GOLDEN DEEDS
Catherine Chidgey
VICTORIA UNIVERSITY PRESS
For my mother,
Pat Chidgey
Contents
Title Page
Dedication
18 October 1999
One Sunday morning …
In the north of New Zealand …
Eleven years after …
Every contact leaves …
Malcolm liked to …
The man didn’t have …
Summer had arrived …
15 November 1999
Patrick was hot …
This house is getting …
Someone was reading …
It didn’t take …
It was an accident …
Stories survive …
Patrick was the …
The man had left …
Malcolm wrapped the …
The man knew …
The night before …
I’m so glad …
‘I’ll be God.’
28 February 2000
Perhaps because there …
In the new house …
Colette had already …
In summer, at …
Ruth had tried …
When the detective …
Patrick’s mother had …
At the cemetery …
One Sunday after …
Losing a child was …
The man had …
‘The No. 115 Shipbuilding …
Malcolm looked out …
‘What are you doing?’ …
Colette reached inside …
In 1973, the very …
When Colette brought …
Colette could see …
‘I’m surprised …
The sheep and calves …
Colette couldn’t sleep …
‘Don’t overdo it,’ …
On the bench …
In the new part …
Acknowledgements
Copyright
18 October 1999
Dear Colette,
As you will have heard, Patrick is still in a serious condition in Saint Luke’s Hospital. While were able to visit him every day, were aware that many of his friends don’t live locally, so to keep you all up to date on his progress, we’ve decided to start this newsletter.
Were happy to report that his leg and his ribs are healing, and the bruising on his chest is much improved. The grafts on his arm are taking longer, but thanks to the wonderful surgeons here there shouldn’t be much scarring. At this stage, of course, Patrick is still unconscious, so one of our main objectives is to talk to him as much as possible. We’re asking all of his friends to send letters which can be read out to him, or tapes. If you do happen to be in the area, naturally you’re most welcome to visit him at Saint Luke’s.
When he returns home, Patrick will be facing a number of costs. To help meet these, we’ve established a bank account in his name, and any donations would be gratefully received.
So that we can provide you with regular updates on Patrick’s progress, please be sure to let us know if your contact details change. In the meantime, we hope you will help in any way you can.
With best wishes,
The Friends of Patrick Mercer
One Sunday morning in 1988, a bite was taken from the sun. Temperatures fell, the sky turned a deep, deep blue, bands of shadow raced across buildings and car-parks and fields, and the earth appeared to tremble. Under trees, tiny crescent suns sprinkled the ground like leaves. Birds fell silent, flowers closed and stars and planets appeared. On the horizon, the shadow of the moon approached like a storm. Then, for three minutes, there was total darkness.
Some people were afraid. They stayed inside, told their children not to look, warned of damage to the eyes, possible blindness. Others carefully turned their backs on the sun, pushed it through pinholes and caught it on pieces of card. Many, many more, however, watched the entire spectacle. They saw crumbs of light shining through the valleys of the moon and agreed that they resembled a string of pearls, and also, for just three seconds, a diamond ring. They witnessed plumes of orange and pink; wisps and streamers dancing from the dark disc of the moon. Some saw a small comet. This was something, they told one another, they would remember forever.
The eclipse had been selling newspapers for weeks. Experts had charted the heavens, calculated optimum viewing times and locations. International airlines offered package deals to the southern hemisphere, to Australia or New Zealand, where motels and hotels were filling fast. Anxious ophthalmologists had cautioned against watching through binoculars, sunglasses, smoked glass or exposed film. They had provided the press with photographs of damaged retinas which, unfortunately, resembled the moon, and only fuelled enthusiasm. Street vendors sold eclipse T-shirts; lunch-hour prophets distributed warnings; school pupils drew crayon eclipses, visited the planetarium, fashioned hollow suns from wire and wet newspaper. On the Sunday morning in question, in suitably positioned countries, the streets were full of people clutching maps of the sky and looking up, as if searching for something they had lost. Some met their neighbours for the first time. There was even interest from those who usually ignored the movement of clouds, the moon’s changing profile. After all, they remarked to family members whom they also usually ignored, there wouldn’t be another chance for seventy-two years.
In the northern hemisphere, half a world away, Patrick Mercer went to his sitting room late at night and turned on the television. The screen was filled with people looking at the sky, waiting for something to happen. Flashes from inadequate cameras dappled the crowds like lightning. Some groups were chanting rugby songs, urging the moon to advance. An announcer identified First Contact, Second Contact, Baily’s Beads, the Diamond Ring.
