by Bry Ann
“I'm putting the divider up, but if you see or hear anything, you are not to say anything to anyone. If you do, it will cost you your life.”
He nods. “Yes Boss.”
I chose Ricardo for a reason. He’s loyal. He won’t say anything.
I climb in. I lay Lacey down in the backseat and place her head in my lap. Once the divider is up I let myself go. I let Boss slip away and Adam fall into place. Tears stream down my cheeks as I take in her broken body.
I’ll fix her.
I don’t care how much she hates me.
I have to fix her.
Chapter 25:
Boss:
“Thank you, Doctor,” I say extending my hand,
His grinds his jaw. “I need to see her regularly. I’ll get back to you as soon as possible with blood test results. Sir?”
He glances back at Lacey, who is still unconscious on the bed.
“Her mind. I'm not sure it’ll ever be right after this. She’ll need therapy and supervision. She’ll need unconditional support, physically and emotionally.”
I grit my jaw. “I understand.”
“I don’t know her story or why you have her, but just know she can’t take much more. To be honest, I'm surprised she’s still alive. Whether it would be her mind or body to give out first, I don’t know, but I'm surprised. Anyway, have a good day. And supervise her,” he adds with a pointed stare. “Recovery can sometimes be harder than the trauma itself, and there’s a lot of self-inflicted injuries on that girl.”
I nod and thank him again, before ushering him out of my room. I have one of my men walk him out. He works with us regularly, so I know he keeps quiet on shit and has a basic understanding of what we do here.
I clean things up in my room, trying to distract myself from the subtle beeping filling my room like a siren. I don’t know what to do. I usually use to work to cope, but I’ve called off any jobs I'm needed for, for a while. She has my undivided attention.
I don’t know what to do with myself... or her.
Days have passed. She still hasn’t woken up. I start to worry. When I said for her to stay unconscious for as long as possible I didn’t mean forever. The doctor insists this is normal, and that he’s given her meds to stay under for a bit. He says she’ll wake in her own time.
I stand on the side of the bed, watching her. The doctor did his best cleaning the wounds. I didn’t have him wrap them. I told him to give me the wrappings, except for the burns. Those are closely wrapped. She really does need to be cleaned. She’s filthy. I don’t think they let her shower once there. I hate them all so much. So many of them are dead. Although this is never how I intended to take them over, I do control them now.
That fact doesn't satisfy me like I thought it would. Not while knowing what I had to sacrifice to do so. I should have known. God, I'm so stupid. I'm a fucking robot. What was I thinking?
I wasn’t. I just acted. Like I was supposed to. Now I hate myself. Why do I live like my father is still in charge? Still controlling me. I'm in charge here. I could change everything. He’s not even fucking alive.
I hear groaning. Immediately my head snaps up. Her eyes flutter open. I see her slowly start to absorb reality. Before she can fully wake up and freak out, I take precaution.
“I know you’re scared,” I make my voice as gentle as possible, “but you have an IV in. It has fluids and pain medication. You really don’t want to pull it out. So please don’t jump, okay?”
Her eyes flutter open and closed. She’s disoriented, hyped up on medication and shock.
“Where am I?”
Her voice is groggy and hoarse. She’s already quiet, but I really have to lean in to hear her now.
“Um, you’re…” I run my hand through my hair, “you’re in my room.”
She moves to sit up, but I catch her and slowly help her so she doesn’t pull her IV out.
“Don’t touch me!” she shrieks. “I don’t want to be in here! Put me in my cell.” I wince. “At least I know that. I hate his room! Let me go. Please. Let me out of this damn room!”
Tears fall down her cheeks again. Her voice is scratchy. It had to hurt her to yell at me like that. I have to work to not make her so upset.
“Let me just get you better. Then I’ll take you home or wherever you want to go. Okay? Just... please let me help you now.”
She looks so incredibly angry she can’t even say the words.
