The taxi sped through the city. It was like old times, with Kyle and me in the backseat, excited at the prospect of what an evening in the Village might bring. I asked Kyle if he felt like walking a little and when he said yes, I instructed the driver to let us off on Christopher and Bleecker.
The Village was packed with people filling the sidewalks, eating in small cafés, and doing all the things that made the Village a place like no other. On this Saturday night there wasn’t a hint that this community had been devastated by AIDS. From the goings-on in the bars and the people on the streets, you could see sex and romance were still alive and well in the Village. The moon was nearly full and hung over the Village like a Christmas tree bulb. It was still very much a magical place where people of different colors, genders, and backgrounds could feel at home. Tranquil and safe.
Kyle and I started to walk toward Keller’s and the Pier, but Kyle said he felt like something hot and sweet. At first I was certain he was talking about a man, but he quickly corrected me and informed me he was talking about hot cocoa and dessert. I smiled at my misunderstanding. He wanted to go to a place on Hudson Street that specialized in different types of coffees and rich and fattening desserts.
I had never been to Café Sha Sha. When you walked in, the place reminded you of an old-fashioned bakery, with a double-decker case full of beautiful cakes and pies. A hostess led us up a small flight of stairs to a covered patio in the back. The place was packed with mostly gay white male couples, and the music of K.D. Lang surged from strategically placed speakers. Kyle and I ordered hot chocolate and German chocolate cake.
While we waited for our treats, Kyle relaxed in his chair and looked at me, smiling. “Isn’t this nice?” he said.
“Yeah, this is a nice place. How did you find it?”
“Oh, a guy I was dating used to bring me here,” Kyle said.
“So, you were mellowing out in your old age,” I teased.
“Oh, he was a much older guy who couldn’t stand the bars, so I would get him to bring me down here, and after a nice long conversation, I would put him in a taxi and dash over to Keller’s or Two Potato.”
Thoughts of the old Kyle made me smile. “Kyle, would this be easier if you were in love?” I asked him.
“I am in love. In love with you, JJ, Nicole, Delaney, Christopher,” Kyle said lightly.
“Yeah, I know, but somebody special?”
“Ray, I don’t have any qualms about how I’ve lived my life. I had a grand time. I learned early on that the kids are too fickle to trust your feelings with, so I’ve relied on friends for my emotional support.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” I moaned.
“You know I’m right,” Kyle said.
As we sipped our hot chocolate we talked about the difficulty of relationships among black gay men as well as the problems black women have. Kyle agreed with me that the day-to-day stresses we faced rolled over into our relationships, making their survival difficult. “We don’t have any models to follow,” Kyle said.
We laughed and remarked about JJ being the only one of us who was happy in a strong and positive relationship.
“Who would have thought that gutter girl would end up the lucky one?” Kyle laughed.
“When is JJ coming up?” I asked.
“I don’t think she is. She’s scared,” Kyle said.
“Scared of what?”
“Of this,” Kyle said as he pulled down his sweater to reveal one of the purplish lesions.
“You think so?”
“I know so,” Kyle said.
“Don’t worry, she will show up.”
“She calls me late at night all the time but she always ends up crying and hanging up. If she doesn’t come, I’ll understand. I know JJ loves me.”
I told Kyle I was thinking that perhaps I should move back up to New York. And I talked about Gilliam and all the fun I had working with college football players.
“Then why leave?” Kyle asked.
“Well, I want to be here with you,” I said.
“I’m glad, Ray. But you can’t give up your life for me. I might be gone tonight or years from now. I know you love me. You don’t have to be up here to show that love,” Kyle said.
“Yeah, I know, but aren’t you glad we’ve got this time together?” I asked.
“Sure. Lord knows I could have very easily been killed by some crazy-assed trade. At least this way we get to say good-bye,” Kyle said in a low rich voice.
I blinked and smiled in agreement. The waiter brought the check and two mints wrapped in green foil. Kyle quickly grabbed the check and reached for his wallet.
