‘Fine,’ she said. ‘Come by before you leave and I’ll have everything ready.’
‘Okay. Thanks.’
After he left, Susan went back to her work, but she couldn’t concentrate. She thought about the house next door being empty again. Life would return to the way it was before Michael arrived. She pictured the way it would be: Jamie would slide backwards and the two of them would remain locked in a frozen stalemate. A year, or maybe two, down the track would things have changed? Would she still be selling real estate, would she still be seeing Coop? The future seemed dismal and Susan wondered how her life had turned out like this.
CHAPTER 33
At night, Main Street was lit with colored lights, giving it a festive air. Michael parked across from the diner. Stalls that had been set up earlier in the day were closed for the night, but there were still a few families milling about eating hot dogs and getting ready to go home. Music came from Clancy’s back along the street, and in the other direction a banner outside the hotel announced the annual winter dance.
It was cold and Michael turned his collar up as he crossed the street. The bar door opened and the sound of music swelled and spilled with the light on to the street. Michael went in and bought a beer. The place was busy, but in the press of bodies and the noise of music and voices nobody paid him any attention. He found a table in the corner by the window. He thought about his conversation with Eleanor, and for the first time in as long as he could remember, Michael could think of his dad without feeling a turmoil of unresolved emotions.
‘Hey. Do you feel like company?’
He looked around at the sound of Rachel’s voice. ‘Hey, yourself. Can I get you a drink?’
‘Thanks, but I’m fine.’ She held up a glass. ‘I just came over with Alice, we work together at the store. Are you going to the dance?’
‘I don’t think so.’
‘You don’t know what you’re missing,’ she said with faint irony. ‘It’s the major event of the year.’
It was the first time Michael had seen her since the night they’d had dinner. ‘So how’ve you been?’
‘Okay. I gave my notice at work.’
‘You’re leaving?’
‘Finally, yes.’
‘What will you do?’
‘I’m going to take the kids and stay with my parents for a while until things get sorted out.’
‘I’m sorry.’
‘Don’t be. I should have done it a long time ago. How about you? I saw a sign in the store saying you were closed. I had the feeling it was permanent.’
‘It is.’
‘So you’re leaving too?’
‘Next week.’
‘I’m glad I ran into you then. I wanted to say thanks.’
‘For what?’
Rachel hesitated. ‘For being what I needed. That night at your house, I think I wanted something to happen, you know? But if it had I don’t think it would’ve been the right thing, do you?’
‘Probably not,’ he agreed.
She nodded, a mix of emotions in her expression. ‘It would’ve been nice though. So where are you going to go?’
‘I haven’t decided yet.’
‘Did you find what you were looking for here?’
Michael thought about that. ‘I think I did, yes.’
‘I’m glad.’ Rachel looked back across the bar to where her friend was talking to a group of people. ‘I should probably get back.’ She hesitated. ‘That night…’ she began, and faltered. ‘When I woke up, you were out on the porch…. I thought I saw somebody else out there.’
‘I didn’t see anyone.’
She regarded him skeptically. ‘Come on. Susan Baker’s your neighbor isn’t she? Haven’t you been spending time with her little boy? I heard someone say they saw you up in the mountains with your falcon.’
‘Jamie was helping me.’
‘So you must have got to know Susan?’
‘Not really,’ Michael said and he realized it was true. He really didn’t know her at all.
‘Well, it’s none of my business anyway.’ Rachel leaned over and quickly kissed him. ‘Good luck then.’
‘And to you.’
***
Coop waited at the station house for Miller to arrive. He was sitting at his desk holding a small velvet box that contained a ring he’d inherited from his mother. He opened the lid, turning the box to catch the light. The ring was a solitaire diamond.
At that moment it was just a piece of jewelry, but with a few words it could change his life. He tried to imagine how he would feel if Susan were to wear it. He thought it was a strange thing that the sum of all his hopes could be represented by something so small. As the door opened he flicked the box and palmed it into his pocket.
‘Sorry I’m late,’ Miller said.
‘No problem.’ Coop got to his feet. ‘I’m going to go home and get myself changed before I go over to the hotel. Everything quiet out there?’
‘At the moment.’
‘Yeah, well, I doubt it’ll stay that way. Just keep an eye on Clancy’s. I saw some guys in there earlier drinking like they hadn’t seen beer for a year.’
‘You think there’ll be trouble?’
‘If there is you know where I am.’
‘Sure, Coop. Have a good night.’
‘Thanks.’ He paused at the door. ‘Listen, Miller, don’t come for me unless it’s urgent, okay?’
‘Okay.’
As Coop drove home, Susan turned the corner in her Ford on her way to the hotel where he’d arranged to meet her, though she didn’t see him. He just caught a glimpse of her, with her hair falling around her shoulders, and it made his heart jump. He kept going, pondering in a bemused fashion the fact that he was nervous. He felt like a school-kid working up the nerve to ask for his first date, only magnified about a thousand times.
