“You’re right.” I smiled at her, completely in agreement with what she had said. “You’re absolutely right.”
Violet
“Sick” does not begin to describe how I felt when I saw my father and Maura together. I knew that they had a history, though the extent of their relationship remained a mystery to me. Now, with my mother so recently deceased, he was beginning to revisit his old bond with Maura. Besides the betrayal to my mom, the way Maura fawned over him was enough to make me gag.
There were constant compliments on her end that only boosted his already out of proportion ego. She made excuses for what he had done to Brynna, saying that it was Brynna’s own fault. Had she not been so cruel as to leave our mother behind, my dad wouldn’t have been so keen to sort her out.
“It was wrong,” She told me one morning over breakfast. I was staring off into the distance as the Pangean sun rose over the top of the ship and blanketed us with its gentle light. “You said so yourself. I don’t believe in hitting any of you. But what she did was purely wrong, Violet. You know that it was, if we are being completely honest, almost evil! He was upset. He acted out in anger.”
“Maura, it’s not like this is the first time it’s happened. He’s always been meaner to her than he is to us,” I insisted, “And since when does she ever listen to him? He tells her to stay away from James and James is gone now.”
“And that’s for the best! He had to assert his authority there. She may be mature but she cannot handle a relationship with a man his age. The poor girl can barely connect with anyone, let alone a man who comes with expectations and experience behind him.”
“Brynna can handle anything, Maura, and you know it!”
“I know that you think so. Where did this sudden change of heart come from? A couple of days ago, you were screaming that you wanted her to die. I do not agree that you should have said that, by the way. I never told you that I feel that was far too harsh.”
“Why are you so ready to excuse what Dad did? Back home, when he treated her like that, you’d always excuse it and you’re doing it again!”
“I told you, what Brynna did was absolutely, undeniably wrong. He was acting out of anger…”
“It wasn’t out of anger!” I exclaimed and the bowl I was holding shattered in my hands despite my loose grip on it.
“Violet Mae!” Maura reached out and pulled the shards from my hands, cutting herself in her haste to dispose of them before my father saw.
“It wasn’t out of anger, Maura. He has always done this. She should run away. If I were her, I’d run as far away from him as I could!”
“So, what, are you going to run away now?” Maura asked as she held a paper towel to the cut on her palm. I watched her blood soak through the pure white of the towel, billowing outwards to the very edges like a visible plague.
“He doesn’t treat me like that. But if he did, I’d be gone. Maura, you’ve never stuck up for her. She needs you to defend her.”
“Brynna doesn’t need anyone to defend her. She’s a Viking woman. She always has been, even as a small child. When she still lived at home, I tried to keep him calm so that he wouldn’t hurt her. She’s older now and can handle herself. If I tried to handle this for her, especially with how strained things are between us, she would tell me to butt out in colorful terms and that would be the end of it.”
“Elijah is angry. He said he wanted to kill Dad.”
“That was worrisome the first time he said it all those years ago. He’s said it too many times since and it has lost its effect.”
Her cavalier attitude towards this whole situation made me want to claw out my hair and scream at the sky. Now that my father was showing her the slightest bit of attention, even his abuse of the girl Maura had always thought of as her daughter wasn’t entirely wrong, at least not in Maura’s narrow view.
Our mother never would have tolerated it, despite what Brynna might have believed.
“Our mother was a permissive parent.” Brynna said behind me and I turned to see her lying on her back in the grass, a cigarette burning in the hand whose back was pressed to her forehead. I stood up and knelt down beside her. She brought the cigarette to her lips and took a drag but her eyes never opened beneath her sunglasses. I tried not to look at the dark black bruise on her slightly swollen cheek.
“How did you…”
“I just did.” She replied through a sigh, “You are worried about me. You needn’t be.”
“Brynna, you’re older now. You don’t have to tolerate him. I change my mind about James, okay? If you want him, go be with him. Just don’t let Dad hit you anymore!”
“James lied to me and I will not forgive him for it. You know better than anyone just how intolerable I find those who lie. Dishonesty is for the weak. You know how I scorn weakness.”
Well, she was back to normal. I knew, deep down, that those especially complex sentences and sentiments were the result of her desperate attempt to hide her true feelings. I didn’t call her on it, though I should have. Perhaps if I had exposed her created ruse, she would have been spurned into action.
“I do not even know where he is, so even if you did tell me what you believe my words are masking, I would have no course of action.”
“Brynna, stop it!” I exclaimed angrily. I covered my ears as though my secret thoughts were tumbling out of them, moving across the space between us, and whispering to her.
“I cannot help it,” She replied dully, “Your thoughts are very loud. Can you hear mine?”
“No,” I shook my head, feeling like crying all of a sudden, “I haven’t heard yours since that first time right after Miranda...” A shudder passed through me and I reached out to grasp the hand she had rested on her stomach. She startled at my touch but hid her surprise immediately.
“Brynna, you’ve never had a weak moment in your life. Why are you being so calm about all of this? Why are you letting him treat you like this?”