Patrick watched the eclipse with Rosemary, to whom he was still married, and wished he was somewhere else. For weeks he had been trying to interest his wife in it, bringing home books and articles for her, telling her how ancient Norse tribes had believed a wolf was devouring the sun, how Siberians blamed vampires for its disappearance, how the Aztecs made sacrifices to Xolotl, the sun’s assistant, how the Chippewa Indians fired flaming arrows to rekindle the light. He had explained to her the derivation of the word eclipse; that it came from the Greek for abandonment. Against museum rules, he had even brought home a tenth-century manuscript containing an illustration of an eclipse, its inky dimensions filling the parchment sky. The drawing held no fascination for Rosemary, though, and Patrick had to admit that she was right, it could have been anything: a spiky flower, an eyeball, a virus. He didn’t raise his voice. He was patient with her; she was going through the change and was not, she said, herself. Perhaps, he suggested in a quiet voice, they should take a holiday, fly to New Zealand to see the eclipse. But Rosemary said don’t be silly, we can’t travel halfway round the world just for that, and besides, they both knew what happened when Patrick went to New Zealand. And so they watched it on television, and Rosemary kept butting in with questions and comments even though Patrick had asked her to be quiet, just for a few minutes, please.
‘Would you call that black or blue?’ she said as they sat on their narrow sofa, ‘the colour of the sky?’ For fifteen years she’d made a point of asking irrelevant questions: do you think I’m fat, why won’t you talk to me, do you love me. ‘It’s like my blazer, isn’t it?’ she went on. ‘My Hedley’s blazer. It looked black in the shop, but when I got it home it was navy blue. I could only tell when I held it against something black, but I wanted to wear it with my black trousers and it just looked wrong, do you remember, and they wouldn’t give me
a refund.’
‘In the Middle Ages,’ Patrick said without shifting his eyes from the screen, ‘eclipses were portents of doom.’
‘I never wear that blazer now,’ said Rosemary. ‘It was a complete waste of money’
The following morning, Patrick left her. He packed a few things together while she was at church, left a note anchored to the hall table with one of her ikebana arrangements. It was Rosemary’s new hobby, and the house was littered with austere branches poked into green florist’s foam.
‘Less is more,’ she had told him, arranging two willow twigs so they curled like the fingers of a crone. Ikebana, she said, ramming a stem of orchids, was influenced by Zen Buddhism. It saw beauty in imperfection, impermanence. Flawless blooms were contrasted with rough stones, say, or pieces of decaying matter that served as reminders of the briefness and harshness of life. Rosemary’s last hobby had been patchwork; she’d made a quilt out of old dresses and cushion covers and scraps of curtain. She said it was a way of stitching her memories together. A kind of album. Before that it had been découpage: shreds of paper all over the sitting room like confetti. And before that, bonsai. She had given Patrick a tree to keep on his desk at the museum; a tiny, stunted maple that made him feel monstrous. He never watered it.
His bag was so light he could hardly feel it on his shoulder; it flapped like a perished balloon. He would collect the rest of his things when he’d found a place of his own. Or, maybe, he would leave them for Rosemary to give away, as if he had died. He unlocked the glass cabinet in the sitting room and took out the manuscript. It was the only thing of any real value that he owned. The only thing of any weight. The instructions it contained were eight hundred years old, and to Patrick they were as resonant as any of his wife’s nightly prayers. He loved the detail, the advice on making ink, on grinding gold for the illumination of letters and figures, on tempering pigments with all manner of strange ingredients. He opened the clasp, found one of his favourite entries. To acquire command of hand in using the stylus, begin to draw with it from a copy as freely as you can, and so lightly that you can scarcely see what you have begun to do, deepening your strokes little by little, and going over them repeatedly to make the shadows. Where you would make it darkest go over it many times; and, on the contrary, make but few touches on the lights. And you must be guided by the light of the sun, and the light of your eye, and your hand; and without these three things you can do nothing properly.
Patrick shut the cabinet door, felt the lock click into place. His fingers left prints on the glass. It was as if there had been a burglary. He thought of the legend of Saint Columba, who had gained access to Saint Finnian’s book of psalms and copied them without permission. He imagined Columba going to the church and beginning at the beginning, transcribing the manuscript letter by letter in his own hand, slowly filling vellum pages with the word of God. Perhaps his neck had ached, perhaps his back had grown stiff, but he had not stopped writing. Columba was untroubled by his conscience; Finnian could keep the original, and besides, the Word belonged to everybody. As night gathered, the church had grown darker and darker. God tolerates certain crimes if the intention is good, Columba may have told himself, squinting in the fading light, leaning in close to the pages. Maybe his nose wrinkled at the scent of calfskin, the sharp tug of the ink. He continued to write, and when he could no longer see, his fingers began to shine like candles, and the church filled with light.
Patrick decided to go to the museum while he thought about where to stay. He would sit at his desk, contemplate the dwarf maple in its shallow dish. If he had been on the other side of the world a few hours ago, if he had been standing under a tree—perhaps a maple, perhaps not—the ground would have been covered with thousands of hooked suns, the shadowy letter C repeated over and over at his feet. Yesterday’s newspaper was still open on the table, the entertainment page dominated by promises of eclipse broadcasts. Coverage, they assured him, would be complete. They didn’t mention how disappointing it would be on a television screen. They didn’t say how little of the magic could be caught in a twenty-inch horizon. He should have ignored Rosemary, he thought, and gone to New Zealand on his own. He could have made it a holiday. He had contacts there.
