by Carrie Elks
“Will you have dinner with me tonight?” The words escaped his lips in a rush. Hanna’s brows dipped in confusion, her hand gently squeezing his waist.
“What about Matty? I can’t leave him with a babysitter, not yet.”
She hadn’t said no. It made him smile.
“We’ll have it at home. We can put Matty to bed, and I’ll order in. Just the two of us. It will give us a chance to talk.”
Her face lit up with a smile. “Yes, please. I’d love to have dinner with you.”
Richard didn’t care what it took; he was determined to do this right. He wanted to woo the hell out of this girl, to sweep her off her feet until she could never run again. They’d been careless before, letting love pour through their fingers like sand through an hourglass. Neither of them was innocent in the clusterfuck they’d found themselves in. They’d both given up before they should have.
This time…he was determined this time he wouldn’t let her get away.
Twenty Five
June 1st 2012
“Try to keep still,” Hanna urged Matty, making a futile attempt to fasten his diaper before putting him in his pajamas. Matty laughed, kicking his legs in a bicycle-movement, trying to twist his body from the mat. She tapped his rump playfully, leaning in to blow a raspberry on his stomach, his soft skin vibrating loudly under her lips.
“No!” He wriggled again. “No that.”
Hanna stopped tickling him and looked up. “No that?” She tried to hide her excitement; she couldn’t remember him ever stringing two words together before. Until now his communication had been limited to single-word sentences.
“No.” Matty was firm.
“Let’s get you ready for bed, then.” She lifted him up to standing, rolling up the legs of his pajama pants and helping him to step into them. “You need to get some sleep, little man.”
“No sleep.” He was on a roll, and made her laugh. She couldn’t wait to tell Richard about this new development.
“That’s right, Matty. No sleep yet, not until Daddy gets home.” She pulled his top over his head, tugging it down. “But then, definitely sleep.”
As soon as she finished dressing him, Matty escaped from her grasp, running across the pale wooden floor of his bedroom, to the floor-length window on the far side. The evening sun warmed his face, lending him a golden hue, and he jumped up and down, pointing at the cars on the street below.
A crashing noise from the hallway made Hanna turn away from the windows, her brow creasing in consternation. A moment later she could hear Richard’s voice.
“Hanna? Matty?” He sounded almost frantic. She’d barely stood up before he rushed through the door to Matty’s bedroom, panting for breath, his chest rising and falling rapidly. He walked straight over, pulling her toward him, crushing her tight frame with his strong arms.
“Thank fuck.” He tucked her head beneath his chin. “I had this horrible feeling you’d be gone.”
This wasn’t good. She put her arms around him, hands hesitantly rubbing his back. “Where would I go?”
Matty ran to them, squealing. Richard bent down and scooped him into his right arm, pulling Hanna back to him with his left. He leaned forward until their foreheads touched, his eyes a blink away from hers. She could feel his warm breath washing over her face.
“Richard, what’s happened?”
Matty grabbed Richard’s face and pulled it away from Hanna’s, leaning down to push his own against it. “Da.” He cupped his father’s cheeks with his plump hands, laughing when Richard butterfly-kissed him with his eyelashes.
Richard inhaled deeply, managing to gain control of his breathing. He kissed Matty one more time before putting him on the floor, turning to face Hanna once more, a look of fear molding his features.
“I called my lawyer today, asked him if I could put some sort of restraining order on you to stop you leaving the country.” He looked as though he was admitting to a mortal sin. Hanna stepped backwards, trying to work out why her heart beat a little faster.
“What did he say?”
“He said I needed to talk to a shrink.” Richard’s laugh was dry and cold. “So I did. I talked to somebody.”
“Oh.” Her heart was racing. Hanna wondered whether it was from fear or attraction.
“Hanna, we’ve really fucked things up.” His voice was gritty and deep. He reached his hand up and dragged it through his hair, causing the ends to stand up. “We have no trust.”
“I trust you.” Her voice was small.
“You don’t. If you trusted me, you’d never have left; either time.” He reached out a tentative hand, brushing her cheek with his fingertips. “You never once trusted in my love for you.”
“And you don’t trust that I’ll stay.” Hanna started to pick at the skin around her nails. She felt despondent. He was right; their lack of trust was like a huge mountain between them. “What did the shrink say?”
Richard smiled. “That I need intense, expensive therapy.”
Hanna laughed in spite of herself.
“But seriously, I know no matter how much I want to, I can’t handcuff you to the copper pipework, or file a lawsuit against you.” He paused for a moment before carrying on. “If you don’t want to stay, nothing I can do will change that.”
“Richard, I—”
He held his hand up. “Please let me finish. When I was talking to the therapist, I realized something about myself. I may have told you I loved you, but I never really convinced you that you were worth loving. When you left, it’s because you thought I wanted—or deserved—something more. And both times you were wrong.”
Matty grew bored of the conversation and ran over to his toy box, pulling out his favorite stuffed toy.
“You do deserve more.”
