'An old friend of Martin's from Army days,' said Honor, and Judith relaxed. No Rafael, that was obvious.
Quiet wedding or not, the household in Abergavenny was in a fair state of prenuptial excitement when they arrived. Gwyneth, the true-red Welsh Nationalist daily, was positively ecstatic because Honor was marrying into a 'posh family'.
'And what about you?' she asked Judith bluntly. 'You've got a bit of catching up to do, my girl. Here's Honor getting married for the second time and you haven't even managed it once yet.'
'Neither have you,' retorted Judith, grinning, 'so don't go picking on me.'
Gwyneth tossed her tightly-permed grey curls and picked up a hammer.
'Not for the want of asking, don't you worry, but I never fancied it myself.'
Mrs Russell eyed the hammer with hostility.
'And just what do you intend doing with that, Gwyneth?'
'I'll just knock a nail in that loose piece of trellis in the garden—don't want it collapsing on the guests, now, do you?'
Honor and Judith giggled as Gwyneth's stout, bustling figure disappeared past the kitchen window on her quest. Mrs Russell scowled.
'Your father's already out there fixing the wretched thing. I don't know why she has this bee in her bonnet that he can't be trusted to do anything manual.' She sighed in exasperation. if only I could persuade Gwyneth to confine herself to the housework.'
'Oh Mother, she's lovely,' protested Honor with a chuckle. 'Besides she does keep the house spick and span too.'
'Oh I'll grant you that,' allowed Kate, 'especially where soap and water are involved—I swear there's something sensual to Gwyneth about a scrubbing brush and hot suds. Now, tell me when Martin's arriving.'
'Not until the actual ceremony. He and Miss Gresham are staying with an old friend of hers in Chepstow overnight and coming on from there in the morning.' Honor smiled radiantly. 'He says he won't risk seeing me beforehand because of bad luck and all that. We're to abide by the rules.'
'You always do,' said Judith, giving her a hug. 'You and Martin make a perfect pair.'
'Of course they do,' said Kate, then broke off, her face appalled. 'Merciful heaven, what has your father done to himself now?'
Dan Russell came in with a finger streaming with blood, his face sheepish.
'Gwyneth's hammer slipped—is there a plaster in the house?'
* * *
No further incidents marred the wedding preparations and Honor's big day dawned bright and crisp. The Russells made the short journey to the village in a hired Rolls Royce, and when Kate left the others to take her place inside the small church as the familiar strains of the organ heralded the arrival of the bride, Dan Russell offered his arm to his elder daughter, and Honor, in ivory wool dress and tiny velvet hat frothing with marabou, walked proudly with him down the aisle to meet her groom. Judith followed behind, the sudden change from bright sunlight to candle-lit dimness blinding her momentarily to anything but her father's grey-clad back and Honor's fluttering feathers. Then Martin turned with a tender smile to greet his bride and Judith saw with shock that the man standing beside him, tall and remote in formal grey morning coat, was Rafael. For a long, charged moment their eyes locked together, then Rafael turned to face the altar with Martin, leaving Judith like a statue, staring sightlessly in front of her, hearing nothing of the service, or her mother's frankly audible sniffs behind her. She recovered with a start as Honor and Martin moved up to the altar with the vicar, realising the main part of the ceremony was over. Aware in every fibre of the tall, elegant figure standing so near, Judith felt a sudden hot stab of anger at being kept in the dark, dismissing it at once as she assumed Honor must have thought it would be easier for her this way. She cast a brief, hungry look at Rafael's sombre profile, then kept her eyes averted until everyone was called into the vestry for the ritual of kisses and congratulations over the signing of the register.
Kate Russell was madly impressed to find Martin's 'old friend' was Rafael David, and her frank delight in meeting him entirely glossed over any constraint as he and Judith greeted each other. Conscious of the appeal on Honor's face Judith gave Rafael her hand, her heart missing a beat at the touch of his fingers.
'How are you, Judith?' he asked softly, under cover of the buzz of conversation going on around them.
'All right,' she said woodenly. 'And you?'
