“Hey, mom,” she greeted.
“You have call display,” her mom said.
“I do. But I knew it was you anyway. How are you?” Frankie missed having a phone where she could wind the cord around her finger. She set her soda down and ran her finger over the grooved pattern in the couch instead.
“I’m fine. Same as always. Frankie, I want to know what’s going on, honey. I want to come visit. It’s not good for you to be out there all on your own and making all these rash decisions,” Tina said, her breath pulling in, warning Frankie of a long rant.
“Mom. Please. You can visit after things are settled. I’m not on my own. I have a boyfriend who I’m very much in love with who feels the same about me. I’m hoping the boys are back by the end of this month. And these decisions aren’t rash, mom. I just didn’t need a lot of time to make them. They feel right. They feel good. Besides, Chloe is here checking up on me,” Frankie replied.
Her mom made a dismissive noise and Frankie smiled. She missed her family. She loved them. She’d just needed to find something of her own. Now that she had, she didn’t want to keep it to herself. Extend the olive branch, she thought and then cringed, shaking her head at herself.
“Your friend is hardly your mom. It’s been almost three months.”
“How about Christmas? It’ll be beautiful here. You guys can come the week before and stay until New Year?” Frankie offered, feeling relatively safe since she could always camp at Ryan’s if she needed a break from them.
“That might work. I’ll have to check with your dad. And your brother. Is Beth’s place…habitable for us? I don’t suppose there’s a Hilton nearby. I hate that you’re so far away, Frances.”
Frankie cringed. Only her mother called her that. Everyone else knew better.
“It’s not that far, mom. There’s space here for you guys but you’re right, it’s not the Hilton. This place has been good for me,” Frankie said. She took a sip of her drink and decided to go all in. “I signed a contract with Variety. I’m getting ready to send them my first article today.” She leaned back, dug herself deeper into the couch, and pulled the soft, grey throw blanket over her legs.
“What’s it about?”
“It’s called Finding Yourself in Unexpected Places,” Frankie said, smiling at the way the words rolled effortlessly off of her tongue.
“Well that suits, doesn’t it?” Frankie smiled into the phone. Maybe leaving had made them accept that she just didn’t want the same life they had. Sometimes, acceptance came with distance.
She told her mom more about the monthly column she would be writing and how it could lead to other opportunities. Frankie had arrived in West Lake feeling at odds and without direction. She didn’t feel that way now and, even if she missed her family, she felt good about where she was. When they hung up, she went back to her computer and pressed send on her email to her new editor. Pleased, she grabbed a bag of chips, which lasted a lot longer without three boys in the house, and another soda.
Frankie swiped the moisture off her face without opening her eyes. Another drop hit her cheek and in her half-dream state she imagined she was outside, lying in the rain. But when Chloe’s giggle broke through her haze, she opened her eyes and found her friend standing above her, water droplets falling from her fingers.
“Hi Cinderella,” said Chloe. It took Frankie a minute, which she used to sit up, to realize that Chloe had mixed up her fairy tales.
“Uh, Sleeping Beauty was the one that slept,” Frankie said. Chloe’s eyebrows scrunched and she flopped onto the couch beside Frankie.
“What’d Cinderella do?”
“How can you not know your fairy tales?”
Chloe shrugged and took a drink of the water she was holding.
“My mom didn’t like them. Not all mamas read to their princesses,” Chloe said. Frankie knew her friend was joking but the words poked at her conscience. She was lucky to have the family she did and she needed to be more appreciative. Though, she reminded herself, she had just invited them for Christmas. Stretching, she rubbed her hands over her face.
“I fell asleep,” Frankie said. Chloe snorted.
“Thanks Princess Obvious.”
Frankie gave Chloe a hard stare that didn’t faze her in the least. They’d been friends for too long to not be used to the back-and-forth teasing.
“What did you do?” Frankie asked.