When he reached his house he turned on the light in the kitchen and got a bottle of bourbon out of the cupboard. Pouring himself a small measure he drank it back in one swallow before he went through to the bathroom and turned on the shower.
***
Susan sat in her car outside the hotel, trying to muster the will to go inside. People were arriving all the time, husbands wearing suits, and their wives with their hair done and make-up applied with more care than they’d probably taken since the dance the previous year. Susan looked down at the simple blue dress she’d bought years ago and worn maybe half a dozen times. She glanced at the time and thought Coop would be along soon, and then she thought about Michael, and wondered what he was doing.
Up and down Main Street colored lights swung on their lines in the breeze. A couple walked by, and when they saw her they waved. It was Sally Crane and her husband John. They had a boy and a girl whose faces Susan could clearly picture, and if she thought hard enough she would probably be able to remember their names. She didn’t know whether such familiarity was comforting, or whether it was oppressing. The news that Michael was leaving had unsettled her.
Susan decided it was time she made some decisions in her life. It was time to snap out of the lethargy she’d allowed to overtake her. She had been waiting for something to happen, for Jamie to start talking and facing up to what happened to his dad. Spending time with Michael and his falcon had started to change him, but she was afraid he would slip back again now that Michael and the falcon would soon be gone. She didn’t want to return to the status quo. It occurred to her she had to commit to Little River and their lives there, which meant making some changes, or else she and Jamie had to leave and start again somewhere new.
With these thoughts on her mind she got out of her car and crossed the street to the hotel. Inside, she saw Linda and Pete across the crowded room and made her way toward them, thinking that tonight she may as well begin the way she meant to continue and have a good time.
By the time Coop arrived, Susan was on her second glass of wine and was actually enjoying herself.
***
Coop k
new that people were watching them dance. He’d never seen Susan look more beautiful. Her hair shone in the light, and as they danced he could smell her perfume and feel her body moving against his, and he felt like he was on top of the world. He enjoyed the good-natured glances of envy from guys he knew. As he held Susan and they danced to a slow Luke Bryan number, Coop’s hand rose high on her waist and brushed the cool flesh of her back. He allowed his fingers to rest there momentarily against the ridge of her spine, and at his touch she looked at him and smiled. The words almost fell out of him then in a rush.
The ring was in its case in his pocket. He thought back to the times they’d kissed, and he’d felt her start to respond. Each time she’d pulled away as though she was suddenly scared of letting herself go, and he thought maybe that was the trouble, that she was just afraid. Once Susan saw the ring, she’d know how serious he was, and maybe then she wouldn’t be scared any more.
He caught her eye and she smiled, but he thought she was a little distant. He wondered whether she was thinking of the past or the future, or something else. Sometimes it was best not to know everything about a person, or to question all they did, because everybody had their own private spaces where the doors stayed locked. It didn’t matter. He loved her, that’s all he knew. He wanted to marry her and help raise Jamie, and though he could never replace Jamie’s dad, Coop hoped he could at least be Jamie’s friend. One day the boy would understand that and would stop fighting him.
The music stopped and couples moved back toward their tables and others got ready for the next number.
‘Shall we get a drink?’ Susan suggested.
He led her back to the table, and she asked for a glass of wine. On his way to the bar he met Linda, who paused as she squeezed past him. She put her hand on his arm.
‘How’re things, Coop?’
‘Fine,’ he told her and she let him go, smiling and squeezing a little encouraging pressure. When he went back to the table Susan noticed he was wearing a new shirt and jacket.
‘Have you been shopping, Coop?’
‘It’s no big deal. I was in Williams Lake.’ He was pleased she’d noticed. He’d wanted to make a special effort. ‘I like your dress,’ he told her. ‘You look terrific.’
Al Smith came over and Coop got up to talk for a minute. He half listened to an account of the latest disaster to befall Al. George Pederson took the chance to sneak in and asked Susan to dance. Coop watched them laughing and chatting as George hammed it up on the dance floor, twirling her about and catching her around the waist again. One thing about George, he could dance. Susan looked like she was having a good time.
When she came back the faraway look in Susan’s eyes had gone. Over at the buffet the food was being served, and Coop asked her if she was ready to eat.
‘Now you mention it I’m starving.’
They got in line and while they waited Coop looked at his watch. He decided that after they’d eaten he would ask her outside for a walk. He felt for the ring in his pocket to make sure it was there. Suddenly he wasn’t hungry anymore, and there was a tight feeling in his throat. When he got back to the table Susan looked at her own piled plate, and his which was much smaller in comparison and raised her eyebrows.
‘There’s something wrong with this picture.’
‘I had something earlier,’ he said, but his voice must have sounded strange because she gave him an odd look.
‘You’re okay, aren’t you?’
‘Sure, I’m fine.’
Linda and Pete came back with their food and brought a bottle of wine and while they ate the Saunders joined them. Coop couldn’t keep his mind on the conversation.
‘What do you think, Coop?’ Craig said half-way through some discussion Coop hadn’t been following.
‘About what?’
‘Jesus, about the game, weren’t you listening?’
