“I’m intrigued by you,” Phillip said, taking a sip of his drink. “I know you’re a hairstylist because you mentioned it when we were shopping, and it’s written on the business card you gave me. But you have no idea what I do, yet you agreed to meet me here, why?”
Donetta tilted her head to the side and reached for a crab cake with her fork. “Um, correction. I’m a stylist, and I’m also the D in G&D Hair Design.”
“You’re a business owner.” He smiled. “Congratulations. How long have you been in business?”
“I’ve been doing hair since college, but my best friend and I didn’t open our salon until nearly two years ago.”
“Very impressive, Donetta.”
She smiled politely. “Thank you.”
“Now, tell me, are you avoiding my question on purpose, or do you just not care?”
Donetta drank the last of her martini and moved the glass to the side. “No, I’m not avoiding your question, and yes, I do care what you do for a living. I’m not the kind of girl who’ll date a brother who doesn’t have his shit together. I have standards.”
“I see.” He chuckled.
“There’s something you should know about me.” She paused and looked him in the eyes. “I curse . . . a lot.”
Phillip couldn’t help but laugh. “Get outta here.”
“I know, right? But I’m working on it.”
“I like that you say what you think and feel. It’s refreshing.” Phillip gave her another smile. “Now back to my question.”
“I didn’t have to ask what you do for a living because I already knew five minutes into our conversation in the grocery store.”
“Really? What is it that you think I do?”
“You break women’s hearts.”
Phillip was startled by her answer, which he hadn’t expected.
“I’m sorry,” Donetta said as she bit into her crab cake. “I meant to say you’re a lawyer who breaks women’s hearts.”
Phillip shifted in his seat. “I don’t think that’s any better. But you did get the lawyer part right. How did you know?”
“Because you know how to ask invasive questions without coming off too pushy, and you pay attention to the small details of everything. You’re well-spoken and very direct, and you leave very little room for rebuttal once you know what you want . . . like luring me out of my pj’s in the middle of the night to have a drink with you at this bar.”
Phillip leaned back in his seat and observed Donetta even closer than he had before. Beyond the lovely features of her face, she possessed something that he thought was a thousand times more beautiful, and that was her genuinely honest spirit. She wasn’t pretentious like most of the attractive and accomplished women he knew. Donetta could easily be a model, and even be stuck on herself because of her beauty and entrepreneurial achievements. But instead, she was down-to-earth and sincere in the things she said and did. He was used to women saying things to impress him. But Donetta didn’t do that, and she’d actually launched a few unintentional insults his way.
He had to admit that she was right about everything she’d said, including the part about breaking women’s hearts. Although he was always up front about not wanting a serious commitment, a few of his relationships had ended in broken hearts and hard feelings. “Donetta, you’re something else,” Phillip said, giving her a wink.
“Tell me something I don’t know.”
When she blinked her long lashes and smiled back at him, Phillip wanted to kiss her, but he knew he needed to bide his time. He also knew he had to deal with the question he could sense was coming.
“So . . . how many hearts have you broken?” Donetta asked.
There it was. Phillip shifted in his seat. “I’m a very honest person, and I’m sensitive to others’ emotions, that’s why I’m always straight-up about my intentions, what I want and what I don’t want. That minimizes broken hearts. But I can’t control how others will react, I can only control how I handle things.”
“You just said a lot of stuff, but I don’t understand how that answers my question.”
When the server came by to see if they wanted more drinks, they both ordered another round. Phillip knew he needed to keep his wits about him because Donetta was quick on her feet, and he wanted to be prepared to answer whatever she threw at him. The bartender was efficient because by the time the server walked back to the bar, another server was bringing out their drinks.
Donetta glided her finger across the rim of her glass. “What is it that you want and don’t want in a relationship?” she asked.
“That depends on who the particular woman is. To be honest, I can’t remember the last serious relationship I had. And when I say serious, I mean an exclusive commitment.”
“Me either.”
Phillip shook his head from side to side. “C’mon, Donetta. I know you said you haven’t dated in a while, but do you really expect me to believe that you can’t remember the last serious relationship you were in?”
“I believed you, so why is it so hard for you to believe me?”
“Because you’re a beautiful woman, and men don’t let beautiful women go unattached for long. Is it by choice?”
Donetta shook her head. “While I appreciate that compliment, in no way does being attractive mean a man will want to make a commitment to you. You’re gonna make me start giving you the side-eye if you keep saying crazy shit like that.”
Phillip laughed. “What I said isn’t crazy, it’s real.”
She rolled her eyes.
“Okay, let’s take the premise of a serious relationship off the table and talk simply about dating. Before tonight, how long has it been since you were on a date?”
“Six months.”
Again, Phillip was in disbelief, and he found it hard to fathom that the amazing woman sitting across from him was dateless and alone. His degrees in psychology and law, combined with his natural ability to think logically, had all made him an excellent judge of character. Donetta had been right when she’d said he paid attention to everything, because he’d been sizing her up from the moment he’d laid eyes on her. He’d watched her every move and had listened carefully to the answers she gave and the comments she made, and so far, nothing she’d said or done had been contradictory. Being the rational-thinking person he was, he knew that her lackluster love life had to be self-imposed. “Having a date and making a commitment are two different things. I believe the only reason you haven’t been on a date in so long is because you haven’t wanted to.”
