“I love seeing you in my clothes, that shirt looks better on you than me,” I said.
I put the coffee mugs down on the bedside table and sat down on the edge of the bed.
“Good morning,” she said and came to a stop between my legs. She gave me a chaste kiss before wrapping her arms around me. My hands rubbed up the back of her thighs and made contact with her bare bottom. I arched my brow at her. “Don’t you get any ideas, mister.” She giggled into the top of my head, her fingers entangled in my messy hair as she deposited a kiss to the crown, “Not that I’m complaining but I’m a little sensitive this morning from your hefty dose of lovin’.”
The phone rang, breaking us out of our moment. One look at the caller ID and I set the cordless back down with a grunt.
“What’s the matter?”
“It’s Julie,” I said.
“Answer it.”
Picking up the phone, I hit talk.
If I only knew how I’d wish I hadn’t.
“Hello.”
“I need you to look after Jasper,” Julie said without a word of greeting.
“That’s fine.”
“You’re sure?”
“I said I’m fine with it so yeah, I’m sure.”
“Is she there?” she asked.
“Yes, why?”
“I want her gone, Pax,” she demanded.
“It’s not happening, Julie,” I said.
I remained short with my ex through the entire conversation.
“Forget it then,” she said. “I’ve told you I don’t want her around my son and if you refuse-”
“Then you’ll be hearing from my lawyer.”
After I slammed the phone down on its charging base, the good mood I had woken up in had evaporated, being replaced with anger, worry and stress, not to mention loss.
“Damn her!”
“What’s wrong?” Alissa asked and kneeled onto the floor in front of me. “What’d she say?”
“How do I tell you this,” I said as I debated where to start and rubbed one hand down my face.
“It’s obviously not pretty so just say it. I’m not going anywhere, honey.”
I took a deep breath and nodded. “Julie’s still refusing to sign the papers.”
Her jaw dropped but just as quickly, she closed her mouth and her lips formed a thin line. “I’m sorry.”
“I wish she would just give for once,” I said.
“You know as well as I do that you’d most likely have to force the issue, so why do I get the feeling that there’s more to all of this?”
“‘Cause there is. She wanted me to look after Jasper again. When she found out that you were still around, she flipped and told me that I wouldn’t be seeing my son so I told her that I’d be calling my lawyer.”
“Maybe I should go.” She got up and I could see the hurt in her eyes. I hated that I had been part in putting such a look there when all I wanted was to see her smile, hear her laugh, have her close. My subconscious reminded me that Julie was really the one at fault.
I grabbed her wrists and pulled her back to me. “No,” I said and leaned my cheek into her stomach with my arms holding her in place, “I’m not letting you go.”
“But what about Jasper?”
I pulled back and looked up at her. “He’s my life, yes, but I still want to see where this, between us, can go,” I said. “Julie’s being unreasonable. This’ll all blow up in her face once I get my lawyer involved.”
“I don’t want to be mixed into this more than I already am, Pax, I don’t want to cause trouble.” Her hand caressed the side of my face.
“You’re not,” I said, rubbing my face into her palm, “you’re not an issue in all of this, Allie.”
“Julie made me an issue whether you’re willing to admit it or not,” she said, “I’m the one who’s standing between you having a relationship with your son and I can’t have that kind of guilt on my conscience, maybe it is best if I go.”
“Any judge will see through Julie’s façade,” I said and pulled her down so she straddled my thighs. Our faces were mere inches away from one another. “I can’t let Jasper go but I’m not letting you go either. I think I’m entitled to my happiness in this mess and you make me happy, Allisa.” I grabbed her face and crashed my lips to hers.
She didn’t hesitate to open up and let me in. We tumbled back onto the bed.
When I reached up to remove my shirt from her body, she covered my hands with hers and took over with the strip-tease. Her glossy eyes never left mine.
She rubbed me up and down her folds and guided my protected shaft into her core.
“You’re unbelievable,” I said, “but are you sure you’re not too sore?”
She shook her head. “I’ll be fine.”
Something about this time felt different than all the others. Sure, she was on top but this time, it was rough, it was needy, it was filled with unspoken emotion—carnal—primal in nature. Need won over want.
My hands glided up the sides of her torso and grasped her breasts. The way she rode me was like she was trying to quench a thirst she had been cursed with. She was beautiful with her head arched back, her hips moving in a sensual circular rhythm while she satisfied herself with a little up and down bobbing.
Her hands rubbed up my chest and I took that opportunity to pull her down so our bodies were pressed together in length. Her eyes had come back to mine as I rocked my hips in time to hers, slowing our rhythm.
The heat building up between us began to take its toll. I felt her insides spasm around me as she reached the edge of her climax. I could tell she fought the urge to explode as if she didn’t want it to end.
“Come for me, baby,” I told her as I suckled her bottom lip in an act to keep kissing her. I felt her clamp down. “That’s right, baby, give it all to me.”
As her fit of bliss calmed, I flipped her onto her back. I wasn’t ready to be done with her yet.
