“And with you, too.”
“Oh, she doesn’t like me.”
“She does now.”
“And you?” James asked. “Do you like me?”
“Of course I do.”
“Really, really like me?”
That was an odd thing to ask, and Nell was cautious. She didn’t intend to make her feelings known until James did. If he did. “What do you mean?”
“Oh, nothing. I was just hoping you would think I’m a grand fellow.”
“Anyone who brings together a mother and son has got to be swell.”
James grinned at her. “You are being careful. I intend you should like me a great deal. More than like.”
Nell shivered. She and James hadn’t known each other very long, not even three months, but sometimes it didn’t take long. She’d been attracted to James that very first day, and in just a short time, she had fallen in love with him. But of course, she couldn’t tell him so. He had to declare himself first. Was he asking her to?
He squeezed her arm and said, “We have done a good deed today. Are you as pleased as I am?”
“I am.”
“Then I believe we should celebrate. What say I take you to dinner at the Brown Palace Hotel? It is the finest place I know. And you are the finest girl that ever was.”
Her uniform was wrinkled and soiled, and she would have to change clothes first, Nell told him. She would meet him at the hotel later on.
“I won’t allow you to be away from me that long. I shall walk you home, and when you are ready, I’ll take you to the Brown.”
There was no reason he shouldn’t come with her, Nell decided. It was perfectly proper for a gentleman to wait in the sitting room of the boardinghouse while she changed her clothes. Nell had been reluctant to introduce James to Mrs. Bonner for fear she would gossip about him with Betty, but after what had happened that afternoon, Nell no longer feared Betty’s disapproval.
They walked along arm in arm, not in any hurry, stopping to smell honeysuckle that hung over a fence and then to admire the hollyhock dolls a ragged little girl was making. A sign in front of a cup read DOLL 1 CENT. It was empty.
James grinned and reached into his pocket. Just as he did, a well-dressed boy came up and handed the girl a nickel. Then he ran off before the girl could give him a doll.
“I should like to have a son as compassionate as that,” James remarked, after he dropped a coin into the cup.
Without knowing it, Nell tightened her hand on his arm. He would someday, she hoped.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Despite whatever Betty might have told her, Mrs. Bonner was charmed by James and sat with him while Nell slipped out of her uniform and donned a clean white dress.
“White is so becoming to you, so pure and fine,” James said when they were out on the street again. He had stepped behind her so that he walked next to the street in case a wagon splashed mud onto the sidewalk.
Nell shuddered at the word “pure,” wondering what James would think of her if she told him about Buddy. When she told him, she thought, for if he were interested in marriage, he would have to know. As much as she wanted to wed, needed to wed, Nell would not deceive a man who wanted her as his wife. James would be shocked, of course. He had called her pure. But she put such dark thoughts out of her mind. She was being presumptuous. She did not know that James would propose. If he did, she would worry then about the consequences.
When they reached the Brown Palace, James led her to one of the leather-covered chairs in the lobby while he headed to his room, saying he would change his collar and cuffs before he escorted her in to dinner. “You are staying here, then?” Nell asked, a little apprehensive.
“I prefer this hotel to all others, although I don’t always choose it. The customers I am seeing this trip like to come here,” he said, ignoring any hint of impropriety.
When she was alone, Nell studied her gloves for a minute, taking one off and straightening the fingers, then putting it back on. She had worn them to the Windsor and realized one was not quite clean. She rubbed at a speck of dirt on the back of it. She should have washed the gloves the night before. Mrs. Bonner had taught her the trick of washing her hands with her gloves on. It was far more effective than dipping the gloves into a basin of water.
After a time, Nell lifted her head and stared at the stained-glass lobby ceiling high above her. Then she studied the people, women in afternoon dresses, men in summer suits and soft collars. A man in a Stetson and boots stood at the cigar stand, his back to her, and for a moment, she imagined he was Buddy. But the man turned around, and Nell saw he was an old rancher whose face was etched from the sun. What if he had been Buddy? Would she have ignored him? Or maybe James would have come down just then, and she would have sent Buddy a triumphant look as she rose to meet her handsome friend. She smiled to think she had left Buddy in the past. He didn’t matter anymore. He was only a small ache, like a scratch on her heart, that didn’t hurt so much now that she cared about James.
“You’re smiling,” James said. Nell had not noticed his approach.
“I was just watching that rancher over there. Look at the way he walks. I think every cowboy must be a little bit bowlegged.”
“It’s good you rode sidesaddle, then.”
“Oh, but I didn’t,” Nell told him, thinking she liked being truthful about herself now. James ought to know who she really was.
He took her arm, and they rode the elevator to the dining room, with its stucco columns and onyx wainscoting, so different from the heaviness of the old Windsor Hotel. “Would you like a sherry—dry sherry, as I recall?”
Nell started to nod, then stopped. She might as well be honest. “I would rather have whiskey.”
“A shot?” James asked, surprised.
“No, a cocktail with whiskey in it.”
“Another habit from your cowboy days.”
Nell wasn’t sure that he approved.
“There aren’t a lot of ladies’ drinks on a ranch. It was whiskey or water.”