“Actually, I took a nice little hike with a pal of yours,” Chloe said. Her eyebrows bobbed up and down in a foolish way that made Frankie laugh.
“Who?”
“You’re not even going to guess?”
Frankie pushed off the couch to make some tea.
“Want some tea?” She knew Chloe would break before she did.
“It was Cameron. Mr. Sexy Mayor of West Lake.” Chloe trailed behind her and while Frankie made tea, she hoisted herself on the counter and nibbled on the open bag of chips.
“Mr. Jack-ass-dressed-in-a-nice-suit Cameron?”
Chloe snickered, rooting through the bag for more than crumbs.
“That’s the one. Actually, he was rather nice. Once we got to talking and we each made the connection that we knew you, he was sincerely curious about how you and the boys were doing.”
Frankie grabbed two cups and lifted the kettle from its stand when it whistled.
“It’s always easy to be empathetic after the fact,” Frankie said. Irritation crept along her skin. Technically, what had happened hadn’t been his fault, but Cameron was like a catalyst for the events and she didn’t love the idea of Chloe and him getting cozy.
“True. We hiked for a bit together. It’s beautiful up the side of Bonshore Mountain. Have you been yet?”
Before Frankie could answer, Chloe laughed at her own question. Frankie did her best to run a couple times a week but climbing a mountain was not going to happen.
“Anyway,” Chloe said, her voice syrupy, “He said to say hi. Hoped you were okay. I told him I don’t really know if you are.”
Frankie stopped pouring the water and set down the kettle. Her eyes were wide when she looked at Chloe, her chest tight.
“I’d be more okay if something moved forward. And, honestly, Cameron is not my favorite person right now so I don’t want to talk to him. Or have you talk to him about me.”
Chloe nodded softly. “Okay.”
Frowning, Frankie asked, “What do you mean you didn’t know if I was okay. I am, but of course you’d know if I wasn’t.”
For as long as Frankie could remember, she and Chloe had known everything about each other. They didn’t need to share a joke to laugh at it. If one of them didn’t like someone, no further explanation was necessary for the other to follow suit. They could pick each other’s clothing off of racks, order each other’s meals. Chloe’s eyes were glued to the back of the chip bag, her chin tucked so her words were quiet.
“It’s just…you know, everything is going along and I know you weren’t entirely happy with Robert. It didn’t knock me off my seat when you broke up with him,” she said. She lifted her chin to look at Frankie. Frankie’s stomach tumbled at the hurt she saw in her friend’s expression. “But even I couldn’t have predicted you just taking off, moving a few states away and starting a life that…”
“A life that what, Chloe?” Frankie stepped closer to her and rested her hand on Chloe’s fidgeting one.
“A life that didn’t include any of us.” Chloe’s shoulders curled forward.
Regret felt like splinters in Frankie’s chest, digging around and poking holes where certainty had been. She squeezed Chloe’s hand, hard, trying to breathe around the splinters.
“My life always includes all of you. Chloe, you’re as much my family as my own brother and my parents. I love you. Just because I left doesn’t mean I left you behind,” she said. Her voice was raspy. Chloe nodded, her eyes bright. Frankie squeezed her hand hard enough that Chloe flinched.
“But you kind of did.”
&nb
sp; Frankie let go and moved back so Chloe could push off of the counter.
“I didn’t, I just needed to find something that felt like me. Something that made me feel like you feel being a wellness coach. I needed more than a job change. I needed to be somewhere else so I could see myself from a different angle,” Frankie said. She was trying hard to keep the pleading edge out of her voice. “But no matter where I am, who I am will always be, in part, because of you. Because you’re my friend.”
“That word doesn’t seem strong enough, does it?” Chloe gave a wry smile and sniffed indelicately. She grabbed a Kleenex from the box on the counter and Frankie’s heart twisted just a little more.
“It’s doesn’t. There needs to be a new word for what you are to me. For how much you matter.”