“I’ll get this, Kyle,” I said, reaching across the table for the check.
“No, Ray. Let me get it. I’m not broke. Besides I get a discount here,” Kyle said.
“A discount?”
Kyle showed me a card that allowed him discounts at the majority of restaurants and stores in the Village. It was given to people with AIDS who registered with the Gay Men’s Health Crisis. I asked Kyle if he was ready to call it a night and he said, “No, I want to go to Keller’s.”
Kyle and I started our walk toward Kelly’s. It was one of the few places that was still intact from my New York days. Kyle and I had often talked of how we really missed the Nickel Bar. “If it weren’t for the Nickel Bar, you and I would have never met,” I said.
“Oh, we would have met,” Kyle said.
“You sound sure of that.”
“Yeah. I believe things happen for a reason. I think you and I knew each other in a different life,” Kyle said.
“You for real?” I asked.
“Yes, and I’m sure we’ll meet again in the next world,” Kyle said with certainty.
“So you think there is an afterlife?”
“Of course. It’s a thin line that separates this life from the next,” Kyle said.
“So do you believe in heaven?”
“Of course. That’s where I’m going,” Kyle said. “But there may be a few more stops before we end up there.”
“What do you think it’s going to be like?”
“I don’t know but I think it will be something like birth,” Kyle said.
“How?”
“I don’t think you’ll remember it. Do you remember being born?”
“No.”
“But I think heaven will be so much better than this place.”
“So you think everybody’s going there?”
“Everybody that believes, my friend,” Kyle said. “Everybody that believes.”
Twenty-eight
I couldn’t wait until Christmas to give Kyle the special gift I planned. I was so excited about it, I decided to give it to him early. I would just have to get him something else for Christmas. Kyle was a big Vanessa Williams fan, and I knew Vanessa from her Miss America days. She was in the pageant a few years after I competed and I introduced myself to her backstage the year she won. I must admit the twinge of jealousy I felt when she became Miss America. I came so close but I don’t think America was ready for a dark-skinned winner so I got over it. We started our friendship after the Penthouse magazine incident when she moved to New York City. I wrote her a note expressing my support and she called me days later. I called her whenever I was on the West Coast once she married and moved to Los Angeles.
I was so happy for her tremendous comeback. I never doubted for a minute that she would be a big success. I was upset at the way the Miss America people treated her. In the end it was Vanessa who got the last laugh.
Vanessa was in New York often, hosting a television show for a national cable network. I called her and told her about Kyle and his illness and what a big fan he was and she was happy to help out. Vanessa was in the process of working on her tour, therefore she wasn’t certain she would be in New York over the holidays, however, she wanted to help in any way she could.
She originally agreed to come up and surprise Kyle but when that fell through, Vanessa and I came
up with the idea of a personalized video with all of Vanessa’s music videos and a special message to Kyle at the beginning and at the end. Vanessa went through a lot to pull this off. When I saw the finished product I cried.
She wrote Kyle a little note, enclosed an autographed picture, and then had the tape delivered to my apartment. When I finished viewing the video, I took it over to Delaney’s and she started crying too. We pulled ourselves together and headed to Kyle’s.
When we reached Kyle’s apartment he was sitting in the living room reading. His mother was in the kitchen cooking something that smelled wonderful.
“Hey, baby,” I said as I leaned over and kissed Kyle on the forehead.
“Hey, boy,” Delaney said as she did the same thing.
“Hey, girls,” Kyle said. “You see Mrs. Mother in the kitchen?” he asked.
“Yeah, when did you get back, Peaches?” I asked as I walked into the small kitchen to give her a hug and kiss. She was wearing a full apron and laboring over a hot skillet. She had a cigarette in one hand and a glass of wine close to the stove.
“Hey, Miss Nicole. How you been?” Peaches asked.
“I’ve been fine. I’m glad you’re back,” I said. “What you cooking?”
“Fried pork chops. You knew I couldn’t stay away too long. Take off your coat. These chops will be done in a few,” Peaches said. “I think I’ll make some gravy and smother them. I should make some skillet cornbread too.”
