by Freer, Echo;
‘Tell ‘er that Freda says she wor a cantankerous old bat when she came to ‘er an all. And she nivver paid for ‘er last readin’.’
Ok - dilemma resolved. ‘Mrs Proudfoot,’ I interrupted. ‘I have another message for you.’
Eva stared at me as I relayed the information word for word. The colour drained from her cheeks. ‘Who told you that? Who’ve you been talking to?’
Quill spoke again, so I passed on that message too. ‘My contact also wants me to tell you that the twenty pounds that went missing from your purse yesterday was your son Eddy and that your husband isn’t working on the oil rigs in the Middle East, he’s living in Bristol with a barmaid called Bridget. And he says that in answer to the question you came here to ask, there’s no point in contesting your mother’s will and don’t even think of selling other people’s homes to try and sort out your problems; you’ll just have to go out and get a job.’
The curtains fluttered and the temperature rose to that of a pleasant April evening by the fire. I didn’t need to look over into the corner to know that Quill had gone.
For several seconds Eva was silent. Then she pulled out a piece of crumpled tissue and dabbed her eyes. ‘No one knows that our Percy ran off with Bridget Braithwaite from the Crab and Cockle. Not even our Eddy - he thinks his dad’s been in Dubai for t’last eighteen months. I don’t know how I’m going to manage. Me and Percy bought a little house to let out as an investment, but t’tenant’s in arrears with t’rent. I was counting on mother’s money. ’ Suddenly, she stiffened, bustled her bosom into the horizontal position and stood up with a murderous expression. ‘And as for our Eddy - the thieving little......’
‘I feel the spirits drawing away now,’ Wanda interjected, frowning at me and shaking her head disapprovingly.
‘Spirits drawing away my elbow!’ snapped Eva, as she moved towards the door. ‘I’ve seen halibut with more psychic ability than you.’ Then she looked at me. ‘But that lass of yours - now she’s got t’gift.’
As Eva Proudfoot slammed the front door, Wanda got up and went upstairs without speaking to me. I could hear her banging and clattering and I knew she was doing what she always does when she’s upset, packing up ready to move on. Great! So not only had I got my friends into trouble but now I’d put Wanda’s nose out of joint too. If this was a gift, then I didn’t want to sound ungrateful, but I’d really rather send it back and exchange it for something useful, like a decent singing voice, or artistic ability - or a kitten.
That was it! I would buy Wanda a kitten. An adorable fluffy little pet would not only cheer her up but it would also make it harder for her to leave. Oh yes, what a stroke of genius!
5
Talk about the Universe moving in mysterious ways! How was I to know that Wanda’s friendly trawler man and landlord, Teddy, was the single father of Kameran’s best mate and tennis partner, Kevin Dobson? And, even more amazingly, it turns out that the Dobsons’ pedigree Persian cat had recently gone AWOL. They’d found her two days later getting jiggy with a neighbour’s common-or-garden moggy, and the resulting litter of three little balls of fluff were just about ready for adoption. So when I phoned Kameran and asked where in Whitby I could find a kitten at eight o’clock on a Monday evening, before you could say Macavity the Mystery Cat, Teddy was round on the doorstep with a cat basket in one hand and a bunch of flowers in the other. What a result! A pet and a love-interest in one go. Surely Wanda couldn’t do a runner now.
I gave Teddy the once over and I was quite impressed. In fact, he’d scrubbed up so well that I didn’t recognise him at first. I’d only ever seen him in oilskins and a fisherman’s gansey, so to see him on the doorstep in fairly presentable jeans and jacket was definitely encouraging. His unruly beard had been tamed and combed and, wait for this - his usually windswept hair was tied back in a ponytail! (Wanda’s always been a sucker for a man with a ponytail.)
I wasn’t so sure about his attempt to clean up his act on the fragrance front though. True, it was definitely a good move to get rid the nasally-challenging aroma of fish and sea salt, but it smelled as though he’d just masked it under several litres of aftershave - sadly not all from the same bottle. He now smelt less like a bag of rancid crisps but more like an explosion in an aromatherapy clinic. Overall though, on a scale of Shrek to Johnny Depp, he was definitely moving in the right direction. I was hoping that Teddy’s new image might scrape him at least a couple of dates - which would give me a bit longer to work on Wanda about staying.
