Would she have told him her birthday was coming? Was there a woman alive who wouldn’t drop a hint about that? He was pretty sure there wasn’t one that would let a man live down forgetting the occasion. But forgetting and not knowing were two different things. He wasn’t a damn spy. Maybe she didn’t want him to know.
Ryan knew she’d been engaged but was pretty sure she’d tell him if her ex was coming around. Mostly sure. Fuck. He was turning into a girl worrying so much about it. If she wanted him to know, she’d have told him. Hell, they’d barely had any time alone: a few nights watching movies, making out when the boys weren’t around. He couldn’t remember wanting a woman the way he wanted Frankie. He’d never wanted so badly not to screw things up with a woman.
“Nah. She doesn’t say much about herself. But I’d like to do something for her. We ain’t got much money, I mean we got some now that Carter’s working for you—” Travis mumbled and Ryan interrupted.
“You need money to buy Frankie something, I have no problem with that,” Ryan said, putting down the sandpaper and the wood.
“I was thinking of cooking her dinner. I think she’d like that. I could cook for everyone if, like, you wanted to come and stuff. My brothers and me, you and Frankie.”
Ryan put his hands on his hips and studied Travis. The kid wouldn’t meet his eyes. Closed book or not, Frankie had made an impression on him. Ryan could certainly understand that. He could afford to buy her anything, but he knew the way to her heart wasn’t with something expensive. Like Travis’s idea, it had to be something personal, something that…Jesus, why was he thinking about the way to her heart? He was letting himself fall too far, too fast, and they hadn’t even started yet. He needed to back up. Slow down.
“That sounds like a nice idea, Travis. I think she’d like that. We can go shopping, get what you need,” Ryan said, feeling like he was fumbling. He wasn’t sure what Travis wanted from him but instinct told him that if he offered the wrong thing, the kid would shut down.
“Yeah. That’d be cool. So, like, this week?” Travis kicked at the dirt under his feet.
“Why don’t we go tomorrow? It’s Friday and I know she has a deadline to meet for a longer article she’s doing. She said she might go to the library when Miles is at school. You can do your coursework at any time right?”
A strange look passed over Travis’s face, like he was going to say something then thought better of it. He pushed his hands into his pockets then looked up at Ryan. “I’m pretty far ahead in my classes,” he admitted.
This made Ryan smile. Of course he was. This kid, with the weight of the world, or at least the weight of his parentless brothers, on his shoulders, was more responsible than most of the grown men Ryan knew. Max had always been pissed when Ryan tried to make what he considered ‘big brother’ decisions, but Carter never seemed bothered by Travis acting like the older of the two.
“You spend a lot of time at the library for someone who doesn’t need to be there,” Ryan said. Travis’s eyes lit up, a flash of brightness on his serious face. He started to say something else before Carter came back into the garage waving a paper.
“Eleventh grade, bitches,” he shouted.
“Dude. Language,” Travis said, but he smiled widely at his brother. The spark Ryan had seen was gone, replaced by Carter’s excitement. Ryan had spent his share of time at the library at Travis’s age, much of it with Maggie Collins, the only redhead in his junior high school. He had many fond memories of Maggie and the library.
“Sorry, mom,” Carter jibed. Ryan grabbed the paper from him and read the confirmation for English and math.
“It’s a start. All right, Travis, grab one of the bats off the wall. I’ll show you two how I hit a moon shot,” Ryan said, grinning. Anticipation pulsed in his hands and chest. He was looking forward to the next half hour or so, which surprised him. Baseball, no pressure. Just him, the ball, the bat, and some pretty cool kids. He could handle that.
“You said you’d show me how to make an impression with the coach, not show off,” Carter complained, grabbing a ball. Ryan looked at him and laughed, walking out of the garage and into the bright sunshine.
“No worries. I can do both.”
He heard Travis’s quiet laugh as the boys followed behind him.
Chapter 19
“Where’d you learn to cook?” Ryan asked, pushing the cart down the baking aisle of a grocery store outside of Minnesota. Travis was mulling over two different jars of rosemary.
