by R A Doty
Chapter Thirteen
A walk was what Cain needed to remind him of what he had become. To pretend life could be enjoyable, and even humorous at times, was a mistake he hated himself for making. There was only survival and death, and it was always a fine line between the two. As he walked the streets, the sun lowering itself in the sky as if it, too, was ashamed to illuminate what mankind had become, Cain noticed the growing number of corpses scattered sporadically on the sidewalks like fallen leaves being swept by the wind, with no rhyme or reason to where they ended up. Some lay face down on the sidewalk, some were seated in a car as if starting a journey that never happened, and others sat against a building. Under different circumstances one could have easily assumed they were sleeping with their heads tilted down. The farther he ventured away from the church, the more bodies he encountered. It was much worse than the government had said it would be. Was it like this everywhere? And it’s happening so fast. Can people really starve to death that quickly? And then he looked closely at one of the bodies lying on the ground in front of him. It was a small girl, similar in age to the girl that was now in his bedroom waiting for him to return. Janette. The body was stripped of its clothing, and most of the flesh was removed to the bones. Not everybody will starve; some will become food. The girl’s brown hair was still intact, and, considering the circumstances, looked quite pretty. It lay perfectly flat to the back of the head and was spread out like a paper fan across her neck. With his foot, Cain pushed the body over to reveal the child’s face. He jumped backwards, nearly tripping over his own feet. Janette.
But how could that be? He wasn’t gone long enough for this to have happened. He tried to turn away, to run away, but he couldn’t pull his attention away from the girl’s face. Her eyes were opened wide and her lower jaw was flopped unnaturally sideways. She can’t be dead. He finally broke free of the girl’s beckoning trance and started to run. He jumped over corpse after corpse and zigzagged between the dead. There seemed to be more now, on the way back, than when he came. Each face stared in his direction, and what he thought was one of them moving turned out to be a rat burrowing its way from a stomach cavity and popping out between the buttons of a shirt. His pace slowed when the bodies were behind him, and he bent forward to catch his breath. He began to glance back, but decided against it. It didn’t exist if he didn’t see it. He continued toward the church and burst through the front door. When David saw him enter he walked up to him, but Cain continued walking. He didn’t have time to hear, once again, what David’s plans were for the sinners they captured. The small girl he had left on his bed was the only thing on his mind.
When Cain opened his bedroom door and saw the blankets covering a curled-up bump on his bed, he walked over and stared down at the sleeping face hugging the pillow. He exhaled a sigh, and with it every muscle in his body relaxed. It wasn’t her. He was amazed how similar the small child lying before him looked to the dead child on the street. It wasn’t hard to realize what had happened that brought Janette to the church. She shared the same story as he, and a bond to the child had been formed. Cain didn’t understand why he felt the need to protect this girl. After all, her story is one of many, but it was something that had to be done, nonetheless. Perhaps he would be redeemed for failing to protect the boy named Alan, or maybe it was a way to forgive himself for knocking down the red-haired girl in the hallway when he was trying to escape from the city of hell in the ocean. He bent down and lightly touched the small girl’s head while thinking of her look-a-like lying dead in the street. How fine the line was between the sleeping and the dead.
A hand appeared from beneath the blanket and touched his fingers. It was so small and delicate he could barely feel it. It then slipped back beneath the blanket as if it never happened. He quietly walked to the other side of the bed, removed his shoes, and crawled under the blanket.
Chapter Fourteen
JANETTE pulled out the top dresser drawer and removed a twelve-inch Bowie knife. She unbuckled her belt and weaved the knife’s leather sheath onto it. The weight of the weapon tugged her well-worn jeans. She tucked her black t-shirt into her pants and re-buckled the belt.
“I’m going,” she said, adjusting the knife until it felt more comfortable. She flinched when she heard what sounded like a hand smacking the wall behind her. “I know you worry about me, but I can’t keep mooching without contributing.” She turned around and walked to the bed. “I’m nineteen, Cain. You’ve been protecting me for ten years, but I’m not a little girl anymore. You taught me well, and I can take care of myself now. Besides, I’m tired of eating...” to say it would be an admission of what she’d become. Of what they’d all become. But was that the reason she wanted to go or did she want a new life? A life of her own where she called the shots. “Look Cain, this man David found, Thomas Steinberg, or whatever his name is, says his estate is loaded with enough livestock, fruits, and vegetables to feed all of us for an eternity.” Janette sat down on the bed, facing Cain. She continued. “I can’t imagine what it would be like to taste a tomato or eat an apple. Wouldn’t you like to taste mashed potatoes and gravy again?” The thought of any kind of food brought attention to her stomach, which seemed to ache constantly. She couldn’t remember the last meal she had eaten. What other luxuries might she encounter on this man’s estate? Perhaps running water where she’d be able to take a long, hot shower, again, as she used to before water became as valuable as food itself. The thought ran chills up her arms.
Cain had no reaction to the question.
“Well, I would,” Janette said. “And all we have to do is help this man get his estate back from the men that took it from him. It should be a piece of cake; he said there were only two of them. We have a small army. There’s no way anything could go wrong. He lets us in the gate surrounding the property and we kill whoever gets in our way. It’s that simple, so stop worrying.”