‘Wanda!’ I called upstairs, ‘Teddy’s here to see you.’
‘Good,’ she shouted down, ‘I need him to take us across the channel. I’m thinking Denmark sounds nice. What do you think, sweetie? Copenhagen grab you?’
Hmm! Not quite the response I was hoping for.
‘I’ll leave you two to it.’ I gave Teddy one of my two-eyed winks and grabbed the mobile phone that Wanda and I share. ‘Good luck,’ I whispered and tiptoed out of the door. If this worked, I was definitely going into the matchmaking business, what with my success this afternoon with Kameran and Milly and now Teddy turning up looking like a serious contender - I might just have found my new niche in life.
I grabbed the rainbow jacket that Wanda had knitted me for the winter solstice last year and headed towards the town. First I phoned Milly but her mother answered and said she was grounded because of the whole detention thing. Next I tried Amanpreet but she was babysitting her little brother, so as a last resort I gave Kameran a ring.
‘Hi,’ he said. ‘No, not doing a thing. I’ve done my homework and I’m just playing X-Box. It’s Mum’s book group night and Dad’s on call at the medical centre.’ Both Kameran’s parents are doctors. He’s got an older sister but she’s away at university. ‘ Do you fancy getting some chips?’
‘Will there be anywhere open at this time?’ I asked.
‘Course - the chippy by the harbour.’
I keep forgetting that when people say chips around here, they mean fries. ‘Cool, I’ll meet you there in five.’
The thing about Whitby is it’s so hilly. The whole town straddles the river and the houses are built up the cliffs on either bank, so it doesn’t matter where you go, you need legs like a Himalayan Sherpa. When Kameran suggested meeting at the chip shop I thought my calf muscles could have the night off because the harbour’s on one level, but by the time we were half way through our chips, he’d headed up the steep, meandering path to the West Cliff.
‘I feel sorry for Milly, being grounded like that, don’t you?’ I’d been trying to pump him for some sort of hint about how my first attempt as a lonely hearts counsellor was going.
‘Suppose so.’ But he just wasn’t playing ball. ‘Have you been travelling around for long?’
‘As long as I can remember, really. She’s very pretty, don’t you think? And really cool too?’
He looked across at me and frowned. ‘Who?’
Durr! Who did he think I was talking about? ‘Milly, of course.’
He shrugged. ‘Guess so. It must be amazing to have been to as many countries as you have. Where’s the most exciting place you’ve lived?’
‘Anywhere can be exciting if you want it to be.’ I was getting the hint - he didn’t want to talk about the new love of his life - even though he’d wanted my assistance in the early stages. On the positive side though, at least it meant he wasn’t going to turn into one of those kiss n’ tell guys.
‘No way!’ he said. ‘How can you say anywhere can be interesting? I mean, look at this place; it’s so boring it gives boredom a bad name.’ We’d finally got to the top of the West Cliff. ‘We get a couple of months in the summer when it hots up a bit, but other than that, look at it...’ Kameran turned and did an expansive gesture with his arms. ‘..it’s dead.’
‘Oh come on!’ I argued. ‘There’s loads of interesting stuff here.’ I po
inted across the river to the ruins of the abbey on the cliff top at the other side. ‘Whitby’s got so much history....’
Kameran shrugged and gave a little grin. ‘I rest my case - what’s history if it’s not just a bunch of dead people!’
‘Well, you’ve got Dracula. You can’t say Dracula’s not interesting.’
‘Great - a bunch of un-dead people!’ He smiled, then stuck two fries under his top lip like a vampire and raised his arms above his head. ‘Fangs for everfing,’ he said in a creepy voice.
‘Seriously,’ I laughed. ‘I like it here. I’m trying to persuade Wanda to stay.’
