With the corners of my lips pulling up into a smile, I nod. “Yeah. Dinner sounds good.”
When Lyle said the pizza joint was right down the road, he meant within walking distance. My hands rub up and down my arms in an attempt to ward off the chill the late December air brings with it. The days are nice out, not too cold or too hot, just right. But when dusk hits, the cold starts to creep in.
On our way back from the beach, we stopped by my car so that I could get a jacket and put my towel away. No words were exchanged, and it hurt my heart a little. That was one of the things I liked about Lyle. Things were always easy between us. We didn’t have to speak and we were completely content. Being able to laugh about any and everything was another thing that just came natural to us, but things have changed. He fell for me and I let him go. I had already given my heart to someone else and there was nothing I could do to change that. Maybe if I hadn’t met Riley first things would have ended differently between Lyle and me, but I didn’t.
As we approach the restaurant, I see the words Sailor’s Pizza in black, block letters, painted above the door Lyle holds open for me. Pictures hang on the walls around the small shop. Some are of fishermen holding their catch of the day, proud smiles spread across their faces. Others are of the local Pirate Parade that happens every year here on Tybee Island. Tables with red and white checkered tablecloths and black cushioned chairs line the walls. The floor in the main dining area is blanketed with red worn carpet. Hints of oregano spiced pizza sauce, and the scent of other subtle herbs I can’t decipher, waft through the air. It smells so good, and my stomach grumbles from hunger. Lyle looks at me as I look at him and we both laugh.
“I know it doesn’t look like much, but I promise the pizza is one of the best on the island, but I’m sure your stomach already thinks the same thing.” Lyle laughs.
We order our pizza and get our drinks. My back stiffens slightly when Lyle places his hand on my lower back as he leads me to a table in the back of the restaurant.
I take a deep breath and let it out slowly as we take our seats, and I ask the one question I’ve been waiting to ask. “Is this as weird for you as it is for me?”
Lyle blows out a deep breath. It seems like he’s been holding it in for a while, and a nervous laugh escapes his lips. “You feel that too, huh?”
“Yeah.” I nod. “I don’t like it,” I answer honestly as I look up at him through my lashes. Lyle looks at me quizzically so I continue. “One of the things I loved about us was how easy it was between you and me. Not once did I ever feel like I had to walk on eggshells around you.”
He looks at me for a moment, confusion marring his handsome features, and his fingers drum against the wooden tabletop. “You had to know that if we eventually ran into each other, it would be a little awkward. I know we only went on one date, but it still feels like running into an old girlfriend you haven’t seen in ages. And I don’t mean to make you feel like that,” he says as he stops the drumming and adjusts in his seat. “And you’re right. Things were easy between us, but I’m kind of at a loss as to what to do now. I haven’t seen you since the day you walked out of my office. I’ve spoken to you maybe twice since then.” Lyle slides forward, propping his elbows on the table, his fingers steepled beneath his chin. “Albeit short conversations. So, please, tell me what am I supposed to make of it?” he asks.
And therein lies the problem. Me. When I chose to make things work with Riley, to fix our problems, to fix us, that became my sole focus. Everyone who cared about me, my wellbeing, I placed on the back burner, Lyle included.
I look out the window to my right. Couples pass by, holding hands, laughing with one another. A group of teenage boys, with their hats on backward, smiles on their faces, and this over aura like they own the place, skateboard in the middle of the street. A couple of streetlights are already lit and they cast a soft orange glow against the old stone buildings. “You’re right. You really can’t call me a friend when I haven’t earned that title. But you didn’t really try to contact me either,” I point out.
“I know, and I had my reasons as to why I didn’t.” An underlying hint of anger leaks into his tone, his lips twist up, and a scowl line creases the middle of his forehead.
Riley’s words ring loud and clear in my head from months ago.
“He’s in love with you, and either you don’t know it, or you don’t want to admit it.”
For the first time, I’m starting to think he was right, and I’m not sure what to do about it. Thankfully, a waitress comes to our table and deposits our pizza. A deep breath I didn’t even know I was holding escapes me. Lyle dishes our slices, and I want to tell him I can make my own plate, that it’s not necessary, but I don’t. The tension between us is already palpable enough.
He places my plate in front of me. “Thanks,” I say and he nods in return.
My stomach twists with nervousness and I know I won’t be able to eat until we get this, whatever this is, sorted out. “Look can we please just start over?” I take a deep breath, our eyes connecting from across our pizza, and let it out before continuing. “I’m sorry for everything, but I love Riley. That is something I can’t and won’t apologize for. I hope you can understand that or at least come to terms with it.”
“But how after everything he put you through, Kelsey. I just… I don’t understand,” he argues. Lyle reaches up and rubs at the back of his neck as he looks up as he grimaces in confusion.
“I know you don’t.” I sigh, looking at the pizza in front of me, then back up at him. “Riley and I both did damage to each other, Lyle. I wasn’t innocent either. But sometimes you have to go through the lowest of lows in order to come out stronger on the other end, and we have. Riley and I are so much stronger now than we were in the beginning.” I reach across the table when I see him wince from my words and place my hand on top of his in comfort. “I’m not saying these things to rub them in your face. You were there for me during the lowest point of my life, and I will never be able to repay you for that. I began to heal and find myself again because of you.”
