by Freer, Echo;
‘Now, I know this is probably going to come as a bit of a shock,’ I said, trying to put it in the kindest way I could. ‘But, I don’t think things are as bad as you think they are.’ Then I added, ‘Well, not for you anyway - not any more.’
Quill drifted forwards and shook his head at me. ‘Tha knows nowt!’ he said, sighing deeply.
Joel was looking distinctly uneasy. ‘OK, will someone explain who the guy in fancy dress is?’ Then he stopped, looked from his lifeless body in the water to me and narrowed his eyes. ‘Mimosa, you’re not.....?’
‘Absolutely not,’ I reassured him. ‘It’s just you - and Quill, of course.’ I inclined my head in Quill’s direction. ‘But, don’t worry about him - he’s been hanging around for centuries. It’s a long story,’ I added, seeing Joel’s confused expression.
Above the noise of the squall, I could just make out the chugging of an engine - and it was getting louder. I looked back towards Whitby and could see the lights of the Gwendora rising and falling with the waves. It was heading straight towards us. Typical! Teddy was too late to save Joel, which meant that he was going to blame himself for taking Joel to Holland and he’d be devastated. This was just too dreadful - and all because I’d meant well and tried to help Joel out.
‘We need to hurry,’ Quill said.
‘What’s the point?’ I asked. ‘You said yourself, you can’t change the past. And Joel’s already passed over. It’s too late.’
Again he shook his head at me as though in despair, then turned to Joel. ‘Tha time’s not come yet, Joel. Tha must go back and finish what tha came to do.’
‘You mean I have a choice?’ Joel asked.
‘Aye,’ Quill said, pointedly looking in my direction. ‘Tha’s allus got a choice. Canst tha recall what tha wor thinking when tha wor in t’ocean.’
Joel’s spirit closed his eyes and thought back. ‘I remember thinking it was blooming cold in the water.’
‘Tell me about it,’ I said. ‘I’m not even here and I’m shivering.’
‘And,’ Joel went on, ‘how sick I felt and how tired I was of all the hassle with working and trying to earn enough money for mum and me. And,’ he opened his eyes and smiled. ‘And how I wished it would all end!’ He beamed and, even though he was barely visible in the dark, I could see the cheeky Joel I knew from college. ‘That’s it - I wished it would all end!’
‘And how dus’t tha feel now?’ Quill probed.
‘Well, I don’t deny, I’ve felt better,’ Joel joked. ‘But I’d rather be chucking up than dead, any day!’
With that, Joel’s features became less defined and his limbs merged until there was once again a shapeless vapour hovering above the limp form of his body.
‘What’s happening?’ I asked Quill, urgently.
‘He’s made his choice,’ he said, softly. ‘’Tweren’t his time.’
And then I remembered the curse.
‘No - wait!’ I screamed as Joel’s spirit began to pour back into the lifeless body in the water. ‘You have to love Eddy Proudfoot if you want carry on living till you’re old.’ Oh no - this was awful. What if Joel had been through all that and I hadn’t passed on the message in time? What if I hadn’t lifted the curse and he was going to die for real in a few years time? ‘Embrace the Proudfoots!’ I yelled.
Suddenly, the Joel in the lifejacket spluttered, raised his head out of the water and gulped in air with a loud gasp.
‘Help!’ he spluttered, raising one limp arm above his head and waving it feebly.
Quill and I watched as the Gwendora’s engines went silent and Teddy and Harry Hutton leaned over the side and pulled Joel on board.
‘What kept you?’ Joel coughed as he smiled up from the bottom of the boat.
I turned to Quill. ‘Do you think he heard me? Is the curse lifted?’
Quill shrugged. ‘Tha’s done tha best. ‘Tis up to Joel now.’
‘What! Is that it?’ I was in shock. After all that he was fobbing me off with some pathetic platitude about doing my best. I wanted - no needed answers. I don’t think it was unreasonable to expect a little glimpse into the future to reassure me that after all that stress and rushing about through time, Joel was going to be OK; that it hadn’t all been in vain.
But Quill simply looked at me, gave a sigh, then said, ‘Best get thi back.’
