by Kamryn Hart
Willow would have been so angry to hear him say that. Nick’s little sister had been telling him adamantly to play nice with his wolf for months.
Months.
It had been two months. One month was bad enough, but two?
He was surprised Lizbeth hadn’t broken up with his dumb ass over the phone yet. He should have been in Moonwatch for a couple weeks at most. All the other Awakened Wolves, newly manifested wolves like himself, got control of their wolves in that amount of time. He had seen so many Awakened Wolves come and go by this point. Some graduated and continued to stay because they wanted to join the pack. That wasn’t the reason Max was still here. He couldn’t leave. He’d never graduate. He was the first to arrive, and he was still here. There was no way he could ask Lizbeth to marry him now. He got her that custom ring and everything, and then he went and disappeared for two months.
He almost killed Nick today.
Max shook his head furiously. No way. He was not going to become a killer. He was never going to get along with his wolf because for some reason that “side” of him was a killer. Everyone said he needed to trust his wolf, but they didn’t understand. They kept encouraging him to let his wolf out, but no more. They should understand now after how many wolves he had harmed. After Nick, their Alpha. He prayed he didn’t give him permanent damage. His heart squeezed in his chest. His eyes burned.
Max made his way to the motels located on the edge of town. He unlocked the room he had been living in and hurriedly shut the door behind him. He leaned against the door and gazed at the ceiling as if he could see straight through it and into God’s domain. What did he do to deserve this?
He stumbled into the bathroom. The blood that was dripping into his eyes had more or less dried up. Cedric hadn’t cut him deep. It seemed he purposely missed his eyes too. The scratches were just outside of his eyes, in his eyebrows, at the corners. He looked like crap.
The wound on his neck where Nick bit down desperately to stop him from tearing out his throat was pretty deep, but he’d heal. The same went for the bite on his ass. He sighed, stripped, and got into the shower. This would work well enough for cleaning. His shifter healing would take care of the rest—or his wolf shifter healing. Since Cedric started hanging around, a different kind of animal, Max and the other wolves learned that not all shifters healed at the same rate. Wolves were pretty exceptional it seemed.
Exceptional monsters.
Max closed his eyes as he let the warm water streaming out of the showerhead spray his face. His cuts stung, but he didn’t give a damn. Nick was so much worse off.
How could you do that to him? What about Gwen, his mate? She’s out doing her job as a ranger in Blue Forest so she’s not even here right now. She’s going to get a nightmare call telling her that Nick is bleeding out. She’s pregnant! Whatever joined healing they had through their Lunas Sigil doesn’t work anymore. That’s what everyone tells you. Wolves. Lunas, the Moon’s power. Magic? You don’t belong in this world. You don’t understand it.
He fucked up.
Max got out of the shower, dried himself off thoroughly, and decided to at least dress his wounds. It would take them some time to heal, wolf shifter healing or not. This would speed up the process a little bit. When he was finished, he plopped onto one of two beds he claimed as his own and closed his eyes again. Most of the motel rooms could accommodate two people, but nobody wanted to bunk with the Wild Wolf. Maybe he could take a nap and drift away from all of this for a couple hours.
The buzz of his cell phone next to his laptop on the nightstand ruined that plan. He could have ignored it, but he decided he should at least see who was calling him. The name on the glowing screen read Liz.
“Shit,” he hissed. Screw not swearing. He had every right to swear. He answered the call. “Hey, Liz.” He paused. “I miss you.” God, he missed her. He missed his life before all this wolf stuff.
Liz cleared her throat. “I know you’re busy on your supposed business trip or whatever—which is complete bullshit—so I’m calling to say what I should have said a month ago. I don’t want to play this game anymore, where you keep lying to me. You’re never coming back, so stop pretending like you are. I’ve given you so many chances to tell me the truth, but now it’s too late. I can’t believe I’m doing this over the damn phone. It’s over, Max. Bye.”
