Ethan looks down at her hand on his arm and can no longer withstand his torment. Closing his eyes he whispers, “I’m going home. I think its best for me to be in Ireland.”
“When do you plan to leave?”
“Tomorrow.”
Olivia takes an anxious breath. “Okay. I’ll tie up the loose ends here and join you as soon as possible.”
“No.”
“No?”
Ethan’s jaws clench tightly, the nerve there beginning to tick. “You’re not getting it. I’m going home, alone. Without you.”
“You’re scaring me,” she says, beginning to get upset.
“That’s the problem, isn’t it?”
“What are you talking about? You’re not making any sense.”
“Last night,” he begins, trying to hold it together. “It was my fault that those memories flashed through your mind. I felt the fear run through you, I could see it in your eyes. You turned, and it was me that you saw. You believed that I was the monster. That I was capable of hurting you.”
“Stop it! Just stop it!” she begs. “I was confused.”
His voice becomes louder with his growing angst. “Because I lost control. It was my temper that triggered it.”
“Now wait a minute! Last night I was a willing participant. You are no monster, Ethan. You’re my savior,” she argues desperately. “Don’t you see that? His hands hurt me, your hands heal me.”
Ethan leans against the wall, his shoulders slouched. A dismal expression hides his beautiful smile. She’d give anything to see that boyish smile right now.
He does his best to hide that he’s dying inside. “I’ve made up my mind.”
Olivia grinds her teeth and feels her fists clench tightly. She’s pretty sure, from the dizziness she’s experiencing, that she’s been holding her breath. He’s made up his mind. It’s done. When the great Ethan O’Connell is resolved in a decision, there’s no undoing it. Heavy protective walls slide into place, guarding her fragile heart; shutting down her emotional process, kicking her into survival mode. She takes a breath and nods.
“Very well, then. What about the Hellcat?”
“Keep it. I’ll sign it over to you. It’s repaired and good as new.”
“The restaurant?”
“You can have that too. Brad will likely stay on and run things for you, if you want him to.”
She glares at him, determined not to cry. “And what about our baby? Are you going to give her to me, too?”
Ethan looks straight ahead with an impassive stare. “I’ll make sure that you’re both looked after.”
She swallows hard, holding in her despair. “The property in Ireland was a wedding gift. I’d like to keep it, so I can give it to our daughter one day.”
Ethan nods.
“Well then. I guess we have nothing else to discuss.” She drops his jacket from her shoulders and throws it at him. He grabs it, and rolls it into a ball. “Here,” she says, sliding her ring off her finger.
“I have no use for it. Keep it.”
“Pfft, why would I want it? It obviously means nothing.”
With a pained expression, he takes it from her and shoves it into his pocket. “I’ll have all your belongings moved to your place. I’m letting the house go.”
Olivia squeezes her hands into fists, holding back an angry barrage of things she’d really like to get off her chest right now. “It was nice knowing you, Ireland. Take care of yourself.”
She walks into the darkness, feeling like it’s a never-ending tunnel. When she gets to the corner she stops and turns to take one last glance at the only man she’ll ever love. Tormented, he slides down the wall and sits on the cold cement, his shoulders slumped forward, elbows on his knees, and his head in his hands.
She considers running back to him, grabbing him by the collar and shaking some sense into him. But it would be no use. He’s decided to walk the rest of this journey, alone. Now she understands what Eva was talking about. She tenses at the sound of squealing tires and the shift of gears.
When she walks back into the bar, the crowd parts and stares. She ignores their whispers and looks of concern.
“Oh my God!” Cindy says, crossing the room quickly. “Are you okay? Travis, get Ethan.”
“He just peeled out of here, like a bat out of hell,” Travis says, trying to reach her quickly.
“Well, get him on the phone!” Cindy yells.
Olivia stops, feeling disoriented. In a survival-induced fog, she looks down at her blood soaked pants. Pain grips her, causing her to cry out. Trembling, she reaches for the wall to steady herself.
“Somebody call her an ambulance!”
Chapter Twenty-Four
Olivia lay staring out the window, trying to ignore the conversation taking place just outside the door.
“Physically, she’s doing well, but she’s barely said two words to anyone since she’s been here.” She hears the nurse say.
The door opens and heavy footsteps make their way across the room. He sits on the side of her hospital bed, flipping the papers as he reads through her charts. Slowly she turns to look at him.
“How are you feeling today?”
“Why are you here?” she asks in a somber tone.
“Ethan thought it was best.”
“Did he come with you?”
He gives her a sympathetic look. “No, Olivia. He didn’t. He asked me to look after you, to make sure that you’re okay.”
She pauses, a mournful expression remaining on her face. Silently she turns and stares out the window again.
The door swings open startling him.
“Dr. Cameron, the nurse just told me that you’re here. I’m so sorry. I left to go shower and get changed,” she explains as she enters the room.
“It’s fine. I’ve only just got here. You’re Megan, I assume. Ethan told me that you’d be here.”
She makes her way to the side of Olivia’s bed and frowns. “It’s been three days. Can I take her home?”
“Not yet. I want to see for myself that she’s physically well enough. Ethan has demanded it.”
