“Yup!” he agrees, nodding his head furiously. I hold out my hand and he slaps it energetically. Just then, Jenna comes out with a stack of plates and silverware for the table. Her face has changed, just a hint, but it’s there: She looks serious. Something’s bothering her.
Wordlessly, I get up and take the plates from her. “You okay?” I ask.
“What? Oh. Yeah. I’m just a little tired is all.” Her gaze flickers away from me. I want to ask more, but I don’t press it.
Jenna turns and goes back into the kitchen. I put the plates and silverware around, then go grab some milk for Noah and a couple beers for us. A few minutes later, we’re seated around the table, talking and eating together. Noah’s telling me all about his new preschool, and how excited he is for Monday to come. Jenna’s looking at him with such pride, but I can tell without even asking that it’s freaking her out a little that her kid is almost old enough for kindergarten.
As I sit there and listen to Noah and watch my beautiful, gorgeous Jenna across the table from me, I think about how anyone who was looking in the window right now would just assume we were a family.
And hell. Maybe we could be.
The thought occurs to me for the first time, and it’s like a lightning bolt at first. Why I don’t shrug it off immediately, I don’t know. But instead, I spend a minute or so just imagining it. Imagining that this is our life, and that I’m Noah’s dad. After all, I could adopt him, right?
The idea feels totally different than I would have thought it would. There’s a deep tug down in my gut. A deep feeling of longing. Of wanting something more than I’ve wanted anything in a very long time.
The only other time I can remember is when I started prospecting for the Lords. I wanted to be part of something. A brotherhood.
A family.
Now, I find myself wanting a real family. One of my own. With Jenna.
And the scariest thing is?
It doesn’t scare me.
After dinner, I help Jenna with the dishes — which still amazes her, even though I’ve done it before. She hates drying, so I position myself next to her and take the hot plates and silverware from the rinse rack, dry them, and put them away. Noah’s had his bath already, so she hustles him off to brush his teeth, and I sit flipping channels on the tube and wait for her to be done.
At bedtime, Noah specifically asks for me to come in and do story time with him. For a second, I have visions of him expecting me to do different goofy voices for all the characters in his book, and almost say no. But as it turns out, Noah likes to read his own bedtime stories. So I sit there on his tiny-ass bed, trying not to fall off, as he reads me a story about a cat named Pete who goes to the beach. As he’s following along the text with his finger, sounding out all the words, I glance up to see Jenna standing in the doorway. There’s a tiny little smile on her face, and her eyes are soft. I give her a wink and turn back to Noah’s book.
When he’s finished reading, Jenna comes to tuck him in. I give him a fist bump and tell him goodnight. Then I go back out to the living room so the two of them can finish their nightly ritual. Ten minutes later, she comes out and joins me on the couch.
“I never thought I’d see the day when a big, bad motorcycle rider would be listening to a four year-old read Pete the Cat,” she says, snuggling up to me.
“Look, that book is seriously interesting,” I protest. “And when that big wave comes?” I shake my head. “I thought for sure Pete was a goner. Goosebumps.”
Jenna starts laughing so hard she snorts, and then she raises her hand to her mouth in embarrassment and starts laughing even harder.
“Oh, my God!” she finally manages to gasp out as tears stream down her cheeks. “I can’t believe I just snorted!” She erupts into fresh peals and then snorts again. For a second, I’m afraid she’s gonna hyperventilate. But it’s fucking adorable to see her so helpless with laughter.
I go to the kitchen to grab her a glass of water and give her time to calm herself. When I get back, she’s still tittering and wiping at her eyes. “Oh, my God,” she giggles as she accepts the glass from me. “I haven’t laughed that hard in forever.” She takes a long drink and then closes her eyes for a moment, breathing deeply to catch her breath. “I can’t believe I didn’t wake up Noah.”
I pull her into my lap. “I guess I’m just gonna have to figure out a way to keep you quiet somehow.” My mouth covers hers and Jenna moans softly, pressing her breasts against my chest.