“It was one instance of a pathetic man utilizing his superior physical strength to get his point across. He could not do it with harsh words the way that I can. He can only use his hands. It is pathetic.”
“What does that have to do with anything that I just said?” Tears were leaking from my eyes now. I couldn't understand what was wrong with her.
“I am not going to run from one I deem insignificant. He does not scare me. He is an annoyance and an inconvenience but nothing else. In fact, I find his appointment as leader of this band of ragtag survivors to be incredibly entertaining. I do so want to see how it all plays out.”
“You miss James! That’s why you’re being like this!” I accused her before putting both hands on her face and shaking her slightly. Instantly, she pushed my hands away. After sitting up, she pointed at me.
“Do not mention his name to me again! I will not tolerate being betrayed! I had every right to know the truth about him from the very beginning. Instead, he lied to me! Do not bring him up again, Violet!”
She jumped up, straightened her tank top and her shorts and huffed off.
I put my face in my hands and cried. They were the first tears that I would shed on Pangea. Many more would come over the years, but the tears that streamed down my face that day were among the most painful.
They came when I realized that my sister was losing her fight. It was being stolen from her by our father, whom I loved tremendously but hated at the same time for what he was doing. I could not stand his violent treatment of her or the way she was beginning to submit to it. I wondered briefly if she was punishing James in her own way by allowing herself to suffer. If she was in pain and he knew it somehow, his guilt over being unable to protect her would drive him insane.
No, my mind told me gently, She’s punishing herself for getting so close to James.
For once, my inner voice was right on the money.
The conflicting emotions were far too complicated for a girl my age. Through them I could see one solution, clear as the Pangean m
orning:
I had to find James.
XXX
I set out later that afternoon with my small backpack slung over my shoulder. In it, I had packed just one bag of dried bananas and half a bottle of water. I didn’t assume that I would be gone that long. Maura was distracted because she was trying to entertain Penny, who was growing bored with having nothing to do. Sure, she had made friends with some of the other kids. They kicked a soccer ball around the open space several feet to the left of our collective campsite and they built dirt mounds for people to step in. But she missed the comforts of television and swimming in our pool. They were luxuries she had grown used to that no longer existed. I could certainly sympathize.
I didn’t assume that it would be hard to find James. However, after an hour of searching, I sat down in a particularly soft looking patch of grass and put my head on my arms. The smell of some sort of meat wafted over me; I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply. A group of people whose origin I could not name right off were cooking up meat taken from an oversized rabbit whose skins now adorned the outer wall of their tent. I grimaced but then almost shrugged. Just because I couldn't stand to eat a cute rabbit didn't mean that other people wouldn't, if eating said rabbit would ensure their survival.
I had asked many people if they knew where James was, only to be told that my description was too generic and could fit anyone. I would try to tailor it to specifics when I addressed the boy who was now walking in front of me.
“Hey!” I called out and he stopped walking. He turned to look at me in curiosity.
“Hey. Are you lost?” He asked, and I was stunned by his beautiful green eyes.
Stay focused, Violet, I urged myself.
“No. I’m looking for someone. His name is James Maxwell. Have you heard of him?”
“No,” The boy replied and with genuine remorse in his voice, he added, “Sorry.” He went to keep walking but I jumped up and hurried after him.
“Maybe you’ve seen him. He’s about 6’1, muscular, with brown hair that he keeps gelled so that it looks messy but it’s really styled. That's really the only way that I can describe it...”
The boy chuckled softly.
“What is he going to do when his hair gel runs out?”
It was a valid question but a random one.
“I don’t…” I started to say but then I shook my head slightly and brought us back to the topic at hand, “He has dark brown eyes. He’s really sarcastic and funny. He has a goatee slash five-o-clock shadow thing going on. Is any of this ringing a bell?”
“Good-looking guy?”
“Yeah.” I nodded, “He’s really good-looking. He’s kind of a prick sometimes, too. Maybe you’ve run into him?”
“James, James…” He turned the word over on his tongue as though taste-testing a foreign food. He looked up at the blue sky, squinting slightly in the bright sunlight. “I really feel like I know who you’re talking about. I ran into a guy the other day who helped me fight off some assholes trying to steal my water. He fits the bill. I was so freaked out, though, that I don’t remember what he said his name was. He was looking for a fight though, by the look on his face.”
“How many days ago was this?”
“Two.”
Two days had passed since Brynna had told James to leave and never come back. Perhaps he had been so heartbroken by her abrupt dismissal that as he walked along, looking for someplace to settle down, he had stumbled across this boy being robbed and used the opportunity to relieve some of his stress. It made me sad to think about, despite the fact that I was still angry at him for what he had done to my mother and father. My anger was doubled when I thought about how he had lied to Brynna. She was so distrustful already and he had given her a reason not to trust him or anyone else. I did not want to ponder, even for a moment, the implications such a lie presented for her. Would she ever trust him or any other man again?