'No. I am not.' Rafael's eyes burned at her for an instant before he turned away to speak to Judith's father. She took in a shaky breath and encountered the shrewd face of Miss Gresham.
'Judith, my dear, do I find you well?' There was sympathy in her kind eyes.
Judith smiled valiantly. 'Fine, Miss Gresham. Isn't it a lovely day?'
'A very happy occasion, I'm more pleased than I can say that Honor is now one of the family—I've never seen Martin so relaxed and, well—joyful is the word, I think.'
'Honor too. They're good for each other.' Judith went on chatting brightly, hardly aware of what she was saying, glad when her father shepherded them both from the vestry to follow the others from the church for a brief photographic session outside before driving back to the Russell home, where a firm of local caterers was providing the wedding breakfast.
Judith hardly knew whether to be sorry or glad when she and Rafael were seated next to each other at the big round table in the dining-room, and with a murmur of apology removed her hat before they began the meal, her head aching with tension.
'That is much better,' said Rafael gravely. 'Now I can see your beautiful face.'
By no means sure this was a good thing Judith cast a hunted glance about her, but her father was engrossed in conversation with Miss Gresham on one hand, and across from her Kate Russell was simultaneously engaged in conversation with her new son-in-law and keeping an eagle eye on the caterers. Judith relaxed a fraction.
'How is your throat, Rafael?' she asked quietly.
'My throat is well, my body is well. All I lack is a voice and a heart.' He spoke in such a quiet, conversational monotone Judith looked at him startled before nodding dazedly at the waiter offering her champagne.
'Don't—' she began painfully as the waiter moved away.
Rafael gave her a piercing, topaz look. 'Why not? I speak the truth.' He immediately turned his attention to Honor and Judith swallowed some champagne compulsively, stiffening as she met her mother's arrested look across the table. Her heart sank. The damage was done, however. Kate's mind was not the type to need more than a hint, as Judith knew only too well.
Food appeared, and Judith ate smoked salmon and roast pheasant, drank more champagne, joined in the toasts and even conducted some kind of polite conversation with Rafael. What they said was unimportant anyway. Beneath the light, conventional phrases lay another conversation entirely, and Judith hoped desperately that no one was aware of it but herself. One imploring little smile from Honor was at once guilty and triumphant, and Judith smiled back in bright reassurance, renewing her efforts at playing the part of happy wedding guest. After the meal Rafael rose to his feet and made a fluent, charming speech in toast to the bridal pair, which was answered rather more diffidently by Martin, who was obviously so happy as he sat down to clasp Honor's hand again that Mrs Russell frankly wiped away a tear, and even Miss Gresham had to resort to a handkerchief. The lump in Judith's throat was so pronounced by this stage that conversation of any kind was becoming an impossibility, and she was grateful when it was time to slip away with Honor to help her change into her travelling clothes.
'Are you angry, Judith?' said Honor immediately as Judith unzipped her.
'No, not angry. A bit shattered, I suppose, I—I don't know what I am, really.' Judith handed over the skirt of Honor's new suit and took the blouse from its hanger.
'Miss Gresham said we should have warned you, but I thought it might have spoiled everything for you.'
'Cuckoo! It's your wedding, not mine.' Judith managed quite a creditable laugh. 'It certainly livened things up even more f
or Mother. She was elated enough at having Martin for a son-in-law, but to have Rafael at the wedding really was the icing on the cake.'
Honor slid into her jacket and looked at Judith very closely. 'Do you love him, Judith?'
Judith nodded dumbly.
Then let him know! Why waste time, like me? I've had eight years alone since Simon died and I've known Martin for nearly six of them. We could have been married long since if we had only been less inhibited about showing our feelings. If you want Rafael, grab him,' advised Honor, with surprising bluntness.
Judith laughed and kissed her sister's cheek.
'Perhaps he doesn't want to be grabbed—not by me, anyway.'
'Rubbish,' said Honor with energy. 'You can take it from me that he does.'
