The stroke on her cheek rippled through her. Her pulse raced and her breath came in short gasps. Good heavens.
What was that?
A kiss, silly.
Not the kiss, the reaction.
Maggie headed for her bedroom, warmth thrilling her and a smile a mile wide on her face.
In the morning, both Ivan and JM were gone before she got up. Disappointment washed over her at not seeing them, in not seeing JM. She headed up the hill lost in thought. Violet’s stay was almost over. Ivan was busy working. JM was back for now anyway. And how did she deal with him after that kiss? Don’t be foolish. It was just a good-night gesture, same as Ivan’s.
Each day she looked after Violet and the children. Each evening she came home to the house and at least JM. With or without Ivan, they played checkers and chess and ate what JM cooked. And each evening JM kissed her on the cheek at bedtime.
The fourth day he left and that evening her kitchen seemed emptier than ever before. Maggie admitted to herself that being married might be okay. If she had a husband like JM. She sighed. Who was she kidding, JM was rapidly meeting her description of a good husband. Pipe dream. That’s all it is. But the dream certainly was pleasing.
* * *
The time passed and on the last Friday of Violet’s holiday, Maggie and the MacDonalds made one last visit to Hirtles Beach.
“Remember Marg.” Maggie laughed. “She always got things right. She intimidated me at times. Good thing she was friendly and willingly showed us what to do.”
“And Bertie. She loved to sleep in. Remember when she cut her hair so she wouldn’t have to take the time to pin it up in the mornings? I thought the ward nurse was going to have a cow.”
Laughter rippled through the air. Maggie ran a handful of sand through her fingers. “We worked hard, didn’t we?” she said. “And some of our patients were heartbreaking. Especially once the ships started bringing the boys home.” She scooped another handful of sand. The grains ran quickly through her fingers like the hours had run through her life. “Those same boys had sung so gaily when they’d disembarked a couple of years earlier. They fought as gallantly against crutches and wooden limbs as they had the enemy.”
“Nonetheless,” Violet said, “we had a good life. Living with our friends, hiking out on an evening off and flirting with the boys,” she added, her voice wistful. “I felt like I had a purpose. How about you?”
“Yes. It felt right. I had decided to make nursing a career.” She smoothed the pile of sand. “But life got in the way.” Sweeping away my plans as easily as my hand flattened the sand.
“Do you regret not staying?”
“Regret may not be the right word. Disappointed. I didn’t mind looking after my family. But now, with Dad and Harris dead, and Ivan ready to work, I do wonder what I’ll do with my life.”
“Go back to nursing,” Violet said. “If it’s what you want, go after it.”
Maggie drew an X in the sand. “I don’t think so. I’m too old. And I’ve probably forgotten anything I knew about nursing. I think the opportunity has slipped away.”
“Don’t be so sure,” Violet said.
Reggie headed for the water and Maggie jumped up to catch him. “No you don’t, mister-man. You have your shoes on.” She tossed him into the air until he giggled and plunked him down with a bucket and shovel and a stack of small rocks. “Build a house,” she said.
“A house. For Mommy.” And he set to work filling the bucket with sand.
Maggie sat back on the blanket. “Violet,” she said, “may I ask about you and Reg?”
Violet glanced at her and then turned her stare across the water. “I suppose so.”
“What happened?” Maggie asked. “When you first kept company, you and Reg were happy, contented to be together. You missed him so much when he went overseas, and he wrote you marvelous letters. Now there seems to be a rift between you.”
Violet chewed her lip. “Reg came back after the war much quieter. I loved him so much it didn’t strike me as unusual. We’d been apart for almost two years, and he’d been through a lot. That first time he hugged me, I thought he’d never let go. We were married a month after he came back.” She stopped, picked up a pebble and lobbed it into the water.
“There were nightmares. Things changed gradually. He became more withdrawn. I heard about some of the men having shell shock and wondered if Reggie had it. But he wouldn’t talk about it. We waited a long time before having our family. I was pregnant with Reggie when Reg started working long hours. He wouldn’t talk about the baby. He seemed afraid to hold Reggie the first time, but I put it down to new-father jitters. It is more than that, though. The war changed him. No, it scarred him.
