by Jen Calonita
“Come on,” I say to Nadine. “I think I hear a slice of wal-nut crumb cake calling our names.”
SAT. 11/30
NOTE TO SELF:
Get party dress 4 my birthday date w/ A. U Never Know.
HOLLYWOOD NATION
In The Know
The Affair is Over
by AnnMarie Pallo
The show that made careers for Melli Ralton, Kaitlin Burke, and Sky Mackenzie — and taught us the art of brawling in a pool wearing an evening gown — is going off the air this May.
Can we officially start crying yet?
After weeks of rumors, brawls among the teen cast, and countless In the Know polls, the network has announced that Family Affair will be a family no more. With ratings still in the top ten, and the top five this season alone, fans everywhere want to know why the show is ending its run. This reporter’s guess? Fighting amongst the teen queens and newcomer Alexis Holden sent queen bee Ralton over the edge.
Not true, FA executive producer Tom Pullman told me. “Alexis was never a factor in ending the show,” Pullman said. “After weeks of determination, we decided to take the Colby storyline in a new direction. By wrapping up the Colby story-line, it allows FA to concentrate on what it does best — focusing on family matters that involve the original cast. We want time to tie up loose ends before the series finale and releasing Alexis from her contract gives us more airtime to do that.” Holden’s final appearance on the show aired on December 2.
Hmm, my pretties. Does anyone actually believe this storyline hog-wash? Not this In the Know crony. That’s why we went to our sources to find out the real deal. Turns out her exit was anything but a story wrap. “Alexis has been a problem since day one,” says this intimate connection to the FA cast. “She’s never gotten along with any of them, especially Kaitlin and Sky.” Even with the firing, the show’s big gun, Ralton, couldn’t be per-suaded to stay with the Family. “Melli started thinking about how long she’s been on the show and how many other things she wants to do,” says our source. “She wants more time with her kids. She decided to leave the show and Tom took it as a sign to end FA altogether rather than go on without his biggest star.”
* * *
“Alexis has been a problem since day one . . . She’s never gotten along with any of them, especially Kaitlin and Sky.”
* * *
So now we’re all In the Know, my pretties. Make sure you tell everyone where you heard it first. And get your tissues ready for the last-ever episodes of Family Affair. Sob.
Eighteen: Happy Birthdayto Me
When I open my front door, I’m so busy looking at Austin’s gorgeous smile that I don’t notice what he’s waving in his left hand. It’s a familiar-looking Pucci print scarf with pink and purple diamonds on it.
“Is that Liz’s scarf ?” I ask.
“No questions.” Austin walks past me into the foyer and grazes my lips, making my spine tingle. Then he walks behind me and pulls Liz’s scarf over my eyes. He ties it snugly.
“What are you doing?” The world goes semiblack. I say semi, because the Pucci scarf is pretty thin and I can see shadows. Austin must be trying to surprise me. That is so romantic! “Does my family know you’re kidnapping me?” I ask. “I promised them I’d be home before midnight to share a piece of birthday cake.”
“Shh,” Austin says. “No peeking. Rodney, the birthday girl is ready.” Heavy footsteps clomp down what I assume is our main staircase.
“Where are we going?” I ask even though I know Austin won’t tell me. With my eyes covered, my other senses are heightened like a superhero’s. I can hear every click of Austin’s shoes as he walks around our marble tile entrance. I can pick up scents, like Rodney’s Eternity cologne. Austin smells like a mix of the peppermint he was sucking on and the lavender hand soap the Meyerses have in their guest bathroom.
Do I remember what Austin’s wearing? Yep. I really do have superpowers! He has on a blue silk button-down shirt and dark brown cords. I know because when I opened my front door, I purposely checked out his outfit to see if I was overdressed.
It’s hard to dress for your birthday when you’re not sure where you’re going!
After much debating, I decided to go cocktail chic in a brown silk halter-style Valentino dress that skims my knees and is gathered at the waist with a matching wide brown belt. On my feet, I’ve got open-toed cheetah-print heels. The look should work anywhere but Carl’s Jr.
I feel Austin place an arm behind my back and take my right hand. We begin to move. “Follow my lead,” Austin says. We start walking. “Step down. Step down again.” The front door closes behind us.