The line went dead. Max’s mouth hung open in shock. He had never heard Lizbeth swear in her life. Yeah, that was the thing that surprised him. He wasn’t surprised at all to hear her say they were over. He was waiting for it. He was waiting for it because he hadn’t ever gone back to fix things. He stayed in Moonwatch thinking it was the best thing for her. He didn’t tell his family the truth either because neither of his parents ever told him there was a possibility of him being a wolf. Neither of them brought it up when he had answered their phone calls either. Was he secretly adopted?
He growled and threw his phone down hard on the nightstand, right next to his laptop. He almost shattered the screen and threw his laptop on the floor, but he just didn’t care. He took a quick calming breath. Acting like this would be a sure-fire way to concede control to his wild wolf again.
Carefully, Max opened the top drawer of the nightstand and found the velvety ring box he had planned on presenting to Lizbeth the night he first shifted. That obviously hadn’t happened. He fingered the cross hanging from his neck. He wanted to ditch it. He hadn’t parted with it once in years. He even slept with the thing. He was raised in a religious family. He grew up and moved out, but he held on to those teachings. He used to be a regular churchgoer too—before the wolf thing. Now he didn’t know what to think. His world had been blown out of proportion, his eyes opened. He still wanted to believe in the god he had been taught about his whole life, but the wolves he had been living with in Moonwatch claimed the stinking Moon as their god. Then there was Trinity, an alliance of shifters of all kinds. They included the Earth and Sun in the list of ever-growing gods.
What did he know now? He knew the Moon had invasive powers, and it wasn’t afraid to meddle. Maybe his god was still real, but he certainly hadn’t done anything to help Max during these two months of torture. Maybe that god had forsaken him. Maybe that god never wanted him because the Moon claimed him.
He didn’t know. He was lost, and he didn’t want to let go of his cross. His god still had to exist. At the very least, his teachings, love and acceptance, had to be real. What was life if there wasn’t an intrinsically good purpose to it?
He decided to keep wearing the cross.
Those teachings, he’d prove that he lived by them. He’d go back to Lizbeth and tell her the truth. He’d stop sinning and hurting the person he was convinced he loved most. He’d explain. She’d understand. He’d propose and give her the ring. Life would pick up where it left off two months ago. It had to.
He pocketed the ring box, made sure he was wearing presentable clothes, and rushed out the door to Willow and Derek’s place. Willow would understand.
Chapter 3
MAX KNOCKED ON THE door without hesitation. Determination was the only thing running through his veins right now. He stood ready when the door opened, and he was relieved to see it was Willow who had answered. It wasn’t that he didn’t like her mate, but Willow was easy to talk to.
“Max!” she exclaimed. Her mouth stayed hanging slightly ajar like she might say something else. She settled for frowning instead as she reached out and touched one of the scratches marring his face. He didn’t know what it was about shifters, or at least wolf shifters, but they were openly affectionate with anyone they considered a part of their pack. They also didn’t give a damn about nudity. That last part seemed true for every shifter. Max could deal with it when it was him and other guys, but he always looked away when the women shifted. It felt wrong, like he was somehow cheating if he looked. Thankfully, they weren’t a nudist colony or something. He would have probably lost his mind from shock. He was also glad there were no kids around s
ince Casey left a month ago. He still didn’t know what to make of this lifestyle though and never got comfortable.
His wolf got more restless with each passing day. With each moment.
He cleared his throat when an uncalled-for growl tried to rip itself free from his mouth. He spoke instead. “I need a ride to Boise. I’ve put Lizbeth off too long. I have to apologize now before it’s too late.”
Willow beamed at him, but then she faltered. “Did you and Nick have a fight? Is he okay?”
Max grimaced. “Yeah. He’s going to be okay.” He touched the back of his neck, overwhelmed with the conjured-up memory of what he had done to the Blue Pack Alpha. He almost killed him. Almost. Was Nick going to call Gwen and tell her what happened right away or would he leave her out of it as long as possible? He obviously hadn’t sent word to Willow. Maybe his other Beta, Howard, was taking care of things.