“Stay the night,” she whispers when I break away.
“You sure?” I ask.
“Yes. I’m sure.” Her eyes are shining, and there’s an undercurrent of lust in her voice.
My cock stands at attention. “I can make sure to be up and out of here before Noah wakes up tomorrow,” I rasp.
Jenna bites her lip seductively. “Let’s play that by ear for now.”
I stand up from the couch and carry Jenna into her bedroom. When I’ve undressed her and kissed her all over, I pull her onto me and lower her onto my waiting shaft. I watch as she takes her pleasure, riding as quietly as she can, until finally Jenna shatters around me and I lose control, filling her with my explosion and trying not to shout the house down.
Afterwards, we whisper quietly in the dark.
“You know,” she tells me, “I always had a crush on you. For years, growing up.”
“Seriously?” This is news to me.
She nods. “I was heartbroken that all we had was a fling.”
I’m surprised, and maybe even just a little mad. “You’re the one who left, Jenna. It wasn’t a fling for me. It wouldn’t have been one.” Even as I say the words, I realize they’re true. I remember now how it felt when she left. How pissed I was. I spent the next few weeks getting into fights with anyone I could manage to rile up.
“You shouldn’t have let me go.” Jenna whispers. “You should have made me stay.”
A rumble of laughter rolls through me. “Made you stay? Jenna Abbott, I caught on pretty damn quick that no one can tell you what to do.” I kiss the top of her head. “Except that little boy of yours. Seems like Noah has you wrapped around his little finger.”
Jenna doesn’t say anything. She’s quiet for long enough that I think she’s fallen asleep. When she does start talking again, she changes the subject.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Sure. About what?”
“About the club.” Her hand goes to my chest. “How much can women know about club business?”
I think about it. “Old ladies can know a fair amount,” I say carefully.
She raises her head to look at me. “Am I your old lady?”
“You want to be?” I ask her. “I sure as shit know I can't make you do anything you don't want to do.”
Her eyes shine in the dark. “Yes. I want to be.”
“Well, then. There you are.” I kiss her deeply. “You taste sweeter as my old lady.”
“I wonder if I’ll feel different as your old lady,” she says saucily, wiggling her eyebrows at me. I’m instantly hard.
“Only one way to find out,” I say, reaching for her.
26
Jenna
“So, can I ask you about the club?” I say as we lie in the dark.
“You’re my old lady. You can always ask.” Cas pauses. “Old habits die hard, though. I’m not used to telling anyone anything about the Lords. What do you want to know?”
“Just… what’s it like, being in an MC?”
“Being in an MC, or being in this one?”
“This one, I guess.”
Part of me expects him to just brush me off, but he doesn’t. “Huh. It’s… like a family. Although the club doesn’t feel much like a family these days,” he says darkly.
“How so?” I ask.
He shrugs. “Everything’s tense. Seems like everyone’s out for themselves instead of a brotherhood like it’s supposed to be.”
Cas mentions a few names and how some of t
hem are getting pissed about money issues. He talks a little about how the club is starting to have pressure from outside for the first time, with a rival club moving into territory south of town, too close to Tanner Springs for comfort. In a voice tinged with bitterness, he says that Rock doesn't seem to notice, or if he does he doesn’t seem to care.
I’m feeling awkward and nervous about bringing up what I have to. But I also recognize that Cas just gave me the best opening I’m likely to get.
“So… the deal you voted on yesterday,” I say slowly. “About the loan to my dad for the development. Is that part of the tension?”
Cas sits up and looks at me sharply, his eyes gleaming in the dark. “How do you know about that?”
I freeze for a second, trying to think of a good excuse, but I realize I can’t lie to Cas. “My dad came by to talk to me,” I admit. “He asked me to try to convince the club to change their minds.”
Cas frowns. “It’s already been voted on.” His expression is frank. “I was one of the ones who voted against it. I’m sorry, Jenna, but it didn’t feel right.” He sighed. “Angel voted against it too, by the way.”
