"No, uh, I was going to ask if you had time to watch a movie?"
He hesitated and I wanted to kick myself, thinking back to the time, just a few minutes before, when I was marveling at the lack of awkwardness between us.
"It's cool if you have plans. No worries, just thought I'd ask."
His face got tense for a second and he looked away before skewering me with his dark gaze.
"I don't have plans. And even if I did, I'd break them to stay here and watch a movie with you. But I feel like there’s some confusion between us, and I think it's only fair to you if I clear it up.”
My pulse pounded at his words, but also at the intense expression on his face.
"Okay," I murmured. Somehow, I knew in the deepest part of myself that he would never hurt me, but I still felt a sizzle of fear. What if it was something bad enough that made me send him away?
Then I'd be alone again. And, god, I didn't want to be alone right now.
Why can't you be exactly what you seem to be, Reid McDaniels?
"I came here because I was worried about you. But I also came here because I can't stop thinking about you.”
He pursed his lips and jammed a hand through his dark hair before continuing.
“Look, I just don't want you to get it twisted, Lo. I'm a good person. At least, I think I am. But the stuff I want to do to you? None of it's nice. So if you aren't attracted to me at all, and you just want a friend, I can do that. Eventually, though, I’m going to make a move. It’s inevitable and I just don’t want you to be surprised or feel misled when it happens.”
He wanted me.
Not in the passing way a guy who saw a Vegas showgirl on stage and got a hard-on kind did. Not the kind that went away the second he stepped foot out of the club. He was talking about the kind of want that made him think about me when I wasn't around.
The last of the chill that had been settling into my bones since the night before faded and I nodded slowly.
"Got it. Now I'm going to be honest with you, Boy Scout. Between The Velvet Room and my job waitressing at Maxine’s Café, I work double shifts four days a week. I have almost no free time, and even if I did, I'm really screwed up right now. I've got loads of baggage that might not be visible to the naked eye but is very definitely part of this package. I won’t even be living in this town three months from now. And I probably won’t be living in the next town for long either. I don’t do roots.”
This was going to be the hard part, and I dug deep, opting to give it to him straight.
“But I like you. And while I take a day or two to think on what to do about that fact, I'd like to take you up on your offer of friendship for the night. Does that sound okay?”
"It does," he said, his shoulders seeming to lose some of the tension they'd been holding. "So here are my terms. The movie selection has to have at least one form of martial arts in it. I have a ritual. The entire month prior to a fight, I only allow myself to watch martial arts movies. Call it a silly superstition, but I'm sticking to my guns."
I could feel the stupid grin spreading over my face. "Aside from old musicals, I can't think of anything I like better. My dad used to watch them with me when I was younger." I made my way over to the entertainment center and tugged open the drawer filled with DVD's. "Enter the Dragon or The Protector?"
I wish I knew how it happened. Then maybe I could've determined whether I should feel guilty or if he should, but three hours, a movie and a half, and a giant bag of popcorn later, the imaginary line that had separated us on the couch was a thing of the past, and my feet were in his lap. He was absently rubbing the arch of one foot and I had to bite back a groan.
For a girl who spent her nights dancing in four-inch heels, a foot rub was like winning the lottery.
"Jesus, did you see that shot?" Reid asked, wincing as the screen flashed with yet another Bruce Lee spinning kick. "He's the man."
My murmur of agreement turned into a groan of approval as his thumbs pressed into a pressure point on the ball of my right foot. "Where did you learn to do that?"
He turned his head to face me and grinned, which only made the heat already spreading to my thighs spread higher. "Instinct, I guess."
Instinct? If this was instinct, then Boy Scout Reid had just stepped up another level in my esteem. His hands were like magic and I couldn't stop my dirty little brain from wondering what else those hands did well.
I don't know whether he sensed my churning hormones or if he just happened to glance over at me again, but when he did, his hands stilled.
"Just friends,” he rasped. “Right, Lo?"
Tension, like a chunk of taffy on the sidewalk of the Vegas Strip, oozed between us as his eyes searched mine. Even in the dim light, I could see the change there. The want building as his lids grew heavy, and his fingers flexed over my ankles.
What had he asked me?
Just friends.
Had I been the one to make that decree? And if so, I wondered if I should ask for a do-over. "Reid..."
My voice was husky, and thick, and I cleared my throat and tried to concentrate on something other than the heat and strength of those hands.
"Don't answer that,” he said in a low voice. “It wasn't a question. It was a reminder. We had a deal for tonight, and that's that."
I stiffened and tried to tug my feet away, but he held firm. “What if I want to negotiate a new deal?"
"Then call me in the morning. I'm happy to revisit things. Believe me." He shifted restlessly against the couch cushions and I was pretty sure I knew why, but that made him pulling the plug on whatever was brewing between us even more confusing.
“Why not now?" I knew I shouldn't be pressing. It was hardly becoming, but damn it, those hands...
"Because you probably didn't sleep last night. Because you're feeling raw and emotional and you probably just want to feel safe. And being with me and making a potentially bad decision just because you're not yourself isn't the way I want us to do this."