He shook his head and smiled. ‘I can’t wait to leave. When I’ve finished school, I’m going to live in New York, or Paris, or ...’ He screwed up his chip paper and threw it at the litter bin scoring a direct hit. ‘Or ...’ But before he could list his top ten places to live, he stopped and his eyes widened to the size of saucers. ‘Whoa! Look at that.’ He was pointing out to sea.
I peered into the dark of the North Sea and could just make out a wall of grey cloud rolling in towards the land, like a gigantic, ghostly steam roller.
‘Oh my days! What on Earth is it?’ I gasped.
‘A sea fret,’ he said, grabbing the sleeve of my jacket and pulling me towards the road.
‘A sea what?’
‘Fret - it’s like a thick mist that comes off the sea,’ he explained. ‘Come on, we ought to go home. We’ll be better going back through the town rather than along the harbour.’
He jogged my arm and I dropped what was left of my fries on the pavement.
‘Hold on,’ I said, bending down to pick them up.
‘Just leave them,’ Kameran chivvied.
‘I couldn’t possibly!’ I was shocked. ‘That’s not environmentally friendly.’
‘Maybe not but it’s seagull friendly, and I want to get you home before the fog gets too thick.’
‘And what about the rats?’ I asked. ‘If everyone just threw down their food and left it, we’d be overrun with rats.’
I gathered up the last of the chips and walked over to the litter bin but, as I turned back towards the road and Kameran, the blanket of thick wet mist swirled across the wide grass verge and enveloped us. I’ve heard people talk about pea-soupers but this was more like a Hungarian Goulasher - with dumplingser! I couldn’t even see Kameran and he’d only been a couple of metres away.
‘Where are you?’ I reached out and began groping around in front of me. The air was cold and clammy and I could feel droplets of drizzle on my face, but no hint of Kameran.
‘It’s OK. I’m here,’ he said. But his voice seemed distant and it was hard to tell which direction it was coming from.
‘Where?’ I called, tapping my foot ahead of me to try and feel my way.
‘Hereeee....’ And he trailed off into eerie silence.
‘Kameran?’ I was starting to get spooked out. ‘Wherever you are, just stand still and I’ll try to find you.’
I thought if I followed his voice we were bound to meet up but he didn’t answer. I strained my ears but there was no sound. And I mean no sound! None at all - except for the sea, of course; there was still some muted lapping at the bottom of the cliff. But, apart from that, silence - no sound of cars crawling through the fog, no boat engines chugging into the harbour, no fog horns, no music - nothing. It was like I was suddenly in a vacuum.
‘Kameran!’ This wasn’t funny any more.
And then I had another realisation - as well as there being no sound, there was no light either. No streetlights filtering through the mist, no fuzzy yellow headlights on the road ahead, no lights from the hotels across the road. What sort of scary fog was this? Surely some light would’ve diffused through the mist.
I fumbled in my pocket and got out my phone. All I had to do was press the last number I’d dialled and Kameran and I could meet up by speaking to each other - why hadn’t I thought of it before? You can tell I’m not used to having a mobile. But there seemed to be yet another problem - the little green light that comes on the screen just wasn’t happening. I pressed and pressed but nothing. Brilliant! The battery must have gone. That was so typical of Wanda! She makes sure it’s charged during the day when clients want to ring her but when I need it - zilch!
I took a deep breath and began pushing one foot forward, tentatively feeling my way towards the road, so that I didn’t fall down the kerb. But the weirdest thing was - the ground under my feet wasn’t the smooth, firm stone of the pavement I was expecting; it was soft and spongy. I tapped my toe around searching for something solid but all I could feel was lumpy, bumpy earth. Maybe, I thought, I’d accidentally turned round and was back on the grass verge again, so I did a hundred and eighty degree pivot and started edging my way in the other direction. I’m not sure how far I’d gone, it couldn’t have been more than half a dozen steps but there was still no hint of a footpath, road or any other manmade surface - in fact, the grass seemed to be getting tuftier and the ground more uneven.
Suddenly, my foot slipped into a dip and my ankle gave way.