“You shredded me! You broke my trust. You promised me my family was safe. What I told you was private. You sent me to them! Knowing what they do! I never broke your trust. Never. The whole time I was there. No matter what they did I never said your name or how to break in here. You are selfish. A disgusting monster. I don’t want to be here. Please don’t make me stay here.”
“Lacey,” I try to reason, even as my insides shake with emotion, “you’re in a fragile condition. Once you’re healthy again I will take you where you want to go. Okay? Please.”
I don’t think I’ve ever begged so much in my life.
“Whose fault is that huh? Whose fault is it that I'm in a “fragile condition”?” She clears her throat as it cracks and breaks. “Where do I even go? My family. My family! That’s…”
She curls up and cries. It sounds so broken with her voice so raw.
“They couldn’t handle me now. They don’t want some fucked up daughter. I mean they don’t even want me at all. I was worth a paycheck, and Jamie. I’d never corrupt his life. I’ll never be okay Adam. Or should I call you sir? What should I call you?”
“Whatever you want,” I mumble.
“Why now, huh? I finally got broken enough to garner your sympathy? I don’t want it now! I don’t want anything from you. Throw me on the street, in a cell, anywhere. It’s better than here.”
I open my mouth to speak, but she keeps going,
“I hate you, Adam. I hate you with everything I have. I waited for you. Do you know that? Even after everything, I waited for you. Every day I waited. I thought you’d come for me. Every time I cried for help it was you I was crying out for. I thought you’d realize your mistake or realize you care about me in some way, anything, but no one ever came. You never came for me, Adam.”
I have to look away before she sees me cry.
“You’ll die.” I let that reality fill the room before I speak again. Then I turn back to face her. “If I let you go, you’ll die. Unless you know someone else who can get you the medical care you need I'm keeping you here, because I won’t let you die.”
My cheeks are stained with tears.
“Why? Why didn’t you come for me?” Her eyes flutter as a tear falls. She’s tired. Her energy is giving out.
“I...” she fights her body as it tries to pull her under. She wants to hear what I am going to say, “I thought certain things mattered, and it turns out they don’t.” I look down. “They don't matter. I didn’t realize that until it was too late.”
She turns from me and curls up. “Yep.”
Then she’s gone again. In a world much better than the one she currently resides in.
Three days go on like this. She stays awake for short periods of time, the only difference being we don’t talk. The doctor comes in and out. He fixes her meds, IV’s, dressings since I haven’t gotten to wash her up yet. She’s only woken up once while he was here, and was very much typical Lacey, withdrawn and polite.
On day five the IV came out. She started taking oral pain meds. She could walk around with help. The pain medicine has gone down so her pain has increased. I didn’t like it, but the doctor insisted it was for the best. I have no clue what I'm doing so I have to trust him. I hate having to trust people, but it’s amazing what you will tolerate when you are desperate.
“Lacey,” I say as she grips the edge of the bed tightly. Her teeth are gritted. “You really need to get washed up. The doctor says the dirt is getting in your cuts and making it hard for you to heal properly. Plus, to be honest, you smell really bad.”<
br />
She doesn’t turn so I can’t see her face.
“I know. But… I don’t think I can,” she says quietly. “Your shower will hurt so bad.”
She still hasn’t looked in the mirror. I’ve kept her super covered up. She has no idea how serious her injuries are. I don’t think she even remembers what all happened to her yet.
“No. You definitely are in no condition to shower. You probably need a very gentle bath Lacey.”
“A gentle bath?”
“U-hem,” I clear my throat to hide the fact I'm laughing at myself. I don’t want Lacey to think I'm laughing at her. Like anyone would know what the fuck a gentle bath is.
“I mean to say the doctor said you can take a bath with a little bit of water, but no soap or product directly in the tub. Kind of like a sponge bath, but you can have a little water and sit in the actual tub.”
She goes stiff straight.
“I think after all I’ve endured I can handle a bath on my own!” Her voice is shrill, completely freaked.