“Don’t get me wrong,” she said, “he’s a good father when he’s with them. But he and I have drifted apart. Lily’s birth strained things further. He’s obsessed with business and making money. He says it’s for me and the kids, so we’ll be secure. He gives us everything money can buy when all we want is his attention.”
She tossed a second stone and stared at the ripples until they faded. “Sometimes he’s his old self. I hang on to those moments. But it’s not often. It’s like he’s built a wall around himself that keeps everyone out, including me.”
Maggie absorbed the words and the pain behind them. “Sounds like a hard way to live.” She took Violet’s hand. She had no idea what else to say.
Violet leaned against her. They watched the children. Watched the water.
“He gave so much, they all did,” Violet said. “How can we abandon them because they came home damaged? When they need our love more than ever? I just wish I knew what to do to help him.” Tears clouded her words.
Maggie’s stomach lurched. Would James have come home changed? Damaged? She’d always imagined they would have had a perfect, well, a happy, normal life? Was that unrealistic? Her picture of James shifted. He had paid the ultimate price. How should she honor his sacrifice?
And what about JM? He’s been overseas as well. What she’d seen of him suggested that he’d come home in one piece both mentally and physically. But had he? Did he have nighttime terrors or dark moods? What was he like when he was away on trips? She only knew what he’d allowed her to see.
The breezes shifted, turning cooler as they came across the water. “Time to go,” Maggie said, and picking up Lily, brushed her free of sand. With her in the stroller and Reggie standing behind, she and Violet headed home. The breeze off the water shivered her spine and sorrow for her friend shook her heart.
She’d seen them in love and now saw their partitioned life. As she had said, Violet had everything money could buy but the one thing she longed for eluded her. A close and loving relationship in her marriage. It seemed marriage didn’t guarantee happiness any more than it safeguarded financial security. I guess you might get one or the other, but perhaps not both.
They walked through town in silence, each lost in thought. Reggie blew bubbles in his own spit and Maggie pushed the stroller. The towels and sand bucket fit in the rack underneath. They were passing Maggie’s place when a call took her attention.
“Hey there.” JM came striding down to the road. “How are you ladies doing? It looks like you’ve been to the beach.” His cowlick stuck straight up, his laced boots sported a few new scuffs and his freckles adorned his nose. Maggie grinned at him, forgetting her doubts. He looked marvelous.
“Right you are,” Maggie said. “When did you get back?”
“Just now,” he said, the distracting dimple appearing. “This must be Reggie and Lily.” He squatted, shook Reggie’s hand and pushed Lily’s curls off her face.
Reggie’s eyes widened and he stared at JM. Lily giggled.
JM stood and held his hand out to Violet. “Pleased to meet you, Mrs. MacDonald,” he said. “I understand from Maggie that you’re an old friend.”
“Yes,” she said. “Pleased to meet you, Mr. McInnis. I understand from Maggie you are her boarder and a n
ew friend.”
They grinned at each other, ignoring Maggie. She looked from one to the other. Good heavens, they looked like they’d known each other forever and had a secret. She frowned. This man had a knack for fitting in with people.
“Now that we have that out of the way,” JM said, “call me JM.”
“Violet” she responded.
He took a step back and included them all in his gaze. “What are you four doing now?”
“Heading to Violet’s for supper,” Maggie said. “I wasn’t expecting you so there is nothing prepared here.”
He waved a hand, brushing off the comment. “I should have let you know.”
“Would you like to join us?” Violet said. “There’s plenty to eat. And it should be edible, Maggie has been teaching me to be a better cook.”
A sudden vision of the five of them at the table hit Maggie. JM seated between the children and across from her. That sprinkle of freckles on his face suddenly appearing on the children’s faces. An acute longing, never before experienced, swept through her. Oh, she’d thought about a family of her own, back when she’d been young and naive. But the sharp ache piercing her now far exceeded a simple wish. A sharp gasp, her own, plunked her back in the current moment. Has caring for Reggie and Lily wakened this in me?