‘Sorry.’ He shrugged and decided he had to go to the men’s room and splash some water on his face.
‘Coop, are you sure you’re okay?’ Susan said, her expression creased with concern.
‘I’m fine. I’ll just be a minute.’
In the men’s room he looked at himself in the mirror, and he did look kind of strained. He splashed water on his face, which did nothing to help the churning, queasy sensation in his stomach, and after he dried off he took the ring out of its box. He wondered how Susan was going to react when he showed it to her. He didn’t know if he should ask her to marry him first then show her the ring, or would it be better to let her see it and then ask her? He couldn’t decide.
He’d practiced what he would say. He’d tell her he loved her, which he’d never said before. Then he’d tell her he always had, and he had something to say, and would she please just listen to him for a minute because he wasn’t sure how to say it. Then he’d launch into how he knew she’d loved Dave in a way she might never feel for him, and that he understood that and respected it, and that he didn’t want to take Dave’s place, but hoped she might feel for him in a different way. He’d talk about Jamie and how he wanted to be a friend to him, and maybe someone Jamie could talk to even though he wasn’t his real dad. Then he’d lay out the kind of future he saw for them in Little River, building up to the big moment.
Suddenly it all sounded confused, and Coop knew that come the time he’d probably forget all about it and just stumble over whatever words he could find. He took a deep breath and put the ring back in his pocket. As he made his way back to the table the band started up again and before he got there he saw Pete ask Susan to dance. He didn’t know if he could stand to wait any longer and thought about just cutting in, but then Linda made a prompting sound in her throat and looked at him askance.
‘How about making a woman feel she’s not just a piece of the furniture?’
‘It’d be my pleasure.’ He offered her his arm and led her to the dance floor.
‘Things on your mind, Coop?’ she asked as they found a space.
He shrugged and glanced toward Susan and Pete. ‘You know,’ he said, feeling her studying him.
At the end of the dance he took Linda back to their table and turned around expecting to see Pete and Susan coming back too, but they were dancing to the next number. Linda raised her eyebrows to him and smiled.
‘Relax, Coop, she isn’t going anywhere.’
He lost sight of them among the press of people, and when the music ended Pete came back alone and said Susan had gone to the ladies’ room.
‘Think I’ll have a beer,’ Coop said. He made his way to the bar and waited until Susan came back and asked her if she wanted a drink.
‘Okay, that would be good, I’m thirsty with all this dancing,’ she said.
‘How about a beer?’
She shook her head. ‘A soda’s fine.’
They stood at the bar for a while where there were fewer people, and Coop tried to think of a way to ask her to take a walk with him. Now that he had the chance it seemed like an odd request when it was so cold outside.
‘You’re quiet tonight,’ Susan commented.
‘Am I?’ He twirled the bottle in his hand, trying to think what to say and found himself suddenly tongue-tied. ‘I guess there is something on my mind.’
She waited for him to go on.
‘The thing is I sort of wanted to talk to you.’
‘Okay,’ she smiled hesitantly. ‘Here I am.’
‘Not here. Can we go outside for a while?’
‘Outside?’ Her eyes went to the door.
Coop heard the uncertainty in her tone. He drained his beer, and as he did the band came to the end of a song and one of the guys announced that he wanted everyone up on the floor forming lines. It was a tradition that everyone joined in at this point in the night. The guy on the stage was waving people up and directing them to join this line or that, calling out to stragglers at the back. Somebody called for Coop and Susan to hurry up as they passed by.
Susan shrugged, smiling sympathetically. ‘I thin
k we’ll have to talk later.’
The music started. He kept looking for her, trying to keep his eye on her through the throng of people. He thought he may as well get into the spirit of things. He tried to smile and have a good time.
The dance finally ended and people broke up, heading back to their tables. Coop looked for Susan and instead he saw Miller signaling to him from the door. Coop shook his head, believing he had to be jinxed.
‘I’m all yours,’ Susan said, appearing at his side then followed his look. ‘Is that Miller?’
‘I better go see what he wants.’
‘Go ahead, I’ll be fine.’
He told her he wouldn’t be long and made his way over to where Miller was waiting for him. ‘This better be good,’ he said.
CHAPTER 34
Rachel sat in the darkened room looking out of the window. The dress she’d bought to wear the night she met Michael at the Rooster lay on the floor where she found it when she got home. The rest of her clothes had been pulled from the closet and drawers and lay where Pete had thrown them.
She heard the sound of his truck outside, then the house door slammed and he climbed the stairs. She turned to find him standing in the doorway. He was unshaven and his eyes were red.
‘Where’ve you been?’ she asked.
‘Out.’
He came into the room and stood in front of her looking at her clothes on the floor. He picked up her new dress and threw it at her. ‘Where’d you get this?’ he demanded.
‘I bought it.’
‘You bought it,’ he repeated. He dug in his pocket and produced what Rachel saw was a sales receipt. He waved it in front of her face. ‘I found this in your purse. A hundred and thirty five dollars for a dress!’
Snow Falcon Page 24