by Cole, Aja
“Not if you’re going to keep being a smart-ass.” I climb the short stairs and settle on one of the cushioned benches, tossing my legs up on the seat. Instead of sitting on the other side of me, he picks up my legs and sits down, draping them over his lap.
“You wanna talk about last night?”
“Do we have to?”
“I can’t force you, but I want you to feel like you can talk to me.” He strokes his hands over my legs softly as he speaks.
“I don’t really like talking to anyone,” I hesitate, “but it feels stupid now when you’ve seen me at such a low point.”
“I keep trying to tell you I’m not going anywhere.”
“You can’t promise that.” I lift my eyes to his warm brown ones. “No one really can.”
He frowns, looking away. “Last night, after you left the ballroom…Kane told me about Cameron.”
I’m not surprised, but part of me wishes that I’d been the one to tell him, especially since I knew what he would think when I told him I was still in love with someone else. I haven’t been the most sensitive to his feelings, and that’s not the person that I am…that I want to be.
It’s probably time to grow up and stop hiding from my emotions. I don’t want to feel like this for the rest of my life, and I’m not sure how to reconcile that with the love I had for Cameron and…what I’m starting to feel for Elias.
“Were you mad?” I ask, though I think I already know the answer.
“Why would I be mad?”
“Because I didn’t tell you about him, or that he was dead when I said I still loved someone else.”
“You know how petty it would be of me to be pissed off about something like that? No, I was just worried about you. I understood even more why getting to the bottom of all of this is important.”
“Where did they make you, Elias?” I ask softly, shaking my head. “And why the hell do you think you want me? I’m not an insecure woman, never have been, but I’m not…I cried in your arms last night about someone that’s been dead for two years. Why do you want that kind of baggage?”
“Don’t you know that you can get away with just about anything when you’re as attractive as you are?”
I narrow my eyes, scanning his face for how serious he is, when his lips quirk.
“Kidding. I’m not that guy who gets blinded by hotness. You think you’re the only one who isn’t perfect here? Who still has healing to do?”
“You’re a good man, Elias. You can be arrogant and maddening and you think that your way is the best way—”
“I’m sorry, are you describing yourself or me?” He flashes white teeth in a cocky smile, and I roll my eyes.
“You know what, I’ll keep my thoughts to myself.” I swing my legs off his lap but he hooks an arm around my waist, dragging me into his lap completely, like I’m a rag doll and not solidly built.
“Finish,” he demands, that relaxed curve on his lips, his face close to mine.
“Nope,” I breathe.
“Please?” He settles his arms around me, like he has no intentions of letting go anytime soon. “You were saying how my way is the best way, if I remember correctly.”
“Yeah, those words didn’t pass my lips at all.”
“They didn’t?” He plays confused. “My bad. Continue with what you were saying then.”
I settle into his arms, unable to look away from the content look in his eyes.
“You have a good heart,” I say, my voice hushed since we’re so close. “You believe in something. You’re a protector, a fighter.”
“And yet I couldn’t protect someone that meant the world to me.” His face clouds, and he shakes his head. “You think I have it all figured out, that you’re the only one fighting demons? You aren’t, and everything you just said to me—that’s what I see in you.”
I’m so overwhelmed by his words that I can’t speak. So instead, I do the only thing I can. I press my lips to his in thanks, not only for just now, but for last night…for the times before when he’s given me a place to just be a woman with a man.
His hand moves up my back and around to my face, pulling me deeper into him.
“Ah-hem.” A throat clears at the bottom of the stairs and I move away, already smiling because I’ve heard that distinctive throat clearing many times.
Standing up from Elias’s lap, I make my way down the stairs and press a kiss to the cheeks of the woman who made sure I stayed on track after I left home.
“Hello, Viera.” I grin, and she pulls me into a warm hug, almost taking me off my feet.
“Hello, solnyshko. I was so happy to get your call today.” She’s barely aged since I first met her. Dark hair that’s cropped around her face, sharp blue eyes and the same laugh lines. “I was going to ask if your guest was a friend, but that was not a friendly kiss.” Her English is much smoother than my parents’ head of security, Sasha, because she grew up in the U.S. for the most part.
Sasha arranged things for me, convincing me that it was better to be with someone than to run away on my own. It still astounds me that he realized I wouldn’t accept a planned marriage before my parents did. But they were desperate to figure out something, and I know now the ways someone can rationalize if they think they’re making a good decision for family.
Viera is Sasha’s half-sister, and she was married to a lieutenant general in the army. That’s how I ended up enlisting.
They’ve been amicably divorced for about three years now.
I motion Elias forward. “Viera, this is Elias. He’s—”
“Trying to convince her to give me a chance.” He winks at Viera, taking her hand, but she pulls him into a hug instead.
“I’d say you already have more than a chance, young man.” She raises an eyebrow at me, and I start to say something, but I see movement behind her.
It’s Natalya, her daughter. When she makes it to us, I can’t help the wide grin that stretches my face, and I hold out my arms.
“Elias, this is Natalya, Viera’s daughter.” He greets her, and she gives me a look that says she appreciates what she sees.