“Partly yes, and partly no. I’ve kissed so many frogs in my life I may as well own a lily pad in a pond.”
“Wow, that bad?”
“You have no idea,” Donetta replied as they shared a laugh. “But I’m serious. I’ve been in some very unhealthy, dysfunctional relationships.”
“I can identify with that. You women can be a trip.”
“And you men can be ruthless.”
The moment the words came out of her mouth, Phillip knew that was where the sadness that he’d seen in her eyes in the restaurant had come from. She’d experienced deep hurt at the hands of a man. He couldn’t imagine how anyone lucky enough to be involved with Donetta could abuse that honor. But then again, he knew it didn’t have as much to do with who she was, as it did with who they weren’t. He thought about how his brave and beautiful mother had fallen victim to his father for so many years until she couldn’t take it any longer. “I’m sorry you’ve been hurt,” Phillip said. “Some men are straight-up fools, some just don’t care, and some have never been shown love, so they really have no idea how to operate in that emotion.”
Now it was Donetta’s turn to lean back in her chair. “I completely disagree with that last part.”
“What I’m trying to say is, how can you understand or appreciate something that you’ve never known or experienced? And that doesn’t only apply to men, women can be the same way. If you’ve never been shown love, chances are you’re not going to be good at showing it, or
even recognizing it.”
Donetta shook her head and re-crossed her long legs. “That’s true about it not being gender-specific because anyone can be an uncaring asshole. But I still disagree with what you said about love.”
“Tell me why.” Phillip enjoyed seeing the spark of energy in her eyes and in her body, and he liked the fact that Donetta spoke her mind and challenged him. “I’m all ears.”
“We all have a choice, that’s what free will is all about. Everyone wants to be loved, period. Even the most hard-core badass wants a soft place to land, and to know that someone’s in their corner. That’s why God made Eve for Adam, so he would have companionship and that he wouldn’t be alone. Love is a human desire we’re wired with from the time we take our first breath.”
“How about the person who’s not wired for love and doesn’t have a clue?”
“I don’t buy that, because love is natural. People just express it differently.”
Phillip stared at her. “You really believe that?”
“Yes, I do. My late grandma Winnie used to tell me all the time that the only person who could set limits on my life was me. I believed that then, and I believe it now. That’s why even though I can’t remember ever seeing an example of a truly healthy relationship growing up, and I’ve had some shitty ones of my own—and I’m talkin’ commode-style—I know that ultimately it’s up to me to create my own happiness, and that starts and ends with the choices I make. Like I said, free will.”
“Your grandmother was a wise woman.”
“Yes, she was. She taught me a lot, and I miss her dearly.” Donetta’s eyes flashed with sadness. She took a deep breath and smiled. “It’s because of her that I know anything is possible. Just because someone has never seen an example of a loving relationship, it doesn’t mean they don’t know how to love or that they won’t ever experience it. They’ll simply have to work hard to get it. We all do, whether we’ve been damaged or not.”
Phillip shook his head. “I appreciate and respect what you’re saying, but some people don’t have the capacity to . . .” Phillip stopped in midsentence because once again, he thought about his father. Damn! He realized he was about to argue the case to excuse his father’s inability to be a good, loving husband and father. Then it occurred to Phillip that he was also trying to justify why he’d never wanted to commit to anyone. It wasn’t that he didn’t have the capacity, it was that he simply didn’t have the desire. He cleared his throat. “On second thought, I stand corrected. I think you might be on to something.”
Donetta raised her brow. “What caused your sudden change of mind?”
“Honestly . . . my father, and me too.”
“What’s your relationship like with your father?”
“We don’t have one.”
Donetta swirled her olive around in her glass. “Why not?”
“He’s hurt everyone he supposedly loved. He knew he was doing wrong, but he chose to continue doing it anyway.”
“Wow, I’m sorry to hear that.” She paused and looked at him closely. “So what about you?”
Phillip took a deep breath. “How did we get on such serious topics? We’re supposed to be having a lighthearted discussion over fantastic drinks in a relaxing atmosphere. We’re getting kind of heavy, don’t you think?”
“Phillip, my life weighed a ton from the moment I was born.” Donetta paused again. “But over the last couple of years I adjusted my lifestyle and lost a lot of that weight. I’m finally getting healthy, the way I was meant to be, but in order for me to maintain it, I’ve got to constantly work at it. I refuse to be overweight ever again, so dealing with heavy stuff is how I make sure I stay in shape.”
Now it was his turn to raise his brow. “You’re not talking about your physical weight, are you?”
“I’m talking about life, boo.”
Phillip couldn’t help but smile when she called him boo. It was a pop culture term that he’d always thought was silly, but coming from her, it was endearing. There were so many things about Donetta that he found fascinating, and he could feel his emotions starting to take control in a way they never had before. With each new discovery, he became more and more drawn to her. Here they were on their first date, in a beautiful, romantic setting, sipping expensive drinks, eating pricey appetizers, and talking about the ugly, shitty side of relationships and life.