Cain pointed to his chest and then to Janette.
Janette shook her head. “No, Cain. David said he needs you to stay here to protect the others.” She stood before adding, “You have to quit treating me like a child. I have to do this and you’re not gonna stop me.” With that final sentence, she reached out her hand. She rarely spoke to Cain with such vigor, and she wondered if she pushed him too hard. His reaction could go one of two ways: he could either punch a hole in the wall and lock her in the room until David left with the others, or he would realize that she has, indeed, grown beyond his control and it was time to let go. Her hand trembled, waiting for his response.
Cain stared at the face of the girl standing before him. He remembered how small and defenseless she looked when David first brought her into the church. And then he saw something he had never seen before. The face of a young woman. It was time to release the stray cat. He reached up and took her hand. Would it be the last time? If there were only some way to remember the touch of her fingers, so frail he could snap them with a twist of his wrist. He opened his hand and the fingers slipped free.
Janette headed to the bathroom. “Stop worrying, Cain. I’ll be fine.” She smiled briefly at him before closing the door. It was time to become somebody else. She walked up to the sink and looked at the face in the mirror one last time. How dependent and weak. How could she have survived as long as she did? Because of Cain, of course. But Cain wouldn’t always be there. She pulled the knife from the sheath on her belt. She had to learn to survive on her own, and that wasn’t possible with Cain around. She held the knife in the air, it’s wooden handle gripped tight between her palm and fingers. And then she grabbed a chunk of her hair with the other hand and slid the sharp blade through it. Another handful of hair soon followed, and then another. After five minutes, she looked at the pile of hair lying in the sink. Goodbye, old Janette. She raised her head and looked in the mirror, a new Janette stood before her. A stronger Janette. One that could survive on her own, she hoped. “Not bad,” she said, tugging at her hair and admiring her new look. It was so short, but it felt g
reat. She smiled.
CAIN sat on the bed, waiting for Janette to come out of the bathroom. He understood why she thought she had to join in this attempt to get more food for the church members, but he didn’t understand why she seemed so adamant that he stay behind. If he wanted to go, David would have allowed it, and he would have chosen someone else to watch over the congregation. There was more to it than what Janette wanted him to believe, but he couldn’t figure out what it was. Maybe it was all in his mind and she really did just want to help out. When the bathroom door opened, he turned in that direction as if seeing her again would somehow answer all his questions. He was wrong. If anything, it just made him more confused.
Janette approached the bed. “What do you think?” After a decade of living with this man, she had learned to figure out what he was thinking by the expression on his face. His look of confusion told her exactly what he was thinking. What she didn’t know is how much thought he was putting into it. Could he tell she wanted a new identity and ultimately, a new life? His nod assured her that he, at least, accepted it. Janette rubbed her hand over the top of her head. “I thought it’d be fun to try something new.” When Cain smiled, she immediately knew his thoughts. It was an emotion that was rare to see in Cain. He never tried to mask his feelings, and to see him fake a smile to assure her that he liked it made her realize she had to tell him the truth. She at least owed him that. She sat next to him on the bed.
“Look, Cain. I really don’t know where to begin so I’m just gonna come out with it.” She took a deep breath. “I wasn’t lying to you when I said I wanted to help out to get more food. It’s hard to see everyone starving, especially the kids and older people. But that isn’t the only reason I wanna go. I know it’s safe here with you, and I know you’ll do whatever is necessary to protect me, but I don’t want to live like that anymore.” Janette placed her hand on top of Cain’s. “As fucked-up as the world is, I kinda want to see it. I might be wrong, but I think I can take care of myself, now.” She pushed her finger into the corner of her eye and then stared at it, almost amazed at the tear. She wiped it onto her shirt. “I guess what I’m saying, Cain, is that I’m not coming back. I hope you understand.”
Cain swallowed a lump that had formed in his throat. There was so much he wanted to say to this girl he had admittedly kidnapped and forced to live with him. He wanted to apologize for holding her hostage all these years, and he wanted to tell her how she had grown from an awkward, gangly kid to a beautiful woman; and above all, he wanted to tell her how she meant more to him than anyone else on earth. But he couldn’t. All he could do was extend his opened arms. When she embraced him, he wrapped his arms around her and placed his hand on the back of her head. It would be the first and last time he felt her new haircut. Janette pulled away and, without looking back, hopped off the bed and headed to the door. In an instant, she was out of his life.
Chapter Fifteen
CAIN sat on his bed, staring at the floor. A single drip of water echoed from the bathroom. It repeated every ten seconds. He could stay there, in that position, until his body was no longer strong enough to hold itself up. He would then fall forward, onto the floor. Would anyone care? The water dripped. He should fix the faucet so it stops dripping. The others would be angry if they discovered the drip. Water is not to be wasted. David and the others returned two days ago. Janette didn’t return. The others said she died in the battle. The water dripped. Cain knew she wouldn’t return, but he would never know why she didn’t. He did teach her well, and she knew how to kill if she had to. But was that enough to survive? All the food was gone except the remains of a girl David had killed when he returned from the battle. She was a sinner and her soul had to be cleansed. The water dripped. Cain didn’t mind the killing of the girl. It had to be done. It had to. Many would soon starve. More killings would occur when food was needed. More souls would need to be saved. But that was okay. It had to be done. Cain raised his head. The water dripped.