“Don’t you dare say that asshole’s name around my sister.”
Dave nods. “Sorry. I’m not entirely sure what happened. From the conversation I had with him, I read between the lines.”
“I had to put two and two together myself. He phoned and said I needed to be here, and now he’s not answering my calls. She won’t talk to me about it at all. The nurse said she hears her in here crying at night.”
“I’ll find out if there’s someone that she can talk to.”
“Dr. Cameron, I have to go home the day after tomorrow. Can I take my sister with me?”
“Please, call me Dave. I want to do a few more ultrasounds and run some tests, but my initial feeling is no. I think flying right now could be dangerous.”
“I don’t think she should be alone.”
“Nor do I.”
“For fuck’s sake,” Olivia complains, as she throws he covers off of herself and sits on the side of the bed. “I’m not in a fucking coma, you know. I can hear everything you’re saying.” She drags the IV pole along with her, across the room. “And I’m not going anywhere but to my own home, so you can all just fuck off and leave me alone.” She slams the bathroom door behind her.”
Megan looks at Dave with a shocked expression.
He writes something on the paper in front of him. “Well, I’d say that’s a good sign.”
“It is?”
“Yes, moving into anger is part of the process of emotional healing. I’m going to order some tests and see where she’s at physically.
The door opens and squeaky wheels drag across the floor. The noise grinds on her nerves. “I want off this thing,” she announces as she passes them.
“Then eat,” Dave advises in a stern voice. “You need to get your strength up.”
Megan helps her get back into bed.
“I’m sorry, Meg. I didn’t mean to
yell at you.”
Megan smiles and smoothes her sister’s hair away from her face. “It’s okay. You’ve had a rough couple of days.”
“No excuse for being a huge twatwaffle.” She pauses, looking sad. “That’s one of Ethan’s favorite words.”
Megan frowns. “Are you two…”
“Over,” Olivia finishes. She touches her barren ring finger and closes her eyes. A tear escapes and trickles down her cheek, despite her best effort to keep her emotions at bay.
Megan doesn’t ask any more questions. She doesn’t need to right now. She wraps her arms around her sister and holds her close. When a forced silence erupts into a hard sob, she holds her closer.
Dave gets to his feet and heads for the door. “I’ll go and get these tests booked.”
Megan sways her sister gently, trying to soothe her. Hard sobs slow to stuttered breaths.
“It’s all my fault, Meg.”
“What’s your fault?”
“It’s happening again. I’ve turned another man into a monster.”
Megan leans back, shocked. “You what? Now wait a minute, you are not responsible for Sam’s psychotic behavior. You didn’t make him a violent reject of society.” She holds her shoulders and squeezes them tightly. “How many times have I told you that?”
Olivia pulls her arm free and wipes her tears.
“Now, you’re going to tell me all about what happened with O’Connell. Then I’ll decide if I’m going to Ireland to kill him.”
An orderly comes in with a wheelchair, bouncing it off the doorframe and making a loud noise. The girls wipe away their tears and pull themselves together. Megan follows as Olivia is taken for tests. When they round the corner at the end of the hall, Dave is standing with his back to them on his phone. She hears part of the conversation as they approach.
“Emotionally, she’s a disaster, but you expected that. Physically, I need to do more tests. I’ll call you when I have the results.” He tucks his phone in his pocket and glances at Olivia as she passes. “See you, shortly.” He smiles.
She stands up to her thighs in the murky water.
“So dear I love him that with him,
All deaths I could endure.
Without him, live no life.”
She wanders in deeper. Numb from the cold. The pain.
Olivia opens her eyes. The sun shines brightly through the slotted opening of the blinds. She sits on the side of the bed, becoming tangled in the tubes and wires that hold her hostage. One by one she disconnects them, wincing as she pulls the IV from her arm. She dresses and waits out front for a cab.
It pulls into the lane behind her house and parks behind the cars in her driveway. She stares for a long time at the Hellcat parked beside the minivan that Ethan felt was an appropriate replacement for the Mustang.
“Miss?” The cab driver prompts.
“Uh, I’m sorry. Can you take me to a different address instead?”
“Of course.”
As he follows the GPS onto the dirt road to the country home, Olivia searches her wallet. All of her money and credit cards are gone, likely taken by an overprotective sister. Now what is she going to do? The lease sign comes into view as they near the property. Olivia’s heart retracts tightly. She has a thought and quickly unzips the external pocket on her purse. It’s still there: Ethan’s credit card. She hands it to the driver, praying that he hasn’t cancelled it. She’ll transfer the money into his account from her phone.
She stands at the door with the keys in her hand. Her heart throbs at the sight of the lockbox hanging on the knob. Taking a breath and holding it, she unlocks the door, expecting to find it vacant. Instead, everything is still there. The only thing missing is the picture of his sisters that sat proudly on the mantel.
So much has happened in the past six months; an emotional rollercoaster ride of past life and real time experiences. She remembers the night that Ethan told her that he believed they were soul mates, destined to be together. He had been searching for her in this life and knew the moment he saw her, that she was the one. Now look at where they are. Did the events of their past lives shape the paths and choices they made in this life, she wonders. If what Eva says is true, then it’s possible their destiny will always follow such a tragic fate line.
