“That one on your back certainly rivals it. You know how that one drives me crazy. I love it.”
“Despite how colossal it is?”
“It is the perfect size, actually. Sometimes, when you bend over, I can see it when your shirt comes up. You did it the other day and I kid you not, every male on Security Detail was staring.”
“People were gawking at me and you didn't say anything?” I feigned shock and offense.
“Nope. I just grinned and nodded. I got several fist bumps. I'm a little bit of a celebrity amongst those guys, I have to say. They think you are very attractive and that I'm old. Because those two things don't generally go together unless there is a large sum of money involved, they believe that I must be some God-like creation who reeled you in with my charm and boyish good looks,” He shrugged nonchalantly, “and my massive lower appendage.”
I laughed so raucously that I nearly rolled off of him again. His hands found my waist and he held me up.
“I find it really insulting that you're laughing like that. Just so you know...”
I kissed him quickly.
“I love you dearly, James Maxwell,” I gasped out, “You never fail to entertain me.”
“I love you passionately, Brynna Olivier. Even when you're about to suffer a concussion after your laughter sends you flying sideways off of me and onto the floor...”
“Stop!” I covered my mouth as I snorted, “I really might fall off of you!”
“It would be kind of funny. You have to admit.”
“If I were to suffer a concussion, you would find it humorous?! You don't love me at all, James Maxwell!” I accused him teasingly.
“Oh, I don't?”
“No. I know the truth now.”
“You think that's the truth?”
“I do, or else I wouldn't have said that now, would I?”
He sat up quickly and pulled me forward, crushing my mouth against his. My hands traveled over the curves of his carved back, exploring the rocky terrain in innocently greedy fascination. My breathing hitched in my throat as his tongue confidently moved against my own.
When he pulled away, he rested his hand on my cheek. I placed my own over top of his and noted as I looked into his eyes that he was suddenly completely serious.
“I love every last thing about you, Brynna.”
My heart jumped in surprise before falling over itself in a swoon of powerful affection for him. When I finally regained my ability to speak, I found that my throat had clenched in the urge to cry at such simple yet so emotionally resounding words.
“I never thought I would hear that from someone in a thousand years. Surely, you are mistaken.”
“Surely, I'm not, actually. Luckily for you and me, we do have a thousand years. We probably have two, three, maybe even four thousand years.”
“A part of me doubts seriously that you will last through that much time with me. Eventually, my tendencies will drive you away.”
“Really?” He raised his eyebrows at me in an acknowledgment of some challenge that I did not realize I had proposed.
I nodded, trying to smile again but feeling those unwelcome tears that so painfully hindered my ability to breathe reemerge quickly. He saw them and reached out to gently wipe them away. I turned my head away from him, trying to hide the sadness that he had inadvertently provoked in me. There was nothing else in the world that I wanted more than to be with him forever as he suggested we would be. But I knew myself. I knew him quite well, also. I knew that somewhere, deeply guarded inside of him, was a breaking point. After much prodding, eventually that forceful reluctance and drive to get away from an emotional tormentor would detonate. In my own way, I tormented him. My need to detach drove my cruelty to spur back to life and as a result, he was driven away.
“Stop.” He whispered after resting his forehead against mine. I closed my eyes and drank in his deliciously soothing scent. “I might not be able to read your thoughts but I can read your face very easily.”
“Really?” I asked softly as I stroked his stubble-covered cheek with my thumb. “I thought I hid these moments well. Now you're telling me that I do not.”
“I can see them now. You don't think that I know but I can tell when you're upset. I can generally guess what it is that's upsetting you. Right now, you think you're going to drive me away.”
I was shocked that he had guessed accurately the true nature of my distress.
“Brynna,” His hands grasped mine, “Look at me.”
I did.
“I told you that I love you and that I think we can last and believe me, I mean that. A part of me knows that the same way you just know things most of the time. But just in case I'm wrong and that feeling is bullshit, I'm going to say that we should just play this by ear. I know you sit and worry about the future and what it holds for you, for me, for us, for Violet, for Penny... constantly. But how about if we just take this one step at a time?”
“I suppose that would alleviate some of my anxiety. But you do know that it will take some time for me to condition myself to think that way. So, once again, I must ask for your patience, which I am sure just thrills you.”
“It does thrill me. Do you know why?”
“I know that this is very shocking but no, I do not know why.”
“It thrills me because in a roundabout way, you just admitted I'm right. And that's another one on the scoreboard for me finally, so thank you for that, my dear.”
The tension in the room between us broke. I found myself laughing again as I wrapped my arms around his neck and my legs around his torso. As I gazed into his deep, soulful eyes, I contemplated his words. In that long moment of silence, I realized that his wisdom rivaled mine and that he was right. On my end, I had to begin trusting him completely. I had to let go of my fear and doubt regarding our love for one another. Most importantly, I had to start living in the moment. After all that we had overcome, I deserved that. Instead of tormenting myself over what the future might have held, I needed to strive for total happiness and inner harmony in the present. I had studied eastern religions extensively and such practices were stressed as guidelines for a life that was truly worth living. I smiled as I remembered pouring over those books, drinking in the customs that would enable such free and peaceful thinking.