“Make sure she doesn’t trip on the potted geraniums,” Rodney says.
“I know you won’t tell me where we’re going, but can I ask you something else?” I question.
“Rodney, for someone who didn’t want a birthday celebration of any kind, she’s awfully inquisitive about our plans, isn’t she?” Austin points out.
Rodney chuckles. “I’m not surprised. We’re seeing a more assertive side of our Kates these days.”
I take that as a compliment. “Just one question, Meyers,” I beg. “We’re obviously doing something cool if you’re going through the trouble of blindfolding me.”
Austin laughs. I hear a car alarm beep and a door open. We’re driving somewhere! “Let me just get you into the car and then I’ll answer your question.” He helps me duck my head and I slide across the seat. I feel his breath on my shoulder as he reaches across me for something. I hear a clicking sound and realize that Austin’s just buckled my seat belt. “Fire away,” he says.
“I really appreciate this cloak-and-dagger thing you’ve got going on,” I tell him, “but promise me, just promise me, you’re not a pawn in my mother’s or Laney’s clutches.” Austin laughs again. “Swear you’re not in on some elaborate bash Mom and Laney cooked up at the eleventh hour to keep their minds off the fact that FA is ending and they want to keep me in the spotlight.”
“I won’t lie to you,” Austin says as the car begins to move toward points unknown. “They begged me to help them throw a big party with a monstrous guest list that included everyone from Jennifer Aniston to Fergie, but I told them you were dead set against it.”
I exhale. “Thank you.”
“Does she know about the offer from Hollywood Nation?” Rodney chuckles.
“Your mom said the Nation called and asked to throw you a party,” Austin explains. “They apparently felt bad about all the garbage they printed about you and Sky versus Alexis and wanted to throw you a party at Hyde sponsored by Juicy Fruit gum.”
I groan.
“And Tom and Melli told Nadine they wanted to do something major for your birthday on set to make up for the rough time you’ve had, but we told them you banned organized birthday parties this year.”
“You’re the best,” I say, beginning to relax. “I’ve never had a birthday where I didn’t have to spend the whole evening greeting everyone from Prince William to Chris Brown.” I smile. “It’s nice to know we’re spending the night alone.”
“Who said alone?” Austin teases. At least I think he’s teasing, but it’s hard to tell when I can’t see his face.“We may not be the only people where we’re going, but I promise you’re not having a Tom and Katie–type affair. No fireworks, no camera crews. Now stop worrying and just wait. We’ll be there in a few minutes.”
“The place must be close to the house,” I say. “Hmm . . .”
“You’re going to ruin the surprise,” Austin scolds. “Just relax and talk about something else. How’s work? You’ve been so busy these past few days I’ve barely spoken to you.”
“Work is good,” I admit. “Quiet but good. We’re all a little melancholy, I guess. Every time we shot a scene this week someone would be, like, ‘This could be the last time we film at the Summerville Diner.’ But at least no one’s crying yet, or fighting over who’s going to get the brass candlesticks on the Buch
anans’ dining room table.”
“Huh?” Austin and Rodney say in unison.
I explain HOLLYWOOD SECRET NUMBER EIGHTEEN. When a TV show goes off the air, most objects from the set get locked in storage until they’re recycled by another show or, if the show was big (like FA), get donated to a Planet Hol-lywood or a museum. But before any of that happens, the cast and crew get to pick a few souvenirs. If the memento is more sentimental than valuable — like the portrait of my TV family that was painted in 1996 and hangs in the Buchanans’ living room — then the network will probably let you have it for free. But if it’s something expensive, like the Beamer Sara drives that Sky has been eyeing forever, then you have to cough up dough. Sky won’t mind. When you think about it, a tile from the Summerville Diner, a vase from Paige’s bed-room, or a portrait of Sara and Sam from season ten is just the TV show version of a graduating class’s high school year-book. Okay, I’m going to cry now.
“Do you think they’ll let me take a souvenir too?” Rodney asks. He sounds choked up. I can tell with my new super-sensitive hearing ability.
“I’m sure Tom will let you take something.” I can’t believe how many people are as sentimental about this as I am! Now I’m really going to cry.