I walked out of the kitchen and Delaney walked in to give her hellos to Peaches. I went back into the living room, removed my coat, and sat down next to Kyle.
“So how are you really doing?” I asked Kyle.
“Oh, I’m okay. Raymond and I went to the Village last night, so I’m a little tired,” Kyle said.
“Where is Raymond?” I asked.
“He went to rent a car. His friend Jared is coming in town this afternoon and Ray is going to pick him up,” Kyle said.
“Jared?” I quizzed.
“Yes, that’s Ray’s friend who’s looking for my daddy,” Kyle said.
“I don’t know why you want to find that no good motherfucker,” Peaches yelled from the kitchen.
“Mind your own business, Mrs. Mother,” Kyle yelled back.
Suddenly Kyle started coughing and I panicked. I started patting him on his back, making sure I didn’t hit him hard.
“Are you all right, Kyle? Do you need some water?” I asked as I jumped up and ran into the kitchen for some water.
“What’s the matter?” Delaney asked as she reached for a glass to pour some water for Kyle.
“I don’t know,” I said.
I rushed back into the living room but Kyle had stopped coughing.
“Here, Kyle. Drink this,” I said as I put the glass close to his chapped lips.
Kyle drank the water and then looked at me and smiled. “Thanks, Nicole. Get that worried look off your face. I’m not going yet.”
Kyle had shared with me once when we were talking about his disease that the cancer was starting to spread throughout his body. His doctor told him there was a possibility that he might choke to death. Anytime he coughed or had trouble breathing I got scared. That was the first thing that went through my mind when he started his coughing attacks.
“So you sure you’re okay?” I asked.
“I’m fine, baby,” Kyle said as he gently patted my legs. “What’s Peaches cooking in there?”
“Pork chops,” Delaney said.
“Is she making gravy?” Kyle asked.
“Yes, and it looks great,” Delaney said.
“Chirl, when I was growing up, Peaches had me thinking gravy came on everything. When I went away to college I was wondering what happened to the gravy. If we don’t get her out of that kitchen with all that grease, we are all going to die from heart attacks,” Kyle joked. “Ma?” Kyle called out.
“Yes, baby?” Peaches said as she walked from the kitchen wiping her hands with the apron she was wearing.
“Will you make me some cherry Jell-O?” Kyle asked.
“Sure. I’ll run down to the store and get some,” Peaches said.
“I’ll go,” I offered.
“Naw, baby, I need to get out of here anyway,” Peaches said.
“Ma, with peaches. Make the Jell-O with peaches. Okay?”
“Okay, baby, with peaches.”
Peaches walked back to the kitchen and Kyle turned and gave me a bright smile.
“I’ve got a surprise for you,” I smiled.
“What?” Kyle asked.
“Well, let me put it in the VCR. Delaney, call Peaches into the bedroom,” I said. “Tell her to wait before going to the store. I want her to see this.”
I went into Kyle’s bedroom, put the tape in the VCR, and cleared off the bed. Kyle’s nightstand was covered with bottles of pills and empty glasses. I picked up some of the glasses and walked back to the living room. “Are y’all ready?” I asked.
“Let me take out the last chop,” Peaches said.
“Oh, this tastes so good,” Delaney said as she took a bite of the pork chop. I never recalled her eating anything fried before.
“Put that on a plate and bring it into the bedroom,” I said.
“Hold your horses. We’re coming,” Peaches said.
Kyle was slowly walking into his bedroom and I started to help him but he resisted. He didn’t like folks thinking of him as an invalid.
“This better be good. Making me get up from my spot,” Kyle said with an agitated tone.
“It will be,” I assured him.
“You’re going to love this,” Delaney said as she walked into the bedroom with a paper plate with pork chops and potato salad piled high.
Peaches took off her apron and was in the bathroom brushing her hair in place.
“Come on, Peaches,” I called out.