“What?” James asked me softly as his hands gently moved my hair away from my face.
I shook my head and shrugged.
“You are right. You might jest about it, but you're right. You are much smarter than that ridiculous tattoo on your chest would lead me to believe.”
He laughed with me and kissed my lips tenderly. After that, he laid down, still holding me to him. I slid off of him and propped my head up on my hand so I could look into his eyes. I was so very enamored by their light shade and how I truly could see every last bit of the goodness in his soul when I looked at him. In every minimal etching of age in his face, I saw his goodness. You cannot imagine the peace that brought me.
I fell asleep listening to the consistent serenade of his strongly beating heart with a smile on my face. As I drifted off, my contact with his skin enabled me to hear clearly one key thought that passed through his mind just before he fell asleep, as well:
“I saw her and everything changed. Everything.”
No words, either written or spoken, had ever made my heart erupt into beats of such wild intensity. I picked my head up, stroked his handsome face again, and caressed his lips with mine. Knowing that he was asleep, I offered a confession of my own.
“I know now that without you, I could not live.”
No words, either written or spoken, had ever terrified me so painfully while bringing me so much insensible joy and comfort. Tears rushed into my eyes as I studied his relaxed features and listened to his soft breathing. I did not shed them, but they came in pure joy at the sight of him, this man I adored so deeply and needed so desperately.
“I love you so much, James.”
After I laid my h
ead down against his chest again, his hand came up to rub my back. From the barrier between sleep and consciousness, he whispered:
“I love you, too, baby.”
I fell asleep smiling.
XXX
I was walking back to my room alone a few nights later, thinking about Maura. I was stunned to find her face at the forefront of my mind. I was baffled as to how my heart could possibly be hurting for her.
Quite surprisingly, I hoped that she was well.
As soon as my sympathy bubbled up, it quickly died off, as though someone had turned down the flame beneath the steaming pot of my thoughts. Now, her face merely simmered beneath the surface of the water; in a few short minutes, it had slowly faded away in the rising steam.
“You’re beautiful.” A voice said behind me.
I whipped around, startled by the presence of a man I knew only by face.
“You are frightening.” I replied sarcastically. With that verbal barb at him thrown, I turned around to keep walking.
“Are you up for sharing?”
“Excuse me?” I looked back at him again.
“Sharing.”
“You repeating the word does not disclose its definition. I am aware that somehow, the meaning has changed, given the vague contextual clues of our conversation.”
He laughed flippantly as he strode forward to walk by my side.
“You’re weird.”
“Why do you keep attributing random personality traits to me when you scarcely know who I am? In fact, why are you following me?”
“I just really want to know if you’re up for sharing.”
“What does that mean?” I thew my hands up in frustration.
“Everyone is doing it.”
“You have a difficult time answering simple questions. I am sure grade school was quite challenging for you.”
“Everyone says you’re a firecracker. I’ve never talked to you before…”
“And thank God or the Gods for that.”
“…but now I see it.”
“I am going into my room now.”
“Can I join you?”
“No.” I narrowed my eyes and shook my head as I whispered the simple word. I was befuddled as to what that strange man could possibly want. But slowly, it began to dawn on me: He was looking to, as the kids say, “hook up.”
“Oh, my,” I ran my fingers through my hair. “Not only am I completely uninterested in having intercourse with a man of your empty-headed nature, but I am also in a relationship.”
“Everyone who is sharing is with someone. That’s why they call it ‘sharing.’”
The context finally became clear to me. I grimaced in disgust.
“People in relationships are sharing their partners. Is that what you are hinting at right now? Clearly, if you would not say it outright, you must have been aware that I would not agree to engage in such lewd behavior.”
“No. I just wanted to see if you’re as sharp as they say.”
“Well, I can assure you that I am. Carry on now.”
I slid the old key into the lock on my door. When I opened it and strode inside, he followed me in.
“Your boyfriend’s not here. I’ll bet you anything he won’t mind. He gets what we’re doing here. He gets how we live.”
“That sentence made absolutely no sense and if you do not take two steps back so that I can slam the door in your face, I will gladly kick you so hard in the testicles that even the most gifted doctor left on this planet will be unable to retrieve them from inside of your body!”
“Come on. It will be fun! You need to let loose, girl! Seriously, with what we’re doing here, how we’re living, you can’t think that no one is going to make passes at you. I also know that you won’t be able to resist for very long.” He grinned at me.
“I won’t be able to resist you, specifically, or the notion of free love?’
“Both.”
I sighed heavily and let my eyes change over.
“I hope you were not planning on producing children…”
“You’ve been with that old guy. You need to be with someone like me. Let me show you how it’s done! When it's over, you won't even want him anymore.”