“Both of you stop,” Austin warns. “It’s Kaitlin’s birthday! Your only job tonight is to be happy.”
“I know,” I reply. “But my emotions are all out of whack. I’m happy, then I start thinking about the show and I get sad.” My lip quivers and I blindly reach for Austin’s hand. Instead, I smash my wrist on the seat console. Ouch!
Austin massages my aching fingers. “Everything’s just changing,” I say. “It’s terrifying.”
“Change is always scary,” Austin agrees. “But exciting.”
“Speaking of change, did you get your SAT results yet?” I ask.
“No.” Austin sounds disappointed. He’s been racing to his mailbox all week. “I’m sure I’ll have them by next week though. Then I can really start thinking about colleges.”
“Yeah,” I say. I can’t even begin to think about Austin leaving for college or where I’ll be when he goes. Maybe we’ll be in the same city and maybe we won’t. I can’t expect him to make his decision based on my plans, even if I secretly, selfishly wish he would. It’s too overwhelming and upsetting to even begin to guess. Austin’s right — I can’t think about the future tonight. I’ll start crying again and then my makeup will be ruined. We can do the big life changes conversation another time. Tonight is my birthday and even though I didn’t initially want to celebrate, I’m getting really excited.
The car stops and Rodney shuts off the engine.
“We’re here, kids,” Rodney exclaims.
A lump forms in my throat, my palms begin to sweat, and my pulse speeds up. I wonder where Austin’s taking me. It’s like I’m stepping out at the Oscars and all eyes are on me, but I can’t see them. The feeling is a bit overwhelming even with my new superpowers.
I feel Austin unbuckle my seat belt and I drink in the smell of his aftershave as he leans over me again. I giggle nervously, knowing he’s close by, and feel my pulse quicken as he takes my hand and begins to lead me to points unknown. I’d trust Austin to take me anywhere, but I can’t help being turned on by his take-charge approach.
Now the question is: Where are we? Okay, the air doesn’t smell salty so we’re not in Malibu having a candlelit dinner on the beach. (That’s a fantasy date of mine.) It would have taken longer to get there too, not that I know how long we’ve been driving since I can’t see my watch. I hear traffic so we must be somewhere in central Los Angeles. Hmm . . . Austin’s house? No, there wouldn’t be so much street noise. Liz’s? I would be able to hear music pumping from the curb. Carl’s Jr.? I sniff the air. No fried meat aroma.
“Are you ready, Burke?” Austin asks and my pulse races again. I stop short.
“Why are you doing all this for me?” I ask.
“When you love someone, you want to do things for them,” Austin says.
OH. MY. GOD.
He DID mean it! He said the L-word again and he actually said “When you love someone,” which must mean me because I’m the only one here!
I think.
My mouth is dry. My hands are clammy. I want to say “I love you” back.
I think.
But I can’t say it blindfolded, can I? That would be cheesy. Besides, I can’t see Austin’s face. Whenever anyone says “I love you” on FA, or in a Reese Witherspoon movie, they can always see each other’s faces so that they can immediately have a passionate kiss. I won’t even be able to find Austin’s lips if I’m blindfolded!
I reach up to pull off my blindfold. “Austin, I . . .”
“Don’t touch the blindfold, Burke,” he says. “Give me one more second.”
“But Austin, I have something to tell you.” But Austin obviously doesn’t hear me because I feel myself pushed from behind. I hear a heavy door open and then my blindfold is pulled off my face.
“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” A chorus of familiar voices shouts as confetti is thrown at me like I’m a bride. I’m still in shock from Austin’s very clear “love you” admission, but my eyes focus in time for me to see Liz throw herself at me. Squished behind her are Mom, Dad, Laney, Matty, Nadine, Rod ney, Paul, Shelly, and Josh. While Nadine hugs me, I glance over her shoulder and spot Tom, Melli, Trevor, Hallie, and some of the other FA folks. Beth and Allison are next in line along with Austin’s sister, Hayley. Everyone I care about, and just the people I care about, are here. It’s overwhelming.
“Happy birthday, Kaitlin!” Antonio, A Slice of Heaven’s owner, muscles his way through the crowd toward me. He’s a large man with a thick Italian accent, and he smells like meatballs.