Chloe nodded again, a little firmer this time. She scrunched the Kleenex up in her hand and put her arms around Frankie’s neck, pulling her close. “I miss you,” she said. She gave another quiet sniff and Frankie wrapped her arms around her friend and tried not to squeeze the life out of her even as she tried not to break down in tears.
“I’m right here. No matter where I am. I’m right here.”
Chapter 35
Later that night, while Frankie couldn’t sleep, she opened her email and typed a long letter to her mom and dad. She told them how much she appreciated their support and how it gave her the courage to take on the challenge of Aunt Beth’s house. She emailed her brother next to tell him that she missed him and asked how his life was going. She insisted, just short of begging, that they all come for Christmas.
Still restless, she spent a bit of time browsing the internet. Her fingers hovered over the keys. She knew Ryan would tell her whatever she wanted to know. She only had to ask. Still, she typed his name into Google. Images popped up immediately. Ryan in uniform. Ryan in a tux. Ryan in interviews. Ryan with a stunning brunette plastered to his side. Victoria wore a sleek red gown in one photo, her mile-long legs exposed by the slit that went all the way to her hip. The gown plunged from the shoulders to her naval. Frankie’s stomach twisted at the sight of Victoria’s long red nails resting on Ryan’s chest. He was smiling, but if she looked close, it wasn’t one of the smiles she knew. It was tighter. Forced. Or maybe she just wanted to believe that. She wanted to believe that he could be happy—was happy—here with her.
She clicked on one of the articles that spoke about the drug charges being dropped.
Currently, all bets are off. When Ryan Walker was suspended, rumors swirled that he’d save face and retire. But now, with his name being cleared, Commissioner Samson has made it clear he doesn’t want the heavy hitter for the Angels to put away his bat just yet.
Dale Jennings, coach for the Angels was quoted saying, “There’s more in store for Ryan Walker. Everyone makes mistakes and I’m hopeful that Ryan will let us make up for ours. We followed protocol. We had to put him on leave but I understand that a man has his pride. We’re his family and he feels like we didn’t stand by him when we should have. For that, I’m deeply sorry. I only hope we get a chance to make it up to him. There’s still so much left to his career.”
Sources tell us that Walker is hiding out in a small town in western Minnesota. For a man who can hit it out of the park, literally, we’re surprised that he’s walked away from the only career he’s ever known. Baseball is Ryan Walker’s life. Letting it go would be lying down to die. What is he without America’s favorite sport?
Ex-wife Victoria Garcia told reporters, “Baseball is the only thing that matters to Ryan. I’ll be shocked if he isn’t back here by the start of training camp. And when he is, when all of the dust settles, I’ll be here for him, just as I was during our marriage. It’s not easy to be married to someone so consumed by a sport. It’s everything to him. But I can accept it, because I understand him. We’re on amicable terms and speak frequently. He needed some time away but he’ll be back. He’s nothing without baseball.”
Only time will tell if we’ll see Walker back in uniform and taking home plate. Walker’s lawyer was unavailable for comment.
Frankie clicked the x to close the tab and squeezed her eyes shut. Had he been offered the chance to go back? She knew he’d had his name cleared and that the commissioner was calling him. To apologize, Ryan had told her, but he didn’t answer any of the calls. He couldn’t say Victoria’s name without sneering so there was no way he was talking to her frequently. Frankie shut down the laptop, hoping the images of his flawless ex would not haunt her sleep. This town had nothing, even if it was rebuilding and growing. It wasn’t far from bigger towns, but it sure as heck wasn’t LA. Frankie believed him when he said he cared. She could see it in his eyes and feel it in the way he touched her; the way he was always touching her. But part of her had loved Robert as well. Not anywhere near the way she loved Ryan. But still, she’d cared for him. And it hadn’t been enough. Was she enough for Ryan? For the boys? Her family? Chloe’s words came back to her. She hadn’t been a great friend. She’d thought only of what she wanted. Was still thinking of what she wanted. And what if, no matter how badly she wanted things to work out, they just weren’t meant to?