Soon afterwards the bride and groom went off in a flurry of good wishes, and the others turned back into the house with the inescapable feeling of anticlimax which follows the departure of bride and groom. The Russells had asked Miss Gresham to stay for the evening, promising to return her to her friend in Chepstow afterwards.
'And you, Mr David,' said Mrs Russell, smiling. 'Can we persuade you to stay too?'
Rafael gave her one of his devastating smiles in response. 'Alas,' he said regretfully, 'I cannot I must leave very shortly for an appointment.'
Judith's spirits plummeted. Sick inside with disappointment she joined the others in regrets and offers of further refreshments before he left, but Rafael declined gracefully, thanking the Russells for their hospitality and kissing Miss Gresham goodbye. He turned to Judith and said casually,
'Perhaps you would walk with me to the car and advise me on what to provide as wedding present for your sister. I have not had an opportunity to choose anything as yet.'
'Of course,' murmured Judith politely, and in response to his hand under her elbow, walked down the drive with him after his final goodbyes were said to the others. They were silent until they reached the Lotus which was parked a little way along the lane leading to the house. Judith looked at the car in surprise.
'How did that get there?'
'I drove to the church straight from London to meet up with Martin. One of the mechanics in the village garage brought it up here while we were in church.' He turned to face her. 'When do you go back to Hardwick?'
Judith stared at him, dazed. 'What? Oh, in the morning.'
'You are driving Honor's car?'
'Yes.'
'Then take great care, Judith.' He stood for a moment longer, a brooding expression in his eyes. 'You look tired.'
'Weddings are tiring,' she said, shrugging.
He raised a hand towards her, then dropped it.
'Goodbye, Judith.'
'Goodbye,' she said forlornly, her eyes following him as without another word he unlocked the car and slid inside. The engine purred to life and with a grave salute he drove away down the narrow lane, leaving her staring blankly after him, hardly able to credit that he was gone without saying something, anything, to heal the breach between them. You made it, she reminded herself bitterly, so now you're stuck with it. Honor's instruction to grab him hadn't been so easy, after all. It was hardly possible to see Rafael now as the man who'd gasped and groaned beneath her searching hands… With a quick intake of breath Judith turned on her heel and walked back to the house, her eyes blank when her mother asked what gift she had suggested. Judith improvised wildly.
'I gave him a choice—anything from bath towels to a new stereo system,' she lied, and excused herself to change and give herself some time alone. What had been his motive in talking to her alone, she wondered. Nothing had been said. Judith lay on her bed for a while, just trying to get herself together again after the shock of seeing Rafael. He had looked tired too, she thought, his face thinner, the shadows darker beneath his eyes. Not that any of it had detracted in the slightest from his sheer physical impact, which had quite devastated Kate Russell, as Judith discovered when good manners finally sent her back to join the others.
'I've seen him on the television, of course,' her mother was saying, 'but it's nothing like seeing him in the flesh.'
Which was the truth, as Judith was in a position to know better than most.
'Shall I make some tea, Mother?' she asked quickly, preferring occupation to sitting around discussing Rafael's personal magnetism.
'I'll do that,' said Mr Russell quickly. 'You sit here, darling, you look tired.'
And so say all of us, thought Judith. She must look like nothing on earth if the opinion was so unanimous, and she met a sympathetic gleam in Miss Gresham's eyes as she sat down again.
'Working you hard at the hospital, Judith?' she asked kindly.
'Much the same as usual. I enjoy it—well, mostly anyway.' Judith avoided her mother's bright, astute look, and turned the conversation to the future of the newlyweds, even insinuating a thought about possible grandchildren, which was an inspired move, as both ladies found the subject fascinating in the extreme, allowing Judith to sit back and drink the tea her father brought in without having to contribute more than an occasional remark here and there.
Judith was unable to escape the inevitable inquisition, however. The moment Dan Russell drove off to Chepstow with Miss Gresham Kate fixed her daughter with a relentless eye.
'Are you in love with Rafael David, Judith?'
For a moment Judith toyed with the idea of denying it, but decided against it. Her mother would ferret the truth out in the end.