“That’s kind of you, Violet. But I have paperwork to do. I’m sure Ivan and I can cook up something to keep us from starving.” He bent again. “Goodbye Reggie and Miss Lily. Nice to meet you.” Both children giggled.
Even the children respond to him. How could I doubt he’s what he appears?
JM looked Maggie straight in the eyes. “I’ll see you later,” he said. A huge grin creased his face. “I’ve brought home something I think you’ll like.” He headed back up the driveway.
“You didn’t tell me he could be so charming,” Violet said, her voice slightly peeved.
Maggie cleared her throat. “I didn’t notice.”
“Nonsense. You’re as female as the rest of us. You noticed, you just didn’t acknowledge it.”
Maggie blushed and pushed the stroller. “Come on. The children are getting hungry.”
She glanced back at JM’s retreating back. There’s something different.
“Cookies,” shouted Reggie. “Want cookies.” And her attention abandoned JM and returned to her charges.
Chapter Ten
What can the heart and mind conceive
From a dark and weary task?
And who can spurn what souls do seek,
Or those who freedom ask?
Mister MacDonald roared into the yard shortly after they arrived back from the beach. He burst through the door, tossed Reggie in the air and gently tugged Lily’s curls. “How are my little midgets?” he asked. They giggled and clung to their father.
Maggie turned from the sink and stared. Is this the same man? I’ve never seen him this exuberant. She looked at Violet who shrugged and turned one hand palm up as if to say I told you. She turned her attention back to Reg, the Reg that Violet had fallen in love with.
“Come here, wife,” he said to Violet. She wore a full-bib apron, her cheeks were flushed from the heat and she smiled cautiously at her husband. He grabbed her in a hug and kissed her full on the mouth. “This vacation has done wonders for you, Violet. You look wonderful.”
With his arm around her, he glanced at Maggie. “The supper smells heavenly,” he said. “You’ve done it again, Maggie.”
She held up her hands. “Not me this time. Violet cooked tonight.”
“Really? That’s a great surprise. We’ll have a lovely last night here and get off to home in the morning.” He picked up his suitcase and headed for the hall. “Maggie, I’d like to speak to you for a minute, if you don’t mind.”
She made a “what’s up” face at Violet and followed him. Once in the office, he reached into his suit coat pocket and pulled out an envelope. “Here’s the last of your pay,” he said. “And it’s a pleasure to give it to you. Your work has been exemplary and your presence here a real bonus. So much so, I have an offer for you.”
She accepted the money and frowned. An offer? What could he be talking about?
“I’d like you to come with us to Halifax and run the house there,” he said, obviously pleased with his offer. “We’ll be entertaining as we go forward, and once Violet has recovered from the birth, she’ll still need help. You are the right mix of a cook, a housekeeper, and a nanny.”
“Ah,” Maggie said. “I don’t know what to say.”
“Say, yes,”
“It’s so sudden,” she added. “I need to talk to Ivan. And I have a renter as well.”
“Surely Ivan wouldn’t begrudge you an opportunity for long-term employment, would he? And renters can always move on.”
Leave Ivan? Have JM move on? Uneasiness skittered through her. I’d miss both of them. And Reg’s assessment of the job, long-term employment, pierced her. The words curled around her heart and she shivered. I’d be an employee, that’s all. And by the time the children grew up, if she stayed that long, she’d be alone again and struggling to manage. And she’d be another twenty years older.
She pursed her lips. Relaxed them. Scratched her cheek. How could she put this? “It’s not that,” she said. “But Ivan’s only turned fifteen. And it’s only been weeks since we lost our father. I can’t leave him. Not yet.” She raised one hand, palm out. “It’s a generous offer,” she said. “But right now, it won’t work for me. I’m sorry.”
Reg’s smile disappeared and he frowned. Disbelief radiated from him. “Are you sure? I will pay generously. More than I have here.”