I thrust as deep as possible into her a few times, extending the end of her release before almost pulling out of her. I teased her a few times, massaging her clit with my thumb at the same time.
I felt her flex her muscles around my engorged girth; squeezing yet pulling me further into her depths. I groaned. “God, Allie,” I said, “you feel better every time.” I struggled to maintain the slow pace I was carrying as the arching of her hips into each of my thrusts combined with her tremors were inching me closer to detonation.
Her moans got louder and my thrusts began to speed up. Her hands found the sides of my face. She kissed my lips as if in need of air and ran her hands down to leave them on my chest while she pulled back to look at me. Her emotions weren’t hard to read: lust, sadness, joy, something that looked like love…no, regret? Our release taking over, I slowed as our worlds imploded. All I saw were white spots cross my field of vision, Alissa staring back at me at its epicentre.
My thrusts had stopped and I lay over her, still sheathed by her warmth as we exchanged sweet kisses. “How ‘bout you get ready for the day,” I said and gave her a decisive peck, “while I go make us some breakfast.”
***
I was looking forward to spending a quiet day with Alissa. After my call with Julie, she had been amazing with making me forget about the resulting conversation. Hell, my mood had done a complete one-eighty.
Something bothered me about our last coupling though. As into it as Alissa had been, her mind seemed like it was off somewhere else.
You’re overthinking things.
The woman in question came down and joined me in the kitchen. We ate with minimal conversation and I got up to collect her plate.
She turned me around at the sink. “Go do your thing, I’ll handle the dishes.”
“Back in fifteen,” I said.
With a long hug and a chaste kiss, I headed upstairs. The feeling that something was amiss continued to hover about. My gut still churned and I knew it hadn’t been the food we had eaten.
When I got
downstairs, I noticed how quiet it was. I thought that perhaps she had been sitting in the kitchen with her laptop writing when I hadn’t spotted her in the living room. I smiled at the thought of seeing what she looked like in a writing spree. But just as I’d found the living room to be empty, so was the kitchen.
What the hell?
The piece of paper, folded on the kitchen table grasped my attention. Picking it up, I began to read…
My dearest Paxton,
You are, by far, the most incredible man I’ve ever met. It’s why I couldn’t bring myself to do this in person and for that I’ll forever be sorry.
I’ve gone home.
I know you’ve said to stay and to be honest, I almost did but for selfish reasons. I’m leaving because right now, Jasper needs a father more than I need a man. I know you said that you would fight all of this and that everything would work itself out but I feel that by being here, I might hinder progress and I can’t have that on my conscience—not if there could be an us and God do I hope that there still will be.
Please know that this isn’t goodbye, not unless you want it to be. You don’t need the added stress with Julie and if me being out of the picture for now works best then so be it.
I have nothing to regret about our time together with the exception of what I’m doing right now. Paxton, you are an amazing man, a man I’ve always dreamt of having and that’s what makes this so hard. I hope that you find it in your heart to forgive me for leaving this way, taking the cowardly way out. Please know that I’ll still be around. I may not be there in person but I’m always there for you and as we’ve resolved, you’ll have to get rid of me yourself.
What you’ve managed to make me feel in these few days together and over the last ten months at a distance, those are memories I’ll always hold dear to my heart. I will never let go of those and I’m terrified that I’ll be the only one to hold on to it all in the end. That’s a risk I’m willing to take. You’re worth it.
Always yours with love,
Your woman,
Alissa
My heart sank further into the pit of my stomach with each subsequent time I read her letter. I couldn’t breathe. I knew the why and I understood as much as it hurt like hell. For the first time in my life, I had someone I felt I couldn’t live without. Sure, you’re thinking that I would feel that way about my son and you’re right. But this thing with Alissa was different on so many levels. She held the potential to being my partner, my equal. I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t already started to see her in that light.
I knew I couldn’t chase her to the airport. Leaving hadn’t been easy for her and I wanted to honor her decision. I knew it was for the best. It took her leaving that letter to convince me. With Alissa gone, I would be able to concentrate fully on seeking a resolution to end my marriage and ensure that I didn’t lose Jasper. If I were lucky enough, I wouldn’t lose Alissa either. I cursed Julie for putting me in this predicament.
Enough is enough.
I fished out my cell and searched my contacts for the number I needed. If it was a war Julie wanted, it was one that she would soon regret bringing to light. Jake would make sure of it and if I knew him well enough, he’d put a rush on it.
***
I walked out of my lawyer’s office with a sense of confidence that I would soon see an end. The courts had been called and we had a date set for next Wednesday. Of course I had paid a premium for Jake to pull in a few favors and rush things but I was done waiting; having a lawyer as a best friend sure as hell helped. Jake knew his stuff and he was a force to be reckoned with in the room when it came down to family matters. I had no doubt that Julie would regret pushing me this far.
I had the urge to share my good news with someone that would appreciate it but the only person I wanted to inform was no longer around.