THE streets were quiet, and the sun had started its descent toward the horizon. All the bodies near the church had been gathered and burned long ago, and the city stood still like a life-sized model. The scent of the ocean lay heavy in the air, and high in the sky soared two hawks circling overhead. Having seen their shadows skimming the sides of the buildings, Cain raised his head and glanced at the hawks. How lucky they are to be so free. But wasn’t he, too, free? Couldn’t he go wherever he wanted? But why leave? It would only be a matter of time before he and all the others were dead. He felt his body growing weaker by the day. It was a challenge to venture away from the church, and with each step his legs grew tired. One block away would have to be his limit. He heard a sound coming from around the corner. Maybe a dog or cat had ventured into the city searching for food.
Cain rushed to the corner and peeked his head around the building. What he saw was much better than a dog or a cat. It was a man standing on the stoop of a building. Easy pickings, he thought, as he crept up to the man when his back was turned. Within seconds, his hands were gripping the man’s throat. With his head cocked sideways, he studied the man’s face. There would be no remorse in this killing. It was kill or be killed, and he and the others needed to eat. What he didn’t expect was the other man in the building. When the arrow pierced Cain’s eye he fell to the ground. The pain was unbearable and soon after, everything went black.
MUFFLED voices bounced off the walls. A women’s voice. Shannon? She’s making breakfast. Pancakes. With sausages and hot coffee. The aroma’s fantastic. Cain tried to open his eyes. His head throbbed and his face burned. Too much wine last night, perhaps. A hot shower and some breakfast would make everything better. Shannon would make everything better. Whenever he had too much to drink she would always make a nice breakfast the next morning. And then they would make love. Her skin was so soft and warm as he caressed her body. Her giggles assured him she wanted him just as bad as he wanted her. She would turn her head sideways when he massaged her hair, inviting him to continue. A kiss to the neck would follow. He smiled, enjoying the scent of her skin. He opened his eyes, his vision reduced to that of one eye. He raised his hand to touch his defective eye. Cotton and tape was all that he felt. He began to remember.
“We thought we had lost you, brother Cain,” a voice said.
Cain turned to look at the face of David Crullen. He then turned to the woman standing beside him. Betty. Not Shannon. Betty was the closest thing the congregation had to a doctor. She used to be a school nurse when life was once normal. She mostly kept to herself. Nobody really knew much about her except that she used to be a school nurse. She was one of the few members of the congregation that Cain respected. He never considered doing her harm. Her short hair reminded him of Janette. She wasn’t very pretty, but her pleasant personality made up for what she lacked in appearance.
“I’m sorry to say you have permanently lost the vision in your right eye,” Betty said. “It’ll be sore for quite a while, but you’ll live. You’ll have to leave it bandaged for at least a week, and then you can remove the bandage if you choose.” She touched Cain’s hand. “You lost the eye as well, Cain. I’m sorry.”
“We’ll find who did this to you, Cain,” David said. “They will pay for their sins.”
Cain slid from the bed, and Betty rushed to stand by the wall to get out of his way as he raced to the bathroom. He tore the tape and gauze from his face and stared at the dark red hole that once housed his eye. It had been twelve hours since it happened, but the pain was just as severe as when the arrow hit his eye. He repositioned the bandage and went to the bedroom and straight to the dresser. He pulled open the bottom drawer and retrieved one of four bottles of vodka he had found in an abandoned apartment while performing his rounds of the city, four months prior. After twisting off the cap, he raised the bottle to his lips and didn’t remove it until it was half empty. He then growled a loud hiss and motioned the bottle toward the door. Betty quickly gathered her medical supplies and she and David rus
hed from the room. Cain sat down on the bed and chugged most of what was left in the bottle.
CAIN stayed in his room for the next four days. Whenever he regained consciousness, he drank another mouthful of vodka. On the fifth day, when four empty bottles lay on the floor at the foot of the dresser, he forced himself to leave the bed to make his way to the hallway. He needed food.
The pain in his eye had mostly subsided, but walking with limited vision had been more of a challenge than he had expected. The elevated levels of alcohol in his body also had an effect on his ability to walk. With his arm pressed against the wall, he made his way down the corridor and into the kitchen. Most of the cabinet’s doors were hanging open, revealing one empty shelf after another. Not even a crumb for a mouse. The thought of a mouse had tempted his stomach, and it growled in preparation for a meal that would never come. He dropped onto one of the chairs and leaned forward, his forehead resting on the edge of the table. This is how he would die.
The sound of metal hit the table, just in front of his head. “I knew you would be hungry,” a voice said. It took most of the energy he had left, but Cain finally raised his head. A tray of meat sat on the table in front of him, and next to it stood Betty. “I hid it from the others for when you awoke,” Betty continued. “You should eat before the others come.”