“It could be a small man you know, not a woman,” I offer, because I didn’t think it was smart to rule anybody out at this point. “
Mmm, no, it’s a woman, see her hands, and the way she moves, I’m sure it’s a woman.” The memory of the woman outside Dominus in the parking lot flashes across my mind. “Evan….” I say..
“Yea.” he answers, without looking at me but with no response he looks up. “God Mia, what is it, you’re white as a sheet!” He starts to get up but I push off and go to him first. “Could it be…maybe…. the woman from the parking lot?” Pulling me into his lap, he flips a switch and shuts all of the screens off.
“I’m so sorry baby, you’re scared and I’m not helping you.” He sets the control pad aside and wraps me in a tight embrace; I’m shaking, hard. I guess this thing has me more rattled then I realized, any form of violent attack, even if just threatened automatically brings me back to that tiny house where I’m chained to the ceiling, bleeding and horrified. After years of therapy I’ve been able to calm myself in stressful situations, but not this time, and before I know it I’ve broken down and started bawling into his shoulder, grabbing at him like a life raft in the middle of the ocean.
“Shhh, shhh, honey I’m right here, and I won’t leave your side until we find this woman, never, not for one single second. I’ll get her, whoever she is, don’t you spend one more second thinking about her, please don’t cry baby.” I know he’s trying to comfort me but I’m not sure it’s even plausible right now. The past couple of days have been weird and stressful, and having a woman tucking me into bed while holding a hunting knife is the last straw.
“I want to go home,” I repeat over and over, as my mind shuts down and those five words are the only thing I can verbalize. He continues to rub my back, up and down my spine with one hand smoothing my hair away from my face and the other shushing me again and again. I’m in a tunnel, unable to focus on my environment, it’s a coping mechanism, and I know of it, but only once has my body needed to use it, ten years ago. Evan is speaking to someone, I can’t make out the words and then I surrender my consciousness and darkness closes in, thank you God for that.
Chapter 32
“Starting to Turn Away” by Andrew Paul Woodworth
Unwelcome consciousness creeps into my mind; unsure of my surroundings I drowsily open my eyes to allow in dim light. “There’s my beautiful girl.” Blinking to adjust to the light, I realize I’m in Evan’s bed, in my nightgown, and curled up in our familiar sleeping position. At first I ignore the annoying feeling of doom building just below the surface, but then it comes at me all at once, I’m fully awake and the events of the day rush in. A crazy woman in my room, Evan freaking out, Marco missing, Mr. Saint in a panic and then the overwhelming fear that a stranger came so close to attacking me.
“What happened?”
“You fainted baby, you’re ok, I called my physician, and he came to the house and checked you over. He said the fainting was related to the stress of the situation, I told him you have a history of trauma in your past. I’ve been waiting for you to come around,” He speaks softly into my hair.
“You told a stranger what happened to me?”
“No, no, just that you had an incident when you were young that could cause you to react severely to stress, no details, nothing, I promise.”
“Did you find her? Are you sure she’s out of the house? How did she get past security?” I rapidly fire questions at him as they flood my mind.
“No. We haven’t found her. The property, main house, pool house everything has been searched, she’s not here.” This doesn’t provide me with any comfort…at all. All I can think is she could still be here. I need to get out of here, I know it’s insane but I want to go home, to my home, where I have never been afraid, never been touched when I’m sleeping, where a woman has never broken in with a knife! I know better than to bring it up with Evan though, he would never let me out of his sight again. But against my better judgment I start mentally planning my escape. When he’s asleep, maybe; he takes sleeping pills after all. But they don’t last long, he’s built up immunity to them over the years, so the window would be small, not to mention the security I’d have to get past. Security, yea right, if Evan’s security was so great, how did someone get in here? Still, it wouldn’t be easy. So maybe after work I go home to my apartment instead of here, if he hasn’t sold the damn thing yet! How can I bring that up without suspicion? …Nope, not gonna happen. Fuck, being here is starting to feel like prison instead of heaven, how did that happen? Intruder Mia…that’s how!