“I'm not trying to take advantage of you Lacey. It will really burn, it… just let me help you. I just want to help. I can grab you a swimsuit or something.”
“I never thought I’d see the day where you were awkward,” she mumbles.
I run a hand through my hair and chuckle. “Yeah, me neither. Congratulations.”
Her shoulders relax slightly. She uses the headboard to turn herself around to face me.
“You’ll help me? I know I can’t… by myself, I feel… but I really do smell and the sweat burns my skin.”
“I’ll help you. I promise.”
She extends her hand to me. My heart pounds in my chest. It’s like a bomb. What if I hurt her? Again. What if I screw up? I just want to make her better so she can go out in the world and be amazing. It’s all I want. I’ll never be able to make it up to her. Nothing I ever do will be enough, but this is all I can do now. Not let her down again. Get her better and set her free.
I grab her hand. It shakes in mine. She winces as I pull her away from the post.
“Everything hurts so much.”
Her eyes are squeezed shut, her face in a grimace.
“I know. We’ll take it easy. I promise. You let me know when it’s too much.”
I help her into the restroom and sit her on the edge of the tub. She wobbles a bit so I grab her arm and place it on the counter, reminding her to use that for support.
“Why are you helping me? You… hurt me. Yourself. You had me tied to a pole and whipped me and then threatened my family. Why not let me heal with someone else? Someone I hate less.”
“Because I'm selfish. I just… I have to see that you’re okay. I have to make you better.”
“Did you mean what you said about letting me go when I'm better?” she asks as I rummage in the drawer for something for her to wear.
“Yes. I meant that wholeheartedly. When you are better, you are free. I will help you get situated wherever you please.”
“It doesn’t fix anything you know. What you did. You can’t ever fix it.”
“I know. I'm not trying to fix it.”
“Then what are you doing?”
“The right thing. Until I can get you on your feet again.”
She nods. I find an oversized black t-shirt of mine.
“Is this okay?” I hold it up for her to see.
“That works.”
I throw the shirt over my shoulder and walk over to her. I help her up. She winces as I accidentally touch a raw wound.
“Sorry. Okay, um, it’ll be okay. I'm not looking, but arms up. I just want to help you get this shirt on. That’s it. Alright?”
She’s shaking, but also knows she doesn’t have much of a choice. Her options are no bath, a doctor she’s only met once or one of my men. She knows she’s not strong enough to take care of this all herself. Not yet. I’ve seen her already. I know her. That’s gotta make this even the slightest bit easier.
Lacey was more than right when she said pretending for too long hurts. Because our game of pretending wrecked her when I fell back into the only role I’d ever known.
Monster.
Slowly Lacey starts to lift her arms. She stares straight ahead, avoiding my gaze at all costs. This is the moment I make my biggest mistake since the healing process started. I forget there is a mirror behind me.
The shirt is up over her head. I'm hurrying to grab the other one, trying not to look when I hear an ear-piercing scream. Lacey darts out from in front of me.
“Oh my God! No. No. No.”
She covers her ears and squeezes her eyes shut like she’s hearing and seeing things other than her reflection, things I'm not seeing.
“No. No.”
I sprint over when I see her legs wobble. I catch her before she crashes to the ground. I scoop her up and carry her in my arms. She still has her ears covered and her eyes squeezed tight. She alternates between ear-piercing screams and saying no. My heart breaks as I set her in the tub. Her arms scramble out reaching for me. Well, not me. Whatever I'm representing for her in that moment.
“Shh. Shh. It’s okay. It’s okay. I throw my shirt off, scramble into my one pair of basketball shorts and climb into the tub beside her. I turn the temperature to the moderately warm temperature the doctor suggested. One that won’t burn her skin, but will provide emotional comfort. Before I can pull her into me like I want to she is screaming and burying herself into my side, like she’s trying to hide in me. I have no clue what’s going on and truth be told I'm freaking out. She’s so far gone.
I wrap my arm around her as water fills the tub.