Lyle looks away from me and asks, his voice soft and low, “If you had never met him, do you think things would have been different between us?”
I lean back in my chair, removing my hand from over his, and he looks at me. “I don’t know.” I shrug and give him a sad smile. “I was a different person than the first time we met. I’m a different person now. That’s not a question I can answer fairly.” One of my shoulders lifts in a shrug, and I whisper, “But I know that I miss my friend.”
Lyle’s lips purse and he looks deep in thought before he finally speaks. “I miss you too, and if you’re willing to start over, then let’s do it. And thank you for being honest with me.”
“It wasn’t easy. Trust me.” I chuckle, relief coursing through my veins. “I don’t want to hurt you, but I won’t lie to you either.”
Lyle lifts his slice of pizza and salutes me before taking a bite. “Here’s to fresh starts and friends,” he says with his mouth full, and it makes me laugh.
♥
“You did not?” I laugh and lean forward completely enthralled by his story. Lyle and I finished our pizza a while ago, and we’ve been catching up. We’ve laughed and talked, and God, it feels good to be around him again. If anyone could ever be capable of taking my mind off Riley and this deployment, it’s Lyle.
“You should have seen my brothers’ faces. It was priceless.” He laughs as he recalls a fond memory from his college days.
With my arms folded in front of me on the table, I lean forward and ask, “How did you find out about the prank?”
“I came in through the back door of the fraternity house. They didn’t even know I was there. I overheard them talking about spreading lube on my sheets and remaking my bed so I’d never know until I actually got in, so I flipped it around on them.”
“Did you do it to everyone in the house?” My eyes widen and my cheeks hurt from smiling so much as I await
his answer.
Lyle’s eyes dance with mischief as he leans back in his chair and nods. “Yep. What makes it even better is I refused to leave the house the whole day so I could keep an eye on my bed.”
My imagination runs wild. I could just see a bunch of drunk guys bringing their women home for the best night of their lives. They fall into bed only to be surprised there’s lube all over the sheets. Feminine screams sound out throughout the house while men yelling obscenities bounces off the walls. A stitch in the side of my stomach forms from laughing so hard. Tears blur my vision, and even though I wipe them away, they come back.
“Oh my God,” I gasp. “I bet they were pissed.”
Lyle drapes one arm over the empty chair next to him as he laughs with me. “The guys were yelling, and, well, let’s just say I saw some parts of the guys’ girlfriends I shouldn’t have seen.” He hunches over in laughter.
I’m vaguely aware of my phone going off, but I decide to ignore it. To my surprise, I am having fun. It feels so good to just let go and breathe. I’ve been so focused on how much I miss Riley and worrying about him that I’ve lost a part of myself along the way.
I look out the window. A starry night sky shines down, casting its shadows amongst the buildings in its wake, and as much as I want to continue to hang out with Lyle, I know it’s time for me to go home. “Well, I should get going. But thank you for dinner.”
“You’re welcome.” Lyle looks out the window before his eyes find me again. “And we probably should get going. You have a further drive than I do, and now it’s dark.”
“My drive’s even further now. I moved,” I state, turning my gaze away from his.
“You live with him now, huh?” I can hear the bitterness in his tone, but I decide to dismiss it.
I nod. “As of a few days ago.”
“It was bound to happen anyway,” Lyle says defeated, his shoulders slumped forward.
Rising out of my seat, Lyle follows suit as we make our way out of the building. We paid our bill earlier in the evening so that way we could leave whenever we felt like it. “It would have happened eventually, yes.”
“Do you mind if I walk you to your car? It’s getting late and it’s dark…” he rambles.
“Sure,” I answer, cutting him off.
We’re quiet as we walk down the street and across the parking lot to my car. I unlock and open the driver’s side door before turning to look up at him. Shards of pain lance through my heart at the tortured look on his face, but I know there is nothing I can do about it. Nothing I can say will make this easier for him and I understand that. In time, he will move on and when he does, he will find a woman worthy of his time, his smiles, his touch, his love. Unfortunately, I’m just not that woman.
I reach out and grab a hold of his arm, gaining his attention. “Thank you for dinner and for hanging out with me,” I say softly.
Before I know what’s happening, Lyle’s arms are wrapped around me, hugging me tightly to his chest. Confusion holds me paralyzed. A part of me wants to hug him back, but another part of me tells me not to. I don’t want to lead him on and I feel like if I return his affection that will be exactly what I’m doing. Tentatively, I reach up and awkwardly pat his back before he releases me.
“Take care, Kelsey,” he says as he takes a step back and away from me. “And if you ever need anything you know how to get in touch with me.”
“You too.” I smile at him. “And thanks, again,” I whisper before getting in my car and driving off.
My phone rings as soon as I pull onto the main road leading back to my house.