Richard shook his head. “You don’t get to decide what I want, or what I need. I have to make something very clear to you before we even start to talk about the future.” He rocked on his heels. “I’ve loved you since the day we met. I’ve always loved you, even when you’ve been far away and I haven’t been able to see you.” He stepped toward her, his hand caressing her neck. “If you ever want to leave, don’t do it because you doubt my love for you. Do it because you don’t want me, or because you want something better for yourself. I love you, Hanna Vincent. I’ll always love you and there’s nothing I want more than to have you in my life.”
Hanna could feel her lip tremble as his fingers tangled into her hair. She was going to cry, she knew it, but before she collapsed into his arms, she needed to tell him something, too.
“Richard…” Her voice cracked, and the tears started to fall before she was ready. “I’m not going anywhere.” She glanced across to Matty, noticing he was completely absorbed; playing a strange game with his teddy bear that involved lifting him onto his head before nodding, and watching him fall to the floor. Hanna covered Richard’s hand with her own, feeling the warmth of his fingers on her skin. “I’ve made so many mistakes, but I’m not going to subject Matty to any of that. He deserves to know you and to be with you. I could never take him away.”
She looked at him through thick lashes, watching the way his mouth remained downturned. “And more than that, I don’t want to go. I want to be with you, I want us to be a family.” She glanced down at the floor, trying to find the right words. “I love you, too. So much it makes me cry.” She laughed through the tears, feeling them drip onto her chin. “I’ll only leave if you tell me to.”
“I’m never going to tell you to go,” he whispered, brushing the wetness from her cheeks.
“Then you can take the handcuffs back to the shop.” She glanced down again, feeling a blush steal across her cheeks as she thought of other uses for them. Richard laughed, as if he knew exactly what she was thinking.
He brushed her neck with his thumb one last time before pulling away, smiling wryly at her. “I was supposed to say this all at dinner. I guess I jumped the gun.”
“It needed to be said.” Sh
e felt her heart lift up in her chest. “I’m glad you did.”
A small smile played at his lips. “Well, I’m going to run you a bath, and I’ll put Matty to bed and get dinner ready. Don’t come out of your room until I tell you, okay?”
She looked at him through narrowed eyes. “What have you got planned, Mr. Larsen?”
Richard tapped his nose and winked. “Patience is a virtue, Miss Vincent.”
THE BATH WAS warm and fragrant, and she could barely bring herself to climb out. Her eyes were heavy with relaxation; her limbs loose, like somebody had removed the bones from them. She leaned across and blew out the lit candles, finally sitting up. The water sloshed around her waist, drying in rivulets across her body. Hanna stepped out onto the fluffy mat, pulling a soft, cream towel around her chest.
She chose a plain, black dress; short enough to show her still-youthful legs to their best advantage, long enough not to embarrass Matty, were he ever to notice. She dried her hair quickly, growing bored of preening, and twisted it into a bun before applying some scant, natural make-up.
A knock at the bedroom door made her stand up from the velvet stool and walk across the soft carpet of her bedroom. She glanced in the full-length mirror hanging on the wall next to her bed, noticing how dark the shadows under her eyes were, she wondered if it was from exhaustion, or a sign of age.
When she pulled open the heavy, oak door, Richard was standing behind it, dressed in a pale-blue shirt and dark grey pants. His shirt was unbuttoned at the neck, and she felt her eyes scanning the dip of skin where his throat met his chest, following the sparse hair which led downward.
She swallowed. Hard.
“Are you ready?” The left corner of his mouth curled into a lopsided grin. “Or did you want to invite me in for coffee?”
Hanna burst out laughing. “Is it going to be that kind of date?”
“I sincerely hope so.” He reached out and took her hand. “But I should feed you first.”
He pulled her into the hall, her bare feet padding on the pale wooden floor. Richard raised his hands and placed them on her shoulders, his eyes scanning her body. “You look beautiful.”
She smiled. “Thank you. You’re not so bad yourself.” She chided herself for making the understatement of the year. His cotton shirt molded to his body, revealing muscles in all the right places. His pants fell from his hips in the most delicious way.
“Thank you.” He looked like he wanted to say more, but instead turned and walked her down to the dining room, his arm loosely slung around her shoulders. Hanna leaned into him, his body warming hers through the thin fabric of their clothes.
The table was set with a heavy white cloth. The cutlery was laid precisely, two wine glasses at each setting. In the middle, a silver candelabra held three tapered candles, glowing from the flames flickering above. Richard pulled her chair out and she sat down, letting him push her back in.
“This looks amazing.” Hanna looked around the room, her eyes wide with excitement. “You didn’t have to go to all this trouble.”
“I wanted to.” His voice was thick. He walked over to the sideboard, pulling their plates from the warmer. “I told you I want to do this properly.”
As he sat down opposite her, he reached for the bottle of Merlot, pouring them each an over-full glass. Hanna wondered who he was trying to get drunk; her or himself.
“Did Matty go down all right?” she asked, lifting her cutlery and spearing a piece of carrot with her fork.
“Fine. He was asleep before I even got to the second page of his book. He must have worn himself out at the park.”
Or maybe he knew his parents needed a little alone time.
“You’re so good with him.” She glanced up. “Thank you.”
Richard shrugged. “I’m his father.”