“Help me. Help me. God HELP! No one’s helping me,” she cries.
A tear falls from my cheek. “Can you tell me what’s happening Lacey?”
“It hurts. It hurts so bad. They won’t stop hurting me.”
Before I can process anything she smashes a candle over the counter and grabs a piece of glass and starts to run it over her skin.
“No!”
Like a feral animal, I reach over and snatch the glass from her hand. I grab all the glass and throw it out of her reach, cutting my hand in the process, but I’ll deal with it later.
I snatch her arm. “Let me see.”
She doesn’t fight. She’s still in her head, fighting that. Luckily, it’s not bad. I stopped her in time, but what if I didn’t. I'm not taking my fucking eyes off her. No more marks on her perfect skin. Not one! I feel a little of the sensitive and emotional me slip away and some of the anger slip in. I swallow it as best I can for her, but I'm fucking furious at everything. Them. Me. The whole fucking situation.
I turn off the water and wrap my arms around her back. She’s switched from screaming to sobbing. I tuck my head into her hair.
“How can I help? How can I make this better?”
“They raped me,” she sobs. “They… did that. I'm not okay. I'm not okay.”
A feel like a blade is piercing my spine. “I know. I know little dove. I was too late.”
She cries hard and tries to scramble into me. We stay like that forever until I speak again.
“I’ll get you therapy. I'm gonna do everything in my power to make this a little better. I’ll never fix it but…”
Her gasp interrupts me.
“Lacey?”
Her eyes follow something in the water. I notice a tinge of blood. I think it’s hers and I'm gonna lose her again. It’s only when she snatches my wrist and flips it that I realize it’s the cut on my hand that has her pause.
She stares at it wide-eyed. Immediately she tries to crawl over the side of the tub. I presume to get the first aid kit. If I know her at all that’s where she is headed. I reach my hands out and gently grab her hips, pulling her back in.
“I'm fine. Lacey, look at me.” Her grey eyes meet mine. “My hand is fine.”
She visibly relaxes and falls back to me.
“I don’t like seeing other people bleed.”
“I
know.”
“There was so much blood that day. Blood on me. Around me.”
She’s talking about the day I rescued her. “I know little dove. I had to get to you.” I pause. “Can I wash you off? Please.”
Her eyes go distant and she pulls away from me.
“Yes.”
I reach out for the soap. Out of the corner of my eye, I see a single tear fall from her cheek.
Chapter 26:
Lacey:
I try and hide the fact that I'm crying from him. I’ve cried enough to last five lifetimes, but I can’t stop. The pain is never-ending, and now that I remember, it really will never end. Every inch of me hurts, and after looking in the mirror I know the pain I feel right now is nothing. I'm on some high dose pain meds.
I remember it. I remember the pain. Screaming for relief, and then cutting myself, more pain, just to deal with my shattered heart and soul.
As sick as it is I was destroyed long before he delivered me over to the Castellos. I broke in the main area. I was under no illusions. I knew our day of pretend meant nothing. I knew he’d still have people hurt me. I knew I’d remain a prisoner. Hell, I even knew he was planning something big and awful to do with me. But I never imagined him being so cold. I never imagined him turning me over to the very men he saved me from, when he knew what they did to me. I never, ever imagined him hurting me himself. Since I’d arrived at his ‘house’ his punishment was the worst, mentally and physically. He gave orders about my life without feeling. He threatened my family when he promised he wouldn’t!
That’s when he shattered me. It wasn’t even the physical pain or the hell he was shipping me off to. No. It was the promises he broke. The ones we made in private. I realized how little I mattered to him. What was once beautiful to me was all a game to him. Him being smart, being Boss. Getting the information he needed to win. That’s all any of this ever was.
The pain overflows when I think about how I felt in that moment. It was too much. I really thought it’d kill me then. It really was the perfect set up to send me off, because the Castello’s took it no easier on me.
I jump when I feel something sting my skin. I suck in a breath through my teeth.