In thinking about that, my heart sank as a new revelation gripped me. Even if I found James, Brynna wouldn’t care. She had exiled him from her life and once that happened, there was no coming back. Her stubbornness would never fail her. Even if she wouldn’t admit it, I knew that James had hurt her deeply. She would not leave herself open to being hurt by him again.
But I had to find him. I had to get him to make her snap out of her submissive daze. It had driven me half-insane but while she was with him, she was even sassier than normal. She was the strongest I had ever seen her. I needed James to awaken that strength in her. At the very least, he needed to help her find it again. The rest she would do on her own.
“We talked for awhile, this guy and me.” The boy continued, and I noticed for the first time that he had a slight accent. I couldn’t peg exactly where he was from just by listening, though. “After he got my water back. He really hurt those other guys. But they’ve been doing this to a lot of people.”
“These guys have been stealing water and stuff from a lot of other people?”
“Yes,” He nodded grimly, “People are not as civil as that man with the megaphone would have us believe.”
“What else has been happening?”
Damn me and my journalistic mind! I always had to know the gritty details and I always regretted learning them once they were told to me.
“Well, supposedly a woman got…” He trailed off and looked at me. I think, for the first time, he realized that I was a girl and he should tread carefully with what he said. But I was an equal opportunist, in conversation and otherwise, so I urged him to continue truthfully.
“Don’t beat around the bush. I can handle it.”
“Well, a woman was raped two nights ago. First night, and someone was already getting assaulted.”
I don’t know why I wasn’t surprised.
“What happened to the guy that did it?”
“Another woman and her husband chased him off. They didn’t get a good look at his face, though, because we had put out our fires. I don’t know why we’re supposed to put them out so early.”
“Supposedly, they know for sure now that there are animals out there and they don’t want them to be attracted to the light.” I almost repeated my father’s explanation verbatim.
“Well, this woman reported what happened to someone at the top.”
“At the top.” I turned the phrase over in my mind, realizing that a hierarchy had been established and I was perched on top of it. That gave me no joy or satisfaction. The severity of the divide between people of power and the rest of us at home had been part of the reason for the world’s destruction. Now, the seeds were being planted here on Pangea; they were weeds growing amongst pure white flowers in those soft fields of grass.
It was beginning again. The thought was too heavy to contemplate in full detail at that moment.
“They told her they’d make a point to try to find those men. But we haven’t seen any of them looking around.”
“Probably because they’re too busy congratulating themselves on being able to pull this off.” I replied bitterly before walking a little faster. “Well, if there’s one thing I know, it’s that things like what happened to that woman and to you will keep happening if they don’t do anything to stop it. My sister told me that people have always been enamored by the idea of the end of the world. Well, she actually says that it’s more the end of civilization that people are fascinated with.”
“Why does she think people are fascinated with something so terrible?”
“Because after it’s over, she says there are no laws. There are no expectations. People can get in touch with their animal natures to survive. If that means killing someone over a loaf of bread, then so be it. There’s no one to arrest you. Do you see what I’m saying?”
“That actually makes perfect sense. I was expecting some crackpot religious theory when you said your sister believed that people wanted the world to end.”
“No. My sister runs from religion the way the rest of us run from rabid dogs. What was the exact religious t
heory you had in mind, though?”
I was curious to know if his theory that he deemed so crazed was the same as one I held in my own mind. Of course, I believed my theory to be perfectly sane.
“Well, some would say that people are fascinated with the world ending because they know, that through being wiped off the earth by God or the Gods, depending on your religion, that at least they’re looking at you. At least God or the Gods are paying attention. Some people want to die in the apocalypse because they know that their death is a righteous one. Their death is all part of the plan.”
“That’s deep,” I told him after a minute of silence, “My sister would like you. She likes opinionated, interesting people.”
“And you think I’m interesting?”
“That was an interesting theory,” I smiled slightly, “Definitely up there in some of the crazier ones I’ve heard. But then, it’s not so crazy. I’m sure there are people like that. But yeah, if you ever run into her, tell her that one. Her name is Brynna.”
“And what’s your name?” He studied me with those beautiful eyes of his.
I smiled even bigger now, my face flushing red. His smile was as beautiful as the rest of him. I had always had a thing for guys who wore their hair swiped across their forehead. Brynna told me that boys who wore their hair like that were experiencing a slight gender crisis and would more than likely be caught wearing woman’s undergarments someday. Despite that disturbing image forever etched in my mind, I still loved that particular hairstyle.
To put it bluntly, the boy before me was just my type and I was going to make that fact known.
“My name is Violet. Where do you live?”
“I live about a mile back that way.” He pointed in the direction from which I had come.
“I live back that way, too. Maybe we can hang sometime.”
“Maybe we can.” He smiled again, “We’ll trade some more crazy things we’ve heard. I’ll keep you updated on current events. If you’re living up there with the man that runs this, you won’t hear a thing.”
The Shattered Genesis (Eternity) Page 26