Turning to him, I take a deep breath and let the words I don’t say to many people pass my lips.
“And this is Cami…my daughter.”
27
Naja
“Your…So, you were…” He trails off, probably putting the pieces together. I softly rub the back of the sleeping little girl that’s laying against my shoulder now, completely knocked out.
“I found out I was pregnant a little after Cameron died, yes. I took time off, and that’s why I was able to come to Atlanta last year, because I was spending time with Camille.”
“Well shit,” he muses, glancing at Cami guiltily. “I mean, shoot.”
I smile, amused. “She’s out like a light; don’t worry about it.”
“Let’s go into the house and I can feed you, yes?” Viera clasps her hands together and strides ahead, still the no-nonsense woman who made sure I never got wrapped up in anything.
You may not live with your family, but you will still make them proud and I will help you, da? she’d say.
The general was pretty laid-back when he was home, and the only times I can remember seeing him get really stern was when Natalya broke her curfew.
Which was more than a few times.
“So, Elias,” All of us trail behind Viera towards the house, with Elias walking between Natalya and I. She shares her mother’s dark hair and blue eyes, except her hair curls down her back and she has her father’s stubborn jaw. “Has she told you she loves you, yet? Because she does.”
“Are you a mind reader now, Yaya?”
“No, I’m a you-reader,” she throws back, and Elias opens the screen door for us. Once we’re inside, I move to sit on a plush couch, and Elias sits in an armchair that’s right next to it. Natalya and Viera move to the kitchen, which I’m not allowed in since last time I tried to help, I almost set things on fire.
I don’t
know how the burner caught flames, to this day. One second, it was fine…and the next, it wasn’t.
I tried to tell them my skills have improved since then, but Viera won’t hear of it.
“I’m going to take that as a no.” Natalya pops her head out of the kitchen. “Don’t worry; she’ll try not to be superwoman soon.” She pops back in before I can curse at her.
Elias is staring at Cami, which I understand, because it’s not like anyone said a thing to him. My team keeps just as tight-lipped as I do on this front, because no one will put my baby in jeopardy. I carry her picture everywhere if I’m away, and that’s my only concession.
My parents and Nova know about her, but they haven’t met her yet. Natalya watches her when I’m away, and when I take her home to them, I want to be home for good and finished with missions.
“She’s pretty talkative,” I start softly, “when she’s awake, even if it doesn’t all make sense. She climbs on everything she can reach, and she’s fascinated if you sit on the floor with her and roll a ball back and forth. She giggles forever.”
“I’m just uh...” His forehead wrinkles and he shakes his head like he’s shaking away a fog. “You’re really good at keeping secrets.”
“When it’s necessary, yes.”
“Your parents?”
“They know about her. My mom cried on the phone, but they haven’t met yet.”
“Because you’re still mad at them?”
I laugh. “Not at all. I pretty much forgave them once I found out about everything. We’ve talked it through. I know they’re not just shitty people. I want my daughter to know her grandparents, but after this is wrapped up.”
“Got it.” He nods, his face hard to read.
“I know it’s a lot to process.” I look down as Cami stirs, turning her head back and forth like she does when she’s starting to wake up. Sleepy brown eyes slide open and closed, and a smile tugs at the corner of her lips repeatedly before they smooth out.
“How old is she?”
“A little over a year and a half.”
“Why me? Why now?” He watches me, and I choose my words carefully.
“I don’t know if I can tell you what you deserve to hear, yet…but Cami is my life. I don’t trust many people when it comes to her…but…I hope…I think I can trust you,” I finish, resting my chin atop Cami’s head.
“I gotta say, this day feels like stepping into the twilight zone.” He moves so he’s sitting next to me. Pressing a kiss to my forehead, he nods at me. “You can trust me. Thank you for letting me into this part of your life.”
God, he’s so damn good.
Cami lifts her face off of me and peers up at my face, blinking long lashes in a face that reminds me of her father.
“Mommy.” She grins, rubbing sleep from her eyes. But just as quickly as she’s happy to see me, her intelligent eyes slide over to Elias.
“Who?” She points at him, her little toddler voice almost accusing. He puts his hands up playfully, then puts a hand over his wide chest.
“My name is Elias,” he says gently. “It’s nice to meet you, Cami.”
“Eli.” She nods, satisfied with that.
“Eli,” he repeats, the most heart-melting smile on his face. Immediately, the little traitor puts out her arms to him.
“Eli,” she says. “Go Eli, Mommy.” She crawls out of my lap when Elias settles so she can sit on his lap. Damn, traded in because of one smile.
She looks up at him, blinking.
“Eli,” she says again, like she’s confirming. He nods, pointing at her.
“Cami.”
Boy, does that make the little imp beam like she never has before. And when Elias smiles in return, I almost tear up watching the both of them. The way he’s looking at my daughter is similar to the way he looks at me, the same gentle understanding.
It’s watching them, watching that moment right there, that the last little bits of my heart sign themselves away to Special Agent Elias Samir.
28
Elias
“Tell me who you are, Elias.” Viera passes a dish to me, and I rinse it in the water, then put it on the drying rack.