Patrick slipped the eight hundred-year-old manuscript inside a soft pillowcase and zipped it into his bag. The obvious solution, of course, was to stay with his mother. That was what people did when they left their spouses. They went home to gravy still made the same way, towels folded four times, not three, hot-water bottles in knitted covers, tea brewed in the pot. They slept in single beds and heard noises they had all but forgotten: familiar clocks ticking, familiar trees knocking on the window, certain taps gushing, certain pipes groaning with pressure. There were antimacassars, doilies, telephones that rang rather than trilled. There were pieces of sultana cake, soft-boiled eggs, toast cut into soldiers. And years were erased.
Perhaps, he thought as he climbed into his car, he would stay at the museum for a night or two. Nobody would know. He could wash in any number of bathrooms, creep along the corridors in bare feet, his toes silent on cool wood. He could read by torchlight, eat peaches straight from the tin. And, when it was late, he could curl up in the sweet-smelling manuscripts room, a book for his pillow.
In the north of New Zealand was a hill overlooking the sea. Tourists called it a mountain, but to the locals, who didn’t like to boast, it was a hill. The lower slopes were covered with bush, and children were discouraged from exploring it alone even though, as far as anyone knew, nothing dreadful had ever happened there. On top of the hill was a wind turbine. Erected as an experiment, there was a plaque at its base—the kind seen beneath trees planted for the dead—announcing that it provided enough electricity for seventy average households. On the morning of the 1988 eclipse, the hill was covered with mountain-bikers and secretaries and tourists and teachers and management consultants and children and lovers who sat and gazed up and up, and listened to the blades of the turbine churning the sky, demanding look, look, look.
Laura Pearse was there. Her parents were too busy to take her, but she had her own car and no brothers or sisters. She was used to doing things alone.
‘I’m driving up to the wind turbine,’ she told her mother at breakfast.
Ruth glanced up from the newspaper. ‘You’ll never get a park,’ she said. ‘I’d catch the bus, if I were you.’
Laura sighed. ‘Why did you buy me the Mini if I’m never allowed to use it?’
‘You’re allowed to use it, love, of course you are. All I’m saying is there won’t be anywhere to park today.’
Laura blew on her tea, glanced at her watch.
‘Who else is going?’ said Ruth.
Laura sighed again. ‘Joshua has to work, but I’m meeting him afterwards for tennis, and then we’re going for lunch, okay?’
‘Remember not to look directly at it.’
‘My lunch?’
‘You know what I mean.’
Laura spread her toast with jam, right out to the edges. ‘I can’t believe you and Dad aren’t going. You won’t see another one, you know, not a total one. You’ll be dead by then.’
‘Well,’ said Ruth, ‘I’m sure you can tell us all about it.’ She went back to her newspaper. She knew better than to push her daughter to converse; Laura never offered details of her life if she was prodded and questioned.
‘Why do you have to know everything about me?’ she’d sometimes demand. Other times she’d pretend she was being interrogated by the police when Ruth asked her about school, or tennis, or Joshua, or her weekend. ‘There were around twenty youths present at the party, officer,’ she’d answer. ‘Some were behaving in a disorderly fashion. It is my belief that several were enjoying themselves.’
‘She’s just being fifteen,’ said Malcolm. ‘Fifteen-year-olds are meant to loathe their parents.’
The thing was, Ruth thought, Laura wasn’t like that with him. ‘It’ll be cold up there,’ she said now. ‘Have
you got a jacket?’
Laura rolled her eyes, bit into her blackberry toast. The jam dripped all over the tablecloth, but Ruth kept reading her paper. And soon, before she was past the front page, Laura had finished her breakfast and was swinging her satchel over her shoulder and grabbing the keys for her rusting Mini, and then she was gone.
Things could change in a flash, Ruth knew. Fortunes, reputations could be lost in the space of a breath. Lives could change or end. A car could skid on a black spot, a child could be drawn to a lonely place, names could be signed, buttons pressed, switches thrown. And only then did details become important.
‘Three days have passed,’ she said. ‘Anything could have happened by now.’
‘Teenagers run away all the time,’ said the policeman. ‘You’d be amazed how many do.’
Ruth described to him what Laura had been wearing that Sunday morning. ‘The jersey was similar to her school one,’ she said, staring out the window, ‘although she hates the Westlake uniform. She’s taken the skirt up as much as she can get away with, all the girls do, well most of them do. The blazers you can ‘t alter so much. Red’s never been her colour, she can’t wait to get to seventh form. They get to wear what they want in seventh form.’ As she talked she was aware of the speed of her voice, the way the words tumbled out of her, the useless, cheerful detail she was releasing. And although she spoke to the window, expecting to see Laura pull up the drive at any moment, out of the corner of her eye she could see the policeman writing things in his notebook while his partner, a young policewoman, stood in front of the fireplace and scanned the lounge. The policeman listened and nodded and wrote, so Ruth kept going, but the whole time she was addressing the window, Malcolm sat silent on the couch, his face blurry, as colourless as water.
No, Ruth said in her airy new voice, Laura was not the sort of girl who would take off without telling anyone. She had a game of tennis organised, and she’d never skip that. She’d certainly never pick up hitch-hikers, she had no unsavoury friends and no problems at school.
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