I knew that it would take Alissa a few hours if she’d managed to get on a direct flight but I had no clue if she had managed just that or if she’d ended up with a lay-over. Doing the math in my head, I grabbed the phone and decided to chance it.
A knock on my door tore me away from my plan.
I pocketed my phone and answered it. I groaned at my disruption.
“How could you?” Julie asked with tears streaming down her face.
“I’ll see you in court on Wednesday. Anything you have to say you can say to my lawyer. We’re done here unless your visit concerns our son.”
I looked around to see that Jasper wasn’t anywhere to be seen. With that, I slammed the door in her face.
Chapter 11
I spent the better part of the weekend hanging out with Jasper after Julie had dropped him off on Saturday afternoon, but not without searching my place high and low for the woman she despised. By Sunday morning, my little man was going on and on about Alissa and her blueberry pancakes. With how things were left, I hadn’t gotten her recipe and so I indulged him and his wants by purchasing a box of the instant stuff and grabbed some fresh blueberries to mix in with them.
He shook his head as he stared down at the plate. “Those’ll taste like poo, Daddy,” he said.
“I promise you that I’ll get Allie’s special recipe for next time, buddy, but you have to eat something.”
“Can I have toast?”
I grabbed his plate. “Sure.”
I sat down in front of him and attempted to eat my portion of pancakes to prove to him that they weren’t that bad. One bite was all it took for me to realize that Jasper had been right. My culinary skills gone to waste, I gagged at the consistency of sawdust rolling about in my mouth.
“I told you,” he said.
I grumbled. “So you’ve said.”
***
Over the course of the next few days since her departure, I found myself missing Alissa’s presence, haunted with visions of her in every nook and cranny, the subtle scent of her perfume that still lingered in my car and on my pillow, and the dreams—I’d wake up feeling her all over me until I realized that she was no longer there. I had tried calling, sent her a few emails. I even logged on to the writing site we met off of and still, there had been no sign of life from her aside from one thing—she had posted a new story which I had read right away, leaving my thoughts on the comment board.
Despite the story however, Tuesday had arrived, four days since her departure, and I ached to know what she was up to and how she was doing. I needed to let her know that I was okay with her decision and hear her voice on the other end of the line, and not that pesky voice mail system of hers. For more than ten months, she had been by my side despite our geographical positioning, and now, when I was looking for her, I couldn’t seem to be able to reach her.
More like she’s not reaching back. I grumbled for what must have been the tenth time that day.
I was snapped out of my reverie by Jasper tugging on my hand. “Daddy?”
“Yeah, buddy?” I ruffled his hair as we started to walk home from the park. Spending the day outside hadn’t done much to lighten my mood.
My son looked up at me and said, “Why are you sad?”
“What do you mean?” I forced a smile.
“Well, you look sad. Is it because Allie’s gone?”
“It’s complicated, Jasp,” I said. I didn’t want to overcrowd that tiny yet too-smart-for-his-own-good brain of his with complex adult issues.
“Why’d she have to go?” he asked.
“She doesn’t live here, son,” I said, “she had to go back to work.”
“So she can come back and see us?” he asked with an air of hope. His expression garnered a short laugh on my part.
“Sure thing,” I said. It seemed to put his mind at ease and I wish it did the same to mine. Would I ever see her again?
“I know what I want for my birthday,” he said after a short moment of silence between us.
I looked down and eyed him on the sidewalk before crossing the street. “What’s that?”
“Can we go see Allie?”
�
��I don’t think Mom would like that very much,” I said, being cautious with my choice of words and tone. He didn’t need to know about the current hostility that festered between his parents, “she might miss you too much.”
“But Allie is missing me longest, I know she is, Daddy,” he said. “Maybe we can have her visit again and then we can make more pancakes.”
It’s all about the pancakes but then again, I knew there was more to it than that. I shook my head at his persistence. “I’ll see what I can do,” I said.
***
Today was the day. Not knowing how the week would play out, I had taken most of it off, spending as much time with Jasper as I could seeing as I wouldn’t have him for the entire week. I didn’t like it, especially with not knowing how this whole court thing was going to work out. With my son’s sitter being ill, Todd would be looking after him while we were occupied with our respective lawyers.
Showered, shaved, and ready to get going, I chose to check my email before heading out for the courthouse. My heart leapt out of my chest when I saw Alissa’s name in my inbox. I paused before clicking on it.
It had been nearly a week since I had last heard from her, seen her. My over-analytical brain began to turn at breakneck speed. I worried that she’d have some bad news or worse, a change of heart.
I missed her more than I ever believed I could and that fact alone swayed me. After all, if she’d had changed her mind about us, she wouldn’t be doing anything to end things over an email; it wasn’t like her. Deep in my subconscious, I knew her avoidance wasn’t based on the way things had been left either.
I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, clicked to open the email and began to read.
Paxton,
I’m sorry I haven’t been available to you like I normally am. Since coming back early, my boss saw it fit to send me off to deal with preparations for this conference we’re having and I haven’t had much time to breathe since.
Once Written, Twice Shy (The Broken Men Chronicles) Page 8