slightly, and everything was quiet.
Deathly quiet. ‘Er –’ Dexter eventually gulped in Frankie’s ear. ‘I think she might have managed it. I think she might actually have done it. Stay there – I’ll put the lights on.’
‘Don’t go,’ Lilly whimpered. ‘Please don’t go.’
Frankie held Lilly’s hand and worked some saliva into her mouth. ‘It’s OK, Lill. It’s OK. You’ll see when Dexter puts the lights on. It’s all over now. There, see.’
The shop was bathed in the lovely, friendly, warm glow of joyous electricity.
‘See?’ Frankie squeezed Lilly’s hand. ‘It’s perfectly all right now and … Oh shit.’
Chapter Nineteen
The dozens of ghostly women had disappeared. Well, mostly.
Bev and Jared still stood in the middle of the shop staring at one another. And two elderly women who had earlier been arguing over a pink strapless empire-line evening dress, wandered dejectedly between the clothes rails.
And Ernie was standing beside Frankie looking morose. ‘Bugger.’ Dexter shook his head. ‘What went wrong there?’
‘Looks like we missed the spiritual bus, angel boy.’ Jared pouted flirtatiously.
‘Nooo!’ Bev shouted. ‘No! I can’t still be here. I want to go home!’
‘So do I.’ Ernie sighed. ‘And now I’ve got no damn chance.’
‘And what about them?’ Frankie looked at the women still kicking their heels disconsolately by the 1970s frocks. ‘Who the heck are they? Why are they still here?’
‘Don’t look at me.’ Maisie sat up, looking very pleased with herself. ‘I did my best. And I’ve got rid of most of them, haven’t I? And could someone get me a drink of water, please?’
‘Get it yourself,’ Frankie said wearily. ‘A fine mess this is now. I started off with one ghost and now I’ve got five. You’ll have to try again, Maisie. You’ve managed it once. You can do it again.’
‘And you, sweetheart, have got to be joking. I’m like a limp rag. Completely drained. I haven’t got enough energy hardly left to breathe, let alone use my powers.’
‘Powers!’ Ernie snorted ‘Powers, she calls ’em. Huh!’
‘You’re not leaving this shop until you’ve got rid of all of them.’ Frankie knew she was losing control. ‘I can’t cope with five bloody ghosts.’
‘Language, please.’ Bev frowned. ‘Ghosts, yes we are, but bloody, no. Mind you, there are some pretty gory sights up there, I can tell you. Specially them what were beheaded back in the olden days.’
‘Don’t tell me that.’ Lilly gulped. ‘I saw Night of the Living Dead.’
‘Sounds about right.’ Dexter sighed.
Maisie hauled herself unsteadily to her designer-clad feet and teetered on the high heels towards the kitchen. ‘As you’re clearly not going to help me, I’m going to get myself a drink of water. When I’ve had a drink of water, I wish to be taken home.’
‘I don’t care what you bloody wish,’ Frankie flared at the retreating wobbly kaftan. ‘You can’t go home and leave these, um, well, them here.’
‘I’m happy, loves,’ Jared squeaked, stroking his purple ensemble and gazing blissfully round the shop. ‘More than happy to stay. So many frocks, so much time.’
The two women by the rails stared at him, then at each other.
Jared waved at them. ‘Looks like we’re all in a bit of a pickle, doesn’t it, girls? I’m Jared.’
‘Ruby,’ said the one in the droopy grey nightdress. ‘Nice to meet you.’
‘Gertie,’ said the elder of the two who was a very pale grey, and looked like she was wrapped in a sheet. ‘Lovely little shop, isn’t it? Pretty dresses. I like pretty dresses.’
‘Aaaargh!’ Frankie screamed. ‘Enough!’
Everyone looked at her.
‘Sorry, but I can’t cope with this. This is total madness.’
‘It’s not, Frankie. Chill. It’s been much more fun than clubbing on a Saturday night,’ Lilly said and then yawned. ‘But I’m dead tired now. That’s the trouble with champagne, isn’t it? You get a lovely bubbly high, then whoosh it’s gone.’
‘And I’m not likely to know now, am I?’ Frankie glared at her. ‘Seeing as you’ve drunk it all.’
Lilly giggled. ‘Soz. I’ll buy you some more for Christmas. Anyway, now you’ve only got a few ghosts left and they seem quite happy, can we go home now?’
‘No!’ Frankie stared at her in disbelief. ‘I can’t go home and leave them here. I need the shop to be de-ghosted before I open again on Monday morning.’
‘You’ll be waiting a long time for Maisie, then,’ Dexter said dolefully. ‘I’ve just checked on her and she’s bedded down on the coats in the kitchen and is dead to the world.’
Bev sighed. ‘Looks like you’re stuck with us – same as we’re stuck here – for the time being. Such a darn nuisance. You don’t want us here and we certainly don’t want to be here.’
‘I do, loves,’ Jared chirruped.
‘Shut up!’ Everyone chorused.
Jared flounced off into a corner and started talking to Ernie.
Bev shrugged. ‘As I was saying, looks like we’ll all have to make the best of it until you can find a proper medium who can r
eturn us back to the afterlife. You seem like a nice girl with good intentions. After all, this schemozzle only happened because you thought you could help Ernie out of his predicament. Look, we’ll try to keep out of the way when your shop’s open. We’ll be ever so discreet. You won’t know we’re here, and hopefully neither will your customers. And there must be loads of people out there who can contact the dead properly, unlike that useless pudding snoring her head off out there.’
‘Oh, yes!’ Lilly looked slightly more awake. ‘There are! They’re all over the telly! Loads of them. Really famous spiritualists and mediums, and there’s all sorts of programmes on haunted houses. We can contact one of them and get them to do a proper session, can’t we?’
‘No.’ Frankie shook her head vehemently. ‘We tell no one about this. No one. I’ve only got two weeks trading to go before Christmas. I certainly don’t need to scare away customers at the busiest time of the year. I’ll just have to make the best of it until the new year. I’ll think about what to do, then.’
‘You could use it as a selling point.’ Lilly said, yawning again. ‘Jennifer Blessing always says that you can always turn a disaster into a selling point. Like the time—’
‘Shut up!’ Frankie snapped. ‘I am not turning my shop being haunted into a selling point. And please, please, promise me you won’t mention this to anyone.’
‘I’ve already promised.’ Lilly looked sulky. ‘I’m good at keeping promises. Promise. Oooh, and now I need the loo.’
‘Too much champagne,’ Frankie said crossly. ‘And while you’re through there, do something useful and see if you can wake Maisie up then we can all go home.’
‘Don’t mention going home, please –’ Bev tucked more fair wisps of hair into her snood ‘– it’s painful. But there’s something you can maybe do for me before you go.’
‘Is there?’ Frankie looked at her. ‘Go on then. Try me.’
‘Find us something to wear.’ Bev indicated the rails. ‘Jared will probably spend all his time down here trying on everything, but it looks as though me, Ruby and Gertie could do with something decent. Just in case.’
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