Pushing away from the table, she went to the patio door, and looked up at the Minnesota sky. She loved it here. Even without Ryan and the boys, she felt at peace here, like she could stop searching for a missing piece of herself. Of course, without Ryan, there would be emptiness where there hadn’t been and she had no idea how she’d fill that void.
Don’t borrow trouble. She laughed at her own trite thought.
Her phone buzzed on the table and she smiled, seeing Ryan’s text on her screen.
My bed is too big without you
She tapped her fingers over the letters, telling him it was good to miss her now and again.
I miss you whenever I’m not with you. Come over.
She hesitated. It was so easy to fall into him every night. Every minute. But she’d meant to come here and learn how to fall into herself. Rely on herself. She wasn’t clingy by nature but the level of need she felt for Ryan was unlike anything she’d ever known.
You there?
She texted to tell him she was just tired and going to crawl into bed. Chloe was there after all.
Ok. Sweet dreams.
She hoped so. She texted a quick “you too” and waited.
Tomorrow night, no excuses. I sleep better beside you.
She smiled, sending him heart emoticons, feeling like even text words were too much for her right now. She slept better beside him, too. They shared the same feelings. They were in this together. Putting the article out of her head, she crawled between her sheets, her phone beside her, re-reading his words. She wasn’t in this alone.
Chapter 36
It was colder than an ice bath but Ryan was determined to work with the kids on conditioning. The snow had held off, which was a surprise for this time of year, but Ryan planned to make the most of it. Coach claimed he had some paperwork to finish up and asked if Ryan could run practice. Stuart looked like he’d swallowed a porcupine upon hearing the coach’s request. He’d stomped off saying he had to organize the equipment room. A couple of guys, Louis and Fitz, showed up early and Ryan got them to bring weights out from the gym. He had all of their last names down but was still working on firsts. When Travis came walking across the field, Carter at his side, Ryan was surprised by the surge of affection that hit him.
“Bring-a-brother-to-practice day?” Ryan asked, then second-guessed his own wording. Travis caught it and he lifted his eyebrows with amusement. Other than that, he just gave him a chin nod in greeting.
“Thought you was coming on Tuesdays,” Carter said.
“Thought you were going to work on using the English language properly,” Ryan said.
A smile played at the corners of his lips, even when Carter made a scoffing sound. Both boys were dressed in bulky jackets that looked new. Ryan wondered how Frankie would afford to feed and clothe three boys but reminded himself she wouldn
’t be doing it alone. The thought winded him. Victoria had pretended to want kids for a short period of time. Even when he was blind with lust for her, he’d known he didn’t want that with her. He’d wanted her, but not a life with her; he didn’t get the difference at the time. She’d wanted a life with him, but not him. Should have been a clue, he thought, watching more of the team hit the field, most in groups of two or three. Despite being together almost every day, they greeted each other with back slaps, trash talk, and the easy back and forth that came with being on a team. There were days he missed that feeling like he would a vital organ. Before or after practice, after a game, good or bad, his team was his family. Like any family, there were fights and days that sucked more than they should, but they could count on each other. Most of them. Definitely not all.
“All right, get in here, boys. We’re going to do things differently today,” Ryan said, the boys circling around him. A current of excitement coursed through him. He’d run them hard, see what they were made of; mostly, he’d help them become stronger. Better.
“We gonna try freezing our balls off?” Anthony, a first baseman, laughed at his own joke as the others joined in. Travis had wandered off to the bleachers and bundled himself in his jacket. Ryan let them laugh and chuckled along with them. Then he got their attention.
“Nope. I’m gonna make sure you don’t. We’re going to do some dry land training. See what you’re made of. Starting with burpees. Spread out, twenty-five each to start, last person done gets an extra twenty. What are you waiting for?”
Caught Looking Page 22