“And next you’ll want another cigarette?” James frowned.
“No, I’m really not so fond of tobacco. Just sometimes.”
“To show me you are independent, I think. I will have to get used to a lady who thinks for herself.”
“Do you not like it?” She hoped James didn’t think she’d gone too far. “Do you think I’m terribly fast?”
“No, I quite like it. You are just the right speed. I believe that … that incident in the café when I met you must have made you timid, and now you are yourself again. I think highly of a lady who can be unconventional.”
Nell glanced down at her hands. Sometimes James overwhelmed her. She couldn’t imagine with all the beautiful, stylish women he met—she’d seen the way women looked at him—that he cared for her. She stole a glance at him, thinking again how handsome he was, how lucky she was to be with him.
The waiter brought their drinks, giving Nell’s whiskey cocktail to James and his beer to Nell. She switched them around and saw the waiter glance at James out of the corner of his eye. “Madam,” he said, giving her a lady’s menu with no prices on it.
James raised his glass. “To mothers and sons,” he said after the waiter left.
“And to bringing them together,” Nell added.
“It was a fortunate coincidence, just like my meeting you.” They smiled at each other until James picked up his menu. “The quail is awfully good. I recommend it.”
“Then I shall have it.”
“You will let me make the decision? Good. I prefer a little independence in a woman, but not so much that a wife believes she should be in charge.”
Wife? Was James testing her? Nell shivered and didn’t answer.
“I would not want a wife who tried to instruct me,” he added.
Nor would she want a husband who would instruct her, Nell thought. James was not like that, however. She still said nothing.
“You didn’t reply,” Jam
es said.
“Are you testing me?” Nell asked. They were flirting, and she wanted to stop because it made her uncomfortable.
“Perhaps I am. You are full of contradictions, and I do not always understand them,” he said and turned to the menu.
Their suppers arrived, and they ate without talking. After the plates were cleared, James ordered a dessert. The waiter brought it on a cart and made a great to-do of pouring brandy over a cake and lighting it. Then the waiter set down tiny glasses of a golden liqueur. James raised his glass and caught Nell’s eye. She thought he would toast Betty and her son again, but instead, he said, “To us. To a long life for both of us. Together.”
Nell held her glass in the air, watching the reflection of the candles on the cut crystal. The liquid was the color of James’s eyes.
“You won’t drink to that?” James asked.
“I’m not sure what it means.”
“It means I just proposed. I just asked you to marry me.”
Nell’s hand shook, shook so hard that she had to set down the glass. “You’re asking me to marry you?”
“I know we haven’t known each other very long, but how long does it take to know you are in love?”
“With me?”
James laughed as he glanced around the room. “Who else?”
Nell was flustered. Of course she was thrilled. She had hoped James had fallen in love with her as she had with him. Still, she had supposed that even if he proposed, James would not do so this quickly.
“It has been such a good day that I thought we should top it off with a little excitement of our own. I want it to be a day you will remember for more than one reason.” He reached across the table for Nell’s hand. “I love you very much,” he said. “I want you for a wife, and I want us to have a family with very many children.”
Suddenly Nell’s eyes were wet, and James said, “I hope those are tears of happiness, that they mean you will say yes.”
“You don’t know me. There is so much I need to tell you before you will want me as a wife. Perhaps you will change your mind when you know.”
“You know I love you, and I believe you love me back. Does anything else matter?”
“I think it does.” Nell took a sip from the small glass. She had spilled a little of the liquid, and the stem of the glass was sticky.
“Then tell me,” he said. “I do not think anything could make me change my mind. But I do not want there to be secrets between us. If you think you must, then tell me about yourself.” He paused. “It does not matter if I am not the first man you have loved.” He grinned. “If that is the case, I will think only how lucky I am that I won you instead of the other fellow.”
James reached across the table and took the glass from Nell’s hand. “Tell me, dearest.”
He had never before used that term of endearment, and Nell closed her eyes for a moment. When she opened them, she said, “There was a man, a cowboy in New Mexico.” Across the room, someone dropped a glass that shattered on the floor, but Nell didn’t flinch. She didn’t even turn away but instead kept on staring at James. “I am not an innocent girl,” she said, and then she told James about Buddy, told him everything, about the night in the blizzard, how they had fought, and she had fled, and he had married another girl. And the aftermath of it all.
Sometime during the telling, James let go of Nell’s hand. He picked up his glass and drained it, and when the waiter appeared to ask if he wanted more, James waved him away without looking up. When Nell was finished speaking, finished telling her story, James stared at her for a long time. “Do you still love him?” he asked at last.
“No,” and Nell was sure then that she did not.
“You have forgotten him?”
“I will never forget him. But he is past. I no longer care about him.” She paused and added, “I haven’t since I met you.”
James smiled. His smile was warm, and it went into his eyes, which sparkled like the crystal glass in front of him. “I do not think you have told me anything that makes me change my mind about you. You are still very dear to me. I want to care for you and our children. So I ask you again, Nell, will you marry me?”