I nod. “I know.” Shit. I’m feeling like I’m between a rock and a hard place. I don’t want to try to push Cas in a direction he doesn’t want to go. I don’t know the details of this deal, but I trust Cas’s judgment. If he feels like there’s something off about it, he might be right.
Hell, knowing my father, I wouldn’t be surprised.
Still. I told Dad that I’d try to help him.
So I do.
“Was the vote close?” I ask.
Cas lets out a breath. “Yeah.”
“Well…” I murmur, hating myself a little, “Can you put it up to a vote again?”
Cas is about to respond when there’s a noise at the door. I look over to see that the doorknob is turning. “Holy shit!” I whisper, clutching the sheet to me, but Cas stops me.
“It’s okay,” he says. “I locked the door.”
“Mommy?” Noah’s little voice comes from the other side.
“Yes, bug?” I motion for Cas to put something on. He reaches down and grabs his boxer briefs from the pile of clothes on the floor.
“I’m scared!”
“Okay, honey, just a second!” Looking around frantically, I find my panties and put them on, then in desperation pull Cas’s T-shirt over my head. It hangs down almost as long as a dress on me.
Cas looks over and gives me a low whistle. “Nice,” he says appreciatively.
“Mommy!”
“Coming!” I unlock the door and open it to find Noah clutching Chip-Chip, his eyes wide and frightened.
“I heard noises. I heard people talking.”
Oh. We woke him up, I guess. Apparently we weren’t whispering as softly as I thought we were.
“It’s okay, baby. It was just Cas and me talking.”
The words slip out before I really think about what I’m saying. I still hadn’t figured out whether I was going to have Cas stay tomorrow to be here when Noah woke up, but I guess that problem’s solved now, for better or worse.
But if I thought having to explain to Noah why he stayed was going to be difficult, it turns out I was wrong. Without a word, Noah toddles over to the bed and gets in, curling up to Cas for protection.
I freeze, and wait for Cas’s reaction. I’m not sure what I’m expecting, but I watch in amazement as he puts his muscled arm around Noah and settles him in so he can sleep between us.
The two of them look so natural like that that I freeze for a moment, just watching them together. My God, it’s so obvious they’re father and son to anyone who looks closely. Noah has Cas’s eyes, and his dark hair. Even his jawline looks like a miniature version of Cas’s square one.
“That’s because we’re buddies, right?” I can hear Cas saying to Noah earlier tonight. Buddies. Suddenly, I want to cry. How will I ever tell Cas Noah’s his son? How will I ever manage to explain to him why I didn’t tell him right away? How could I have left it so long? I think in desperation. Things are going so well between us. Somewhere along the way, I think I’ve fallen in love with him. Now, I can’t see any way to tell him about Noah that won’t ruin everything.
I watch as Noah snuggles into the pillow, his thumb sneaking toward his mouth. My God, what will I do — what will we do — if I’ve ruined the possibility of a future with Cas? What if telling Cas that I kept this a secret from him for almost five years makes him so angry that he leaves us?
“Cas!” I blurt out, even though it’s impossible, I can’t tell him now with Noah here between us. But he puts a finger to his lips.
“Sshhh!” he whispers, motioning for me to come over. “Come on, let’s go to sleep.”
So, because there’s nothing I can do right now, I get into bed and watch as Cas calms Noah until he falls asleep.
When finally Noah’s breathing begins to even out, Cas looks up to find me staring at him. “What?” he says.
I’m seconds from telling him. If Noah wasn’t between us, I would do it. But I just can’t. Not when everything feels so right. I can’t bear to wreck everything right now.
Instead, I give him a little smile. “It’s just crazy to see you like this. The big bad MC man. I never pictured you as the family type.”
He shrugged. “I never had much of a family growing up. My dad and my grandma raised me, but I was kind of an afterthought. A family is something I always wanted. That's why I joined the MC.”
I knew his grandmother and his dad growing up, from seeing them around town, but I didn’t know much else about Cas’s family life. I resist the urge to tell him I’m sorry.