‘Owwww!’ I cried as I collapsed sideways into the mud and wet, then I let out a frustrated, ‘Ohhhhh!’ and banged the ground with my fist. Wanda’s always impressed upon me the necessity of expressing anger rather than letting it build up inside. And believe me it certainly helped.
So, not being one to dwell on negativity, I manoeuvred myself onto all fours and started groping my way across the grass. The road couldn’t be much further, we’d been standing right on the edge and I’d only walked to the litter bin. Yet, as I groped around I could feel patches of clay and pebbles - but not a hint of a paving stone! And then:
‘Tha munt go too far. ‘Tis dangerous.’
Oh great! Just what I needed right now - my friendly neighbourhood ghost to pop up.
‘Now is really not a good time, Quill,’ I said, still crawling on all fours.
‘T’cliff’ll give way like it did wi’ me. Tha munt go no further,’ Quill warned.
‘I’m not going towards the cliff, I’m trying to find the road,’ I said, sounding a bit sharp.
‘Bain’t no road up ‘ere.’
‘Of course there’s a road. It’s the one that runs along the West Cliff out to the golf course.’
Wonderful! Other people get spirits who guide them and give them uplifting messages; I get one who thinks he’s the after-life’s answer to the Ordnance Survey! I was just about to tell him to go away and stop being ridiculous, when my hand found something round, like a thick piece of wood sticking upright. I breathed a sigh of relief. At last, it must be one of the huge whale’s jawbones that form an archway at the top of the cliff. As much as I detest the thought of the poor dead whale giving up its mouth parts just for decoration, I was very grateful to it at that moment. At least I knew where I was.
‘Ah’m not daft tha knows,’ Quill said.
‘I didn’t say you were.’ I used the jaw bone to pull myself up to me feet again.
‘No, but tha thowt it,’ he said in accusatory tone.
OK, I’d been found out and I wasn’t proud of it. ‘I’m sorry,’ I said. ‘I was feeling a little anxious because I didn’t know where I was, but now I’ve found the whale’s jawbones, I’ll be fine. I can find my way from here.’
‘Bain’t no whale’s jawbones.’
I was becoming exasperated. ‘Look, Quill, I just want to go home, all right? I’ve found a landmark that I recognise, so I’ll just be on my way. Thank you for coming to visit me - again!’ I added a bit tersely. ‘But really - I’ll be fine.’
‘Tis t’signal flag,’ he said, flatly.
‘What do you mean it’s the signal flag? What signal flag?’
‘T’beacon. There’s one on t’East cliff an all. Ti warn of enemy ships coming across t’G
erman Ocean.’
I felt up the shaft of the thing in my hand and, sure enough it felt less like bone and more like wood. And there were notches on it as though twigs had been cut off. I stretched out my hand and felt another to the left. Taking hold of that one, I moved round until I’d counted six long wooden poles in a circle, each one bending inwards slightly so that I didn’t need to be a mathematician to realise that they probably converged somewhere way over my head. I know I’d only been in Whitby a couple of weeks, but how come I’d never seen this signal flag? I’d been up on the West Cliff a few times, not to mention being able to see it from my bedroom window.
Something weird was going on and I wasn’t sure what it was but it was creeping me out. It might be freezing cold but I was starting to sweat.
‘Kameran!’ I called out again. ‘Where are you?’ I was in serious need of some company - living company.
And then, as quickly as it had appeared, the fog lifted. I could hear the lapping of the waves below quite clearly now and the gulls were circling overhead again. Phew! Panic over. For a moment there, I’d started to freak out. Now all I wanted to do was find Kameran and go home.
The moon was bright and full, casting a white light across the field - hold on, the field? Just how far had I walked in the fog? I looked across the estuary to the opposite cliff and saw the ruins of the abbey and the church, just as they had been earlier. But, right where I was standing everything had changed. For a start there was the tall wooden structure Quill had told me was the signal flag - that hadn’t been there before. But more alarmingly, the huge Victorian building of The County Hotel on the corner had completely disappeared, as had all the other hotels and houses. And, just as Quill had said, there were no whale’s jawbones, no statue of Captain Cook and no road.