Natalya and Naja are in the living room with Cami, and Viera asked (commanded) that I help her with the dishes before I could offer.
Viera said her husband was the one in the military, but she could’ve fooled me for sure.
We talked a little about my job, and how Naja and I met, so I’m not exactly sure what she means.
“Who you are, not what you do.” She raises a dark brow, passing me another dish. “Are you kind? Are you a jealous man? Are you responsible?”
“I’d like to think I am. Not jealous, but I am a little possessive, but not controlling. I’m told that I’m arrogant and believe my way is the right way.”
“I could see that. Like attracts like, in that respect.” She winks.
“Family is important to me. I was adopted, and my birth parents were not the most…” I hesitate. “They weren’t ready for children. I got lucky; I never had any abusive experiences with my adoptive family and I didn’t have to be shuffled around.”
“Your chosen family must be proud of you, yes? Naja is a strong woman, and she would not choose a weak man to love.”
“I don’t know if she’s at love yet.” I rinse the last plate, and take the dishtowel she hands me. “But I hope that can get there one day.”
“You underestimate yourself. I know that woman out there. I know a mother’s love. You would not be here if she had any doubt about you.”
“Maybe…but I don’t know if I can compete with a dead man,” I admit. I know that today, I’ve seen a different side of Naja, that she’s allowed me into a deeper part of her life—but who knows when she’ll feel guilty again about Cameron?
I don’t want her warring with herself over whether to choose me or the father of her daughter. I meant what I said about not going anywhere…but this opens up a whole new set of questions.
A child…that’s a deep bond. Every time she looks at her daughter, she’ll think of him, and I don’t know if her feelings for me will be able to overcome that.
“I can’t tell the future, as much as I wish I could,” Viera starts, blue eyes thoughtful. “But I can tell you that love can heal, and if you are steady with that love—even for a stubborn woman like my solnyshko—you can get her to see that her life didn’t end when Cameron’s did.”
“I hope you’re right, Viera. She knows how I feel about her, but I don’t want to push her too hard.”
“Bah,” She waves a dismissive hand. “Push her. It is good for woman like her. She is not my born child, but she is like me. Push her until she falls over into your arms and never let her go.” Viera lifts up on her toes and presses a kiss to my cheek. “You convince her to stay the night, da?”
“Oh, I don’t kn—”
She simply gives me a look, and I decide I should probably just go with it.
“Yes, ma’am. I’ll see what I can do.”
“Molodets, good boy.” She pats my shoulder and then shoos me out of the kitchen. “Go, do my bidding.” She laughs.
For a few seconds, I stand away from the couch and watch Naja and Natalya with Cami. They’re doing a puzzle, and hearing Cami’s laugh is doing things to my heart that I’ve never felt before.
I’ve haven’t been around kids that much, or not for a while.
“Star!” Cami yells, matching the chunky star to its place on the board.
“Good job, baby girl.” Naja puts her hand up for a high five, and Cami slaps it, giggling more. She seems like a really happy child. She turns her head as if she’s heard me thinking, and points.
“Eli.” She says a few things I can’t quite understand, but I do make out “Come.” I ease myself down on the floor and she toddles to me immediately, plopping down on my thigh and leaning her head against my chest. She pops her thumb into her mouth and quiets.
I look at Naja for guidance, and she
just shakes her head and makes a shrug motion.
“You’ve worked some voodoo on my child.”
“She recognizes quality when she sees it,” Natalya teases.
“So, a very commanding birdie said that we should stay the night tonight.” I speak softly, because I don’t want to disturb Cami if she’s starting to go to sleep.
“I just bet she did. Using you to send her messages.” There’s a happy sparkle in Naja’s eye that makes me damned happy considering the state she was in last night.
“I don’t mind, if you don’t.”
“We can stay. We’ll have to share a room though, if that’s okay with you.”
“I can protect my virtue, don’t you worry.”
“Look at her, just content as ever.” Natalya whistles.
“Clearly she’s got a new favorite.” Naja stands. “Come on, sport. You can lay her down and I’ll show you our room. I think there are some old clothes here since there’ve been visitors over the years.”
I look at up her from the floor, a little nervous to move.
“Will she wake up?”
“Cami sleeps ridiculously hard once she’s out. She might stir a little, but it’s bedtime so she’ll go back to sleep pretty soon.”
I rise carefully, so carefully that Natalya and Naja start laughing.
“I appreciate how careful you’re being with my daughter, but it’s okay to go a little faster.” I straighten finally and bump her lightly with my hip as I pass her, following Natalya.
I wait outside the room when Naja changes Cami into her pajamas and soothes her back to sleep. When she comes out and closes the door behind her, she nods her head silently for me to follow her.
After putting what I think is a baby monitor on one of the nightstands, she goes into the closet and comes back with a shirt and shorts that look like they’ll fit, and some clothes for her.
Setting them on the bed, she turns to me, tucking her hair behind her ear.
Immediately, my eyes narrow because Naja isn’t one for nervous gestures.
“We can take turns in the shower,” she starts, “or I can claim one of the nights, and…I can take care of you for once.”