“My mom.”
Ryan waited. He’d made the smallest of dents in Travis’s armor. If he asked too much, that crack would seal before he learned anything. He wasn’t even sure what he wanted to know, but Ryan was impressed by the way Travis carried himself. He’d been more like Carter as a teen: hot headed, angry, ready to strike. All with good reason.
“I figured you were going to make pancakes or mac and cheese,” Ryan said.
Travis shot him an amused grin, arching his thick, black eyebrows. He tossed the smaller jar of spice in the cart that already held fresh vegetables, a bottle of wine, Greek yogurt, and a cake mix.
“Is that what you would have made?” Travis asked. “I bet you had a chef.”
“Nope. When you’re on the road all the time, there’s no point. When I was home, it was mostly take out or eat out,” Ryan admitted. They worked their way to the meat aisle where Travis impressed him by knowing exactly what he was looking for. He chose six large, skinless chicken breasts and Ryan found himself looking forward to dinner.
“You miss it?”
“Like a limb. But there’s a lot I don’t miss. Like traveling, living out of a suitcase, and living with guys non-stop,” Ryan told him. Travis glanced at him, his expression unreadable.
“Ain’t there lots of women throwing themselves at you?” Travis asked.
A man’s voice over the loudspeaker announced the need for another cashier at lane three and carry-out for a customer. Ryan pushed the cart toward the cash registers, smiling at the kid who was waving at him while his mom was checking out cereal.
“Sure. You get groupies for every sport. At first it’s crazy, thinking all those women want you. That everyone loves you. You can get caught up in it, for sure. But then you start to realize that people just want something from you. Plus, I was married for the last couple years of my career.” Travis strolled beside him, his braids loose today.
“You ain’t never cheated?”
“Nope. Not at baseball. Not at cards. And not on women.”
“My daddy cheated on my mama, even when she got sick,” Travis said, surprising Ryan with his candor. Ryan looked at him.
“That’s a shitty thing to know about your dad. Mine knocked my mom and me and my brother around,” Ryan said, quietly, almost to himself. They stood behind an older couple arguing over who was going back to get bananas. Travis was staring at his feet. He did that a lot.
“You ever hit him back?”
“Yeah. I thought it would feel awesome. Just to hit him like he used to hit us. Make him scared.”
“And?”
“And it just made me hate him more and myself a little too. Now I just keep him out of my life,” Ryan said. He shook his head. That was an over share. But Ryan would have done anything at Travis’s age to know that things got better, that he wasn’t alone.
“Thanks for doing this,” Travis said, changing his tone and the topic with the ease of someone exactly his age.
“I have to stop and get Frankie something else. It’s nice that you thought of doing this for her.”
“Doesn’t seem like much, compared to what she’s doing for us. I don’t understand why she would,” Travis said, shaking his head. He started putting items on the conveyer belt. The girl who was standing at the cash register looked bored and only slightly older than Travis. She smiled at Travis then at Ryan. Then back at Travis.
“Y’all want some help carrying this out?” She was putting things in the bag without taking her ey
es off Travis, who stayed silent.
“I think we can handle it,” Ryan said, pulling out his wallet. He handed the girl his credit card. A twenty-something kid with a tag that read “manager” walked over and not-so-quietly told the girl it was her break time when she was done ringing up Ryan and Travis. He smiled politely at Travis then turned to Ryan. His eyes grazed over Ryan. Then his head swiveled back, locking on Ryan’s face. Ryan sighed on the inside and pasted a smile on the outside.
“You’re Ryan Walker.” Did people actually think he didn’t know that? He understood they were nervous but he was pretty clear on his own name. Ryan nodded, grinning as he signed the credit card receipt. The manager had traces of acne along his forehead and his teeth seemed a little too large for his mouth. Like they were getting in the way of him talking.
“Can I have your autograph?”
“Sure,” Ryan said. Travis gave a laugh beside him and Ryan couldn’t tell if he was impressed or amused. The manager grabbed a notepad that was sitting on the cashier’s till and put it in front of him. Ryan signed it and pushed it back toward him.