“Mia…you ok?”
“Uh yea, did you find Marco?” A warm hand begins traveling down my arm, pulling me closer to his side it’s as if Evan is reading my mind, as though he knows my plan to run. He does after all have a knack for that.
“No, Saint is following a lead. Don’t run.” Oh. My. God. He can read my mind!
“What?”
“I know you’re scared, and worried about the lack of security today and I don’t have any answers for you right now, it’s logical you would want to run. But baby don’t. Believe me, your safer here with me than anywhere else, we may have had a glitch tonight and I know that’s making you fucking crazy but please…you have to see that being here with some security is better than your place with none. And we don’t know the motive, give me some time to see what we can find.” He was right, but it didn’t make me want to run any less, as irrational as it was I needed out of here. And apparently he has a direct line to my thoughts, so there’ll be no trying to trick him.
“I know you’re right. But you can’t watch me 24/7 Evan, nor I you. Your safety is probably at risk too, she didn’t hurt me, why do you think that is? She knows this house; maybe it was a message, a threat. Did you find anything more on the video before…you know…. before I passed out?”
“As far as I can tell she came in near an upstairs guest room, the window alarm was off, but only that one. She came in on the balcony, and I think Marco was in on it. No other way she could have gotten in here with no detection.” Well that’s great, I liked Marco, figures he turned out to be crooked.
“How long has Marco been with you?”
“A long time, ten years,” he sounds pained, being betrayed by a long-standing employee can’t feel good.
“Why do you think he did it?” I ask, propping myself up on my elbow to look him in the eyes.
“I don’t know Mia. I paid him more than he could ever make anywhere else, we had no issues, no problems, that I remember anyway.” His body stills and I know he’s said something he hadn’t intended saying…
“What do you mean? Are you having memory problems again?”
“No.” And there it is, Evan’s eyes shift ever so slightly left and downward, he’s either lying or just doesn’t want me to know he has gaps in his memory. He knows how much I worry about that fucking tumor.
“You are aren’t you…”
“I’m fine Mia.” Fuck that word “fine” I hate it!
“Please Evan, you don’t want me to worry, in fact you insist I don’t. but you won’t give me the peace of mind that would come with seeing a Dr. about that damned tumor!” There I said it, “Tumor”; we’ve been avoiding it ever since the beginning, but no more. “Ok let’s talk about my tumor Mia. You love me yes?”
“Yes, of course.”
“Have you noticed no one else does? No one I know, employ or am related to can stand to be near me. They all hate me, and with good reason.” His usually sparkling green, bright eyes are dull with the pain of this realization. While you sleep at night I’ve been awake most of that time watching old videos from here at the house and Dominus trying to figure out why. I do remember things… certain things and parts of my life are crystal clear…but not everything. It’s as if my brain scrambled the memories and feelings but I can’t make sense of them. Most are negative, I can tell you that. Interesting though… I remember everything about my business and Cameron�
��s life, my mother, my parents, growing up. It’s the more recent years I have trouble with.” He’s been so lost, much more so than I had imagined. And how would I have known, we only met mere weeks ago! “What did you learn?”
Sighing heavily, Evan fiddles with the edge of the blanket with his free hand, a reaction very unlike the confident cocky man I have come to know. “I was a motherfucker Mia, the way I treated my staff, God, I was an incorrigible beast. And from what I can gather I was involved with some very bad people and into some…. dark and strange things, to put it mildly. I’m sure you’ve felt it, the fear, the hesitancy from everyone, and the surprise after speaking to me now or seeing us together.”
“Yes…I’ve suspected you must have had a serious change since the accident, but I didn’t know you had lost so much memory.”
“It’s not as if I’ve lost it, it’s all there, just so mixed up….”
“So why not get help Evan, maybe it’s operable, you could go back to…” It strikes me then, he doesn’t want to remember everything, he wants to stay in the dark about his past and continue to be the man he is now…. for me.