I should have known! I did tell Austin to take me for a slice of pizza. I look around and recognize the old booths with vinyl seats and checkerboard tablecloths, smell the mozzarella cheese in the air, and see the flashing “Your Slice of Italian Heaven Is Ready!” neon sign in the window. The tables in the middle of the small restaurant have been cleared to make a dance floor. In the corner, I notice my pal Samantha Ronson has set up a DJ booth and is spinning dance tunes. She blows me a kiss.
“You did all this?” I ask Austin.
“You said you didn’t want a big party with tons of people you barely knew,” Austin explains. “But you didn’t say anything about celebrating with the people you love. Liz, Nadine, and I came up with this instead.”
I don’t care who’s looking. I grab my boyfriend and kiss him firmly on the lips. “Thank you,” I whisper. “I can’t believe you did all this for me.”
“It was nothing.” Austin blushes.
“Well, it means a lot to me,” I say and then I know what I have to say next. I feel my brain willing me to say it. I feel flush with happy thoughts. I feel super emotional. This must be what it’s like when you want to say what I’m about to say. I don’t even feel nervous anymore. I take a deep breath and the three little words I’ve never said to a boy before come flying out. “I love you, Austin,” I say.
“I . . .” Austin starts to say something back.
“Hey, so no one else is coming?” Matty interrupts.
NOOOOOOOOOOO!
“I’ll let you two talk.” Austin winks at me. “I’ll be back.”
NOOOOOOOOOOO!
“Where’s Vanessa Hudgens, Miley Cyrus, and Ashley Tis-dale?” Matty asks. “Where’s Zac Efron? No one’s here.”
“Sorry,” I say, trying not to sound irritated as Austin disappears into the crowd. “I don’t think they were invited.” I like the people Matty mentioned a ton, but I’m glad my birthday isn’t a media circus this year.
“I was going to say, I’m glad they’re not here.” Matt takes a bite of gooey pizza and I notice he’s eating my favorite kind — Sicilian with extra cheese, peppers, and broccoli. “Tonight should be all about you. You deserve it, even if Mom is freaking out that Nadine lied to her about where she was taking
us.” Matty chuckles. “We told her A Slice of Heaven was this hot new club run by Justin Timberlake.”
We both laugh. Mom, Dad, Nadine, and Laney surround us.
“Happy birthday, sweetie,” Mom says. I notice she’s wiping her soda glass with a napkin. “This is an interesting place Nadine, Liz, and Austin picked.”
“It’s Kaitlin’s favorite hangout,” Nadine says with a sly smile.
Mom looks around. “It’s so . . . so . . . what’s the word I’m looking for, Laney?” Mom asks.
“Pedestrian?” Laney says with a frown.
“We were just thinking, Kate-Kate,” Mom says. “Maybe next week Laney and I can throw you a party too, since you’ve had your little fun with this one. Nothing major. Just seventy-five of your closest friends.”
“Maybe at that real club that just opened in West Hollywood,” Laney says with an annoyed glance at Matt. She pulls out her BlackBerry.
“And no paparazzi. Just an exclusive with one or two key magazines,” Mom suggests.
“Ladies.” Dad’s voice has a warning tone I recognize from my days of playing basketball in the living room with Matty. “This is Katie-Kate’s party and this is what she wanted. Let her be. You don’t get every sale, you know.” He winks at me. I throw my arms around him and give him a bear hug.
Nadine moves next to me. “Austin is amazing,” Nadine whispers. “You should have seen him hold his own with your mom. He wasn’t intimidated by her or her Rolodex! He wanted to have your party here and he stuck to it. With Liz’s and my help, of course.”
“Thanks,” I tell her as Mom and Dad start to bicker over Dad siding with me instead of her. Laney is shaking her head and Matty has already walked off. “This is the best thing you guys could have ever done for me, and wait till I tell you what just happened.”
“I bet I know,” Nadine says with a smile. “But we won’t talk about it here. Tonight is about celebrating. There’s only one thing I would have done differently,” she says. “I don’t know why Austin insisted on inviting her.” Nadine points to the FA table where I see the gang is chomping down on Antonio’s specialty, fried capellini. He takes capel-lini and ricotta and fries it like a mozzarella stick. It’s so yummy.