Nell felt a great surge of happiness. She had wanted a husband, and now she had found not only a man who wanted to marry her but one she could love wholeheartedly, a man who accepted her with all her faults and mistakes. Her heart was so full that she could barely murmur, “If you still want me, then I would be proud to marry you.”
James reached across the table for her hand and brought it to his lips. “My dearest love,” he said. “I want us to marry very soon.” Then he stood, and still holding Nell’s hand, he said, “Come.”
Nell thought he would take her home then. It had been a wonderful evening, a wonderful day, one she would remember all her life. They went into the hotel lobby, James holding Nell’s arm now. She turned toward the door, but he held her and nodded at the elevator. “Please,” he said. His dark eyes glistened, and Nell thought they were filled with tears. “I want to hold you in my arms. I don’t think your landlady would approve, and the café is not the place. Come with me.”
Nell knew what he was asking. He wanted more than just to hold her, and she demurred. “Not yet,” she said.
“I would have waited, but after what you told me … Is there any reason we should not express our love to each other now? You are so precious to me.”
Nell looked into his face. It was open, loving. He was right. What reason was there to wait? For a moment, she thought about the consequences. What if she conceived? But they would be married in weeks, days maybe. It didn’t matter. And she desired him, too. Suddenly she wanted to be in his arms. More than anything, she wanted him to hold her, to caress her, to whisper he loved her. She ached to have him touch her. She looked at him wistfully and then nodded.
James smiled and, gripping her arm, led her to the elevator and his room upstairs. “We will think of this as our wedding night,” he said.
* * *
She did not stay the night with James. Mrs. Bonner would be worried—and shocked—if she did not return to her room. So, late in the evening, they dressed, and they walked hand in hand through the dark streets to her boardinghouse. As they lingered under a gaslight near Nell’s front door, James held her close and whispered, “Oh, my dear. It was so much better than I’d imagined. Let us be married at once.”
Nell nodded and kissed him. She went inside and turned out the lamp that Mrs. Bonner had left burning. As she quietly climbed the stairs to her room, she thought how lucky she was to have found James. She shivered as she thought of what had happened between them. She undressed and lay in her own bed, unable to sleep. She remembered the warmth of James beside her on the cool, starched hotel sheets, the way his body fit hers, the joy that they brought each other. She knew James was a man she could love forever.
CHAPER EIGHTEEN
When James stopped at the café the next morning, he told Nell he would be gone for two weeks. He didn’t want to stay away that long, he said, but something had come up. He would be thinking of her every minute he was away, he promised. And although he wouldn’t be with her, he would send her an expression of his love.
Nell wondered if that meant she could expect flowers, or perhaps a piece of jewelry. But the package that arrived was large, and heavy. When she opened it, Nell found a length of China silk brocade, printed with violets. The fabric was very fine, and James intended it for Nell’s wedding dress. They would be married soon after he returned. They would not have a formal wedding, of course. Neither of them cared for that. They would be married by a judge with only Betty and Tom as attendants. And her grandparents, Nell said. She insisted they be there. James would be part of her family.
Nell ran her hand over the silk, which she knew was expensive, then crumpled it. When she released it, the silk was not wrinkled but held its shape. She had never stitched material so elegant and was reluctant to cut it. James had included a paper pattern for
a gown. There were pinpricks in the pattern, and Nell thought it must have come from a buyer at one of the stores that stocked James’s fabrics. The pattern might even have been for a dress used in a display. “If you don’t care for it, you must choose your own style,” he wrote in the note that accompanied the package. James had such wonderful taste, Nell thought. Nell loved the pattern and was pleased that James knew what style would flatter her.
Nell confided in Betty that James had proposed. Betty said she was happy for Nell, but she did not seem excited. She was distracted by Tom, Nell thought. Although mother and son were happy that they had been reunited, their relationship was shaky, and they were sometimes at odds. Betty remembered things that Tom had done, meannesses to both her and her daughter, and she told Nell she was sure that Tom, too, was dealing with conflicts from his boyhood. His father had told him so often that his mother didn’t love him that he found it difficult to accept her affection.
He often came into the café at closing, and he and Betty sat there talking until it was time for Tom to go to work. Sometimes as she cleaned up the kitchen, Nell heard their voices rise. Once Tom stomped out, but he came back a day or two later. Nell wondered what it would be like to meet a parent you thought was dead. After the initial joy, there would be disappointment, recriminations, most likely guilt. How did you connect with a mother or father you had not seen in years—or maybe ever? What excuses did you make, or truths reveal? Nell brooded over Betty’s situation, wishing she could say something to cheer her friend. But what? Betty and Tom had to work things out for themselves.
Nell wrote to her grandparents to tell them she would be married and wanted them to come to Denver for the ceremony, but they replied that they did not dare leave the farm that time of year. They suggested Nell visit them on her wedding trip, and she thought that was a grand idea.
She told Mrs. Bonner she was engaged, and the woman busied herself making nightgowns and underwear for the bride and helped Nell cut out the pieces for her wedding gown. The sewing machine needle was too harsh for the brocade James had sent. So in the evenings, she and Nell sat in the parlor, stitching the seams by hand, Nell thinking this would be the most beautiful wedding dress ever created.
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