'Yes, Mother, I'm afraid I am. Me and countless other members of my sex, I imagine, so don't go making mountains out of molehills.'
Kate Russell put out a hand to touch her daughter's flushed cheek.
'Are you unhappy, darling?'
Judith nodded.
'But I'll get over it in time. It hasn't happened before for me—I'm a bit late with my first real crush, aren't I?' She smiled valiantly and began to take the pins from her upswept hair. 'What you might call a late developer—romantically anyway. Pity I chose such a remote target for my girlish devotion, isn't it?'
'Is it true that he can't sing any more?' asked Mrs Russell.
'Yes. He says he's going to grow olives and—and write his memoirs,' said Judith, omitting the rest of Rafael's plans. 'Rather an adjustment for a man of his talent to make, isn't it?'
'Cruel, poor man. He's so marvellously attractive, too—but then I don't have to rub it in, do I? Judith— am I mistaken, or did I sense some kind of response in him, too?'
'I should think he responds to most reasonably attractive women, don't you?' said Judith evasively, and yawned. 'I must get some sleep if I'm to drive back tomorrow.'
'Have lunch first this time.'
'Yes, all right.'
'Judith?'
'Yes, Mother?'
'If it's any consolation, you really are much more than reasonably attractive.' Kate met her daughter's surprised look with a whimsical smile. in fact you looked ravishing today.'
'Why, Mother—' Touched, Judith kissed her mother's cheek. 'Of course, you could be prejudiced. What was it you used to say? "A toad is lovely in a duckling's eye".'
'How frightfully homespun! Are you sure I said that?'
'I don't know anyone else who comes out with little gems like that, I assure you!'
Living alone at Chantry Cottage took some getting used to at first. For days after the wedding Judith was taut with a feeling of expectancy each evening after her return from the hospital. Her brain scoffed and told her Rafael had no intention of making contact, but her heart refused to listen and went on hoping, a hope that lessened as each day passed without a word. Finally the last flicker died and grimly Judith shut Rafael from her mind, her heart, from her entire life, along with the music he stood for, accepting finally that whatever they had once had together was over.
When Honor and Martin returned from their honeymoon, tanned and blissfully happy, things livened up somewhat for Judith. Martin was always involved in various activities in the town, with their related social
engagements, and made a point of including Judith in many of the invitations he and Honor received. Judith was very appreciative and sometimes accepted, sometimes refused, with no wish to intrude too much on the newlyweds, whose happiness was a little painful to witness now and then, contrasting only too vividly with the emptiness of her own life, however much she tried to fill it.
Sensitive to the unhappiness behind Judith's bravely smiling face Honor often came round to the cottage in the evenings on her own when Martin was occupied at some exclusively male function. One evening she was chatting with Judith over coffee when she suddenly looked up very squarely over her cup.
'And how are things with you, little sister? Truthfully, I mean.'
Caught off-guard, Judith smiled ruefully. 'All right. Mostly, anyway.'
'Do you find it lonely here in the cottage? Would you prefer to live somewhere else?' Honor's eyes were searching.
'No—really. I love it here. Living alone has its compensations,' said Judith cheerfully. 'I can mooch around in a dressing gown if I want, watch all the lowbrow stuff on television you don't like, and— and—'
'Brood?'
'No. I don't brood. Not any more.'
Honor looked unconvinced.
'Have you forgotten Rafael, then?' she asked bluntly.
Judith gave her a crooked little smile. 'I wouldn't go so far as to say that, sister dear,' she said lightly. 'Not the type of person one forgets easily, is he? Let's say I've learned to live with not forgetting him.'
'Are you still in love with him?
'I'm afraid so. Seems to be a difficult habit to break now I've begun—but I'm working on it.' Judith got up restlessly. 'Let's talk about something else.'
'All right,' said Honor promptly. 'How do you fancy being an aunt?'
Judith rounded on her, eyes wide with astonished delight.
'You mean—already? You're pregnant?'
'Not so much of the already,' said Honor, laughing. 'We've been married for over two months now; a honeymoon baby, to be a bit saccharine.'
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