“Hello,” I answer without even looking at the caller id, putting the phone on speakerphone.
“Hey babe. I tried calling you earlier.” Riley’s voice travels through the speaker on my phone.
“Oh. I heard it ringing, but I was out at dinner. How are you calling me?” I ask, confused. We’ve only video chatted, so his calling throws me off.
“MagicJack. It’s a phone service out here that I got.”
“Oh… okay.”
“But I’m glad you’re taking my advice. Getting out, doing things.” I can hear the smile in his voice and the honesty behind his words. He really does want me to be happy even though he’s gone.
“Yeah, it was fun.” I’m not lying to him. It was fun once Lyle and I got past the awkwardness. My stomach drops and I know he’s going to ask whom I went to dinner with. I just pray it won’t turn into an argument.
“So, who did you go with? Jen? Candace?” he asks.
Right now, I know I could lie, keep it from him, but I don’t want there to be any barriers between us. Not like before. Not ever again.
I take a deep breath and prepare to face his rage. “It was Lyle.” As soon as Lyle’s name slips past my lips, Riley goes dead silent.
“Don’t be angry. Please?” I plead. “I was at the beach, enjoying the day and he was running. I didn’t even see him, he saw me first,” I explain in hopes that he’ll understand that I didn’t seek out Lyle.
“Why?” he asks. “Why would you go to dinner with him?” I can hear the displeasure in his tone. “Out of all people, him.” He says ‘him’ like there’s acid in his mouth.
“Because he asked me to dinner, Riley. It’s not like we went somewhere romantic or anything. We had pizza.” I chuckle lightly, hoping that he’ll see it really was no big deal.
“I don’t care if the two of you went to fucking McDonalds, Kelsey. It’s the damn principal. I can understand the two of you running into each other. It happens. I get that. He was, hell, he is probably still in love with you.” As if I was a small child, he chastises me.
There’s nothing I can say to placate him. He’s right, this time. He was right, back then too. I didn’t want to believe it because I didn’t love Lyle. I still don’t love Lyle. I care about him as one human being to another. My heart has only belonged to one person and that’s the angry giant I am arguing with right now.
“I’m sorry.” I say the words quietly. I’m not sure if he heard me or not because he’s silent for what feels like minutes, but is probably only seconds.
“I don’t want you to be sorry. You have to put yourself in my shoes. You’re there, at home, and I’m here, thousands of miles away from you. If the roles were reversed and I had dinner with an ex of mine, how would you feel? Because, personally, I don’t think you’d be okay with that,” he huffs out, and I imagine his hands on his hips and him shaking his head in exasperation.
And just like that, I’m transported back to the past.
A tall blonde pulls at the hem of her shirt as she rights herself. My eyes feel like they are about to pop out as my mouth opens and shuts as if I’m about to say something. Smeared lipstick stains her cheeks, and I’m not sure who’s more shocked, her or me.
The way Riley looked when I fell to my knees in front of him. I can still see and feel it all.
His eyes are just as bloodshot as mine. The scent of whiskey seeps out of his pores. The evidence of lipstick runs down his neck, across his jaw, and on his lips.
An ache in my heart starts to form, and I remove one hand from the steering wheel to rub it away. But that was different. Yes, I was no angel when we were apart, but he never saw the proof of my indiscretions. He saw me at the club, dancing with Lyle, but he never witnessed me making out with someone or in the throes of passion. The ache in my heart begins to dissipate, and in its place, anger takes hold. Quite frankly, I’m pissed.
“You’re right. I wouldn’t be okay with it,” I agree. “But Lyle and I were friends before we ever went on our date. One date, Riley,” I emphasize. “That’s all it was. And don’t try to compare the friendship Lyle and I had, to you and your sluts. You never witnessed anything I did. Did you come to my house and find a man walking out of my front door? Did you see my neck all scratched up by some guy’s stubble? The answer is no. Yet here I am being reminded of what I saw between you and your floozy when I came to your house,” I seethe
. “So thank you for turning a nice day into shit for me.”
“You’re right, I didn’t see any proof of what you were doing, but what you had with Lyle was an emotional connection, which in my opinion is even worse. You can fuck some random stranger and it wouldn’t mean anything. I could do the same, but when emotions get involved, everything changes.” He sighs. “My point is, you may not have had a physical relationship with Lyle, but you did have an emotional connection with him. He saved you from a dark place, and I didn’t.” The defeat in his tone crushes my heart into a million shards, but he’s wrong. He saved me in a way Lyle couldn’t. He saved my heart.
Riley and I are the equivalent of a thunderstorm. It can be a beautiful, warm day. Not a single cloud in the sky. Without notice, the skies darken, the wind gusts, lightning lights up the sky, thunder cracks loud with enough force to rattle windows. Rain falls in waves, flooding the ground below and as quickly as it began, the wind calms, the skies clear, the rain dissipates, and it’s a beautiful day again. We love with everything within us, but we’re both strong willed, stubborn people. Neither of us likes to back down from the other, but eventually one of us concedes and all is right again.
Scavenge (Smoldering #1.5) Page 5