“I know, I remember the conception.” Suddenly her cheeks burned. She wanted to whack herself around the head for her inappropriate comments. Reaching out, she picked up her wine glass, tipping her head back to take a large mouthful.
“So do I,” Richard replied softly.
She couldn’t look at him; she couldn’t. Yet her eyes drew up as if pulled by magnets.
“I’m so embarrassed,” she admitted, making Richard laugh.
“Don’t be. You always were honest. It’s one of the things I love about you.”
Love. She swooned again, wanting to pour the whole wine bottle down her throat. Her body was tense with anticipation.
“You know, I was thinking today, in between talking to my lawyer and the shrink, that we’re essentially an old married couple.” He lifted the bottle of merlot and topped up both their glasses. “We live together, have a child together, and we spend the evenings talking deep into the night about things which concern us most.” He glanced up at her through thick, dark lashes. “All that’s missing is the sex.”
Hanna spluttered, coughing out her mouthful of wine. She lifted the napkin from her lap and used it to dab at her mouth, wishing she could hide herself behind it.
“And the ring,” Richard continued. “We’re missing that, too.”
“Don’t forget the fabulous wedding album. We can look at it and reminisce all about the way our families fought and hated us, and ended up throwing plates at each other.” She grinned at him. “No old married couples are complete without that.”
Richard raised his eyebrows at her. “I’m not kidding. I know we have a lot to work through, but eventually I intend to marry you. I want you and Matty to be Larsens.”
Hanna wanted it, too. She wanted it so much she could barely bring herself to imagine it. She thought she might die if it were taken away from her now. She could picture it so vividly; the ring on her finger, the kisses before he left for work, his arrival home, scooping Matty up into his arms, walking over to her and kissing the hell out of her.
The babies.
She needed to calm down. She was getting ahead of herself. They needed to take this slowly—for Matty’s sake as well as theirs. Neither of them should run into the fire without preparing themselves for the burn.
“I’d like us to be yours.” It was an evening for truths. She wasn’t going to hide behind her insecurities any more. Life had taught her that road only led to trouble and misery.
Richard’s smile was brilliant, his eyes as watery as hers when she glanced up at him. He reached out to touch her hand, running his finger from her knuckles to her wrist. Her skin erupted into goose bumps, tiny hairs standing up on her flesh as she closed her eyes, feeling the intensity of their connection.
They finished their meal, taking the plates and cutlery to the kitchen, and loading up the dishwasher together. Every now and then Richard would take something from her, his hand lingering on hers, long enough to let her know exactly how he felt.
It was electrifying.
When the room was clear, Richard picked up their glasses and the half-empty wine bottle, carrying them over to the sofa. He put them down on the coffee table, patting the seat next to him. His eyes were dark and intense as he watched Hanna walk over, her expression betraying her trepidation.
“What are you thinking?” he murmured, twisting his body until he was facing her.
“I’m scared.” She was almost impressed by her own honesty.
“If it makes you feel any better, I don’t put out on first dates.” He winked and picked up her glass, passing it to her.
“I do.” She took a large sip. Richard’s laughter was drowned by the blanket of attraction covering them both. “I’m not sure we’ve ever really made it to a first date, have we?”
He screwed up his face in thought. “Not that I remember.”
“Although you did take me to a restaurant in New York for a date about ten years ago,” Hanna smiled. “I think you introduced me to one of your exes.”
He laughed. “That wasn’t a date.”
“It was!” she protested. “Well, I thought it was. I took you to a concert, you took me out to dinner. It felt like a
date to me.”
“If I took you out for a date, I certainly wouldn’t introduce you to my ex,” he replied pointedly. “I like to think I have more class than that.”
It was Hanna’s turn to laugh. “You’re unbelievable. Your memory is so selective I’m scared you’re losing your mind.” She leaned forward and put her glass down before hitting him on the arm. He grabbed her wrist, his eyes staring down at her hand. He looked at her pointedly, pulling her toward him until their faces were inches away. She blinked twice, her stomach contracting at the intensity of his gaze.
“I remember every single moment with you, Hanna. I remember how young and surprised you looked the first time I saw you, when you were standing next to that god-awful Christmas tree in my father’s house. I remember how your eyes lit up when I saw you in the pub in the Cotswolds, watching some shit band desperate to become world famous.” His lips curled into a smile, only inches away from her own. She was desperate to breach the distance. “I remember the way you looked underneath me, the first time we made love. Your eyes were so bright and wide, and your lips trembled when I moved inside you.” He closed the distance, his breath washing over her skin. “I remember every single, fucking minute, Hanna. That’s what makes me lose my mind.”
Richard crashed his mouth against hers, his hand cupping the back of her head, tipping it back until she was looking up at him. She reached out and placed her hand on his neck, feeling his soft, short hair as it graduated into his neckline.
His tongue danced along her bottom lip. She touched it with her own, feeling it brush against her, then plunge into her mouth. She moaned against him, her eyes shut tight, wanting to feel every part of his body on hers. He pulled her closer until their chests were touching, but it still wasn’t enough, her body demanded more. She clambered over him, straddling his legs, and he cupped her ass, dragging her body against him. Their chests touched, and she arched her back, her nipples singing in response to his proximity.