And before I had time to argue, I was stumbling out from behind Kathy Chapman’s shower curtain.
‘How’d it go?’ Kameran leapt up from where he’d been sitting on the toilet lid.
I was in no mood for him to start questioning me on the events of tomorrow morning. ‘You could at least have waited outside the door,’ I snapped. ‘What if someone came out and thought we were in here together?’
He looked at me with a pained expression. ‘Well, if you’d been away longer than about five seconds, it might have mattered. As it was, I’d only just plonked my bum down, when you were back again.’
‘Really? Wow!’ That would explain why I had such a head-rush. But this was no time to start pondering the effects of quantum physics. I began shooing him out of the door. ‘Seriously, wait outside. I’ll flush the loo, then I’ll go downstairs and then you can come in and flush it.’ Kameran was looking at me as though I’d just slipped into Cantonese back slang. ‘So that it doesn’t look as though we’ve been up to anything dodgy,’ I explained. You can tell he wasn’t someone who was used to having to cover his tracks. ‘I’ll tell you everything tomorrow,’ I added to try and placate him.
When I entered the living room, Kathy and Wanda were both staring at the crystal ball in silence.
‘I’ve just had a thought,’ I said to Kathy, as nonchalantly as I could. ‘Why don’t you give Joel a ring on his mobile and suggest that he finds a Dutch health food shop. He could get some Cocculus tablets and an acupressure band for his wrist. They’re both brilliant for sea sickness.’
I’d told Joel how to break the curse (at least, I hope I’d been in time), and now I was trying to minimise the chances of him actually getting sea sick and falling out of the boat in the first place. Wanda eyed me suspiciously as though knowing I’d been up to something.
Kathy shook her head. ‘We can’t afford a mobile, love. Still, it was a nice thought. But Wanda’s had another vision and it looks as though everything’s going to be all right after all.’
I glared at Wanda suspiciously. ‘Has she?’ I asked. ‘Well then, there’s nothing to worry about, is there?’ I gave Wanda one of my looks and said, as meaningfully as I could without making it too obvious, ‘But, just to be on the safe side - Wanda, why don’t you phone Teddy and suggest they both take some sea sickness remedy before they set off back?’
Wanda flapped her hand dismissively. ‘What! Tell a fisherman to take sea sickness tab....’
I narrowed my eyes. In fact, if I’d glared at her any more intently, I think I’d have burnt a hole right through her. Hallelujah - she seemed to have got the hint.
‘Oh yes, good idea, sweetie,’ she said, picking up our mobile and pressing Teddy’s number on speed dial.
I let out a sigh of relief and did a mental checklist to make sure I’d covered every possible angle. OK - so Quill had told me it was up to Joel now, but I was determined not to leave anything to chance if I could help it. Unfortunately, Quill or Life or the Universe was equally determined to make me butt out. Wanda flipped shut the phone.
‘Switched off,’ she announced. ‘Still, not to worry - a bit of sea sickness never killed anyone, did it?’
Sometimes I despair of my mother.
That evening Kameran asked me to go to the pictures with him and the rest of the gang but I wasn’t in the mood. I just wanted to get through the night and satisfy myself that Joel got back OK.
It was some consolation that Kathy Chapman seemed to have bee
n placated by Wanda’s bogus second vision - at least I didn’t have to worry about her for the time being. And Wanda was on a high that she’d actually had the first vision that she was celebrating with another baking fest - and a bottle of dandelion wine from the deli up the road.
I went up to my room and stared out across the harbour to the arch made out of whale’s jawbones on the West Cliff where I’d first met Quill. Where was he now? I wondered. I took out my astrological tarots and began shuffling them idly in the hopes that the energy might induce him to come and back and give me a quick glimpse into tomorrow.
As the cards slid easily through my fingers, one slipped out onto the window sill. Typical, it was my old friend the Hanged Man again; dangling upside down by one leg from his gibbet. I sighed. If only Isaac Chapman had been hanged upside down by his leg, his family wouldn’t be in the mess they were in now.