“Thanks man, you’re awesome,” the guy told him. Ryan thanked him, glad some people still thought so. They walked out, each of them carrying a couple bags, and Travis smirked.
“That was better than last time. I thought Frankie was going to dump that entire pitcher of pop on the waitress when she recognized you,” Travis laughed. They loaded the groceries.
“Yeah. She’s got a bit of a jealous streak,” Ryan laughed.
“You don’t seem to mind.”
Ryan had always lived his life in a way that made him feel like he could look at himself in the mirror every morning. Still, he was nowhere near perfection and he questioned his quality of influence on an impressionable kid. He didn’t know what one of the three boys would take to heart when they were just talking about nothing.
“I don’t mind knowing that she wants me for herself. But if she felt any real jealousy, I’d have to take it more seriously. I’d never rip anyone apart that way. You should trust each other in a relationship. If you do, there should be no reason for jealousy,” Ryan said. He hoped he could believe his own words. He didn’t like to think that Victoria had messed with his head, but it was a hell of a thing, knowing your wife was getting it on the side.
Travis pursed his lips, like he was taking in what Ryan was saying. He needed to be more careful about what he said if these kids were actually going to listen to him.
Ryan saw the photographer only a second before the flash went off. He put a hand on Travis’s shoulder.
“Put your head down. Get in the car,” he said. Travis started to turn in the direction of the steady clicking of the camera. “Now.” Shit. That’s just what Frankie needed. Travis slammed the passenger side door and slumped in his seat.
“Ryan! This way,” the guy yelled. Yeah, like he couldn’t fucking see where the guy was. He walked around to the driver’s side, head down.
“What are you doing in this nothing town? Who’s the kid? Is he your son? Ryan? Are you and Victoria doing the reality show?” The questions kept coming but Ryan turned the music up to drown them out. Travis said nothing, making Ryan like him even more. He pulled his truck into traffic and headed toward the mall. God, he hated the mall. So, he must like Frankie. Maybe too much.
“You ain’t gotta teach me the ways of the world, y’know,” Travis drawled, still slouched in the passenger seat.
“Maybe I should just teach you how to talk.”
Travis smirked again and Ryan switched the station. They pulled into the parking lot of the mall and Ryan was happy it was reasonably quiet. In and out. Without pictures, hopefully. He had some ideas about what to get, even though she still hadn’t said a word to him about her birthday. He and Travis walked toward the entrance.
“All right. I’m going to hit two stores and then we’re out of here,”
“Maybe you ought to wear a wig,” Travis said. Ryan glared at him. Travis’s grin vanished. Ryan followed his gaze and saw a small cluster of teens hanging around the doors. Two of the guys were smoking, one of the girls was snuggling into one of the other guys, and one boy was leaning against the brick wall, smiling at something someone said.
“Your friends?” Ryan asked. Travis looked down and picked up his pace. Ryan looked back at the group of kids. The boy leaning against the wall pushed off, said something to the others, and came toward Travis and Ryan.
“Hey Trav,” the boy said.
He was about Travis’s height with paler skin and dark hair that was styled to look perfectly messy. Though Ryan wouldn’t have thought dark skin could blush, that’s exactly what Travis’s did. He put his hands in his pockets and barely mumbled hello. The boy seemed unfazed by this.
“You weren’t at the library today. I knew you’d get so far ahead of me that you wouldn’t need to show up. Could have used your help on calculus though,” the boy said, giving Ryan a quick glance then a second look. The kid was solidly built, maybe an athlete. Did any of the teenagers in this town actually go to a high school?
“I can help you next time,” Travis said quietly.
Ryan looked at him and was about to nudge him in the shoulder and ask him if he was okay. Ryan didn’t expect to see the combination of nerves and attraction on Travis’s face.
“Cool. Hi. I’m James,” the kid said, holding out a hand to Ryan. His grip was firm and his eyes were direct. Ryan could see that he recognized him and appreciated the way James didn’t tell him his own name or bring up his past.