He set my feet gently on the couch next to him and patted my knee in a way that made me want to howl in frustration. What was I, his spinster aunt now?
"Let's watch the rest of the movie like we planned. And then, tomorrow, if you still feel this way, we can talk about it, all right?"
It wasn’t all right. It was awful. But what else was there to say? I folded my arms over my chest and pretended to watch Bruce Lee avenge his family, but the camaraderie was gone, leaving behind only tension, and confusion.
When the credits finally rolled, I was wound so tightly, my neck had started to ache.
“Great flick.” I practically leapt off the couch and forced a bright smile. “And thanks again for the pizza. I should probably hit the sack.”
Now go home so I can lick my wounds in private, kthanksbye.
He got up much more slowly than I had, a pained expression etched onto his face.
“Do you work on Wednesday afternoon?”
I did a mental run-through of my schedule and realized I had that day off, but hesitated.
He must have sensed it, because he continued, “I’m done with classes by two if you want to hang out.”
I led him to the door, my brain firing off a thousand thoughts at once. I’d just had the best and worst “date” of my life all in the same night. It had been awesome…until it got weird. And now I wasn’t so sure that he hadn’t been right to pull back when he did.
My life was in flux and, until I felt stable, there was no way I could be in a good relationship. If we’d fooled around, I probably would’ve felt like shit about it in the morning. How was putting myself that close to temptation again going to help?
“Don’t answer now,” he said softly. “How about I give you a call tomorrow and you let me know how you feel after a good night’s sleep?”
He pulled out his phone and I rattled off my number by rote, suddenly way more pre-occupied with the fact that we were both standing in my doorway now, and I had no idea how to end
this weird evening. A kiss wouldn’t make much sense when I’d already been rebuffed—sort of—but a handshake would be super weird.
Oblivious to my internal struggles, Reid stuck the phone back into his gym pants and met my gaze.
“Good night, Lo.” He held his arms out and the nerves fell away as I leaned into him like it was the most natural thing in the world. His clean sweat and spice scent surrounded me as I let my arms circle his waist.
It was…nice. But I was way too aware of him for it to feel friendly. The weight of his muscular arms wrapping around me, the feel of his hard chest against my soft one.
We stayed like that for a long moment before he pulled away.
“I’ll call you tomorrow.”
He jogged lightly down the steps, and I leaned against the door, taking in the view as he moved, his muscular shoulders rippling beneath his threadbare T-shirt. My brain instantly brought forth the feeling of his hands on my ankles, his fingers on my instep, and I shivered despite the heat.
A good night’s sleep, my ass. Reid McDaniels was going to haunt my dreams.
* * *
Reid
My thoughts were churning as fast as my feet as I took another turn around the block before heading back home.
I’d showed up on Lola’s doorstep with no plan in mind except to see how she was doing and to get her to re-think calling the cops. Now, hours later, I still wasn’t sure of the answer to that question. She seemed to be okay. Or, at least a lot less shaken up than she had been the night before. But that didn’t mean she was okay. The last thing I wanted was to be a mistake she made and then regretted.
So that meant giving it some time. That was going to be tough, since I’d just left her doorstep not ten minutes before and already wanted to go back.
I jogged up the stairs of my house and unlocked the door as quietly as possible. The lights were all out and I had to hope that meant everyone else was asleep. I wasn’t in the mood to talk about where I’d been and I felt even less like rehashing the Sherri McDaniels discussion.
“I’m sorry.”
I blew out a sigh and closed the door behind me with a click. When I turned, I saw Matty sitting on the couch in darkness, his face barely visible in the moonlight coming in through the big bay window. Long day, about to get longer.
“Sorry for what?” I asked, tossing my keys onto the side table and making my way into the living room to join him.
“Before you got home from work, Kayla had gotten a call from the DA’s office back in Boston. Mickey copped to a whole slew of charges in order to get them to drop two counts of murder one and a possible double life sentence. He’ll be locked up for the next twenty-five years.”
“That’s great news. So what are you sorry about?”
“I was having a great day. The best I can remember in a very long time. Mick is up the river. I got my girl here. She’s safe and she’s going to stay that way. I got both my brothers here with me. Bash has a fight in a few weeks and it could change his whole life. Everything felt…perfect.”
And then I’d dropped the bomb on him. Shit. If I’d known, I’d have given him the day in peace.
“I guess part of me harbored some fantasy that we’d just never hear from her again. I was surprised, and I took it out on you. That was wrong of me.”
I flopped back onto the recliner and pressed two fingers to my temple where the mother of all headaches was building.
“I get it. And I’m not mad. It’s no big deal.”
He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees, his voice low and urgent. “That’s what I’m worried about. See, it is a big deal. I’m concerned you don’t realize exactly how big of a deal it is.”
I wanted to cut in right there and tell him to piss off. Of the three of us, I’d been the one who’d shown the most maturity over the past year. I was the one who held everything together while he and Bash went off the rails. I understood exactly what Sherri sniffing around could mean for all of us.