Am I smart to refuse this? Confidence settled in her and left no room for doubt. Trust your gut. She nodded. “I’m sure. But I’d be happy to find you someone else for the job.”
Reg huffed. “But you’d be perfect. And the children know you.” For a flash, he looked like a child deprived of his lollipop, and just as quickly, his face settled into his business demeanor. He squared his shoulders and his tone slid into officious-business-man range. “If you’re sure.”
“I am. Thank you for the vote of confidence. I do love Lily and Reggie. But working in Halifax isn’t right for me at this time.” And it might never be. Housekeepers are dispensable. Not exactly secure. Never mind that her life would be in the kitchen and back rooms. It might be the twenties, but household staff lived on a level below the families they worked for. “And the children would become attached to me. If I left, they wouldn’t understand.”
And living pillar to post is right for you? She suppressed a sigh. Maybe not. But this window of opportunity to find her way might be the only one she got. Her father’s voice echoed in her head. What do you want? That had to be her guiding light.
Reg shook his head and jutted his chin toward the door. “That’s it, then. And I did mean it. You did a marvelous job. You’ll come up tomorrow morning to say goodbye to Violet? I’ll leave the option open until then, in case you change your mind.”
“Certainly. Wouldn’t miss it. And I’ll see you all when you come down again.” She turned and headed for the kitchen. She’d give one last check on the kids and head out for her own supper at Aunt Maude’s. Ivan and JM both had their own plans for the evening and she had no supper to prepare at home. She mentally rolled her eyes. No doubt Aunt Maude has her vision for me. If there wasn’t an extra, unattached male at the table, Maggie would eat her hat.
* * *
Maggie didn’t need to eat her hat. There were two single males at the table for supper. Garth Hollinger, a young widower, and a man she’d known for over two decades sat across from her. Aubrey Kristoff, her uncle’s first mate, and a single man sat beside her and across from Eloise. Maggie and Eloise avoided making eye contact. If I look at Eloise, I’ll laugh, probably uncontrollably.
“How was the voyage?” Garth asked Aubrey.
“We had a good voyage. It took longer than usual because the offloading down South got delayed.”
/>
Maggie concentrated on her fish and mashed potatoes. Men’s conversation. Typical. She suppressed a giggle. How fast did your laundry dry, Aunt Maude?
“How’s the fishing?” Uncle Henry asked Garth who captained his own fishing vessel.
Eloise, how much milk did the cows give today?
Garth swallowed. “Sparse. There are three more boats not going fishing this year. They’ve shifted to running rum. They say it’s much better money. Can’t say I disagree. A good fishing season might give me seventy-five. Apparently, you can make that much in one run on a banana boat.”
Henry cleared his throat. “Is that so?” He mopped up the sauce with a forkful of potatoes.
“But you’re heading out fishing?” Aunt Maude asked Garth.
He nodded. “With a good crew, too. I had my pick of men this year. Some of the men chose not to go rum-running.” He settled one large-knuckled hand on the table. “I talked to your nephew, Ivan, about coming on as my flunky. I hear he’s a hard worker,” he said.
Maggie’s heart contracted. Garth’s fishing boat made it through the last storm, but that could change in a heartbeat. Surely Ivan wouldn’t go against my wishes and sign articles with Garth.
“But he said no, that he has two summer jobs and plans to finish school next winter.”
Maggie let out her breath. Thank goodness for Charlie Roberts and Eugene and those two job.? The band of fear around her heart eased.
“Yes,” Maggie spoke up on the school issue. “Our parents wanted him to finish grade eleven. He’s honoring their wishes.”
“Are you worried about gales?” Aubrey asked. “They’ve hit Sable Island hard in the past.”
“True,” Garth said, “it’s sobering to think of how many ships went down. But, that’s fishing. We have to go where the fish are. I’ll be fishing off the east of Sable again, but I’ve put in a radio so I won’t get caught short if there’s a storm coming in.”
The Left Behind Bride Page 10