“Ahhh, beautiful and brilliant. She has unearthed my secret, and opened Pandora’s box in the process.”
“You don’t want to change do you?” I breathe as Evan softly shakes his head and closes his eyes briefly, while rubbing the back of his neck.
“No. I don’t want to be that man. I can’t.” I suddenly have the urge to have him inside of me, to be as close as we could possibly be. This man is willing to risk his life, to have a ticking time bomb in his brain so he can continue to be the man I love, the man who loves me.
“No more talking,” I command, but he takes the reigns and pushes me gently onto my back, hovering over me and pressing his cheek against mine, scratching it delicately with his five o’clock shadow as he whispers in my ear, “I love you, my beautiful Mia.”
“I love you too, my sweet Evan.” I feel him smile against my face and I melt into the mattress underneath him, all of my anxiety about the armed intruder evaporating. His scent intoxicates me, fear dissipates and is replaced by spearmint, eucalyptus and just Evan.
“I’m going to kiss you from here…” He places a kiss on my forehead “To here…” He moves to my neck. “And…here.” He moves to my navel and above the swell of each hip, one and then the other, painfully slow, as a shiver runs through my body, anticipating where he might explore next. Moving to sit next to me, unable to continue any further hindered by his cast, he reaches behind my bare knee. I’ve been changed while unconscious apparently, how ironic that Evan would be tending to me the way I did him at the beginning of our journey.
Kissing the inside my thigh he continues the narration of his actions until he kisses the top of my foot, holding my leg in both hands. “And finally here,” he finishes.
“Is someone watching us from the video room?” I blurt out, I can’t help it, the thought enters my mind and directly flows from my mouth.
Evan pauses before answering, “Yes, everything, everywhere, everyone, at all times, always.” Well, he’s told me the truth, and I asked for it, so now I have to figure a way not to feel so exposed.
“Can we turn out the lights, can they see us in the dark?”
“Yes we can, and no, they can see an outline but no details with the lights off.”
“Ok, I need the lights off then.” I’ll miss being able to see Evan naked, I love to watch him loving me, but right now I need to feel that it’s just us, just Evan and I, no one else. He moves away from me to switch off the bedside lamp that I’ve never known to be off before. I slip the silk and lace nightie over my head and remove my already soaked panties before I feel him return to my side. Strong hands with long fingers move over my body, his mouth covers mine tenderly but I have no patience for taking things slow tonight. I turn to face him on our sides and arch my back, pressing my breasts against the soft hair on his chest and begging with my body for more. He understands, he always knows what I need, what I want, what I’m thinking.. It’s as if we’re connected in a way that’s beyond our bodies or minds, connected at the soul by the universe, two halves of a whole. Pulling my leg up and around his waist and grinding my wet heat into his still fully clothed body I protest the barrier between us, pulling at his skin-tight Henley shirt that shows every muscle on his athletic body. Obliging, he rises up and pulls it over his head with one hand, only breaking our kiss to pass the material between us. I work on his belt and soft jeans until he kicks them off and we’re pressed against each other naked, hot, and bare.
“I want you up here… on my mouth.” Shit I’m glad I had him turn out the lights! Tugging at my hips and rolling onto his back I straddle him.
“No...here.” He grabs my ass with both hands and I realize what he’s actually saying. “Hold on to the bed, up here.” He pointed above his head to the wooden slats that made up the headboard. Evan is in control and as always I have no inhibitions with him. I do as he tells me and move up his body, grabbing the slats, until I’m hovering, trembling over his face, his mouth, and looking down at his shadowed figure.
“I wish the lights were on baby, I want to see you like this, spread open for me, so wet, always so wet for me.” He slips one long finger in my folds and plunges deep, curling it until it hits the spot that drives me insane. I inhale sharply and drop my head forward and his finger slides out, both hands now around my ass, pulling me down onto his face, licking me ass to clit in one sudden hungry sweep.