Something made me hold my tongue, though. Maybe the habit of respect for his older brother status. Or maybe it was the fact that he seemed genuinely distraught and I’d already ruined his day. Whatever the case, I just clenched my jaw and waited for him to say his piece.
“There’s stuff you don’t remember. And there are…events that occurred that you didn’t see, because I tried to shield you from them, but I need you to understand two things.” He ticked them off on his fingers. “First, I love you. Anything I tell you about her going forward is because of that. Not because of my hatred of her. It’s always about the three of us, no one else. Second, she is not a good person and she never was. When I say that, I don’t even mean that she’s careless or selfish or inconsiderate. I mean she is a bad person. Like fruit, rotting from the inside out. No matter how much wax you put on it, no matter how much you try to shine it up, once you get past the skin, it’s rancid. If you give her even an inch, she will find a way to make you pay for it.”
His words burrowed deep and I could feel myself closing off. Shutting down.
“I know all this, Matty. I lived with her too. And I told you and Bash already, I’m not going to engage. Get it off your radar. I only told you so you’d be mentally prepared for it if she showed up here.” I stood and gave him one last chance in case he needed to get anything else off his chest. “We good?” He stayed quiet and he tipped his head in a curt nod. “Excellent. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
I crossed the hall and stepped into my bedroom, closing the door behind me. Then I padded over the cool, tile floor and parked it on my bed.
I knew Matty hadn’t meant to rile me up. He was just concerned, but my plate was already overflowing with shit for the day. Between my own concerns about our mother, and then the way things had gone down with Lola, I was beat down. Mentally shot.
Not the way I wanted to feel when I closed my eyes for the second night in a row, that was for damned sure. I’d stopped messing with girls months before for exactly this reason. Because my life was too damn complicated already, and my mother resurfacing only added to that. If I was smart, I’d forget I ever met Lola and let it go. One potential crisis at a time.
I don’t do roots.
She’d admitted it right out of the gate that she had issues of her own to work through. There was only one thing worse than a person trying to have a relationship when they didn’t even have their own shit together and that was when both people in the relationship didn’t have their shit together. We were trouble squared.
I rolled onto my back and folded my hands behind my head. If I just didn’t call her tomorrow, probably everything would just go back to normal and…
Hell, who was I kidding? The second I touched her, the decision of whether or not to get involved was out of my hands. I was caught, hook, line, and sinker. Unless the zombie apocalypse commenced, I was calling her tomorrow.
Now I just had to figure out how to hook her just as hard as she’d hooked me Because if not?
I was in for some serious pain.
Chapter Five
Lola
“Where are we going?"
When Reid called me two days before, I’d already talked myself out of him. In fact, I was feeling pretty grateful that he hadn’t let things progress between us, because, in the harsh light of day, there was no question I’d dodged a bullet.
So when he did finally call, I had every intention of saying no. But when I heard his voice on the line, I couldn’t spit it out. Now, it was Wednesday afternoon and I had spent the past couple days talking myself in and out of this date a dozen times. We were heading away from the Strip—away from the city altogether, actually—and I still wasn’t sure I’d made the right decision.
At the same time, I was filled with an anticipation I hadn’t felt in ages.
“Seriously, Reid, I’m all for surprises, but now I’m literally dying to know. Where the heck are we going?”
“I’m taking you to the desert,” he said, turning his head to
shoot me a crooked smile that sent an instant shiver over me in spite of the ninety-five degree temperature.
I paused and let that marinate for a second. The desert? That was a new spot for a date. Or maybe this wasn’t a date after all.
The thought filled me with despair and relief all at once. If he was as confused as I was about what was happening between us, maybe he didn’t know either.
“The desert? Like, so you can hit me in the head with a shovel, rob me and throw me in a shallow grave so the coyotes can eat me kind of desert?"
"Don't be ridiculous. If I was going to do some digging, it would be at night when it was way cooler out." He snorted and leaned down to turn up the radio.
That should've been unsettling. He might be taking up a lot of square footage in my head these days, but he was still pretty much a stranger. If there was one thing my mother warned me about when I was a kid, it was stranger danger.
Instead of feeling apprehensive, I settled back into the seat of his car and enjoyed the ride and the knowledge that I didn't have to go to work that night. As much as I tried to put a good face on it, the thought of gyrating around in a thong and a headdress was wearing on me even more than usual after the incident the other night, and I could already feel that sense of restlessness in my belly. That little nugget of panic that told me it was almost time to go. That the place I was in was starting to stick to me like tar. It was one I’d experienced a dozen times before and it always preceded a change of zip code. The fear that, once a place started to take root, I'd be trapped there, in whatever dreck I was living, forever.
This time, though, there was a bright spot.
"Here we are," Reid announced, pulling into a parking lot.
Here was...nowhere. There was nothing in sight besides a beat up aluminum shed of some kind and the rolling, sandy dunes of the open desert.
"I can see you went to a lot of trouble to plan this date, Reid, but..."
That was when I heard it. The sound of whining motors that reminded me an awful lot of my Aunt Barbara's singing voice.
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