“But brotherhood has nothing on this,” he continues with a grin. “C’mon, we should go to sleep. I wore you the hell out already tonight.”
“Do you want to move Noah?” I ask him.
“Nah. Let him sleep here. He’s not hurting anyone. Though,” he smirks, “you could do with a bigger bed.”
We pull the covers over us, and I lie in the darkness for close to an hour, my head a swirl of conflicting emotions. I listen to Noah’s and Cas’s deep, even breathing and tell myself to remember this, to record every second of this, and how it feels. Because I’m afraid it can’t last. And even though it will be painful as hell to remember it after it’s over, right now it’s the most beautiful moment of my life.
27
Cas
The next morning, the three of us are eating breakfast — pancakes, because Noah asked for them, and bacon, because hello, bacon — when Jenna suddenly says, “Uh-oh.”
“What?” I set down my coffee mug and look at her curiously.
“Uh. I just thought of something.” She glances at Noah. “Bug, Cas and I are going to go in the bedroom for a couple minutes to talk about something. You holler if you need anything, okay?”
Noah rolls his eyes. “Mom, if it’s grown-up stuff, you don’t need to leave. It’s too boring for me to listen to, anyway.”
I laugh. “You got a point, Noah.” But I get up and follow Jenna into the bedroom, anyway.
“You sure this isn’t just an excuse to get me into bed?” I murmur as I grab her ass.
“Sadly, no,” she shakes her head. “I just thought of something kind of… I don’t know. Weird.”
“What is it?”
She sits down on the bed and I sit with her. “You know when my dad came over a couple days ago to talk to me about the loan deal with the club?”
“Yeah.” I still don’t know what to do about it like Jenna asked me to, and I’m a little afraid she’s going to ask me about it.
“Well,” she continues, “The whole conversation with him felt really weird to me at the time. I couldn’t figure out why he thought I would have any influence with the club. Why he thought I’d be able to change their minds.” She looks at me, her expression strange. “He said, ‘You have Angel’s ear. And Casper’s.’ I didn’t think about it much at the time, but the more I think about
it, the more it bugs me. There’s no way he should know I’d have your ear. I’m almost positive he shouldn’t know about you and me.”
“Huh.” I’m quiet for a moment, thinking. “So you think, what? That Angel’s figured out about us? You think he told your dad?” I ask.
“I dunno,” she frowns. “No, not really. It doesn’t make sense. If he does know about us, he sure hasn’t said anything to me about it. You’d think he’d have asked one of us to make sure, first.”
I turn it over in my head for a few seconds. “Yeah, I don’t think it was Angel,” I say finally. “Something tells me he won’t take it quietly, when he does find out.”
“You think he’s going to want to fight you?” Jenna looks at me.
“Yeah. But don’t worry about it. It’ll be fine. He’ll land a few punches, and we’ll call it a day.” I wasn’t really sure it’d be dealt with that easily, but no reason to alarm Jenna about that now.
“So, if it’s not Angel — and like I said, I don’t think it is — what do you think is going on?” I ask.
“I’m not sure,” she says slowly. “Maybe Dad’s having me watched, or something?”
“That’s fucked up,” I say angrily. “Who would have someone spying on their own kid?”
“Yeah, I know. It does sound crazy, but I can’t think of anything else.” She shakes her head. “The thing is, I get the feeling my dad’s involved in something. Maybe something bad.” She meets my gaze. “He seemed really desperate for this loan with the Lords to go through when I talked to him. I get the feeling that whatever he’s involved in, maybe he’s not the one in control. He seemed so worn out and stressed when I saw him.” She pauses, and then frowns, almost like she’s disagreeing with herself. “Cas, do you think it’s possible he’s being blackmailed?”
I open my mouth to reassure her, but then something clicks in my head.
The Abe Abbott I know is a wheelin’, dealin’ son of a bitch. I’d never say that to Jenna about her own father, but it’s true.
GHOST (Lords of Carnage MC) Page 11