‘If you’re around anywhere, I wouldn’t object to a bit of company,’ I said into the emptiness of my room.
No reply! I put the cards away and flopped back on my bed. There was nothing left for me now but the one thing that Quill keeps telling me I’m no good at - patience!
15
If you’re anything like me, you’ll be itching to know if this whole saga has a happy ending or not. Well, to put you out of your misery - ish!
The happy ending bit was that, even without the Cocculus and the acupressure band, Joel and Teddy landed safely (if a little queasily) in the small hours of Sunday morning. Teddy was as good as his word and after taking Joel on a tour of the Whitby hostelries touting their contraband, he handed over all the money they’d made to the Chapmans. By the time Eva Proudfoot had gone round to issue a ‘Notice to Quit’ that Sunday afternoon, Kathy and Joel were able to present her with, not only a full complement of back rent, but also an immaculate house.
Joel was full of it on the Monday morning in Food Technology.
‘You should’ve seen Old Ma Proudfoot’s face when Mam gave her the whole lot. It was like she’d lost a tenner and found two p. But, get this,’ Joel went on. ‘Me mam only went and invited her and her Eddy round to tea.’
‘Really?’ We were supposed to be looking at the nutritional value of a beef burger, but I was leaving all that to Joel. Mrs Oliver had completely overruled my objection that it had no nutritional value to anyone other than earthworms - and they only benefited when the humans had died of heart attacks or mad cow disease.
Joel gave a coy grin. ‘Well - it was my idea.’
‘Wow, that’s a bit of a turn around.’ I tried not to let out a squeal of relief. ‘What brought that on?’
He shrugged. ‘Dunno really. It happened when I went to Holland with Kev’s dad. You know, I was sitting in that boat, chucking up for England and I suddenly thought of my dad’s Star Wars Collection.’
Did I mention that one of the things Joel had inherited from his dad (apart from in-growing toe nails and a family curse) was his love of all things Imperial? Well, I didn’t know either, till Kameran mentioned it when they were tidying up the house and he sucked Jar Jar Binks into the vacuum cleaner.
Joel was squelching the minced beef in his hands (gross!). ‘So there I was, leaning over the side of the boat, feeling like a pile of poo and thinking how fed up I was of being scared all the time.’ He looked at me and made an apologetic face. ‘I know it’s not very manly to admit it, but it’s true. I’ve spent most of my life being scared: scared of being evicted, of not having any money, that I wouldn’t be able to support my mum. And even,’ he cleared his throat, ‘that I might die young like my dad.’ He straightened his shoulders again and patted the beef into rounds. ‘And I started to feel really pissed off about it. Then, suddenly, it was like Yoda himself was speaking to me. This voice was saying to me, Fear leads to anger; anger leads to hate; hate leads to suffering.’
Whoa! I did not see that coming. Wanda always says; the Universe will use whatever means necessary to get its point across.
‘And it’s true,’ he went on. ‘Fear really does lead to the Dark Side.’
‘I know; I saw the film too,’ I told him. ‘Although it was in Romanian with English subtitles, so I think it probably lost something in translation.’
He gave me a weird look, then went on, ‘And guess what?’
‘Surprise me,’ I said, keeping all my fingers and toes crossed that he was going to tell me that the Chapmans and the Proudfoots had become best buds overnight.
‘Eddy Proudfoot’s into Star Wars memorabilia like my dad was! He’s got the limited edition Star Wars Monopoly set and he’s going to bring it over tonight.’
Well, it might not have been the earth-shattering embrace scenario I’d envisaged, with starburst fireworks in the background and a hundred-piece orchestra playing the victory march, but it was certainly a start.
‘Wow - live long and prosper,’ I said - and believe me, I meant it.
Joel looked up from the disgusting heap of meat he was mauling and shook his head. ‘That’s from Star Trek not Star Wars. Don’t you know anything?’
‘Didn’t I say something got lost in translation?’ Honestly, some people are so ungrateful. ‘Well, anyway - may the Force be with you!’
And, in fact, it seems as though the Force has been with Joel and Kathy ever since. So much has happened in the last month that it’s hard to keep up some times.