“Ahh God Evan!” I grip the bed until my fingers ache as Evan circles his tongue around my clit mercilessly, rotating between plunging his tongue deep inside of me, around my bundle of nerves and back further to my ass, over and over. “God Evan, I’m gonna come I can’t wait!” I pant as every muscle in my body coils, preparing for release, I’m nearing climax and I feel like a volcano ready to explode. Right before I come apart over him I scream unintelligibly, clenching my legs, thrusting toward him, spasms rocking through me with the longest orgasm I’ve ever claimed.
“You’re gorgeous when you let go like that baby.” Still stunned I can’t make my hands let go of the bed, but I look down into the shadow of his face.
“How can you see me…in the dark.” I ask, trying to catch my breath, it’s hard to breathe after being worked over like that.
“I don’t have to see you to know, the sounds you make, my God Mia, those sounds say it all.” I smile into the dark, he untucks my legs from under his shoulders and helps me slide down his body, as I’m nestling over his chest I feel his steely length just behind me, the tip touching my ass. Palms spread on his chiseled chest as he slides his hands to cup both of my sensitive breasts simultaneously, stroking them with his thumbs, bringing them to hard peaks a low moan beginning deep in his chest begins, the need for him to be inside me is dizzying.
“Please….” I beg and instantly he sits up, sliding me back as he slips into me effortlessly, balls deep, pulling me close, both of us sitting in a lotus position with my long legs wrapped around him, I’m beginning to forget about that cast more and more. This is what I needed, craved, longed for. I slide my arms around him, holding tight and burying my face into his damp neck, savoring the feel of him being so deep and so still, breathing him in. As he admitted before he has trouble taking it slow with me, and he begins thrusting his hips upward I start to move over his silky cock with ease. Evan guides me, keeping the tempo where he wants it by digging his fingers into my hips to the point of pain, but it’s a passionate pain and I love it. Pulling away from his neck, I thread my fingers through his hair on either side of his face and kiss his mouth deeply, penetrating him with my tongue at the same pace he fills me with is cock. I feel him frantic under me, and I love being able to make him this way, out of control in the best way. Grunting with every thrust now, his big hands spread over my ass, lifting me and slamming into my body, that familiar electric jolt that starts in my chest and travels warp speed to my core begins and I’m over the edge
of round two. Evan feels my muscles spasm and follows me voraciously with his own release, yelling my name, pulsing within me, filling me. Holding each other tight in a calming afterglow, I’m completely sated and exhausted from the stress of the day and the ecstasy Even brings me. Feeling my body go limp as he lays back with me on top of him, staying connected my mind is tortured with the decision that is before me. I lay my head on his chest and he pulls the covers over us stroking my back.
“Sleep,” he says.
“Yes sir.”
He chuckles, “You’re finally getting it aren’t you beautiful?” Too tired to put up a fuss or think up a smart ass comment I snuggle in deeper and close my eyes…forgetting all about the sleeping pills and tranquilizers that used to help me sleep, now I have Evan to take me to that peaceful place instead.
Chapter 33
“Wash it All Away” by Evanescence
“Fear” by Sara McLaughlin
“Run” by Adam Lambert
I have a decision to make; my love for Evan runs bone-deep and I’ve told myself I would walk to the ends of the earth over hot coals and do anything for him but I’m discovering that I have seriously underestimated the fears from my past. The peace I found in his arms last night was painfully temporary; the dreams crept back, saturating my essence within mere hours. Thankfully when I woke soaked in sweat, clutching the bed sheets, breath heaving from my lungs, he was not with me. Dealing with his own demons, he had given up on sleep and gone to his office. Evan was still in the dark about exactly how horrific my torture had been at the hands of those 3 men 10 years ago. I am too afraid to tell him; no man wants a woman so permanently damaged, once he knew, those images would be burned into his memory, and this could be over. Until I saw the video of that women so close to me while I slept, I had thought my wounds were healed and scarred over. But I was completely vulnerable, defenseless and unprotected in my bed, in what was supposed to be my own home, just innocently napping. Watching that video made something inside of me snap, self-preservation is buried deep in most people, but mine floats right on the surface.
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