Frowning, Willow looked in the direction of the Alpha Den, her brother’s luxurious mansion and the biggest building in Moonwatch. For a moment, Max thought she would shoot him down and check things with her Alpha. She was one of his two Betas after all. She should be in the loop. Max knew she had a bad habit of avoiding asking her brother’s permission, though. That was what he was counting on when he chose to come to her. Plus, she had a big romantic heart. She sympathized with him and had been telling him to talk to Lizbeth for at least a month and a half. If she went to Nick and saw the state he was in, he was pretty sure she wouldn’t let him go—especially not after she heard exactly what happened. God, he was being so selfish, but there was nothing he could do if he stayed. The same went for Willow. Nick was already being taken care of. He was sure of that. He didn’t like Cedric, but Cedric respected Nick.
“Okay,” Willow said as she jerked her head, tossing her long and curly white-blond hair over her shoulder as she placed her hands on her well-defined hips. “It’s about time you manned up.”
Max expressed his relief with a sigh. He picked right. “Thanks.”
“Mind if Derek comes?”
“You’re the one doing me a favor. Of course he can come.”
“Derek!” Willow called as she left the door open despite the snow and scampered through the house, grabbing her garish hot pink purse and holding out her car keys.
Her mate sauntered out of a room, his hands resting in his jeans pockets. His pitch-black hair was messy as usual, and he wore his scruff proudly like some kind of badass. He smirked at Max. That cocky grin of his always riled up Max’s wolf. He thought it was a challenge or something stupid like that. The more dominant the shifter he faced, the more his wolf pushed at the cage Max had made for him. But it was okay. He was in control.
“Good luck, loverboy,” Derek said as he grasped Max’s shoulder and pushed him out the door. His wolf shifter hearing meant he had heard every word of Max and Willow’s conversation and was ready to go. He was only wearing a hoodie and boots to combat the cold, but Max was dressed much the same way. They were very warm-blooded. “Be sure to make it a good show, all right?”
“Derek,” Willow said sternly as she joined the boys, “this isn’t a show for your entertainment.” There was a grin on her face, though. Max had a feeling she felt much the same way her mate did.
Mate. At least Max was getting better with the terminology used here. He never slipped up and even thought the word “mate” now when describing these shifters’ relationship. The human part of him viewed Willow and Derek as nothing more than girlfriend and boyfriend, like his current—scratch that—former relationship with Lizbeth, but his wolf side could smell the bond they had created. He wasn’t blind either. He could see the matching Lunas Sigils, Moon Marks, tattooing the back of their necks. Fated Mates is what it meant. They were what he could only describe as a match made in Heaven. Destiny, the Moon, tied them together. Soulmates. Forever lovers. By Wolf Law, they were a married couple.
God, he hoped Lizbeth would take him back. He didn’t deserve it, but he hoped. He didn’t know what it felt like to have a soulmate. He and Lizbeth hadn’t fallen head over heels for each other, but they got along. They slowly grew into something more. She was a good match for him. He could be happy with her. He wanted to be happy with her.
“Princess, let me drive,” Derek said as he grabbed for Willow’s keys.
She giggled as she darted away from him, holding the keys above her head and dangling them. She teased him like they were both kids. He grinned and darted for her again. This time he caught her and wrapped his arms around her waist. Max’s face burned when Derek kissed the back of Willow’s neck. Then he licked that same place, tracing her Moon Mark with his tongue. Max shivered when Willow let out a helpless moan. Yeah, no. They were so openly affectionate in this town. It was another thing he wasn’t used to.
“Derek,” Willow growled playfully as she eased back into him, “remember the rule? She who grabs the keys first drives.”
“It’s whoever grabs the keys first drives. I’m not a she. The rule you just stated excludes me.” He growled back and bit at her earlobe.
“Exactly.” She giggled and pushed away from him, freeing herself. “C’mon. We’re making Max uncomfortable.”
“He can deal. He’s a grown-ass man.”
Willow tried to give him a serious look, but the smile on her face ruined it.