I stood by the television as though I was Vanna White getting ready to turn letters. I was smiling and feeling excited from the tip of my toes to the top of my head. Delaney and Peaches situated themselves on the bed with Kyle, placing their food and drinks on the nightstand I had just cleared off.
“Okay, you ready?”
“Yes, girl. Work your show,” Kyle said.
I pushed the play button and moved to the side to watch Kyle’s face when Vanessa appeared on the screen, looking beautiful and talking directly to Kyle. Kyle let out the most exhilarating laughter I’ve ever heard. He started hitting his fist in the pillows and looking over at his mother and Delaney, yelling, “You go, Miss Vanessa. You go, girl. Work!”
He moved to each of Vanessa’s videos and got up from the bed and started dancing when the Work to Do video came on. At the end of the video when Vanessa came back on talking to Kyle, she had changed into a beautiful royal blue mini-dress. Kyle bounced up and down in pure glee. When the tape was finished he came over and gave me one of the tightest hugs I ever recalled.
“Thank you, baby. This is the best present I’ve ever gotten,” he said.
“Thank Delaney, too. She had a lot to do with it,” I said.
“Not really. It was all Nicole’s doing. I’m not close, personal friends with Lady Vanessa,” Delaney said.
“She’s being modest, Kyle. Delaney got a friend of hers to do Vanessa’s makeup at the last moment and she got the tapes edited,” I said.
“Come on over here, Miss Girl,” Kyle said as he motioned toward Delaney.
The three of us were standing in the room hugging. Peaches had gotten up with tears in her eyes and raced to the bathroom.
“What’s this? A group hug?” an unfamiliar deep baritone voice said.
The three of us broke our circle and turned to face a tall, attractive black man standing in the doorway of Kyle’s bedroom. We all looked at each other with puzzled looks. Had somebody broken into Kyle’s apartment?
“Hi, I’m Jared Stovall, Ray’s friend,” he said. “Ray’s on his way up. He gave me the key. I hope I didn’t startle you,” he said apo
logetically.
“Hi, Jared. I’ve been looking forward to meeting you,” Kyle said. “Ray said you were good-looking, but damn, Jared, he didn’t say you were fine. You got it going on,” Kyle said.
Jared blushed and flashed a smile of perfect teeth. For a moment I stared, because he looked familiar, but I couldn’t place him. Raymond had good taste in men, too.
“Hi, Jared. I’m Nicole Springer and this is Delaney Morris.”
“Hi, Nicole and Delaney. My gosh, you two are beautiful,” Jared said as he extended his hands.
He was trying to be gentle but his enormous hands, with neatly clipped nails, were so big that my small hands felt as if they were cracking.
“I used to be beautiful too,” Kyle joked.
“You still look great,” Jared said.
Boy, was he a charmer. Delaney nodded toward me and walked over to the window.
“Be still, my heart,” Kyle said as he playfully acted as if he was going to faint.
“I see you’ve met Jared,” Raymond said as he walked into Kyle’s bedroom.
“Yes, we’ve met and we’re all moving to Atlanta,” Kyle said.
“So how long you here for, Jared?” I asked.
“Just overnight. I have to be in D.C. in the morning,” he said.
“Well, sorry we can’t stay but we’ve got to dash,” I said.
“Oh, come on, Nicole. Do you have to leave?” Raymond asked.
“Yes, I’m afraid so. Got to get to the theater,” I said.
“Oh, I didn’t know you had a show on Sunday,” Raymond said.
“No, this is a rehearsal for the other show I was telling you about. The benefit.”
“Oh,” he said.
“Maybe I’ll see you on your next visit to New York,” I said to Jared.
“I’d like that,” Jared said. His big hush puppy brown eyes were soft and shining. Raymond’s eyes gazed fiercely at me and then he looked at Jared. Nothing in his neutral expression gave me any indication what he might be thinking. Did he want my approval of his boyfriend?
“You know you look familiar,” I said.
“Who me?” Raymond joked.
“No, not you. Jared. Where did you go to school?”
“Morris Brown. Class of ’83,” he said.
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