Before he knew it, Phillip found himself telling her about his childhood and the dysfunction between his parents that he’d witnessed since he was a teenager. He even told her about the time he’d stumbled upon one of his father’s many affairs, and how his father had sworn him to secrecy, and then used Phillip as an alibi to do even more dirt. He’d never confessed that to anyone, and now that he’d told Donetta, he felt as if a burden had been lifted from him.
Phillip felt safe with her in a way he’d never experienced. Her eyes held enormous beauty, as well as miles of pain, and it allowed her to understand him instead of judge him. He was about to ask Donetta more details about her life and her upbringing, but two things suddenly happened that interrupted him. Their server came to their table to let them know that the bar was closing, and his cell phone chirped with a new text message. He didn’t have to look at the screen to know who it was, because he’d assigned Rachel a specific ringtone.
Rachel Belmont had been the only woman he’d dated who’d been able to make Phillip remotely think about the possibility of a commitment. They’d gone to law school together at Howard University, and they had always been friendly, but at the time she’d already been in a serious relationship and he’d been a serious player. Several years had passed before Phillip spotted her two years ago at an alumni mixer during homecoming weekend. One thing led to another and before he knew it, she was spending the night and waking up the next morning in his bed. That by itself said a lot, because rarely did Phillip invite women over to his place, let alone let them spend the night.
Rachel was self-assured, and a bit of a control freak. She was a defense attorney, and he represented plaintiffs, so by their very nature they were opposing sides. That was one of the reasons Phillip had never felt fully connected with her. She was great on paper, but there was something lacking where it counted. He felt an internal struggle when they were together. Lately she’d been pressing him for a commitment, and she had even asked if she could travel home with him for Thanksgiving. It had been hard, but he’d told her he thought it was time for them to move on because they wanted two different things. However, Rachel had other plans, and much like Sabrina, Phillip knew she was the kind of person who didn’t stop until she got what she wanted. But he couldn’t think about that now. He needed to concentrate on Donetta and deal with both Sabrina and Rachel at another time.
Phillip closed out their ticket, left a generous tip, and then escorted Donetta toward the lobby. It was the wee hours of the morning, everything was closed, but he didn’t want his time with her to end. “Are you tired?” he asked.
“I should be, but no, I’m not.”
Phillip nodded. “Neither am I.” He led the way over to a love seat against a large window on the far side of the lobby. They sat close to each other and continued their conversation.
“So, who rang your phone for a booty call?” Donetta asked.
This was the first time that Phillip didn’t want to be honest, but he knew he had to be. “A woman I’ve been involved with.”
“Is it serious?”
“I told you earlier, I haven’t been in a serious relationship in years.”
Phillip noticed that Donetta’s entire body language changed. She looked out the window into the darkness. “Donetta, are you okay?”
She let out a heavy sigh. “I want a serious relationship, Phillip.” She said this without blinking, and it made Phillip’s heart beat fast as she continued. “I want to get married. I want to raise children. I want to have a family. Talking to you tonight made me realize that I need to stop being afraid. If I want something, I need to make i
t happen.” She gathered her small clutch, as if she was preparing to leave. “Phillip, you’re a wonderful person, and I know that once you’re ready to settle down you’re gonna make some lucky woman a great husband. But I also know that’s not going to happen anytime soon. You’re in town for the holidays, and you’re looking for a good time, which I think we’ve had tonight. But I know that’s all it can be, because we want two different things, so let’s not waste each other’s time and just end this night on a high note.”
Phillip felt as though he’d been punched in the gut. Donetta had just said the exact same words to him that he’d told Rachel. A part of him felt horrible, because for the first time, he fully understood how much he’d hurt some of the women he’d been involved with, whether it was intentional or not. Donetta’s rejection was honest and straightforward, but it still stung, and he wasn’t ready to accept it. “Wait, how do you know that we want two different things?”
“Because you said so. You said you don’t want a commitment or a serious relationship, but I do. From where I stand, that’s two different things.”
Phillip rubbed his chin and thought about what she’d just said, and in that instant, he discovered something new about himself. “When you asked me what I want and don’t want in a relationship, I first told you it depends upon the woman I’m seeing.”
She nodded. “Yes, I remember.”
“Donetta, you’re unlike any woman I’ve ever met, so anything I may have thought or felt before is irrelevant.” He looked deep into her eyes so he could make sure she understood what he was about to say. “I know this might sound crazy, but I believe you and I have something special going on between us. The thoughts that have been popping up in my head all night, ever since the moment I first saw you, are like nothing I’ve ever imagined, and the fact that we just met doesn’t negate that it’s real.”
A long pause crawled by between them, filling the air. He could see that Donetta was processing what he’d just said, and he wanted to give her all the time she needed, but as much as he tried, he couldn’t. He leaned in, wrapped his long arms around her slender waist, and brought her so close to him that their foreheads touched. He could feel the rise and fall of her chest and the tremble of her body against his. He looked into her eyes again, and without saying another word, he brought his lips to hers.
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