She wanders the rooms; every one brings back a memory of his love. Was it love for him? Was it just a romantic notion he needed to grasp onto, to hide from the realities of his life? She trusted him. Believed in him. The connection between them couldn’t be pretend. Walking into the bedroom, she picks up the t-shirt hanging over the back of the chair and holds it to her face, breathing in his cologne. Her heart twists and squeezes painfully, mourning the loss. She plops herself down onto the bed they shared, and climbs in under the covers; praying that this is all just a dream, and she’ll soon wake to find him with his arms wrapped around her. Holding his pillow to her chest, as if it’s an extension of his touch, she closes her eyes, desperately needing to feel that connection right now. Her eyes become heavy and she starts to drift off into sleep, pretending for the moment, that he’s there holding her.
“Olivia.”
She opens her eyes and blinks them rapidly, trying to focus at the massive silhouette standing at the doorway.
“Carter?”
He steps into the room. “Yes.”
“What are you doing here?”
“I came to stay with you. You’ve got a lot of people worried right now.”
She sits up, still holding on to the pillow. “How did you know where I was?”
“Ethan.”
She looks at him confused. “How could he possibly…” She closes her eyes. “Damn it. His credit card.”
Carter nods.
“Fuck. I don’t get it. He obviously doesn’t give a shit about me. So why send out the Australian hound dog?”
Carter raises a brow. “You don’t actually believe that, do you?”
She holds up her left hand and wiggles her fingers.
“Olivia, believe me when I tell you the man is in his own personal hell without you.”
“Save it, Carter. I don’t want to hear any more lies. I’m beginning to think that the news reports are true. I was just a way to escape from what’s going on in Ireland. An easy way to get Canadian citizenship.”
Anger crosses Carter’s face. “Get up.”
“What?”
“Get up, I want to show you something, downstairs.”
Nervous about his change in mood, she follows him and waits while he fires up his laptop.
“Here,” he says, getting to his feet. “Sit down, you look a little pale.”
Olivia stares at the screen. “What am I looking at, Carter?”
“A friend of mine is a photographer. Ethan hired her to take all the publicity photos at your last few corporate events.” Olivia scrolls through the pictures, still not understanding. “They look like good publicity photos, but I don’t get why you wanted me to see them.”
“That’s not what I wanted you to see. I was looking through them one night, and this particular photo album tagged Love caught my eye.” He leans over her and takes control of the mouse. Clicking on a folder, he opens the images.
She lets out a small gasp as the first picture explodes into view on the screen. It’s a close up shot of her, during a very private and intimate moment, when Ethan leaned in for a kiss. She remembers the exact moment, like it just happened. Ethan gets a hungered look on his face when he’s about to kiss her. One that confirms that he desires her with such exigency that he couldn’t exist another moment without touching her. That look sears straight through to her soul, every time.
She’d be hard pressed if she had to describe that expression to someone, but Carter’s friend has taken a close up shot of Ethan’s ardor at that exact moment, seconds before he lowered his mouth for a kiss. The angle of the shot perfectly reflects the inextinguishable desire in his eyes. The image has so beautifully captured his passion that it tak
es her breath away. Tears form in her eyes.
“How can you doubt that he loved you?” Carter asks. “And I don’t care what he told you a few nights ago, he still does.”
Her heart stops beating, wanting to believe that it’s true.
“Carter, he’s the one who left.”
“I know, and I can’t explain exactly why. He’s not telling me everything, just yet. But I’ve known O’Connell a long time. There’s nothing this world can throw at him, that he can’t handle. If he’s walked away, it’s because he doesn’t feel like there’s any other option. He’s doing what he thinks is best for you. He’s not thinking about himself or his own needs. That alone is proof.”
Olivia tosses and turns, unable to sleep. She stumbles down the hallway of Ethan’s home and stands at the doorway of the guest bedroom.
“Carter,” she whispers.
“What’s wrong?”
“I can’t settle. Can I stay in here with you?”
Carter hesitates, not sure if it’s a good idea. She moves to the side of the bed and stands waiting, illuminated by the moonlight through the window. “Please.”
Carter sighs and holds up the edge of the blanket. She climbs in beside him, her mind racing until she can’t stand it any longer. “Do you remember it?”
“Remember what?”
“The farm, the old schoolhouse, the cottage by the river.”
Carter stiffens beside her. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“I don’t believe you.” She snuggles in against his chest, making him tense even more. Moments pass before he relaxes and wraps his arm around her.
“I remember where I know those words from. So dear I love him that with him, All deaths I could endure. Without him, live no life.”
Carter places his lips on the top of her head. “It’s from Romeo and Juliet.”
“I was reading it before I walked into the ocean.”
“You left the book on the rocks, on the shore.”
“You pulled me out of the water.”
“Yes,” he admits quietly.
“Why? I had nothing left. I couldn’t bear to live without him.”
Indivisible Souls: Book 3 of the Bound4Ireland Series Page 25