So many things could have been said in response to that. So many pins could have pierced the thick skin of his ego. I could have told him that James, though he was older, knew things about women and sexual pleasure that would baffle him into a drooling fit of confusion and shame at his own lack of knowledge. I could have said that even if he and I were the only two people left out of our group, I still would not have sex with him. I could have said that James and I were strongly bonded and interested in no other people. In my case, I was especially not interested in horny little boys like him.
Words just would not satisfy my irritation, for once. So, I brought back my foot and kicked him with all the force I could summon right between his legs. The excruciating pain snatched the breath from his lungs. He fell to his knees with both hands clutching his wounded lower appendage. I should have felt slightly guilty for inflicting such agony. Instead I pushed him hard so that he fell backwards out of my room. I kicked both of his feet until his whole body was in the hallway. Then, I slammed the door shut and listened for a moment to him moaning in pain.
“Gross…” I whispered.
James came in a few minutes later, looking back over his shoulder in slightly amused confusion at the boy who was still lying on the floor.
“He made a pass at you?”
I nodded, my face displaying my disgust and annoyance.
“Kicked him in the balls?”
“Yes.”
James looked back at him as he writhed on the floor in pain still.
“Was he vulgar?”
“Very.”
“Good on ya.”
He closed the door.
XXX
“It’s a bad day to be in this camp.” Rachel told me sullenly one morning as we listened to the shouting match being waged in the hallway. Don had raised the donated rations quantity yet again. To that date, he had raised it three times. First, it was every person contributing a handful of their crops. Then, it was half. Now, he had raised the quantity to sixty-five percent.
“Do you know what I heard?” Rachel asked me.
“No, I do not know. What did you hear?”
“I heard that Jimmy and Gary’s room got ransacked. Everything was torn up and thrown all around. Their watches and stuff were missing.”
“Someone wrecked their room to steal their watches? What is the use of a watch here, exactly?”
“Does it matter? Plus, it wasn’t just their watches that got stolen. Whoever did it took some of their crops, too. They were keeping a lot of corn and orange cabbage up there to eat. I heard even a few bottles of water were taken out of the icebox.”
“How very rude! I have heard similar tales of woe.”
Many of my acquaintances in the kitchen had been victims of thievery. One girl a few years older than me told me that her sister’s diamond earrings had been stolen. A man told me that someone had stolen his wife’s wedding ring. I had been silently hoping that the cowardly thief was just one man or woman with a pitiful case of kleptomania. I knew better, however. I knew that not only was there more than one thief but that they were working alone. Somehow, multiple thieves stealing for just themselves was more frightening than a band of thieves working in a group.
Human morality was slowly slipping away. People were embracing the lawlessness that would certainly coincide with Don's way of life.
“Has Don been looking for whoever they are?” I asked.
“No. Don says that it’s unfortunate but he won’t be doing anything to stop it. We all just have to start locking our doors. You think you can trust people…”
“I do not ever think that I can trust people. I know that people are allowing their dark sides to get the better of them. They are allowing apathy and selfishness to rule their lives. Don encourages that, doe
sn’t he? Look at how he pushes the Peace Fruit at everyone.”
“I know.”
“You’re going to starve us, Don!” I heard Elijah shout at him in the hallway.
“That’s what he wants, Eli! I don’t even know why you’re surprised!” Frank yelled in response.
“Why would I want to starve anyone? I’m not…” Don stopped, afraid of treading too close to a personal insult with my rapidly growing brother. Elijah was beginning to show signs of the same evolution that had taken hold of James.
“What? You’re not my father? Well, believe me, you’re dancing pretty close to that line, Don! These people farm all day. They work their asses off in the hot sun all day long so they can feed themselves! You can’t tell them how much they should be giving you!”
“I absolutely can or we will starve! Don’t you see?! I am taking enough food so that we can all eat. I am taking enough to be cooked and served to everyone. How you can believe that I should be encouraging selfishness at a time like this is beyond me, Elijah! You are so young! You are the product of your affluent upbringing, I'm telling you!”
“This has nothing to do with being young or growing up with money, Don! This has to do with right and wrong! You’re stealing what people are growing themselves. That was never part of the deal!”
“What was the deal? Tell me what the deal was and I’ll do my best to make it happen!” Don replied sarcastically. “I am doing the best I can with what we have!’
“You’re giving most of it over to him!”
“Him who?!” Don demanded and I watched him throw his hands up in frustration as he spoke.
“Adam!” Frank and Elijah shouted simultaneously and in the same tone of impassioned accusation.
“Adam gets next to nothing from us.” Don lied quickly. I could tell that he was being less than truthful by the way he stammered and rolled his eyes multiple times. For a moment, he looked as though he might be succumbing to some sort of fit. Given how much of the Peace Fruit he consumed an evening, I would not be surprised if he suffered some form of neurological shutdown.
“We’re at the breaking point. Things were fine for a few weeks but he’s screwing us now, Brynn.” Rachel told me softly as she skinned a large rabbit behind me. I grimaced at the sight and turned back to the vegetables and herbs that I was responsible for.
The Shattered Genesis (Eternity) Page 61