Once they were all piled into Willow and Derek’s new burnt orange Ford Wrangler and Willow had pulled out of the gravel driveway, she said, “Nick didn’t okay this, did he?”
“Nope,” Max replied as he stared out the window alone in the backseat.
“Figured. Oh, well. He’ll forgive me.” She never missed a chance to pull at Nick’s weaknesses. Her being his baby sister was one of those weaknesses.
“Good for you, Max. It’s about time you do what you want instead of listening to good old Nick,” Derek commented.
Max tensed slightly when they passed by a few Blue Wolves, but none of them tried to stop them, and soon they were safely out of the small town and heading on down the road. The drive ahead would take around an hour or so, but it would be smooth sailing now.
“Are you going to pledge to Nick on the next ‘Full Moon?’” Max asked.
Derek shrugged. “Maybe. But if I did it, I wouldn’t be a free wolf anymore. Don’t really like the sound of that. Besides, our wolves don’t get along.”
“It’s because you’re both so damn aggressive,” Willow said with a shake of her head. “I dunno what the Moon was thinking, giving me an alpha brother and an alpha mate. I’m just a beta!”
Smirking, Derek replied, “You’re one hell of a beta wolf then. How am I supposed to pledge to Nick when I’m already pledged to you? I already gave away my freedom.”
Willow giggled and Derek grabbed her thigh possessively, riding his hand farther up her leg.
“Stop,” Willow said. Her voice was airy, and her need heavily scented the air. “I’m driving.” She swatted his hand away, and he laughed in response.
Being able to know how turned on Willow was because of his wolf senses was another thing Max wasn’t used to. It seemed like a heavy invasion of privacy.
Max settled into silence as Derek continued pestering his mate. He stared out the window. There were trees, grass, hills, and mountains, but none of it registered. It was like he was staring at a blank canvas waiting for an artist to apply the first stroke of color.
Well, if he had to look on the bright side, something his mother always said, at least he hadn’t lost his job. He was a programmer and did full-time freelance gigs. He could do it anywhere he had his laptop and a Wi-Fi connection. He was still a civilized working man. He wasn’t a mountain man roughing it out in the woods like he might have been if Nick and Gwen hadn’t found him. Or he would have just ended up a wild wolf in some forest. Or maybe dead in a ditch somewhere. There was also the possibility a human could have found him, and then some lab would have probably been running tests on him. He shuddered at the thought. He was as lucky as he could
be, given his situation.
His relationships were a crappy mess, though. But it was going to be okay now. He was going to fix things with Lizbeth, then his family.
Max placed his hand on the ring box tucked away inside his pocket. Whatever happened, this ring was made for Lizbeth. He was going to make sure she got it. That was one thing he could guarantee.
The only other words Max exchanged during the drive were when he told Willow how to get to Lizbeth’s apartment. Derek even let him be. Derek liked to be a bit of a pain to everyone, but he was wary of the Berserker waiting underneath Max’s skin. All Blue Wolves were. Most avoided talking to him because they were afraid they would provoke his monster. At least there were a handful of shifters who didn’t mind him too much. Soon that wouldn’t be a problem anymore either.
He was an almost Berserker no more. He was a wolf no more.
Max waited for backlash. He waited for the wolf inside of him to growl and bite at the outright rejection. Instead, there was nothing. There was a hollowness in the pit of his stomach answering his resolve. Was his wolf actually agreeing with him? That would be a first.
Strange.
“This the place?” Willow asked when she pulled up to some generic, albeit pricier, apartments after they had been driving around in Boise for a few minutes.
“This is the place,” Max replied as he sucked in a deep breath. He was steeling himself, getting ready for whatever happened next.
There was nothing left to lose. Lizbeth had already broken up with him, so it couldn’t get any worse. Still, he hesitated, taking a moment to stare out the window at the familiar sienna colored building.
“You okay?” Willow asked. The concerned tone of her voice was grating because his wolf senses picked everything up ten-fold.