“Hey James. I’m Ryan. Nice to meet you.”
Travis shuffled his feet. Back and forth on one foot then the other. “We gotta go. I’ll catch up with you next week,” Travis said, stepping forward.
If Ryan wasn’t mistaken, and he sure as hell was no expert on feelings, James was hurt by the brush off. He gave a slight frown and a quick shrug, his eyes trying to connect with Travis’s. Then he turned and went back to his friends. Travis held the door open and Ryan walked through. Ryan started to ask what that was all about, but Travis mumbled that he had to go to the washroom and would meet him at the bookstore. Ryan watched him walk away, hands still shoved deeply in his pockets.
“Well, shit,” Ryan said under his breath. He found Frankie a funny card that said, in addition to a great card, her gift was his clothing, anytime she wanted it. He’d have to give it to her in private, he thought, taking it up to the cashier. He walked toward the bookstore and found Travis looking at the new release wall.
“Hey.” Travis nodded in response. Ryan moved to the back of the store and found the biography section. He couldn’t remember if Frankie had said something about preferring Tina Fey or Amy Poehler so he grabbed both books. He asked Travis if he wanted anything but he just shook his head. Once they were back in the car, Ryan was sure that the ease of the day and the vibe between them had shifted.
“Do any teens go to high school around here? Seems most of them go to the library,” Ryan said, pulling back onto Route One and heading toward home. Travis stared out the window and didn’t look over when he answered.
“Library is attached to the high school. So even the ones that don’t go to distance ed spend a lot of time there,” he said.
Bruno Mars filled the space between them, which was okay by Ryan. Because really, what would he say? If the kid wanted to talk to him, he would. Wouldn’t he? They showed up as Frankie was unloading her own groceries and Miles came bounding up to Ryan.
“Carter says we get to sleep at your house and watch your ginormous TV and eat all the food and sleep in a sweet-ass bed,” Miles near-shouted. Frankie’s eyes widened in both surprise and embarrassment and Travis immediately told his little brother to ‘zip his flappy lips.’
“Miles, when did Carter say that?” Frankie asked, looking sheepish. Ryan smiled, trying to catch her gaze.
“He just told me now. Then he said it was top secret. Oh.”
Travis gave him a tiny shove an
d told him to go in the house but Ryan and Frankie burst out laughing.
“Probably shouldn’t tell him secrets,” Ryan suggested. Travis looked at Ryan, his back hunched a bit, quieter than his usual quiet. Ryan hooked his chin toward the truck. “Grab that stuff and I’ll get rid of the girl.”
Finally, a smile found Travis’s face and he did as he was told. Frankie was looking at Ryan with wary amusement and passed her own bags off to Travis. When he went into the house, she stepped closer to him and Ryan leaned back on the bumper of his truck.
“Get rid of the girl?” She wound her arms around his neck and he inhaled the scent that was uniquely Frankie, combined with whatever delicious lotion she used. Her face was red in the cheeks, likely from the cold or maybe because she smiled all the damn time.
“That’s right. It’s boys only in your house for the next hour at least. You can head over to my house and hang out,” Ryan said, pulling her close and kissing her cheek. He lightly rubbed his lips along her jaw, heard her sigh, and then found her lips. She tasted like hot chocolate. She pressed herself into him and he had to stop himself from putting his hands all over her. He really wanted his hands all over her. Maybe it would take away some of the craving he felt.
“I’m being kicked out of my own house, why? I’m sorry about Miles. I don’t know where he got that idea. I’m sure he just mixed up something Carter said. Hey, Carter enrolled in school. He said you’d help him with baseball if he did?” All of her words flowed over each other and the sound of her voice, the excitement, confusion, and pride, tugged at his heart.
“I probably should have talked to you about that. Sorry.” She went back up on her tiptoes and pulled him into another kiss and he didn’t feel sorry about anything. In fact, he felt pretty damn great and so did she.
“Don’t say sorry. They really like you. You’re good for them. But I’m worried we’re making it harder for them if they can’t stay,” she said, almost to herself.
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