Eva Proudfoot decided not to sell Kathy and Joel’s place for the time being but put her own house on the market instead. She’s negotiating to buy a small corner shop with a flat above, which could give a whole new meaning to the term convenience store. And, once the worry of losing her home was off her mind, Kathy’s back improved so much that she was able to take on the post of practice nurse at Kameran’s parents’ surgery. She’s got so much more energy now that she even found the time to trace and contact Joel’s half brother, John. It turns out that he’s married and has moved back up north. He’s now living in York and his wife’s expecting twin daughters. Apparently it’s the first time the first-born child of that particular branch of the Chapman family has been a girl for over two hundred years, so it looks like the curse might finally have been lifted. It would have been nice to have checked with Quill just to be sure, but do you think he’d put in an appearance since that night in the North Sea? No chance.
So, that’s the happy endings for you. As for the rest of the story, you’ll have to wait and see.
My career as a relationship guru floundered at the first hurdle. It seems that I’d got it completely wrong about Kameran and Milly. Milly had had her eye on Kevin for months - long before I even arrived in Whitby. Apparently, she only went out with Eddy to try and make Kevin jealous. So now she and Kevin are an item. And Joel has asked Amanpreet out too - which is so sweet.
The downside of all my interfering in the Chapmans’ affairs was that Teddy realised he had much more in common with Kathy than he did with Wanda - oops! I thought she was going to pack our bags and move on again, but then the guy who owns the deli tasted one of her vegetable samosas and she’s found herself a nice little niche baking for him.
As for me, well, what can I say? I’m still doing readings and getting a steady flow of clients. Kameran’s a great mate and we hang out together a lot of the time.
‘You seem to have taken the news about Milly and Kevin incredibly well,’ I remarked one evening when we had gone for a walk up on the East Cliff by the ruins of the old Abbey.
Kameran shrugged. ‘What’s not to take well?’ he asked. ‘I’ve known Milly since nursery and Kevin’s my best mate. I think it’s brilliant.’
‘But, I thought you fancied her?’
Kameran shook his head. ‘Neh - don’t know where you got that from.’
I was confused. ‘But that first time I did you a reading, you said there was someone you really liked and you wanted to know if it was going an
ywhere. I thought it was Milly.’
He shook his head then turned away and looked out to sea. ‘There was someone,’ he said. ‘But she just wanted to be friends.’ I thought he looked a bit sad, but then he gave me a smile. ‘And that’s cool. Anyway, I really need to pee. Wait here a second.’
There are definite advantages to being a boy! I sat down on the grass to wait for Kameran while he ran back and disappeared behind one of the ruined Abbey walls and remembered when I’d been regressed back to my life as a barrow boy in the eighteen hundreds - so much easier than messing about with all those petticoats and pantaloons.
It was May and the sun was setting over the West Cliff, behind the town. Sea gulls were crying and I closed my eyes to listen to the gentle lapping of the waves below. A sudden chill came over me and I shuddered. It was a still evening with no hint of a breeze but I hadn’t seen Quill since the night Joel had chosen not to cross over, so it didn’t occur to me that he could be up to his old tricks again. I pulled my cardigan round me and gave another shiver. And there he was!
‘Well, hello stranger,’ I said. ‘Where’ve you been hiding yourself?’
‘I’ve come to tek my leave,’ he said.
‘Take your leaf?’
‘My leave,’ he said. ‘I’m off.’
‘Off?’ I queried.
‘Going!’ he emphasised. ‘By! Dus’t tha want it spelled out for thee?’
Whoa! Tetchy, or what? ‘Are you trying to tell me you’re going to pull away for good?’
‘Aye,’ he replied.
‘So, I’ll never see you again?’
‘Aye.’
Oh no! This was dreadful. ‘But we work so well together,’ I protested. ‘I think we could make a really cool couple.’
‘I think you’re forgetting summat,’ Quill said, flatly. ‘I’m dead!’
I looked straight into his gorgeously gooey eyes. ‘And your point?’
‘Listen, tha’s got a good ‘un, in yon Kameran. Tha could do a lot worse for thissen.’